Sex Is Causing My Girlfriend Pain :(

bramstoker

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Hi LPSGers,

I've been with my girlfriend for about a year, and in most ways our sex life has been good – full of passion and enthusiasm. But, from the beginning she would suffer from UTIs and would sometimes complain that she was sore or felt a burning sensation after sex. I asked if it was anything about me or something that I was doing, but she insisted it wasn't and framed it (the UTIs at least) as her own problem that predated our relationship.

She saw her gynecologist who prescribed her an antibiotic to take after sex to prevent UTIs. She wasn't thrilled about taking antibiotics frequently but she preferred it to suffering through the pain of regular infections or sacrificing our sex life. After that we started having sex less frequently, though, about once or twice a week.

Last night we had sex after going a couple of weeks without and afterward she was in pain again and started crying (not from the pain itself but from the frustration of feeling pain after sex) and we talked about it. She said that the pain made her feel "useless" or unable to please me, or like an "invalid" all of which made me feel terrible, blaming myself like she was blaming herself.

This morning for the first time she attributed the pain to the size of my penis. This was the first time she'd talked about my size in a way that wasn't complimentary. A few times in the past women I've had flings with have passingly mentioned being sore or walking funny the next day but always in a joking way mixed in with "gee wiz that was great" kind of compliments so that I (maybe foolishly) took the soreness comments as a kind of back-handed compliment as well. But this is the first time that I've had my size cause a problem in a long term relationship.

I feel like I've been taking the generally accepted advice (lots of foreplay, go slow). I always make sure to spend a while stimulating her clit and going down on her, waiting until she's well lubricated before penetration; if I can I try to make her cum with my mouth and hands at least once before I enter her, which she has said makes it less likely that sex will hurt, but still it doesn't ensure that it won't. I also try to go slowly and not thrust fully inside of her, but the confusing thing is that she sometimes asks me to go deeper and harder, which last night I did. It doesn't seem like she suffers until right after we finish, or maybe she has a pain/pleasure thing going on. She told me before that I hit her cervix and when I expressed concern about it she said she likes it. Maybe I just need to take the foreplay and the caution to the next level. I suppose we need to have more communication about what works and what doesn't...

Partly I'm just venting, since this seems like a place where people might understand and since you're all strangers it feels a little more comfortable to mention certain anatomical details and have it not be uncomfortable or be taken as a humblebrag. I also wonder if others here who have worked through similar experiences could share a bit of advice about how we could end the pain and improve our sex life
 

bramstoker

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In general we are very sexually compatible: We like the same things and we like to take complimentary roles in bed. Clearly we've got some physical constraints to work around, but I think that the ability to work together to overcome difficulties is another, perhaps more important key to a great relationship.
 

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Randomly came across this post…

Try engorging her vulva first through oral sex and using your hands to push blood flow from her thigh area to her vagina.

This technique was created by “Susan Bratton” here’s a link to her explanation of the method;


Also, if your woman is taking antibiotics make sure she takes a probiotic to replenish her bacteria because if she doesn’t the antibiotics can leads to bacterial imbalance where she gets constant yeast infections and that will destroy your sex life …that happened with my ex .
 

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Hi LPSGers,

I've been with my girlfriend for about a year, and in most ways our sex life has been good – full of passion and enthusiasm. But, from the beginning she would suffer from UTIs and would sometimes complain that she was sore or felt a burning sensation after sex. I asked if it was anything about me or something that I was doing, but she insisted it wasn't and framed it (the UTIs at least) as her own problem that predated our relationship.

She saw her gynecologist who prescribed her an antibiotic to take after sex to prevent UTIs. She wasn't thrilled about taking antibiotics frequently but she preferred it to suffering through the pain of regular infections or sacrificing our sex life. After that we started having sex less frequently, though, about once or twice a week.

Last night we had sex after going a couple of weeks without and afterward she was in pain again and started crying (not from the pain itself but from the frustration of feeling pain after sex) and we talked about it. She said that the pain made her feel "useless" or unable to please me, or like an "invalid" all of which made me feel terrible, blaming myself like she was blaming herself.

This morning for the first time she attributed the pain to the size of my penis. This was the first time she'd talked about my size in a way that wasn't complimentary. A few times in the past women I've had flings with have passingly mentioned being sore or walking funny the next day but always in a joking way mixed in with "gee wiz that was great" kind of compliments so that I (maybe foolishly) took the soreness comments as a kind of back-handed compliment as well. But this is the first time that I've had my size cause a problem in a long term relationship.

