Sex, emotions and relationships.

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by Lordpendragon, Dec 18, 2006.

  1. Lordpendragon

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 5, 2004
    Messages:
    3,880
    Likes Received:
    1
    Is it a sign of sexual liberation to be happy to have any one without necessarily the other two?
     
  2. D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah

    D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah Account Disabled

    Joined:
    Apr 5, 2006
    Messages:
    5,455
    Likes Received:
    14
    No..you shouldnt have a relationship without sex but more importantly emotion. then it would be based on something sinister such as money, greed etc...wrong and as for sex without emotion, that either rape or prostitution.

    Point being you can have one without the others, dosent mean it is right or a good thing though
     
  3. D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah

    D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah Account Disabled

    Joined:
    Apr 5, 2006
    Messages:
    5,455
    Likes Received:
    14
    Point taken. I honestly didnt mean it to sound as harsh as it did. Just for me personally i can imagine sex without emotion. A one night stand is something ive never done and doubt i ever will be able to. I need that emotional connection to feel close to the person to be able to have good, open sex
     
  4. Lordpendragon

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 5, 2004
    Messages:
    3,880
    Likes Received:
    1
    Personally, I have found this to be a chicken and egg thing, and felt emotion after when there was none really before and felt less after when I felt there was more before. The act itself is a different type of emotion.
     
  5. D_Sheffield Thongbynder

    Joined:
    Apr 30, 2006
    Messages:
    2,061
    Likes Received:
    0
    This is too convoluted for me to understand, LP. :rolleyes:
     
  6. snoozan

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 23, 2006
    Messages:
    3,568
    Likes Received:
    4
    I think all three are present in all of my encounters, just one or two may vastly overshadow the others. I don't know that I've had a relationship without emotion-- I think emotion of some sort is necessary in a relationship. I've had sex without either and emotions without either as well.

    I think these are all perfectly natural and can be healthy or unhealthy based on the individual circumstance. And healthy aside, it can still be a lot of fun.

    As far as sexual liberation, maybe, maybe not. I think that sexual liberation is different for each person and differs within a person. It's more about the reasons and motivations for doing these things and the associated feelings (joy and well-being versus guilt and shame) than anything else. For me, sexual liberation has come not in the form of casual sex or anything like that, but instead being in a long, loving, stable relationship. I have less hang ups about sex now, enjoy it more, and do it for better reasons than I did when I was promiscuous.
     
  7. B_NineInchCock_160IQ

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2006
    Messages:
    6,378
    Likes Received:
    10
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    where the sun never sets
    WHAT???
     
  8. BigA

    BigA New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 9, 2006
    Messages:
    870
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    you won't find me
    Isn't lust an emotion?
     
  9. karmen

    karmen New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 8, 2006
    Messages:
    341
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    51
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    D/FW
    Great Question. I wanted to start a silimar thread because of what happened to me just last night.

    I've gone on several dates over the last 2 months with a man I've known for about 1.5 years. We were actually former co-workers. Yes, he wanted to date me even then but I do not date co-workers. Ever! I learned that lesson many, many years ago.

    He cooked dinner for several people last night. I was one of several invited guests.

    I got to meet his brother and sister in law and his roommate all for the first time. After his brother left, he said I'd gotten the thumbs up from both of them. His brother thought I was "hot" and his sister in law thought I was "sweet".

    Later in the evening, we retire to his bedroom. Our clothes are half off. His tongue is all over my body. I mean the only area he did not lick, suck or kiss is below my knees.

    I'm turned on and vibrating like a tuning fork. I am hot, turned on, flowing like a faucet and ready for much more.

    All of a sudden he stops and wants to TALK. He wants to be more than a fuck buddy. He wants a relationship with me. He says he doesn't want to have sex unless he feels there is more of an "emotional connection" between us.

    We talk and talk and talk. I'm trying all of my womanly wiles to get his mind back on sex. I'm deep kissing him, stroking his hair, giving him hungry looks, stroking his body and stroking his cock. It's all for naught.

    I mean at the end I'm practically begging the guy to please fuck me. I did say "practically" but damn it was close enough.

    I've never experienced anything like this before. He just would not have sex with me unless there was a possibility for more of a relationship.

    I'm stumped, dumfounded and amazed. I honestly did not think guys did this.

