Sex drive - Comments please

[driftingvoid]

I'm noticing more and more that I'm finding myself very unsatisfied sexually, in my relationship. I've had several talks with my girlfriend about it, and, at this point, I'm just tired of bringing it up. If I start something, she'll go along with it, and says she enjoys it (and seems to, as well); she's never turned me down, though. But I get tired of always coming onto her. It's fun to have a girl come to you for sex. It's hot. But when I just leave things to her, the days just go by, and no sex. She tells me I have a really high sex drive; she says that she thought she was a sex freak before she met me, and now she's in awe of me. She insists that she really likes our sex--loves it--and the only reason we don't do it more often is that she's often tired from work or other things like that. I guess I'm just confused now, and curious. I never really considered myself to have an overly high sex drive; I'd be happy with once a day, though twice would be better on average. Obviously there's sex sprees and such, but I'd say that, for me, averaging 2 or so times a day (unless there was opportunities for "nooners" or whatever) would be pretty ideal. I'm horny all day, every few hours or so. In contrast, she says she gets horny "maybe" once a day, though sometimes there's days when she doesn't.

Comments on sex drive - yours and/or your (ex/)partner(s)?

"Everyone" says that guys are generally more horny than women, but these days I don't really believe that. I have lots of female friends, many of which confide in me things of sexual nature. Sure, guys advertise being horny more often, but my experience with women has led me to believe that (obviously, generally speaking) women are pretty much just as horny as guys; they just don't advertise it, because people are so quick to throw out the "slut" label.

It just seems very bizarre to me to go an entire day without being horny once, rough times excluded. I'm just having a hard time with this sex deficiency. Sure, I could always just initiate it and have as much sex as I wanted, but I guess I'm too self-conscious for that: to me, being the 'horny one' all the time and always initiating the sex is kind've like being that one friend who is always calling everyone else, and never gets called. It gets to me after awhile. I mean, I'm the kinda guy who would like to wake up & have sex, get ready, go to work... come home, have sex, and then maybe have some more before we go to sleep later on. Does that make me a "nympho"? Or do I have a girl who's exhibiting a low sex drive?

And, since I'm sure someone is going to bring it up and call me all sorts of shallow and self-centered, no, I don't think sex is the only thing in a relationship, nor am I a womanizer or anything of the sort. My post is merely limited to the sexual aspect of our relationship.

 

[Steve26]

You're a 20-year-old guy with a healthy sex drive. I speak from experience when I say that almost nobody can match the sex drive of someone in your demographic ... including the vast majority of 20-year-old women.

My take? I think you are making a mountain out of a molehill. I've generally always been in the same boat as you -- always the one initiating with my girlfriends or (now) my wife -- who is *always* receptive when I get the ball rolling. And you know what? Most hetero guys I chat with think I have it made in the shade, just by having a partner who's always amenable. Be thankful that you don't get "not tonight, honey, I have a headache" ... it's a LOT more common than you think.

Count your blessings, man. Your glass is three-quarters full, not one-quarter empty.

Steve

 

[SpeedoMike]

your problem will go away shortly after getting married.

 

[B_Bonky]

bang lots of girls. Don't tell your g/f.

 

[D_BobN_Weave]

I hear ya dude. I have been with my fiance for 4.5 years, and she always seems to bring up that I don't come to her enough for sex.....but whenever I DO approach her for sex, i get rejected. And soon enough, I just give up hope. It has been months since she has even tried to come on to me. She never initiates anything, it's always left up to me. Also though, we work opposite work schedules, so we only have 1 full day to spend together, and of course, we are always out with her friends or doing something. Plus I work 6 days a week, so my one day off, I am usually pretty tired. It is extremely stupid, and I am frustrated beyond belief.

She always says that I would ALWAYS initiate sex in the first couple of years in our relationship, but note that i ALWAYS did......But as you said, it gets old when you are the person always coming on to the other person. So don't worry dude, you're not the only one!

But, when we do have sex, it is always unreal

 

[B_Bonky]

she always seems to bring up that I don't come to her enough for sex.....but whenever I DO approach her for sex, i get rejected.

Sounds like the pathological "frigid woman" game from Eric Berne's "Games People Play." Read it.

