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Anyone else attend a sex party and then not actually have sex? Lately i have been trying a couple "get togethers" just for fun. Maybe my social rules are different, but does anyone else find themselves not exactly turned on in these settings?
I will venture out with every intention of playing, and then i will usually just end up watching along the sidelines. Im not really a wallflower type, but i can't bone up and throw down when it seems like everyone else at the party has decided to use every peg and hole in the room, regardless of any sort of seduction.
I guess maybe im too old fashioned, or not progressive enough to watch someone try to get plowed and glazed like a donut repeatedly, and then walk the room like a soulless sex zombie in need of their next dick fix. Its just not attractive to me, and pretty much a turn off. I wish it wasnt so.
Last night i stood around for 4 hours, being present and available, but just drinking my bottled water and watching, trying to seem happy to be there. I was looking around the room, trying to find someone whom i found attractive and would maybe find me interesting, but except for one guy who tweeked my pierced nipples a bit, in a very small area no one actually hit on me, or even touched me. I guess my resting bitch face is too intimidating, or im broadcasting a stay away vibe.
One guy came over to me and says, "My buddy is a bottom if you are a top.... you are a top, right?" (Why, because i am a bearded daddy who looks disinterested in anything going on in the room?) In that loud, pulsing setting where communication is pretty futile, my best answer was, "I'll keep that in mind, thanks."
Another dude comes over and says "You gotta dive in sometime," which i admit feeling like was pretty rude and dismissive. I'm sure in his insensitive way he was just trying to make small talk. Had he actually used the moment to ASK ME directly to play with him I probably would have. He wanted to talk to me, but elevated his own status rather than actually connecting with me.
I watched completely overweight, unattractive and otherwise unappealing folks get plenty of action. They would just shuffle up to an established clusterF**k of action, and look for an available hole to squeeze in and join, welcome or not. Is that what is expected? I saw dudes side by side getting used on the padded sawhorse f*kkbench, who wouldnt bat an eye when a crew change momentarily interrupted the pummeling. I didnt see much affection, or refusals/rebuffs, and god knows there was no privacy.
So Im sorry if i cant change my programming to be turned on by indiscriminate lude group exhibition, but is that reason for guys to be rude and exclusionary? I know im not going to be attractive and desirable to everyone there, but conservatively speaking i would say i was at least as good looking as half the guys in the room. But after a while i got ignored like the crazy creeper that everyone apparently hopes will give up and go home, at least that is my perception, accurate or not.
Guys are selfish when it comes to sex, and everyone has to be responsible for seeking and securing their own satisfaction. I cant artificially manufacture the eroticism that fuels my desire to play with another person- it has to be organic. I cant be overly down on myself for feeling that i deserve so much more than that.
I didnt just leave, however- I stayed. That should mean that i would at least have passing interest to stay and play. Had i seen me in the room, that nut would have been a fun challenge to crack, and would add to wanting to up the ante.
I guess in the sex fueled world all of the normal social graces get tossed aside, and the strongest and the fittest rule. Guys have no consideration to guys around them, and will steal the attention of your affection with no guilt or hesitation, which is something i will never, ever do.
But i guess i'd rather go home with blue balls and a sense of unfulfillment over being uncomfortable in a forced group scene. BUT I sure would have liked to have had at least one damn sexy time at a sex party, instead of leaving feeling like a social pariah and misanthrope that has no worth. It really does a number on your self identity and pride.
Can anyone else relate, or am i just too in my own head to think that others have gone thru this? Growth is not always in a straight line...
I will venture out with every intention of playing, and then i will usually just end up watching along the sidelines. Im not really a wallflower type, but i can't bone up and throw down when it seems like everyone else at the party has decided to use every peg and hole in the room, regardless of any sort of seduction.
I guess maybe im too old fashioned, or not progressive enough to watch someone try to get plowed and glazed like a donut repeatedly, and then walk the room like a soulless sex zombie in need of their next dick fix. Its just not attractive to me, and pretty much a turn off. I wish it wasnt so.
Last night i stood around for 4 hours, being present and available, but just drinking my bottled water and watching, trying to seem happy to be there. I was looking around the room, trying to find someone whom i found attractive and would maybe find me interesting, but except for one guy who tweeked my pierced nipples a bit, in a very small area no one actually hit on me, or even touched me. I guess my resting bitch face is too intimidating, or im broadcasting a stay away vibe.
One guy came over to me and says, "My buddy is a bottom if you are a top.... you are a top, right?" (Why, because i am a bearded daddy who looks disinterested in anything going on in the room?) In that loud, pulsing setting where communication is pretty futile, my best answer was, "I'll keep that in mind, thanks."
Another dude comes over and says "You gotta dive in sometime," which i admit feeling like was pretty rude and dismissive. I'm sure in his insensitive way he was just trying to make small talk. Had he actually used the moment to ASK ME directly to play with him I probably would have. He wanted to talk to me, but elevated his own status rather than actually connecting with me.
I watched completely overweight, unattractive and otherwise unappealing folks get plenty of action. They would just shuffle up to an established clusterF**k of action, and look for an available hole to squeeze in and join, welcome or not. Is that what is expected? I saw dudes side by side getting used on the padded sawhorse f*kkbench, who wouldnt bat an eye when a crew change momentarily interrupted the pummeling. I didnt see much affection, or refusals/rebuffs, and god knows there was no privacy.
So Im sorry if i cant change my programming to be turned on by indiscriminate lude group exhibition, but is that reason for guys to be rude and exclusionary? I know im not going to be attractive and desirable to everyone there, but conservatively speaking i would say i was at least as good looking as half the guys in the room. But after a while i got ignored like the crazy creeper that everyone apparently hopes will give up and go home, at least that is my perception, accurate or not.
Guys are selfish when it comes to sex, and everyone has to be responsible for seeking and securing their own satisfaction. I cant artificially manufacture the eroticism that fuels my desire to play with another person- it has to be organic. I cant be overly down on myself for feeling that i deserve so much more than that.
I didnt just leave, however- I stayed. That should mean that i would at least have passing interest to stay and play. Had i seen me in the room, that nut would have been a fun challenge to crack, and would add to wanting to up the ante.
I guess in the sex fueled world all of the normal social graces get tossed aside, and the strongest and the fittest rule. Guys have no consideration to guys around them, and will steal the attention of your affection with no guilt or hesitation, which is something i will never, ever do.
But i guess i'd rather go home with blue balls and a sense of unfulfillment over being uncomfortable in a forced group scene. BUT I sure would have liked to have had at least one damn sexy time at a sex party, instead of leaving feeling like a social pariah and misanthrope that has no worth. It really does a number on your self identity and pride.
Can anyone else relate, or am i just too in my own head to think that others have gone thru this? Growth is not always in a straight line...