I feel like I've been taking the generally accepted advice (lots of foreplay, go slow). I always make sure to spend a while stimulating her clit and going down on her, waiting until she's well lubricated before penetration; if I can I try to make her cum with my mouth and hands at least once before I enter her, which she has said makes it less likely that sex will hurt, but still it doesn't ensure that it won't. I also try to go slowly and not thrust fully inside of her, but the confusing thing is that she sometimes asks me to go deeper and harder, which last night I did. It doesn't seem like she suffers until right after we finish, or maybe she has a pain/pleasure thing going on. She told me before that I hit her cervix and when I expressed concern about it she said she likes it. Maybe I just need to take the foreplay and the caution to the next level. I suppose we need to have more communication about what works and what doesn't...

Partly I'm just venting, since this seems like a place where people might understand and since you're all strangers it feels a little more comfortable to mention certain anatomical details and have it not be uncomfortable or be taken as a humblebrag. I also wonder if others here who have worked through similar experiences could share a bit of advice about how we could end the pain and improve our sex life

I've had similar problems with a ex boyfriend,he had a big member and it would often cause me pain during and after sex,but one day i simply couldn't take it,so i talked to him about it,i even went to a gyno with him,he prescribed me some antibiotics and joked about us not using lube

And he was right,using lube ended up being a life saver,but i also noticed that my boyfriend(now ex bf lol)would warm me up even more,i know its cliche to talk about foreplay,but there's truth behind it,u seem to already know this,so go slow on her,no matter how turned on we are it can be very hard to take a large one

And if you still have doubts,i can help
I hope u and her can overcome this
:)
 
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Hi LPSGers,

I've been with my girlfriend for about a year, and in most ways our sex life has been good – full of passion and enthusiasm. But, from the beginning she would suffer from UTIs and would sometimes complain that she was sore or felt a burning sensation after sex. I asked if it was anything about me or something that I was doing, but she insisted it wasn't and framed it (the UTIs at least) as her own problem that predated our relationship.

She saw her gynecologist who prescribed her an antibiotic to take after sex to prevent UTIs. She wasn't thrilled about taking antibiotics frequently but she preferred it to suffering through the pain of regular infections or sacrificing our sex life. After that we started having sex less frequently, though, about once or twice a week.

Last night we had sex after going a couple of weeks without and afterward she was in pain again and started crying (not from the pain itself but from the frustration of feeling pain after sex) and we talked about it. She said that the pain made her feel "useless" or unable to please me, or like an "invalid" all of which made me feel terrible, blaming myself like she was blaming herself.

This morning for the first time she attributed the pain to the size of my penis. This was the first time she'd talked about my size in a way that wasn't complimentary. A few times in the past women I've had flings with have passingly mentioned being sore or walking funny the next day but always in a joking way mixed in with "gee wiz that was great" kind of compliments so that I (maybe foolishly) took the soreness comments as a kind of back-handed compliment as well. But this is the first time that I've had my size cause a problem in a long term relationship.

I feel like I've been taking the generally accepted advice (lots of foreplay, go slow). I always make sure to spend a while stimulating her clit and going down on her, waiting until she's well lubricated before penetration; if I can I try to make her cum with my mouth and hands at least once before I enter her, which she has said makes it less likely that sex will hurt, but still it doesn't ensure that it won't. I also try to go slowly and not thrust fully inside of her, but the confusing thing is that she sometimes asks me to go deeper and harder, which last night I did. It doesn't seem like she suffers until right after we finish, or maybe she has a pain/pleasure thing going on. She told me before that I hit her cervix and when I expressed concern about it she said she likes it. Maybe I just need to take the foreplay and the caution to the next level. I suppose we need to have more communication about what works and what doesn't...

Partly I'm just venting, since this seems like a place where people might understand and since you're all strangers it feels a little more comfortable to mention certain anatomical details and have it not be uncomfortable or be taken as a humblebrag. I also wonder if others here who have worked through similar experiences could share a bit of advice about how we could end the pain and improve our sex life

There's a thing called ohnut which is like a set of soft rings to control penetration depth links Ohnut Wearable - Painful Sex meets a feel-good Buffer probably go with the wide option.

Definitely have to take all the usual steps and practice communication. Not a miracle cure but it helps a lot
 

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In general we are very sexually compatible: We like the same things and we like to take complementary roles in bed. Clearly, we've got some physical constraints to workaround, but I think that the ability to work together to overcome difficulties is another, perhaps more important key to a great relationship.

