Sex Frequency In Gay Relationships

neutrno

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Are you in a longterm relationship with another man? How often do you have sex? Has it changed over the months/years? Is your libido very different than your partner's? Do you both bottom? Thank you for sharing.
 
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yes, about 9 months now with current bf. Before lockdown pretty much every day, sometimes twice a day (morning/evening) and more at weekends. During lockdown when he was home as well, several times during the day, but he's back at work now so back to couple of times a day. pretty evenly matched for libido. i'm top he's bottom.

in two previous l/t relationships both 7+ years, in the first we continued to have regular sex 4/5 times a week throughout; in the second it died off to virtually nothing after 3 years or so, so a completely mismatched libido and what ended that particular relationship.

why the question?

whats your answer @neutrno ?
 

amendmentx

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I am just out of a long term. 2 years.

At first sex was much more frequent (you are counting oral right?). We'd have oral sex almost daily for the first 6 months. Anal sex 3-4 times a week. It trailed off as time went on. But Oral sex was still almost daily (mostly me preforming on him) and he didn't reciprocate as much, which I was fine with. Anal sex then was more like once a week for the last year. However if we invited another top into the bedroom it seems for the next week we'd have a lot more sex. My libido was definitely higher.

I only bottom and he only topped.
 

neutrno

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Thank you for sharing!

@bobbleworc, I'm a woman in a hetero longterm. We have sex about 2-3 times per week. More now, but it goes up and down. At the beginning it was everyday, if I recall well. We've been together for over 20 years.

I'm just curious, because in the other forum men were always complaining their female partners didn't want sex. I was wondering if in man-man relationships these problems of mismatched libido were less frequent.

@amendmentx, interesting that you say the presence of another makes the two of you more active. It is also my experience that when myself or my man are having sex with others, it kind of reignites our libido and we have more sex with each other for a while after our escapades.
 

amendmentx

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@neutrno It was mostly driven by him. He explained it to me in two ways. One was a slight jealousy of seeing me with another man. It was his way of "reclaiming" me. Second had to do with variety. Just spicing things up. After time you do everything you want to do together and always of those options. Adding another person wasn't always easy and accessible so when it happened it was more special. And kind of rekindles the flame so to speak.

Me on the other hand when I saw him with another guy i still wanted him just as bad lol.
 
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Thank you for sharing!

@bobbleworc, men were always complaining their female partners didn't want sex. I was wondering if in man-man relationships these problems of mismatched libido were less frequent. .

when you have two different people you're very lucky if you match on all counts and that counts for male/male relationships and sexual activity - men can have mismatched libidos. As in my 2nd relationship I mentioned and for me when it got to even no cuddles or physical contact I had to end it.
 
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Brodie888

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When it comes to sexual attraction, most humans are wired to seek out variety or novelty. So being in a long term relationship eventually leads to a lack of unpredictability so we need to try harder and harder to create novelty within a monogamous relationship. But there is only so many holidays/rooms in the house/new undergarments/sex tricks that you can do before the novelty fades.

This explains why someone can go from a sexless relationship to a sex every day new relationship. It's not a libido thing, it's a novelty thing.

For me, the other benefits of a long term relationship outweighs my need for sexual novelty. Some are able to have open relationships to get a best of both worlds scenario but that's not for everyone.
 

neutrno

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@Brodie888, that's what I think, too.

Speaking only for myself, it's repeating stuff after 20 years that makes it difficult to be all excited to... repeat it again. I'm not saying one doesn't want to have sex, I'm just saying that it isn't as when it's new, or recent.

At the end of your post you say open relationship isn't for everyone and I agree! Even when it's ok for both to open, like in my couple, we don't go crazy and do it actually only sometimes. Because all the logistics we go through to avoid getting a sexually transmitted disease makes it less fun. At least for us, having sex with others is never as wonderful as with each other, because with each other we don't have any worries.

Thank you for sharing!
 
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dreambridger

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Are you in a longterm relationship with another man? How often do you have sex? Has it changed over the months/years? Is your libido very different than your partner's? Do you both bottom? Thank you for sharing.

i'll take it question by question.

