Sex Party Behavior

JohnDoeXXXm

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Anyone else attend a sex party and then not actually have sex? Lately i have been trying a couple "get togethers" just for fun. Maybe my social rules are different, but does anyone else find themselves not exactly turned on in these settings?

I will venture out with every intention of playing, and then i will usually just end up watching along the sidelines. Im not really a wallflower type, but i can't bone up and throw down when it seems like everyone else at the party has decided to use every peg and hole in the room, regardless of any sort of seduction.

I guess maybe im too old fashioned, or not progressive enough to watch someone try to get plowed and glazed like a donut repeatedly, and then walk the room like a soulless sex zombie in need of their next dick fix. Its just not attractive to me, and pretty much a turn off. I wish it wasnt so.

Last night i stood around for 4 hours, being present and available, but just drinking my bottled water and watching, trying to seem happy to be there. I was looking around the room, trying to find someone whom i found attractive and would maybe find me interesting, but except for one guy who tweeked my pierced nipples a bit, in a very small area no one actually hit on me, or even touched me. I guess my resting bitch face is too intimidating, or im broadcasting a stay away vibe.

One guy came over to me and says, "My buddy is a bottom if you are a top.... you are a top, right?" (Why, because i am a bearded daddy who looks disinterested in anything going on in the room?) In that loud, pulsing setting where communication is pretty futile, my best answer was, "I'll keep that in mind, thanks."

Another dude comes over and says "You gotta dive in sometime," which i admit feeling like was pretty rude and dismissive. I'm sure in his insensitive way he was just trying to make small talk. Had he actually used the moment to ASK ME directly to play with him I probably would have. He wanted to talk to me, but elevated his own status rather than actually connecting with me.

I watched completely overweight, unattractive and otherwise unappealing folks get plenty of action. They would just shuffle up to an established clusterF**k of action, and look for an available hole to squeeze in and join, welcome or not. Is that what is expected? I saw dudes side by side getting used on the padded sawhorse f*kkbench, who wouldnt bat an eye when a crew change momentarily interrupted the pummeling. I didnt see much affection, or refusals/rebuffs, and god knows there was no privacy.

So Im sorry if i cant change my programming to be turned on by indiscriminate lude group exhibition, but is that reason for guys to be rude and exclusionary? I know im not going to be attractive and desirable to everyone there, but conservatively speaking i would say i was at least as good looking as half the guys in the room. But after a while i got ignored like the crazy creeper that everyone apparently hopes will give up and go home, at least that is my perception, accurate or not.

Guys are selfish when it comes to sex, and everyone has to be responsible for seeking and securing their own satisfaction. I cant artificially manufacture the eroticism that fuels my desire to play with another person- it has to be organic. I cant be overly down on myself for feeling that i deserve so much more than that.

I didnt just leave, however- I stayed. That should mean that i would at least have passing interest to stay and play. Had i seen me in the room, that nut would have been a fun challenge to crack, and would add to wanting to up the ante.

I guess in the sex fueled world all of the normal social graces get tossed aside, and the strongest and the fittest rule. Guys have no consideration to guys around them, and will steal the attention of your affection with no guilt or hesitation, which is something i will never, ever do.

But i guess i'd rather go home with blue balls and a sense of unfulfillment over being uncomfortable in a forced group scene. BUT I sure would have liked to have had at least one damn sexy time at a sex party, instead of leaving feeling like a social pariah and misanthrope that has no worth. It really does a number on your self identity and pride.

Can anyone else relate, or am i just too in my own head to think that others have gone thru this? Growth is not always in a straight line...
 
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It could be growth on your part. We change. I know I have. I'm less patient in the gig you described above. I did it alot 15, 10, 5 years ago. Anymore, I prefer alot of exhibitionism & vouyerism with others & not get off or some really cool intense solo jack sessions.
 

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I think you are too in your head. I went through a phase of attending sex parties just to watch. I had moved to a new city, was lonely, and it served a purpose. They are gross (at one, the guy checking people in would be fucking an attendee while making change), but they are hot at the same time. It can be fun to watch, and you can feel a nice ass here and there. You definitely could have gotten some action (if I could have, you could have), but you were sending a different vibe. Perhaps it's not your scene . . . And that's probably a good thing.
 