I would ALWAYS initiate sex in the first couple of years in our relationship,

This was your first mistake. I never date (for long) women who don't come on to me at least as much as I do to them. In fact, I like to date women who are HOTTER for me than I am for them! These are the best relationships for me: they last longer, the sex is better, the woman is more giving and has a better attitude, etc etc

 

[D_Jerry_Atric]

bang lots of girls. Don't tell your g/f.

Why not just break up if you're going to cheat like that?

 

[B_Bonky]

why break up?

 

[Wish-4-8]

I hear ya dude. I have been with my fiance for 4.5 years, and she always seems to bring up that I don't come to her enough for sex.....but whenever I DO approach her for sex, i get rejected. And soon enough, I just give up hope. It has been months since she has even tried to come on to me. She never initiates anything, it's always left up to me. Also though, we work opposite work schedules, so we only have 1 full day to spend together, and of course, we are always out with her friends or doing something. Plus I work 6 days a week, so my one day off, I am usually pretty tired. It is extremely stupid, and I am frustrated beyond belief.

She always says that I would ALWAYS initiate sex in the first couple of years in our relationship, but note that i ALWAYS did......But as you said, it gets old when you are the person always coming on to the other person. So don't worry dude, you're not the only one!

But, when we do have sex, it is always unreal

And thats your fiance? The love of your life? The perfect woman of your dreams? You just described the rest of your life. And, it only gets worst. I feel for YOU. :frown1:

 

[Wish-4-8]

Oh, to the OP, sexual comaptability is important in a relationship. You are not shallow. You are just being you. If sex is that important to you, you should find someone that at least can match you. Trust me, it will die down eventually. And you are still very young.

 

[D_Jerry_Atric]

why break up?

Because you're not getting what you want out of the relationship or the other person might not be and if you just want to sleep with other people and you do not have an open relationship, there's no point in lying to someone and pretending that you have a closed relationship when you just want to sleep around with other people.

If you were in a relationship with a woman and you found out that she'd cheated on you with more than a few men how would you feel or react to it? Would you stay in the relationship?

 

[dolfette]

so, OP...

you have a girl who enjoys sex and never refuses you...

and you're saying this is a deficiency...

 

[D_Fowlmouth Chickenchoker]

this is the reason I'm bi

 

[houtx48]

which side is the steering wheel on a sex drive and if it is on the right can you only drive in Britian?

 

[hung]

As my sibling brother always stated, things get worse after they eat wedding cake.

So, get out of this relationship now or are you willing to live the rest of your life in this situation?

 

[deleted356736]

I guess I'm just confused now, and curious. I never really considered myself to have an overly high sex drive; I'd be happy with once a day, though twice would be better on average. Obviously there's sex sprees and such, but I'd say that, for me, averaging 2 or so times a day (unless there was opportunities for "nooners" or whatever) would be pretty ideal. I'm horny all day, every few hours or so. In contrast, she says she gets horny "maybe" once a day, though sometimes there's days when she doesn't.

Almost nobody has sex every day of their lives, let alone multiple times. It's amazing your girl gets horny once a day or so. I have a highly-sexed wife, but sex every day would bore her if nothing else. You need to think about what the majority of couples do, and compromise your sex drive with that of your partners. You not likely to ever find a woman who's going to want to have sex every day or multiple times per day. A relationship is a series of compromises, and when it comes to sex then we have to determine if the compromise we make is acceptable to us.

I compromise my sex life in that I almost always initiate, because that's not a big issue for me. My wife never refuses me, and that's been one of the best parts of our marriage for me.

You also need to understand women a bit better. Women's sex drives wane a certain times of the month, more of that later.

Comments on sex drive - yours and/or your (ex/)partner(s)?

At the moment about three or more times per week, and more often on holidays. My drive and my wife's drives are evenly matched, but I almost always initiate sex.

"Everyone" says that guys are generally more horny than women, but these days I don't really believe that. I have lots of female friends, many of which confide in me things of sexual nature.

Why wouldn't you believe that men are generally more horny than women? I suppose you can believe anything, but it doesn't make it happen.

