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Hi LPSGers,
I've been with my girlfriend for about a year, and in most ways our sex life has been good – full of passion and enthusiasm. But, from the beginning she would suffer from UTIs and would sometimes complain that she was sore or felt a burning sensation after sex. I asked if it was anything about me or something that I was doing, but she insisted it wasn't and framed it (the UTIs at least) as her own problem that predated our relationship.
She saw her gynecologist who prescribed her an antibiotic to take after sex to prevent UTIs. She wasn't thrilled about taking antibiotics frequently but she preferred it to suffering through the pain of regular infections or sacrificing our sex life. After that we started having sex less frequently, though, about once or twice a week.
Last night we had sex after going a couple of weeks without and afterward she was in pain again and started crying (not from the pain itself but from the frustration of feeling pain after sex) and we talked about it. She said that the pain made her feel "useless" or unable to please me, or like an "invalid" all of which made me feel terrible, blaming myself like she was blaming herself.
This morning for the first time she attributed the pain to the size of my penis. This was the first time she'd talked about my size in a way that wasn't complimentary. A few times in the past women I've had flings with have passingly mentioned being sore or walking funny the next day but always in a joking way mixed in with "gee wiz that was great" kind of compliments so that I (maybe foolishly) took the soreness comments as a kind of back-handed compliment as well. But this is the first time that I've had my size cause a problem in a long term relationship.
I feel like I've been taking the generally accepted advice (lots of foreplay, go slow). I always make sure to spend a while stimulating her clit and going down on her, waiting until she's well lubricated before penetration; if I can I try to make her cum with my mouth and hands at least once before I enter her, which she has said makes it less likely that sex will hurt, but still it doesn't ensure that it won't. I also try to go slowly and not thrust fully inside of her, but the confusing thing is that she sometimes asks me to go deeper and harder, which last night I did. It doesn't seem like she suffers until right after we finish, or maybe she has a pain/pleasure thing going on. She told me before that I hit her cervix and when I expressed concern about it she said she likes it. Maybe I just need to take the foreplay and the caution to the next level. I suppose we need to have more communication about what works and what doesn't...
Partly I'm just venting, since this seems like a place where people might understand and since you're all strangers it feels a little more comfortable to mention certain anatomical details and have it not be uncomfortable or be taken as a humblebrag. I also wonder if others here who have worked through similar experiences could share a bit of advice about how we could end the pain and improve our sex life
I've been with my girlfriend for about a year, and in most ways our sex life has been good – full of passion and enthusiasm. But, from the beginning she would suffer from UTIs and would sometimes complain that she was sore or felt a burning sensation after sex. I asked if it was anything about me or something that I was doing, but she insisted it wasn't and framed it (the UTIs at least) as her own problem that predated our relationship.
She saw her gynecologist who prescribed her an antibiotic to take after sex to prevent UTIs. She wasn't thrilled about taking antibiotics frequently but she preferred it to suffering through the pain of regular infections or sacrificing our sex life. After that we started having sex less frequently, though, about once or twice a week.
Last night we had sex after going a couple of weeks without and afterward she was in pain again and started crying (not from the pain itself but from the frustration of feeling pain after sex) and we talked about it. She said that the pain made her feel "useless" or unable to please me, or like an "invalid" all of which made me feel terrible, blaming myself like she was blaming herself.
This morning for the first time she attributed the pain to the size of my penis. This was the first time she'd talked about my size in a way that wasn't complimentary. A few times in the past women I've had flings with have passingly mentioned being sore or walking funny the next day but always in a joking way mixed in with "gee wiz that was great" kind of compliments so that I (maybe foolishly) took the soreness comments as a kind of back-handed compliment as well. But this is the first time that I've had my size cause a problem in a long term relationship.
I feel like I've been taking the generally accepted advice (lots of foreplay, go slow). I always make sure to spend a while stimulating her clit and going down on her, waiting until she's well lubricated before penetration; if I can I try to make her cum with my mouth and hands at least once before I enter her, which she has said makes it less likely that sex will hurt, but still it doesn't ensure that it won't. I also try to go slowly and not thrust fully inside of her, but the confusing thing is that she sometimes asks me to go deeper and harder, which last night I did. It doesn't seem like she suffers until right after we finish, or maybe she has a pain/pleasure thing going on. She told me before that I hit her cervix and when I expressed concern about it she said she likes it. Maybe I just need to take the foreplay and the caution to the next level. I suppose we need to have more communication about what works and what doesn't...
Partly I'm just venting, since this seems like a place where people might understand and since you're all strangers it feels a little more comfortable to mention certain anatomical details and have it not be uncomfortable or be taken as a humblebrag. I also wonder if others here who have worked through similar experiences could share a bit of advice about how we could end the pain and improve our sex life