Sex after a hysterectomy

[D_Rosalind Mussell]

MrsR, you rock! It's wonderful how you reached out to PSG like this. She needs all the support she can get, it's so kind of you to share your personal experience. :kiss:

PSG, mine and MrsR's post-hysterectomy experiences are almost identical.

It was one year on 9/16 and sex just started feeling good within the past month or two. Before that I had pain, sensitive spots, difficulty during penetration and, the worst, the sex not feeling the same anymore. That used to devastate me and I'd cry after sex. I thought I would never enjoy sex again and I started shying away from sex. The last thing I wanted was to fall into a heap of sobs every time my husband and I were intimate.

It's been a slow progression but I'm finally enjoying penetration again. Last night I had my first vaginal orgasm from penetration since surgery. I was absolutely overjoyed (and still am)! It's like your pleasure centers have to remap themselves in the absence of your cervix and uterus, which takes time, and mine are finally coming together.

Whatever you do, don't lose heart. Things absolutely will get frustrating but they will come back together for you. It's harder in the beginning but it will all come together.

:hug:

 

[Intrigue]

I think BBW36 is spot on. That makes sense to me from a physiological point of view. Your pleasure centers take time to remap what feels good. The same could be said for any part of ones body removed from the nervous system. It takes time. I hope the comfort of your loved ones makes it an easier journey that it would have been alone.

 

[B_subgirrl]

Yay that sex is getting good again, BBW!

 

[helgaleena]

I had PID as well as endo, but never badly enough to need hysterectomy. The pain did not keep me from desiring sex and having it. After lysis of the adhesions I was tender for a bit, but then the body bounced back. Believe it or not, your body will bounce back too, PSG.

You have heard now from many who have had the procedure, and know that sex and the desire for sex will return. Post-menopausal women often have to resort to extra lubrication, but that is solvable, and even if your bladder is affected and there is incontinence, you will still be able to do those magnificent Kegel exercises once you are healed up sufficiently.

I am so glad you are back after reading Nico's faithful reporting over at 'Etc'

Onward and upward! :love:

 

[B_prettyswinggirl]

MrsR, you rock! It's wonderful how you reached out to PSG like this. She needs all the support she can get, it's so kind of you to share your personal experience. :kiss:

PSG, mine and MrsR's post-hysterectomy experiences are almost identical.

It was one year on 9/16 and sex just started feeling good within the past month or two. Before that I had pain, sensitive spots, difficulty during penetration and, the worst, the sex not feeling the same anymore. That used to devastate me and I'd cry after sex. I thought I would never enjoy sex again and I started shying away from sex. The last thing I wanted was to fall into a heap of sobs every time my husband and I were intimate.

It's been a slow progression but I'm finally enjoying penetration again. Last night I had my first vaginal orgasm from penetration since surgery. I was absolutely overjoyed (and still am)! It's like your pleasure centers have to remap themselves in the absence of your cervix and uterus, which takes time, and mine are finally coming together.

Whatever you do, don't lose heart. Things absolutely will get frustrating but they will come back together for you. It's harder in the beginning but it will all come together.

:hug:

I'm so touched that you shared your experience with me! You're absolutely right about the weird sensations...the rewiring is sending sharp painful zings in areas i'd rather it not!

YAY for you finally enjoying things again!! :smile:

 

[D_Rosalind Mussell]

I'm so touched that you shared your experience with me! You're absolutely right about the weird sensations...the rewiring is sending sharp painful zings in areas i'd rather it not!

YAY for you finally enjoying things again!! :smile:

Anytime, sweetie. :kiss:

I know exactly what you mean about the sharp painful zings. It's nice to know the nerve endings are coming back online but do they have to be so damn painful in the process?

I had a line of sensitivity right at anterior part of the entrance to my vagina and it KILLED with penetration for a long time (think stinging g-spot pain). Thankfully, that has resolved itself because if it didn't I was going to freak out on my doc.

Anytime you want to commiserate I'm right here. I'm glad that you are sharing your experience with us here. It's not a commonly discussed subject around these parts but it's an important issue that deserves attention.