Men and women have a hormone called testosterone, which is a major part of our sex drives. Men have much more testosterone than women, and it remains constant throughout the month. Feminine testosterone levels are lower than male, and wane at certain times of the month. So, generally, women have a lower sex drive than men, and it's determined by biology.

 

[driftingvoid]

Why not just break up if you're going to cheat like that?

This is the question lingering in my head. And, honestly, I'm not the cheating type. The only reason the possibility even lingers in my head is because I'm hurt so bad and a small part of me wants to lash out; it's the pain speaking, not "me" or even my lust.

Oh, to the OP, sexual comaptability is important in a relationship. You are not shallow. You are just being you. If sex is that important to you, you should find someone that at least can match you. Trust me, it will die down eventually. And you are still very young.

Thanks. These two conflicting ideas keep lingering in my head, and I'm having a hard time getting any cohesion with them: "sex shouldn't be the basis nor primary concern in a relationship" vs. "if your partner doesn't sexually satisfy you, you become prone to disloyal thoughts/urges." I know it's not right to get into a relationship for sex, but ... is it bad to leave someone for it? It seems so ... petty and stupid of a reason to leave someone. I mean I really like her. I love her. And she's a lot more important to me than just sex. I think, at least for our relationship, sex would be an incredibly stupid thing to hinge our relationship on, when it's so much more. Yet, at the same time, does that make it okay to find myself sometimes thinking "maybe cheating wouldn't be so bad; at least someone would take care of my sexual needs, and I'd have my gf for all of the great things about her that keep me with her"? That's a horrible thing to say. It's a horrible thing to think. And, at the end of the day, I don't want to just settle to be unhappy. :sigh:

Almost nobody has sex every day of their lives, let alone multiple times. It's amazing your girl gets horny once a day or so. I have a highly-sexed wife, but sex every day would bore her if nothing else. You need to think about what the majority of couples do, and compromise your sex drive with that of your partners. You not likely to ever find a woman who's going to want to have sex every day or multiple times per day. A relationship is a series of compromises, and when it comes to sex then we have to determine if the compromise we make is acceptable to us.

I compromise my sex life in that I almost always initiate, because that's not a big issue for me. My wife never refuses me, and that's been one of the best parts of our marriage for me.

You also need to understand women a bit better. Women's sex drives wane a certain times of the month, more of that later.



At the moment about three or more times per week, and more often on holidays. My drive and my wife's drives are evenly matched, but I almost always initiate sex.



Why wouldn't you believe that men are generally more horny than women? I suppose you can believe anything, but it doesn't make it happen.

Men and women have a hormone called testosterone, which is a major part of our sex drives. Men have much more testosterone than women, and it remains constant throughout the month. Feminine testosterone levels are lower than male, and wane at certain times of the month. So, generally, women have a lower sex drive than men, and it's determined by biology.

This compromise doesn't disappoint you? I could have that, if I could be okay with it. But it's really hard to walk away feeling comfortable with our sex life--that we're both enjoying it, at least--when I know that I'm always the one to initiate it. Sure, she always seems to enjoy it once it happens, but if I have to initiate it every time, how is that not going to eventually seem like I'm the only one interested in having sex? Then I get a little discouraged: why bother? Sex is really important to me, but sex, to me, should be about both (or all people involved.. :wink people enjoying it and really wanting it. I'm not the kinda person who can still enjoy it if it doesn't seem like my partner does. Eh.

Is that asking for too much? Is this a moot point? I'm really starting to regret caring about my partner so much; this would all be so much easier if I only gave a shit about myself and my interests. Haha. Why does it so often seem that the assholes among us have it so much easier in life?

 

[Not_Punny]

A woman who is routinely as horny as you will probably ALSO have (or will soon develop) facial hair. Is that what you want?

Jeez. You're getting it more often than the majority of males. I guess you could consider (a) masturbating, (b) getting a harem or (c) having an affair.

 

[ManlyBanisters]

A woman who is routinely as horny as you will probably ALSO have (or will soon develop) facial hair. Is that what you want?

If that's a joke I don't get it. If you're being serious you are wrong.

 

[Not_Punny]

If that's a joke I don't get it. If you're being serious you are wrong.

It's a semi joke. The guy is getting laid almost every day and is still complaining: cf the national average.