    To sum it up, no sex if no possibility of a relationship even though the emotional connection is already there he want's more of a connection. I don't know, maybe he's asking to become exclusive with me.

    We even tried to define what a relationship meant to each of us. I think I've got many more hours of "talking" with him before I get any loving--if I ever do get any, that is.

    Hugs and Kisses,

    Karmen
     
  10. Lordpendragon

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 5, 2004
    Messages:
    3,880
    Likes Received:
    1
    Big A, I have put this in my diary.

    Lust could be instinctive rather than emotional.
     
  11. Mr. Snakey

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 9, 2006
    Messages:
    24,702
    Likes Received:
    25
    I think mabye this guy allways had feelings for you. Now was his chance to get together with you. It says something about him too. He was thinking about his heart and not his dick. Its up to you. Its your choice. He sounds like a real stand up guy...........:smile:
     
  12. Gisella

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Mar 18, 2006
    Messages:
    4,872
    Likes Received:
    23
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    USA
    Well, without passion burning I can't have any of it...

    For me to crave sex it must burn...1 night , 1 month whatever...

    Banging sex is boring I need fuel of passion.
     
  13. Lordpendragon

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 5, 2004
    Messages:
    3,880
    Likes Received:
    1
    Passion, lust and general libido are not the emotions that I was thinking of. They can be directed to someone whom you don't know. I was thinking of the emotion that you would have to someone that you know. But I acknowledge that the lines are very blurry.
     
  14. Wyldgusechaz

    Wyldgusechaz New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 14, 2006
    Messages:
    1,259
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    For about 20 years now I have always read women's magazines. Really eye opening. Redbook,Glamour, Cosmo, Marie Claire more recent. They have all of them at the gym so I hop on the old stair climber and read.

    If I could characterize in a nutshell what I have read, most women prefer some sort of emotional bond with their partners. As an aside they also want a LOT more oral sex. :). Adding the ladies here, they also want a big cock for that added dessert. :)).

    There are though a lot more women open to recreational or sport fucking. Its right there in the mags for the world to see. I suspect tho you aren't generally going to see that true *inner slut* come pouring out of her w/o some mental/emotional connection.

    I would venture to say that most ladies know within about 15 seconds to a minute whether or not they will fuck a guy. I would love to hear from the ladies if that is true. The rest of the courtship, the eye contact the flirting, the repartee is designed to confirm what their desire has already made plain. We men generally mess things up by saying something wrong or doing something wrong to blow the seduction.

    i think the greatest sex one can possibly have is with someone who could also be your best friend.For the women here lets hope he has a huge cock too :). Some couples attain that and i really envy them. Is there anything you would not give, is there anything you would not do, is there any part of you that you not give to your best friend? How could sex with your best friend not be the greatest thing ever?

    We should all be able to enjoy liberating sport fucking with whomever we please, w/o shame or being labeled sluts or jerks, but we should probably look to find a partner in someone who could be our friend too. Damn tough though to find.
     
  15. Gisella

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Mar 18, 2006
    Messages:
    4,872
    Likes Received:
    23
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    USA
    Well, it may be burrying because you try to see what I see with my eyes...and my seeing is what I feel deep. I get bored very easily by routine and blah...passion to me is what moves me. I do not look at sex as a mean to have orgasms. I do give orgasms to myself. Is the rush of the other, discovering his passions expressions that give me orgasms too. Its a dance to me we keep dancing different rytmics and change paces in the process.

    Simple lust is not what I'm talking about because I'm horny most of the time by myself in what I feel and see in nature mostly...outdoors..its a rush to me.

    But the passion I'm talking about it burn because I get to know the object of my desires more and more..it goes away it he does not have it and keeping feed it too. Than I reject him. I choose the ones that matches my degree of passion.

    I do find that steady relationships that goes for a while may become routine...I dont want that for me anymore. At the same time I'm not casual about sex banging...

    I'm maybe not fit to answer this thread...because I can't see into others boxes, I can talk just about myself in my own box of not conformism, I hope. If there is a rule to what supose to fell I'm not part of it...I disregard all of it...:wink:
     
  16. Lordpendragon

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 5, 2004
    Messages:
    3,880
    Likes Received:
    1
    I think I understand you, Gisella.