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I think developing an attitude of Live and Let Live would help. Also to find out what makes you tick.
I have gone to many of those parties as a submissive, but I knew what I was getting into and what I wanted. I went to serve men and that"s what happened.
I'm sure you are a nice guy that happened to find himself in a place that wasn't your cup of tea, but respect others and be true to yourself most of all. Good luck
 

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I was invited to a play party last month and this is one of the reasons that I didn't go. I'm much better than I used to be, but I lack the confidence to approach people in a lot of situations and I felt that this would have been one of them, so I opted to decline the invite. Maybe some day I will make enough progress that it would be a viable source of entertainment, but not yet.
 

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I've attended a few sex parties, had a good time. Before attending, I assume a persona - not the regular me. One time I put on an aggressive attitude - "who wants to get fucked" was my internal dialog. I had three guys lined up on their knees in no time responding to my attitude. Its supposed to be fun and a chance to reach out beyond your day-to-day self.
 

JohnDoeXXXm

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Yeah I know that the parties are all about sex. I guess maybe the attendee already has had a lifetime of experiences of “normal” sex and are ok with recreational sex with whomever is close by. I guess I just assign a small amount of meaning to it. I guess I look at jacking off (especially in the bathroom!) as an act of body maintenance, but if you are with others the social aspect kicks in, and everything involves others, and my actions count. But that’s just my thinking aloud.
 
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BBB2.5

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My husband and I throw at least 3 sex parties a year in our home. We have a mixture of guys as our guest. Age, Race, Size and Position. Not your typical Cum Dump party. More like a social gathering with sex. One thing that we feel helps out is we have a lounge area, completely separate from our play areas. This allow guys to socialize and connect. There is always have a separate food area at our parties as well. Hell at some point a guys needs to refuel and take a break. This area is also a great place for guys to socialize. Every once in a while someone will actually have some type of sex in this area as well... " Guilty .. LOL "

I read all of your post completely. It really sound like this type of play is really not for you. Which is perfectly fine. It also sounds like you do not put forth the effort as well.
Quote You.... " Another dude comes over and says "You gotta dive in sometime," which i admit feeling like was pretty rude and dismissive. I'm sure in his insensitive way he was just trying to make small talk. Had he actually used the moment to ASK ME directly to play with him I probably would have. He wanted to talk to me, but elevated his own status rather than actually connecting with me." ...... Sounds like you want other's to initiate the conversation, rather than you doing it. Sex parties are a 2 way street.

Another thing that caught my attention in your post was this statement
Quote You "I watched completely overweight, unattractive and otherwise unappealing folks get plenty of action"... Not a good attitude to have at a sex party. This statement makes me think you feels these guys are not worthy enough to have sex.

Perhaps you need to stick to One-on-One connections. Where you can decide for yourself who will be present with you. Someone that is up to your standards. Not though's of others.

Life is short, You should be enjoying yourself. Let down your walls and take a chance. You might be surprised to learn that it's true " Life is like a box of Chocolates"... but you have to at least poke it , in order to see if you might like it....
 
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justcurious88

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Last year I went to a "massage orgy" event near Union Square. It was basically a pile of dudes on the floor, which was covered with mats, and the group leader squirted warming oil on everyone's back and chest. It started with massage and progressed to stroking and oral. Anal wasn't allowed.

A guy zero'ed in on me and wouldn't leave me alone the entire time. He constantly started at me, tried to talk to me with the most random questions, told me random stories about Shawn Mendes, even leaving the group to get his phone to show off a photo of him and Shawn. Imagine a group of horny guys stroking and then a phone, with its brightness turned up, gets shoved in your face so you can see a pic of this kid with Shawn. It was deeply uncomfortable because I could feel his eyes on me the whole two hours. The group leader noticed and tried to get him to stop but he wouldn't. I had to swat him away a few times, even.

That's been my only experience with organized group sex and now I'm not interested in going back because I believe that guy is a regular at those events. Otherwise would have been a great time.
 

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Anyone else attend a sex party and then not actually have sex? Lately i have been trying a couple "get togethers" just for fun. Maybe my social rules are different, but does anyone else find themselves not exactly turned on in these settings?

I will venture out with every intention of playing, and then i will usually just end up watching along the sidelines. Im not really a wallflower type, but i can't bone up and throw down when it seems like everyone else at the party has decided to use every peg and hole in the room, regardless of any sort of seduction.

I guess maybe im too old fashioned, or not progressive enough to watch someone try to get plowed and glazed like a donut repeatedly, and then walk the room like a soulless sex zombie in need of their next dick fix. Its just not attractive to me, and pretty much a turn off. I wish it wasnt so.