I was thinking more along the lines of physical fit.
 

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Hi LPSGers,

I've been with my girlfriend for about a year, and in most ways our sex life has been good – full of passion and enthusiasm. But, from the beginning she would suffer from UTIs and would sometimes complain that she was sore or felt a burning sensation after sex. I asked if it was anything about me or something that I was doing, but she insisted it wasn't and framed it (the UTIs at least) as her own problem that predated our relationship.

She saw her gynecologist who prescribed her an antibiotic to take after sex to prevent UTIs. She wasn't thrilled about taking antibiotics frequently but she preferred it to suffering through the pain of regular infections or sacrificing our sex life. After that we started having sex less frequently, though, about once or twice a week.

Last night we had sex after going a couple of weeks without and afterward she was in pain again and started crying (not from the pain itself but from the frustration of feeling pain after sex) and we talked about it. She said that the pain made her feel "useless" or unable to please me, or like an "invalid" all of which made me feel terrible, blaming myself like she was blaming herself.

This morning for the first time she attributed the pain to the size of my penis. This was the first time she'd talked about my size in a way that wasn't complimentary. A few times in the past women I've had flings with have passingly mentioned being sore or walking funny the next day but always in a joking way mixed in with "gee wiz that was great" kind of compliments so that I (maybe foolishly) took the soreness comments as a kind of back-handed compliment as well. But this is the first time that I've had my size cause a problem in a long term relationship.

I feel like I've been taking the generally accepted advice (lots of foreplay, go slow). I always make sure to spend a while stimulating her clit and going down on her, waiting until she's well lubricated before penetration; if I can I try to make her cum with my mouth and hands at least once before I enter her, which she has said makes it less likely that sex will hurt, but still it doesn't ensure that it won't. I also try to go slowly and not thrust fully inside of her, but the confusing thing is that she sometimes asks me to go deeper and harder, which last night I did. It doesn't seem like she suffers until right after we finish, or maybe she has a pain/pleasure thing going on. She told me before that I hit her cervix and when I expressed concern about it she said she likes it. Maybe I just need to take the foreplay and the caution to the next level. I suppose we need to have more communication about what works and what doesn't...

Partly I'm just venting, since this seems like a place where people might understand and since you're all strangers it feels a little more comfortable to mention certain anatomical details and have it not be uncomfortable or be taken as a humblebrag. I also wonder if others here who have worked through similar experiences could share a bit of advice about how we could end the pain and improve our sex life
OK, this sucks. But you forgot to said what's your cock size, on length and girth and your gf's height
 
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thick_

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I have had these issues as well, as for UTIs I would add what helped my ex was washing before sex. Having said that it does mess with spontaneity.

As for being sore after, lube definitely helps and you may need to apply more during as well. I pay attention to how slippery things feel to determine if more is needed. You might want to post this in ask a women section to get their input into what might help as well.

Hope you both figure out what works.
 

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Thanks to all who replied with sympathy and advice. An update: while I'd hesitate to say we've solved the issue entirely, we've been having good success using a few techniques.

• Probiotics: we've both started taking the same probiotics at a doctor's suggestion. The idea I guess is to align our microbiomes and prevent bacterial conflicts in the urinary tract.
• Taking it even slower.
• Lube.
 

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While your size has some to do with it, she may have an abnormally aligned "for you" set up. Go through the positions and depths starting as shallow as possible and work your way through it. There will be bumps along the way though. My fiance and I had this exact issue, and found the anything doggy style or "ass up" is out of the question. But, with that being said, foreplay foreplay foreplay.
 

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The girl I’m with can’t take me very well. Lots of pain. I like to do a lot of oral, too. I’m not trying to punch the vagina or something; I’m a giver. It’s just how I fuck.

Earlier girls have loved my dick. BTW, don’t judge a girl’s sex abilities by her size, that’s what I’ve learned. The tiny ones can take dick better than the 5’10” ones, in some cases. Vaginas are like penises, there seems to be little correlation between size and physical features. I’ve known tiny girls that can do extraordinary things.
 

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A previous girlfriend of mine got very wet, very easily, and it made for very easy insertion and sex, and long extended foreplay was almost always part of our lovemaking. But since we used condoms, we also quickly determined that lube would be the best way to enjoy ourselves without causing her discomfort. My 6 inch girth was most likely the cause of the eventual discomfort, so lube really was essential.