    You are your passion and you can not any longer love without that passion - it overrides other emotions. Nothing else is relevant unless associated with this passion.
     
  17. Ethyl

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 5, 2006
    Messages:
    5,476
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    495
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Philadelphia (PA, US)
    I've spent much time thinking about this over the course of the year due to the demise of my last "long-term" relationship. A few thoughts:

    We often talk about taking responsibility for our sexual pleasure and health. We also talk about taking responsibility for our part in relationships with others, romantic or not. Seldom do I hear anyone talk about taking responsibility for their emotions. Unfortunately, we often use our emotions as an excuse to manipulate others and avoid dealing with our insecurities. Throughout the course of time, it's been drilled in us that we have absolutely no control over our emotions. Unless you suffer from an emotional disorder, that's not true, or it doesn't have to be. Is it easy to be swept up in emotion and let it influence your decisions? You bet. I'm guilty. But I realized some time ago i'm solely responsible for my emotional health. Me, myself and I.

    I feel more liberated now than ever because i've learned that if I make a firm decision about something, then the emotions often follow that decision rather than vice versa. I don't think being liberated means stuffing your emotions down inside or pretending you don't have any. I see nothing wrong with recognizing an emotion for what it is and allowing yourself to experience it without labeling it "love". I know I sound very unromantic, which is ironic, i've always thought of myself as one. For centuries, literature and poetry have woven their magic spell and taught us that sometimes falling in love just happens, something i've experienced myself. But in the end, loving someone is a decision we make. We decide with whom we will have sex. We should also learn to decide what to do about our feelings for others for if we don't, they will overwhelm us.

    Having exhaustively said all that, none of this means anything unless you know yourself very well. I came to these conclusions because of my understanding of who I am. My emotional life is very rich and absorbing at times and I can easily be swept up by emotion. Knowing that about myself, i'm more able to experience emotions for what they really are, not what I or anyone else wants them to be.
     
  18. Lordpendragon

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 5, 2004
    Messages:
    3,880
    Likes Received:
    1
    I really want to say thank you to everyone for posting such considered and insightful thoughts and experiences.

    I know I have entered relationships for which I made the decision to put some of my emotions on death row. But I now realise that this was not possible for me. So I am not sure if you can cap your emotions without losing who you are.

    But was this what the thread was about? - not that it matters.

    BTW - personally I can have sex without emotion and it can be good - but I would always prefer to have sex with emotion - this is what I have relearned today.
     
  19. B_NineInchCock_160IQ

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2006
    Messages:
    6,378
    Likes Received:
    10
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    where the sun never sets
    Maybe. But I was thinking more along the lines of the fact that I tend to form very deep and emotionally involved relationships with the hookers that I've been with. Deep, one-hour long relationships.
     
  20. Chrysalis

    Chrysalis New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 16, 2006
    Messages:
    454
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Rocky Mountain Region
    Very eloquent, as usual, MB.

    I don't think I've ever had sex unaccompanied by some kind of emotion (other than lust/desire, which for me, like Gisella, are so powerful that they do tend to overshadow all other feelings during the act itself).

    Anyway...

    The vast majority of the time, I had feelings of fondness and friendship for the person. I pretty much never had sex with anyone I wasn't fond of.

    Sometimes, I felt feelings of pride, because I had made a "conquest." (Shallow, but unfortunately true). :rolleyes:

    Other times, I felt very giving...I loved to be a guy's fantasy and make him insanely happy...I would vicariously absorb his happiness and feel all warm and fuzzy with myself for making it happen.

    But really, it was never love, and still isn't most of the time (TM knows I love him, and sometimes we "make love," but for me, love is not a central theme of sex). He knows this, by the way, and accepts it about me.

    Love, to me, is a very ethereal concept. I don't believe people "fall in love." We definitely fall in lust, but I wholeheartedly agree with MB that love is a decision. For me, it takes a long time to even think about loving someone, and this applies to my friends as well as it initially did to my husband. The nature of the love I feel for my close friends is really not different from the love I feel for my husband or my family -- the only variation, really, is the depth and intensity of the love, not its central meaning.

    For me, love and lust are always separate, never intertwined. I may be feeling both, but I don't confuse one with the other.
     
Draft saved Draft deleted