Keep taking care of yourself and godspeed to optimal healing. :hug:

 

[justacynic]

There seems to be a bit of a recurrent/shared experience in the sense that several women experienced extreme discomfort having sex and would cry afterward. This is a difficult concept for me since I don't think I could perform for long if my wife was in total pain. It's bad enough when I have to 'de-flower' her again due to the length of time that passes between our being intimate.

I do applaude the effort0

Would there be any point/benefit to using a toy/dildo on yourself to explore your 'new' vaginal nerve endings and such?

 

[ManlyBanisters]

Something few men seem to understand is that inserting a toy and having sex with an actual man with an actual penis are two very different things.

Driving dildo penetration yourself would no doubt be useful and if I know BBW at all I expect she experimented with that. But having man control the penetration using his penis, driven by his hips, is a totally different feeling and while the dildo experience will give clues as to what to expect it's just not the same.

 

[D_Rosalind Mussell]

Something few men seem to understand is that inserting a toy and having sex with an actual man with an actual penis are two very different things.

Driving dildo penetration yourself would no doubt be useful and if I know BBW at all I expect she experimented with that. But having man control the penetration using his penis, driven by his hips, is a totally different feeling and while the dildo experience will give clues as to what to expect it's just not the same.

You are absolutely right, I did experiment MB and actually used it as a gauge. It was a way for me to assess my healing progress and make mental note of what was still painful and such.

And again, you are right about their being a huge difference between toy insertion and sex. There is no driving motion with a toy, which makes a huge difference.

The driving motion does a number on all of the healing parts, not just the vaginal canal. With a toy you control every aspect of the penetration. The downside is that the toy isn't flesh so the surface is not very friendly to the healing post-hysterectomy vagina.

Justacynic, while penetration can be painful while healing, lack of intimacy is worse.

My husband and I would make sure there was lots of available lubrication and foreplay to help ease the way. The second anything got too painful to handle I let him know and we stopped immediately.

It was extremely frustrating and I found myself in my husband's arms in tears quite a few times. Even though I started shying away from sex I would catch myself and make sure that my husband and I continued that part of our relationship. I already felt robbed in many ways, I didn't want my sexuality to be taken too. Besides, the intimacy was good for us individually and as a couple.

If my husband didn't want to touch me because of my surgery I would have been heartbroken and resentful. It's one thing for a woman to come to terms with such a life-altering and mindfucking change, it's another to be rejected for it by the one who loves you most. Even if it's done with the most loving of intentions, it will do permanent damage to the relationship.

Imagine having your testicles removed and your partner refusing you intimacy because of it, telling you that you should use a toy instead, because she doesn't want sex to hurt you.

Not a good scenario.

You would feel rejected not only as a partner, but as a man. Same thing for a woman post-hysterectomy. Even though we logically know that hysterectomy doesn't make us less of a woman those thoughts and feelings loom anyway. It's part of the process, can't be avoided.

The best thing you can do is carry on with your woman in a normal fashion. Be sensitive to the physical and emotional needs that come with her post-hysterectomy adjustment, but carry on normally otherwise. The incisions will heal, the sex will be good again and at the end of it all you will be a stronger couple for it.

 

[B_prettyswinggirl]

I'm only 2 weeks post op with a hip bone to hip bone incision so even though the want might be there, to try anything with penetration is impossible at this point. I know you meant well. My next check is the first week in Nov. I'll hopefully be cleared to drive and start trying out a few other things!

 

[B_prettyswinggirl]

You are absolutely right, I did experiment MB and actually used it as a gauge. It was a way for me to assess my healing progress and make mental note of what was still painful and such.

And again, you are right about their being a huge difference between toy insertion and sex. There is no driving motion with a toy, which makes a huge difference.

The driving motion does a number on all of the healing parts, not just the vaginal canal. With a toy you control every aspect of the penetration. The downside is that the toy isn't flesh so the surface is not very friendly to the healing post-hysterectomy vagina.

Justacynic, while penetration can be painful while healing, lack of intimacy is worse.

My husband and I would make sure there was lots of available lubrication and foreplay to help ease the way. The second anything got too painful to handle I let him know and we stopped immediately.

It was extremely frustrating and I found myself in my husband's arms in tears quite a few times. Even though I started shying away from sex I would catch myself and make sure that my husband and I continued that part of our relationship. I already felt robbed in many ways, I didn't want my sexuality to be taken too. Besides, the intimacy was good for us individually and as a couple.