I've always had condoms and lube, or at least lubricated condoms, on hand anytime I was expecting sex. Almost all of the women I've been with grabbed the lube the first time (and every time thereafter) we had sex. I've used lube 99% of the time I have sex with my wife, and fortunately, any pain or soreness is very, very rare.
 
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I always use a lot of lube and a lot of warming up. If not, I won't even get the head in (or maybe even not be allowed to try, haha).

Before I like really discovered lube, sex was painful for my partners and uncomfortable for me
 
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Randomly came across this post…

Try engorging her vulva first through oral sex and using your hands to push blood flow from her thigh area to her vagina.

This technique was created by “Susan Bratton” here’s a link to her explanation of the method;


Also, if your woman is taking antibiotics make sure she takes a probiotic to replenish her bacteria because if she doesn’t the antibiotics can leads to bacterial imbalance where she gets constant yeast infections and that will destroy your sex life …that happened with my ex .
Excellent reply. However I would advise against prolonged /routine taking of antibiotics for this matter. I had a friend some years ago who was even bigger and had a huge sexual appetite and his wife had to manage cystitis and cervical issues constantly. Their solution was to ensure she was really really aroused before he began his 45 minute thrusting .
 

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I also try to go slowly and not thrust fully inside of her, but the confusing thing is that she sometimes asks me to go deeper and harder, which last night I did. It doesn't seem like she suffers until right after we finish, or maybe she has a pain/pleasure thing going on. She told me before that I hit her cervix and when I expressed concern about it she said she likes it.
Soo...I didnt see anyone else pick up on this....It seems that whatever efforts op makes to alter his sexual process for her benefit(and I suspect his future detriment) really doesn't matter if during the act she's insistent upon him taking the very actions that cause her so much subsequent pain. Because I also suspect if he stops complying with said directions during sex(that are obviously doing it for her at the time), whatever relief she feels after the fact will be quickly joined with dissatisfaction with the quality of sex.
I think this is ultimately a sexual compatibility issue, not as judgement upon anyone involved, but I think she's putting him in an increasingly impossible situation; to either meet her sexual needs and desires at the cost of consistently causing her physical pain, or to curtail her desires, preventing her injury, but ultimately risking her sexual satisfaction.....and that's before we even get into the eventual toll it will play upon OP and his sexual fulfillment.
 

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Thanks to all who replied with sympathy and advice. An update: while I'd hesitate to say we've solved the issue entirely, we've been having good success using a few techniques.

• Probiotics: we've both started taking the same probiotics at a doctor's suggestion. The idea I guess is to align our microbiomes and prevent bacterial conflicts in the urinary tract.
• Taking it even slower.
• Lube.

I was going to say lube. Besides the anti/probiotics, this is a simple fix, one my wife makes sure to practice every time we fuck, because she's dealt with UTIs for over 20 years with me.

She need to make sure she pees before and especially right after sex!!! Clean the urethra out before hand because you're big so every time you thrust, regardless of speed and depth has nothing to do with this, you are stretching her really big time, and a lot of pressure is being put on the urethra. We force pussy juice and lube and everything against and probably slightly into her urethra, so if she's cleaned out to begin with, whatever is in there is not going to get exacerbated through intercourse. But she needs to make sure she pees very soon after sex is over, even if she doesn't have to, she needs to squeeze even a few drops out. This is crucial to preventing UTIs. She needs to clean first, then pee. If she pees then cleans she's wiping the bad stuff against her urethra, and it goes inside it, and voila UTI time. There's only about an inch to 2 inches of length between the urethral opening and her bladder.

And, sadly, if you cum in her, that can cause UTIs. I haven't cum in my wife in so long I can't remember the last time, its been maybe 3 years now?? OMG I cry!! My jizz causes her to get UTIs because I get in very deep and she'll "lose" me out of her well into following day, and she tries so hard to squeeze all my cum out of her, it stays in there forever! So, if you cum in her with no condom, try to not do it and see if there's improvement. I know she'll have to be ok with you cumming on her or somewhere other than inside her, and there's a special romantic love bond that is there when you cum in her (I know there is, and I miss it!), but if cum in her causes UTIs, isn't sex more important than cumming inside?! My wife and I have agreed that it is ;)

Good luck with everything! I know personally, for a long long time, how crippling and upsetting UTIs can be, and the efforts we must go to to prevent them.
 
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