Sex advice from gf to bf?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by redejb87, Jul 23, 2010.

  1. redejb87

    redejb87 Member

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    So, I have a minor dilemma that i figured I would ask, maybe someone could have a better solution than myself :D.

    My bf and I have good sex, its nothing special and probably about 3-4 times a week.
    My problem is that for him, sex is mostly about his satisfaction and having him cum and I'm left to masturbate myself. Not a huge deal, but it's starting to bug me a little. We've been together almost 6 yrs., so sex isn't anything new.
    My question is, how do I tell him I want him to make sex about both of us a little more? I would like to him make me cum, and I could show him...when he tries its just clit rubbing and its not gentle. I don't want to hurt his feelings at the same time......I do like the sex, but for me anyways, I want it to be more than just that.
    After a while, it gets kind of boring and I want to mix it up a little bit, do something different. But, I'm not sure what we could do! o_O Dose anyone have any suggestions as to new things we could try?

    Thanks for the input! :wave2:
     
  2. Riven650

    Gold Member

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    Hi redejb87,
    I think you should be asking your bf this same question, point blank, probably after breakfast on a day when you guys can have a proper chat. He probably knows he's not putting in enough effort, but somehow never gets motivated enough to do anything about it. Maybe your telling him just like you told us will jog him into action.

    You've got to do your bit by helping to break the boring cycle, but it will only work if he'll agree to make an effort too. We can all make suggestions about sexy activities or games you two could try, but I think you badly need to learn to communicate your feelings to one another, and really rack your brains for ideas. If you can't get things started with him I think you should ask him if he'd consider going along with you to see a relationship/sex therapist BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE AND RESENTMENT SETS IN.
     
  3. SweetLovesVick

    SweetLovesVick New Member

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    Hi,
    You are not the only one! This hit us this year in our 5th year of marriage. I tried everything. While "the talk" did help some it did not work 100%. We have two children 4 and 5 years old so we had to make our time more fun. We did still have the 4 times a week morning sex just it was quick and no oral for me. I threatened to get the wall monster TV out of our bedroom if we could not have night "adult time" back in our lives.

    Then my male OBGYN suggested these toys which saved me, as well as helped my hubby out of his lazy rut. One is the "WE-Vibe II" and the others the "Lelo Tor", ‘Lelo Ina” all are rechargeable! Gave me my big O back and helped to stop the laziness. Trust me no guy wants to have to admit they have to use them because they are not doing their share of the bedroom work. I came home and purchased them and had them charged for our time. He was not pleased at first but it helped a lot. Here are the links for great customer service sellers on ebay for both items I mentioned above plus a third one I purchased.

    If this does not work try the talk again and suggest a sex help doctor. You’re not married yet and I wish you the best in working this all out. It is a very hard thing to go through with someone you love long-term. Best Wishes!
    WE VIBE II (make sure its a "we vibe II " and not just the old "we vibe" )

    Jillian's Fantasy items - Get great deals on Lingerie, Adult Toys items on eBay Stores! Lelo Tor, Lelo Ina
     
    #3 SweetLovesVick, Jul 23, 2010
    Last edited: Jul 23, 2010
  4. HiddenLacey

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    All you can do is talk to him about it. I have never understood people not caring about their partners getting satisfaction. I have never had sex where the man didn't cum. It can get pretty frustrating when the sex is all about him all the the time. If your not vocal with him he will never know and you might just come to resent him and sex with him. Hopefully since you have been together so long he will actually care :eek:) Goodluck!
     
  5. redejb87

    redejb87 Member

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    I'm pretty sure he's not motivated to change anything....I think once you get in a set pattern of doing things, its very hard to change at all. And since we've been together so long, I think he doesn't really have to try. I did suggest that maybe we try sex in different positions, and doing 69 more (b/c personally I love it). But half the time he just wants to hit it and quit it :p.

    Thanks for the toy names! I was thinking on integrating something toy like in with sex, maybe he might like it.

    And my bf does cum every time we do something, but when it comes to me its another story. I do kind of resent him already, which I know is not healthy. We also have a 2 yr old, it makes me want sexual satisfaction even more when I can get it. I guess I will try talking to him, and see where it leads.....
     
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