Last night i stood around for 4 hours, being present and available, but just drinking my bottled water and watching, trying to seem happy to be there. I was looking around the room, trying to find someone whom i found attractive and would maybe find me interesting, but except for one guy who tweeked my pierced nipples a bit, in a very small area no one actually hit on me, or even touched me. I guess my resting bitch face is too intimidating, or im broadcasting a stay away vibe.

One guy came over to me and says, "My buddy is a bottom if you are a top.... you are a top, right?" (Why, because i am a bearded daddy who looks disinterested in anything going on in the room?) In that loud, pulsing setting where communication is pretty futile, my best answer was, "I'll keep that in mind, thanks."

Another dude comes over and says "You gotta dive in sometime," which i admit feeling like was pretty rude and dismissive. I'm sure in his insensitive way he was just trying to make small talk. Had he actually used the moment to ASK ME directly to play with him I probably would have. He wanted to talk to me, but elevated his own status rather than actually connecting with me.

I watched completely overweight, unattractive and otherwise unappealing folks get plenty of action. They would just shuffle up to an established clusterF**k of action, and look for an available hole to squeeze in and join, welcome or not. Is that what is expected? I saw dudes side by side getting used on the padded sawhorse f*kkbench, who wouldnt bat an eye when a crew change momentarily interrupted the pummeling. I didnt see much affection, or refusals/rebuffs, and god knows there was no privacy.

So Im sorry if i cant change my programming to be turned on by indiscriminate lude group exhibition, but is that reason for guys to be rude and exclusionary? I know im not going to be attractive and desirable to everyone there, but conservatively speaking i would say i was at least as good looking as half the guys in the room. But after a while i got ignored like the crazy creeper that everyone apparently hopes will give up and go home, at least that is my perception, accurate or not.

Guys are selfish when it comes to sex, and everyone has to be responsible for seeking and securing their own satisfaction. I cant artificially manufacture the eroticism that fuels my desire to play with another person- it has to be organic. I cant be overly down on myself for feeling that i deserve so much more than that.

I didnt just leave, however- I stayed. That should mean that i would at least have passing interest to stay and play. Had i seen me in the room, that nut would have been a fun challenge to crack, and would add to wanting to up the ante.

I guess in the sex fueled world all of the normal social graces get tossed aside, and the strongest and the fittest rule. Guys have no consideration to guys around them, and will steal the attention of your affection with no guilt or hesitation, which is something i will never, ever do.

But i guess i'd rather go home with blue balls and a sense of unfulfillment over being uncomfortable in a forced group scene. BUT I sure would have liked to have had at least one damn sexy time at a sex party, instead of leaving feeling like a social pariah and misanthrope that has no worth. It really does a number on your self identity and pride.

Can anyone else relate, or am i just too in my own head to think that others have gone thru this? Growth is not always in a straight line...

Can relate 100%!
 

JohnDoeXXXm

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thanks for your post, BBB. I hope my heartfelt comments illustrated my feelings, rather than painting me in a negative light. That was kind of the point of the message- to get some feedback from others who have been in this setting before as well. Of course everyone there is WORTHY and SHOULD be playing with others, as that's the whole point of the get together. And yes, I think there's an aspect of me wanting this to be a bit of a litmus test, to see how I'd stack up in this setting. I think what I learned is that it's not a fair assessment, because I think everyone else in the room isn't necessarily thinking scarcity or ranking- more like "there's plenty for everyone to share..." Share and share alike, apparently.

My husband and I throw at least 3 sex parties a year in our home. We have a mixture of guys as our guest. Age, Race, Size and Position. Not your typical Cum Dump party. More like a social gathering with sex. One thing that we feel helps out is we have a lounge area, completely separate from our play areas. This allow guys to socialize and connect. There is always have a separate food area at our parties as well. Hell at some point a guys needs to refuel and take a break. This area is also a great place for guys to socialize. Every once in a while someone will actually have some type of sex in this area as well... " Guilty .. LOL "

I read all of your post completely. It really sound like this type of play is really not for you. Which is perfectly fine. It also sounds like you do not put forth the effort as well.
Quote You.... " Another dude comes over and says "You gotta dive in sometime," which i admit feeling like was pretty rude and dismissive. I'm sure in his insensitive way he was just trying to make small talk. Had he actually used the moment to ASK ME directly to play with him I probably would have. He wanted to talk to me, but elevated his own status rather than actually connecting with me." ...... Sounds like you want other's to initiate the conversation, rather than you doing it. Sex parties are a 2 way street.