1. Yes
2. usually two or three times day (especially since lockdown), but penetrative sex only about once or twice a week, unless we're on a 'winning streak' digestively lol, there's been some magical weeks where we've managed penetrative sex nearly everyday. It's usually oral though
3. No, except yeah a little more since lockdown since we both work less now.
4. We both have powerful sex drives, but we differ in the sense that he prefers sex in the early morning when still in bed, and I'm a bigger fan of lunch sex and before-bed sex. I'm really groggy in the morning and sometimes its hard for me to enjoy the morning sex, but I like pleasing my man and he pretty much expects to shoot in my throat every morning whether I'm ready to wake up or not. Sometimes i'm annoyed but then remind myself how grateful I am that he loves shooting in my throat so much, and how hot it is that he would have such an expectation of me!
5. Yep, we both bottom. I bottom a little bit more frequently because my partner struggles with hemmorrhoids and I do not have the same struggle. Sometimes my digestion gets rebellious though and then I don't get to bottom, and his digestion is better, he doesn't have to douche like I do. Last time we had penetrative sex was two days ago, and I topped, and it was great sex. Last time we had oral sex was 45 minutes ago.
 

chancesare

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i'll take it question by question.

1. Yes
2. usually two or three times day (especially since lockdown), but penetrative sex only about once or twice a week, unless we're on a 'winning streak' digestively lol, there's been some magical weeks where we've managed penetrative sex nearly everyday. It's usually oral though
3. No, except yeah a little more since lockdown since we both work less now.
4. We both have powerful sex drives, but we differ in the sense that he prefers sex in the early morning when still in bed, and I'm a bigger fan of lunch sex and before-bed sex. I'm really groggy in the morning and sometimes its hard for me to enjoy the morning sex, but I like pleasing my man and he pretty much expects to shoot in my throat every morning whether I'm ready to wake up or not. Sometimes i'm annoyed but then remind myself how grateful I am that he loves shooting in my throat so much, and how hot it is that he would have such an expectation of me!
5. Yep, we both bottom. I bottom a little bit more frequently because my partner struggles with hemmorrhoids and I do not have the same struggle. Sometimes my digestion gets rebellious though and then I don't get to bottom, and his digestion is better, he doesn't have to douche like I do. Last time we had penetrative sex was two days ago, and I topped, and it was great sex. Last time we had oral sex was 45 minutes ago.
That sounds wonderful. I wish I had someone to please me orally throughout the day!
 
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neutrno

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@Tomtom10 and @dreambridger, thank for sharing!

We also have oral more often than penetrative sex. It isn't because of any problem, just that my man also loves oral, more than penetration. And I love having my clit sucked.

May I ask you how long you've been in your current relationship? I think frequency decreases with the years. I'd find it normal to have a lot of sex in the first years. Though with your high sex drives from both partners, I think you won't have that problem!
 

dreambridger

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@Tomtom10 and @dreambridger, thank for sharing!

We also have oral more often than penetrative sex. It isn't because of any problem, just that my man also loves oral, more than penetration. And I love having my clit sucked.

May I ask you how long you've been in your current relationship? I think frequency decreases with the years. I'd find it normal to have a lot of sex in the first years. Though with your high sex drives from both partners, I think you won't have that problem!
I met him five or six years ago but didn't start sleeping with him and hanging out with him until about two years ago when I was still in another relationship, started seriously dating just one year ago, and then i moved in with him a little over two months ago when the lockdown began. I do definitely partially attribute the current sex frequency to the lockdown. There's actually a somewhat significant age difference, about 25 years, but him being older doesn't seem to make his sex drive any less than my own and in many ways he can be much more vital-seeming than me often. He's pretty fit. I do okay but I drink and he doesn't. He inspires me to cut down.

I guess that's not super longterm yet, but not fleeting by any means either.
 
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Tomtom10

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@Tomtom10 and @dreambridger, thank for sharing!

We also have oral more often than penetrative sex. It isn't because of any problem, just that my man also loves oral, more than penetration. And I love having my clit sucked.

May I ask you how long you've been in your current relationship? I think frequency decreases with the years. I'd find it normal to have a lot of sex in the first years. Though with your high sex drives from both partners, I think you won't have that problem!