If my husband didn't want to touch me because of my surgery I would have been heartbroken and resentful. It's one thing for a woman to come to terms with such a life-altering and mindfucking change, it's another to be rejected for it by the one who loves you most. Even if it's done with the most loving of intentions, it will do permanent damage to the relationship.

Imagine having your testicles removed and your partner refusing you intimacy because of it, telling you that you should use a toy instead, because she doesn't want sex to hurt you.

Not a good scenario.

You would feel rejected not only as a partner, but as a man. Same thing for a woman post-hysterectomy. Even though we logically know that hysterectomy doesn't make us less of a woman those thoughts and feelings loom anyway. It's part of the process, can't be avoided.

The best thing you can do is carry on with your woman in a normal fashion. Be sensitive to the physical and emotional needs that come with her post-hysterectomy adjustment, but carry on normally otherwise. The incisions will heal, the sex will be good again and at the end of it all you will be a stronger couple for it.

Do you know i'm learning more about my sexual recovery here than at the designated hystersisters website! Women seem to shy away from that topic there. I truly thank you and the other women here that have gone through this before me for the guidance! Big huge fluffy bunny hugs to all of you!!

 

[D_Rosalind Mussell]

Do you know i'm learning more about my sexual recovery here than at the designated hystersisters website! Women seem to shy away from that topic there. I truly thank you and the other women here that have gone through this before me for the guidance! Big huge fluffy bunny hugs to all of you!!

I'm more than happy to share my experiences with you. It's always good when you can talk to someone who has been there. Even though our bodies will heal at different rates and we'll have differences in our experiences, the process is much the same.

Yeah, the hyster sisters site is good for some things, but they definitely shy away from talking openly about sexual function/dysfunction. You would think that such an important issue would be discussed more openly but apparently that's not their forte. It's a damn shame too, because I can't help but wonder if some women there suffer in silence.

I hope you keep opening up about your experiences in this forum, PSG. Many of us care about you and what you're going through. As always, godspeed to your healing.

:hug:

 

[B_prettyswinggirl]

I will BBW. I'm thought about raising the issue on the hystersisters site, but you're right about it being hushed except for the most general of terms. I do think sexual recovery is too important not to be discussed. On one posting dated about 2 years ago a lady was talking about feeling a sense of shame when she was with her husband and that she felt like her womanhood had been stripped away. I couldn't help but notice that the postings in response offered nothing but platitudes and the suggestion that she see her dr for more testosterone. The thread was obvoiusly closed or I would have reached out. It made me want to cry!!

 

[helgaleena]

That is sad about the other website. I am glad we could be here for you.

One thing you have to look out for and that might take a partner by surprise is that it may not actually hurt during the sex itself, but afterward. When my endo was at its worst, I noticed that not only about sex but about any activity that used the abdominal muscles. It's like the 'burn' after using arms and legs, where you might feel it the next day, only on your insides.

Give yourself lots of time to recover after getting excited and 'playing'. Your recovery time will get ever shorter.

 

[B_prettyswinggirl]

That is sad about the other website. I am glad we could be here for you.

One thing you have to look out for and that might take a partner by surprise is that it may not actually hurt during the sex itself, but afterward. When my endo was at its worst, I noticed that not only about sex but about any activity that used the abdominal muscles. It's like the 'burn' after using arms and legs, where you might feel it the next day, only on your insides.

Give yourself lots of time to recover after getting excited and 'playing'. Your recovery time will get ever shorter.

That's one thing I've been bad about...I'm so wanting to be back to normal I keep pushing myself too much and having tons of pain a few hours later. I'm just talking about normal activities like cleaning the kitchen and doing the laundry. My bf just gently reminds me that they removed over 30 staples and takes over whatever I'm doing when he's here. You described the pain perfectly too. It's a searing pain and also makes me super nauseous.

As for the playing we're only engaging in gentle stimulation and above the waist action...for me at least! Lol! I'm one that gets a ton of pleasure from making sure my partners are happy so i'm definitely getting benefits too. Nice way to flood the body with lovely endorphans! :wink: