Sex drive

[gbr2022]

My sex drive is way bigger than my wife's. Beyond that, my interest in "mixing things up" is WAY higher. We're not talking anything serious here... even a change in positions will get her making a face or not wanting to participate. Frankly, despite my attempts (varied and multiple), we have sex twice a week (because I have asked for more sex) and always in the same position (spooning). Because the faster the sex is the happier she is, my stamina has become less. Not good in my book, but as I said, she's happier.

I'm at a loss on how to improve things. She has never really liked sex. What do I do?

ps: She does orgasm, but doesn't really seem to care.

pps: Been drinking and am feeling depressed. No worries, I'll get over it. I always do.

 

[figgnewton]

My sex drive is way bigger than my wife's. Beyond that, my interest in "mixing things up" is WAY higher. We're not talking anything serious here... even a change in positions will get her making a face or not wanting to participate. Frankly, despite my attempts (varied and multiple), we have sex twice a week (because I have asked for more sex) and always in the same position (spooning). Because the faster the sex is the happier she is, my stamina has become less. Not good in my book, but as I said, she's happier.

I'm at a loss on how to improve things. She has never really liked sex. What do I do?

ps: She does orgasm, but doesn't really seem to care.

pps: Been drinking and am feeling depressed. No worries, I'll get over it. I always do.

That's the ying and yang of woman. All woman are different when it comes to sex and there's nothing you can do to change that. I've tried talking to my wife about sex but it goes over her head. She doesn't initiate or even ask for sex, it's always me and she can at any time give a reason why she won't. Tired, watching a program , later or whatever that's on her not to do list. I gave up and it's been several months now NO SEX ! She hasn't even asked why ! I'll be damed to go to her even though it hurts my sexual needs. A few times she's said if I'm a "good boy later we can have sex". Wow that really hurts the ego. Same as you wife has a good orgasm but she just doesn't care afterwards. She'll watch porn at times but won't say what kind of porn she would like or when in bed talk about sex. I think there is something hidden deep that she won't be open to talk about sex. If we do watch sex I know she likes MFM, gang band and hung cock from the way she responds watching. Any way, I gave up and now dating Mary Fist and her five daughters. Don't know what to tell you other than there may be more men out there with the same problems . Hope you can resolve your problem but I gave up.

 

[figgnewton]

My sex drive is way bigger than my wife's. Beyond that, my interest in "mixing things up" is WAY higher. We're not talking anything serious here... even a change in positions will get her making a face or not wanting to participate. Frankly, despite my attempts (varied and multiple), we have sex twice a week (because I have asked for more sex) and always in the same position (spooning). Because the faster the sex is the happier she is, my stamina has become less. Not good in my book, but as I said, she's happier.

I'm at a loss on how to improve things. She has never really liked sex. What do I do?

ps: She does orgasm, but doesn't really seem to care.

pps: Been drinking and am feeling depressed. No worries, I'll get over it. I always do.

That's the ying and yang of woman. All woman are different when it comes to sex and there's nothing you can do to change that. I've tried talking to my wife about sex but it goes over her head. She doesn't initiate or even ask for sex, it's always me and she can at any time give a reason why she won't. Tired, watching a program , later or whatever that's on her not to do list. I gave up and it's been several months now NO SEX ! She hasn't even asked why ! I'll be damed to go to her even though it hurts my sexual needs. A few times she's said if I'm a "good boy later we can have sex". Wow that really hurts the ego. Same as you wife has a good orgasm but she just doesn't care afterwards. She'll watch porn at times but won't say what kind of porn she would like or when in bed talk about sex. I think there is something hidden deep that she won't be open to talk about sex. If we do watch sex I know she likes MFM, gang band and hung cock from the way she responds watching. Any way, I gave up and now dating Mary Fist and her five daughters. Don't know what to tell you other than there may be more men out there with the same problems . Hope you can resolve your problem but I gave up.
I know I didn't answer your question but letting off steam and your not alone.

 

[deleted817718]

We have almost the exact opposite situation in my marriage, although my wife is not happy if we get things over with quickly in bed because she has a boyfriend that she has a sex life with now. After years of frustration having a high sex drive and me having one that lacks quite a bit, we confronted this issue and came to an agreement that she would seek a new sexual partner. Now it’s a normal part of our life

 

[marriedasian]

I'm at a loss on how to improve things. She has never really liked sex. What do I do?

i'm at a loss here. not to be a total ass during your time of distress but you knew this going in and still married her? so now you're whining that she won't put out? you literally put yourself in this situation. there's got to be more to this story than what you're sharing. please fill in the blanks.

ps: She does orgasm, but doesn't really seem to care.

this means that at least she physically enjoys it and perhaps it's her mental state that is the culprit here. are you sure she wants and enjoys sex but just not with you? are you good in bed? it's a serious question.

what you're experiencing is called a "dead bedroom" wherein one spouse is sex starved while the other is not. no two dead bedrooms are the same and also very hard to diagnose as the reasons for a dead bedroom runs very deep.

without much information from you, i would say be very glad you're getting it twice a week despite not exactly the way you want it. it's better than nothing. if you want a more fulfilled sex life with your partner then i suggest some counseling or start openly talking about it. good luck.

 

[deleted817718]

That's the ying and yang of woman. All woman are different when it comes to sex and there's nothing you can do to change that. I've tried talking to my wife about sex but it goes over her head. She doesn't initiate or even ask for sex, it's always me and she can at any time give a reason why she won't. Tired, watching a program , later or whatever that's on her not to do list. I gave up and it's been several months now NO SEX ! She hasn't even asked why ! I'll be damed to go to her even though it hurts my sexual needs. A few times she's said if I'm a "good boy later we can have sex". Wow that really hurts the ego. Same as you wife has a good orgasm but she just doesn't care afterwards. She'll watch porn at times but won't say what kind of porn she would like or when in bed talk about sex. I think there is something hidden deep that she won't be open to talk about sex. If we do watch sex I know she likes MFM, gang band and hung cock from the way she responds watching. Any way, I gave up and now dating Mary Fist and her five daughters. Don't know what to tell you other than there may be more men out there with the same problems . Hope you can resolve your problem but I gave up.
I know I didn't answer your question but letting off steam and your not alone.

Your wife and you have very different sexual needs as do my wife and I. You really need to find a solution that makes you both happy. My wife has found another man to have sex with to replace the lack of sex she gets from me, and it works wonders for our marriage, but that’s not a solution for everyone

 

[RedDevilCock]

My sex drive is way bigger than my wife's. Beyond that, my interest in "mixing things up" is WAY higher. We're not talking anything serious here... even a change in positions will get her making a face or not wanting to participate. Frankly, despite my attempts (varied and multiple), we have sex twice a week (because I have asked for more sex) and always in the same position (spooning). Because the faster the sex is the happier she is, my stamina has become less. Not good in my book, but as I said, she's happier.

I'm at a loss on how to improve things. She has never really liked sex. What do I do?

ps: She does orgasm, but doesn't really seem to care.

pps: Been drinking and am feeling depressed. No worries, I'll get over it. I always

Depending on age and any medicine issues. Females can change over their years and being an understanding male partner is the best thing.
Talking and communication is key. Have you asked to why or it's always been this way any past trauma or issues.
Other side of the coin is to step up for your own needs and if needed seek out items/toys that will allow you to release and keep your mental health and physical health going in a forward direction.
The feeling down and turning to items to coup is understandable but don't let it rule you. From what I read she's at least working to fulfill up to what she can and wants to and please know and appreciate that. Others have had these problems and they haven't had the ability to communicate and look at other options. You can also seek professional help or if so pondering yes the idea of another lover/partner but only with her permission as do t put yourself in the hot seat unknowingly.
Keep your head up look at the good things! Keep moving forward!

 

[14600801]

My sex drive is way bigger than my wife's. Beyond that, my interest in "mixing things up" is WAY higher. We're not talking anything serious here... even a change in positions will get her making a face or not wanting to participate. Frankly, despite my attempts (varied and multiple), we have sex twice a week (because I have asked for more sex) and always in the same position (spooning). Because the faster the sex is the happier she is, my stamina has become less. Not good in my book, but as I said, she's happier.

I'm at a loss on how to improve things. She has never really liked sex. What do I do?

ps: She does orgasm, but doesn't really seem to care.

pps: Been drinking and am feeling depressed. No worries, I'll get over it. I always do.

The most obvious answer is: talk with her.

Ask her what does she like in sex, what does turn her on. Explore together. A conversation won't be enough, she has a lot of work to do to discover herself... but be careful: you will have to be supportive and have patience, never put pressure on her.
I don't feel that the issue is the sex drive, but the reconciliation with ones own sexuality. At the end of the day, she needs to get the idea that sex is to enjoy by herself not a task to please you.

I can also advice you to visit a sex therapist

 

[playklax01]

i'm at a loss here. not to be a total ass during your time of distress but you knew this going in and still married her? so now you're whining that she won't put out? you literally put yourself in this situation. there's got to be more to this story than what you're sharing. please fill in the blanks.

Actually, this was the same situation I was in. I have a much lower libido than my ex-husband. He obviously was aware, but after 8 years of being together he proposed. We got married, nothing changed in the bedroom, but we divorced 14 years later with this being a major reason behind it.

So this type of thing may happen more than you'd think?

I agree with @SteppeLancer too, talk to her. Explore new ideas. Visit a therapist if needed. Those things may have revved something up inside me, and saved my marriage if we did them.

 

[marriedasian]

Actually, this was the same situation I was in. I have a much lower libido than my ex-husband. He obviously was aware, but after 8 years of being together he proposed. We got married, nothing changed in the bedroom, but we divorced 14 years later with this being a major reason behind it.

i wish people would lay down the law on relationship expectations so that there are no hard feelings being pressed during the relationship. if you want sex daily then make it clear that you want sex daily and if it doesn't happen then this will happen. it's not that hard. be honest. allow the other person to digest what they're getting into and give them the opportunity to walk away (as well as yourself) if the fit isn't right.

So this type of thing may happen more than you'd think?

it happens a lot. i think the core issue is that the higher libido person "thinks" they can change the lower libido person when that's just not true. we could argue this for any aspect of a relationship, not just sex drive. i always chuckle when a woman tells me "i'll change him"... no you won't.

also, sometimes people will tolerate in the beginning with wishful thinking that things will eventually get better on their own magically but then over time, as the years go by, resentment and hate will gradually build up until it's so much that divorce or separation happens. this is a tough subject to deal with from both sides and many will not seek professional help. it's a sad situation all around.

 

[playklax01]

also, sometimes people will tolerate in the beginning with wishful thinking that things will eventually get better on their own magically but then over time, as the years go by, resentment and hate will gradually build up until it's so much that divorce or separation happens. this is a tough subject to deal with from both sides and many will not seek professional help. it's a sad situation all around.

Nailed it!

 

[techpump]

To OP, so she is cool with sex through spooning, but no other positions? Spooning is very intimate, yes it is, I know personally and both me and my wife enjoy it (when we can have sex, she's having terrible low or no libido issues due to menopause and thyroid issues, its been a shitty year man).

Your wife is in love with you, yes? Of all sex positions, missionary is where the man and woman really get close. You are in each other's faces. You can lay on her, hold and hug and squeeze her. You can talk to each other, whisper things to each other. You can see facial expressions and know if she is doing good or bad on the drop of a dime. Same with you, too, she can see you and know what's going on.

If there is any position that a woman like yours would want, if its only one sex position, I'd imagine it'd be missionary for the intimacy. She can have sex, she can cum.

So where is the INTIMACY???!!!! When you are spooning her, do you feel like there is intimacy? What does she do while you're behind her? Does she move against you/fuck you back like women can easily do in this position? Does she reach around to hold a part of your body? Do you talk to each other in any way at all while spooning? You can't really see her face while spooning. Maybe she doesn't want you to see what she looks like when she cums? Maybe she doesn't like looking at you when you cum??

You can't know if you don't ask!

Is she just letting you use her as a "human fleshlight" where you just get behind her--away from her--and do her to get off? It sounds like she's kind of "not there" during your spooning.

Maybe there's something about you that she doesn't like. Do you kiss a lot at anytime of the day or night? How about hugging for no reason or for good reasons? Sex is intimate. But your sex just sounds like its totally not intimate; it doesn't sound like a moment when you and your wife are truly connecting. Instead its like you are both using each other to satisfy needs physically but not mentally.

 

[magnificent10]

This is from my perspective; When the sex stops, the marriage is over. I made an arrangement for an open marriage with my ex then got it, dated several and then ended up divorcing my ex and marrying this other woman and my life has been way better ever since, so I suggest you date somebody that actually likes sex like you do and then marry them?

 

[14600801]

This is from my perspective; When the sex stops, the marriage is over. I made an arrangement for an open marriage with my ex then got it, dated several and then ended up divorcing my ex and marrying this other woman and my life has been way better ever since, so I suggest you date somebody that actually likes sex like you do and then marry them?

I don't know the complete story, but in a long term relationship the faithfulness/openess part has to be clear since minute one, and it cannot change.

 

[ArabicBottom]

I don't know the complete story, but in a long term relationship the faithfulness/openess part has to be clear since minute one, and it cannot change.

I think this is important too. My Ex didn’t have as strong a sex drive as me and he noticed it when we first started dating. He talked about being open to have me with other guys and when we got closer he opened up about liking to see me with other guys as long as he concerned. We then made terms on how it was all gonna work out. He wanted to be the one to choose or approve on who I have sex with and I have to lock up my dick. I thought it was great since I was young and dumb and always been purely a bottom. For years I was getting fucked by him and guys he’d pimp me out to and let them fuck me whether I liked them or not. Made my cage smaller and smaller and my dick shrunk and has perm damage I believe as I can’t sustain an erection. Knowing the terms of a relationship especially a sexual one is crucial