Another thing that caught my attention in your post was this statement
Quote You "I watched completely overweight, unattractive and otherwise unappealing folks get plenty of action"... Not a good attitude to have at a sex party. This statement makes me think you feels these guys are not worthy enough to have sex.

Perhaps you need to stick to One-on-One connections. Where you can decide for yourself who will be present with you. Someone that is up to your standards. Not though's of others.

Life is short, You should be enjoying yourself. Let down your walls and take a chance. You might be surprised to learn that it's true " Life is like a box of Chocolates"... but you have to at least poke it , in order to see if you might like it....
 
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kr8zy

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I think you are looking for something different than what a sex party is. to be honest they sounds really hot and wild, but in reality they aren't all that we build them up to be in our heads. I am one of the overweight, unattractive and unappealing guys. It can be pretty ego busting to go to these parties. Especially when you see people standing there refusing to interact. You don't know what they are thinking, or that they are waiting for you to make the first move.

But basically, I think you are looking for more than just physical interaction. You want a social interaction.A sexy, kinky, horny one, but one nonetheless. Unfortunately those are hard to come by. Those other guys there are just as shy as you are - they have just learned that if they are going to get any action at all they have to be bold and make a move themselves.

Yeah I wish there were more places that were more social. Then again those that I have experienced can also be very upsetting because they much more quickly break down into the have it and don't have it groups. How do you create a place like that? I like BBB2.5's idea of a separate lounge for talking, but that doesn't carry over into the sex part.
 

JohnDoeXXXm

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I think we all are sexy in our own way- and it sounds unfortunately like a cliche to say that everyone is beautiful--- but that is very true. Some people like large guys, some guys are into older men, and what appeals to you is likely different than my list. It's rare that all three manifest with the same person, with your ideal partner in the room. Maybe if a guy is "classically attractive": muscular, moderately built, and of "daddy" age, this may make him *more* attractive to more people. I'm moving into daddy phase (the beard helps) but I'm lean and too scrawny for some (but I have been told lithe and catlike is very sexy to others.)

The other part of what you wrote, Kr8zy, is unfortunately true: other guys were likely waiting for me to make a move. It's not that I'm too shy to move- in this setting I just didn't see anything that compelled me to do so. I'm sure that is awful at a sex party where all of the attendees are thinking that it's like a molecular reaction: all of the little balls should be wildly bouncing off of every surface and causing a frenetic burst of energy, and anything less is wasted potential. It's science, after all :)

You are also right that I am looking for social interaction, and that requires openness on my part. I would say that this party was designed to be more conducive to the unspoken f*kk- due to the loud noise and readiness of most of the guys there (who were more the aforementioned bouncing balls LOL.) I guess for me it was a bit more like hitting the reality that I apparently am not as charismatic as I picture myself to be, in that I didn't have enough magnetism to draw people to me that overcomes their own natural shyness or risk aversion on their end.

Well, I did have a few guys that talked to me a bit, but as the night progressed I found myself getting more and more pushed into being just an observer. I feel like if I would have started making out with the first available person maybe I would have broken the ice and spent the rest of the night actually doing stuff. But instead I guess I morphed into a wall flower- especially as I would look at guys around the room and it seemed like they were all either looking past me, or downright ignoring me (since I apparently wasn't actively participating, i wasn't in the room.) I should have left earlier than I did.

I don't think I was rude to anyone, unless just standing in my own space, keeping my hands to myself is considered rude in that setting (as a matter of fact, it may be.) I know later in the evening there was a dude who kept positioning himself within an arm's reach of me (either in front, behind, or to the side) and kind of kept subtly looking over his shoulder to monitor what I was doing. I was aware of him, but had no interest, but I didn't want to rudely walk away like I was bothered by him- OR, make it like he was chasing me from *my* spot. Like i said before, I think the normal rules for social interaction at these places is kinda messed up.

I can see a resort (maybe something similar to hedonism) where everyone in attendance knows that all who are in attendance are actively looking for love. Perhaps a cruise ship. Those who are into the scene can act accordingly, but there is a wider variety of interactions available that more folks would be able to take their social skills into account- but it's not just a smoky room set up to be a sex den.
 

JohnDoeXXXm

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I guess i am still too self-indulgent to require my own time, my own way, and my own approach. I want flirtation, i want mutual attraction, and i want some aspect of control (or at least safety.) I guess this setting offerend none of that, so its my own damn fault to expect anything more (or less.) I only hope that i set a good example to others who were there- not everyone has just drop trau and be sexual furniture.