We've been together for almost a year now. We actually had less sex early on in our relationship, but now we've spent so much time together we feel intimate more often. I guess we were both a little more reserved early on haha!

We both enjoy penetrative sex the most, but sometimes it just isn't possible - but anal isn't the only sex, so we've been rediscovering!
 
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MuscledHorse

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My current is versatile (I am thick cocked power bottom) and like me, he views sex as something apart from Love. So, we can play and enjoy sex together, which we do several times a week or we can play apart and there's no jealousy becawuse it's just an animal instinct we are acting on that has little to do with our emotional Love for each other. We even enjoy going to sex events together and seeing each other going at it with other guys. He has been the camera guy on several of my porn shoots too. For centuries the church has sold the idea that Sex and Love are synonyms and Lust is evil and this unscientific faux moralizing has led to the needless destruction of countless relationships that were, in the end, rooted in jealousy and fear on manufactured idea of sex infidelity, rather than Love for the other person that surpassed the physical.
 

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With my ex I used to have sex (anal) most days I was with him (we ended up long distance for most of the time), and he was usually the one to instigate it so I came to think that I had a lower than averaged libido. My current bf is the complete opposite. He doesn't identify as asexual but he's thought about it. We can easily go a month or two without having sex of any sort (we don't live together but I see him every week), and the vast majority of the time we do have sex, it's not anal. After a few minutes he usually loses interest in the physical aspects of it and I'm left to finish myself off. We definitely have wildly different libidos.

I don't really know what to do about it, I want to be having sex at least once a week and probably a few times a week. As an added problem he's very shy and unadventurous. He refuses to be intimate in any way if there's someone else in the flat, even if his flatmate is two closed doors and a long corridor away - and asleep. I love him but this kind of makes me doubt if we have a long term future. We've been dating for 3 years now.
 
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ohiorod

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My partner and I have sex about 3 times per week with weekend sex being the best since we are both usually off work, unless he is on call; he is a surgeon. If something happens that interrupts the schedule, it is no big deal and we make up for it when the time allows. Even more important to me at times are the many times we cuddle, hug, kiss or touch each other. None of it is in a needy sense, just signs of affection. In addition, we are are always doing thoughtful things for each other that demonstrate our love.
 

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I am generally bisexual and often change partners; many may condemn me for this, but I don't care. When dating my boyfriend, we had sex almost every day, but we didn't get hung up on it like you.
 

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I'm happy that some couples continue to have sex several times a week after many years. I think a lot of it has to do with physical attraction. Personally, I am in a 25+ year relationship. Our sex life started hot and heavy, but tapered off and eventually stopped. Why? Reasons too many to number, but before condemning me consider this: We agreed that sex was not a priority when it came to our relationship. Common interests, fun, mutual life goals, and genuine love were more important. The one thing we agreed: no cheating/open relationship. That was a deal breaker and we've both kept to it. He jerks off and he knows I do. We've gotten older, our bodies have changed and I don't think we are physically attracted to each other. But I can't imagine my life without him and I know he would say the same.
Sex? Hell, you can download an app and be in bed with someone in 15 minutes. You can pay for it too. But what we have? That takes years of hard work that no amount of sex could ever replace.
 

tito21

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I'm happy that some couples continue to have sex several times a week after many years. I think a lot of it has to do with physical attraction. Personally, I am in a 25+ year relationship. Our sex life started hot and heavy, but tapered off and eventually stopped. Why? Reasons too many to number, but before condemning me consider this: We agreed that sex was not a priority when it came to our relationship. Common interests, fun, mutual life goals, and genuine love were more important. The one thing we agreed: no cheating/open relationship. That was a deal breaker and we've both kept to it. He jerks off and he knows I do. We've gotten older, our bodies have changed and I don't think we are physically attracted to each other. But I can't imagine my life without him and I know he would say the same.
Sex? Hell, you can download an app and be in bed with someone in 15 minutes. You can pay for it too. But what we have? That takes years of hard work that no amount of sex could ever replace.

That’s so sweet, I hope that i’ll be lucky like you and find a guy similar to you and your partner. God knows now a day, if you aren’t ‘app hook-up worthy’, you’re pretty much non-existent to other gay men, young and old.
 
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