Sex positive women

find83

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Serious question:
For women that consider themselves sex positive or very sexual Has being open and honest about your sexual views and past history negatively effected a relationship? How have you come to terms with your sexuality and slut shaming?
 
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AlteredEgo

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Nah, dudes who want someone less sexual do not approach me. I've had a few be surprised by some of my history, and want to confirm that I'm capable of being comfortable in a monogamous, relatively vanilla sexual relationship (which I am) but nobody fled or anything.
 

find83

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Nah, dudes who want someone less sexual do not approach me. I've had a few be surprised by some of my history, and want to confirm that I'm capable of being comfortable in a monogamous, relatively vanilla sexual relationship (which I am) but nobody fled or anything.
Thanx for the response
Would you say the status of ones relationship would effect the perception more, like open vs a closed relationship?
 

AlteredEgo

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Thanx for the response
Would you say the status of ones relationship would effect the perception more, like open vs a closed relationship?
How can it be closed before we know what kind of people we each are? I don't know about you, but I don't offer strangers commitment.
 
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find83

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How can it be closed before we know what kind of people we each are? I don't know about you, but I don't offer strangers commitment.
I meant monogamous vs open
Like I've been in both and I'm usually pretty open about my experiences with gf and I encourage here to be because honestly I believe the past experiences does shape our point of view and I find in a monogamous closed relationship I find there was less feeling of threat or jealousy than when I was in an open relationship. Does that help explain?
I just wanted to know your perspective since I'm a bit surprised that you as a women have not had problems being sexpositive.
 

AlteredEgo

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I meant monogamous vs open
Like I've been in both and I'm usually pretty open about my experiences with gf and I encourage here to be because honestly I believe the past experiences does shape our point of view and I find in a monogamous closed relationship I find there was less feeling of threat or jealousy than when I was in an open relationship. Does that help explain?
I just wanted to know your perspective since I'm a bit surprised that you as a women have not had problems being sexpositive.
Like I said. I do not attract men who don't like me. I do not fuck men who don't like me. I do not have these kinds of interactions with strangers. I do not trust jealous men. I do not have these kinds of interactions with men I do not trust. Your question is not applicable. Why is it not applicable? Because... Who the fuck is offering ANY kind of commitment to strangers? I'm not offering monogamy. I'm not offering an open relationship. I'm not offering anything but conversation to strangers. If the shared goal of getting to know each other is to pursue a relationship that includes sex, why would we not be discussing sexual attitudes? If a woman doesn't think your paradigms align with hers, and she doesn't continue to get to know ow you, do you disagree with her, or do you realize she's right, and happily make a new acquaintance? Well, for me, if I don't think we are a match, usually, neither does he. If Dude doesn't think we're a match, I have usually drawn the same conclusion. Nobody is for everyone.

What did you expect? Do you think I can't tell very quickly whether or not the man I'm speaking to is far more socially conservative than I am? Sex isn't in a bubble. A sex negative man is conservative in other areas. Nah. This is not a problem. The only time men call me a slut or a whore is when I refuse to fuck them.
 
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Maybe I have a different perspective, but i don't think sex positive has to mean promiscuous. I'm sex positive (my definition is sex is important to a relationship, fun, I'm uninhibited, know what i like, am willing to explore, etc) but im also monogamous. It's not been a problem for me.
 

find83

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Like I said. I do not attract men who don't like me. I do not fuck men who don't like me. I do not have these kinds of interactions with strangers. I do not trust jealous men. I do not have these kinds of interactions with men I do not trust. Your question is not applicable. Why is it not applicable? Because... Who the fuck is offering ANY kind of commitment to strangers? I'm not offering monogamy. I'm not offering an open relationship. I'm not offering anything but conversation to strangers. If the shared goal of getting to know each other is to pursue a relationship that includes sex, why would we not be discussing sexual attitudes? If a woman doesn't think your paradigms align with hers, and she doesn't continue to get to know ow you, do you disagree with her, or do you realize she's right, and happily make a new acquaintance? Well, for me, if I don't think we are a match, usually, neither does he. If Dude doesn't think we're a match, I have usually drawn the same conclusion. Nobody is for everyone.

What did you expect? Do you think I can't tell very quickly whether or not the man I'm speaking to is far more socially conservative than I am? Sex isn't in a bubble. A sex negative man is conservative in other areas. Nah. This is not a problem. The only time men call me a slut or a whore is when I refuse to fuck them.
Wow
I never said offer commitment to strangers?? I was referring to when you date someone and yes you can still speak on sexual attitudes and still have a disconnect because people are not always honest or they may have gotten the wrong impression. I have met a lot of women that say they are very open but the longer we interact the more their conservative views comeout. I'm glade you are better at discerning people characters than I am. I simply was surprise by your answer because women tend to get slut shamed more often than men because once a women has an once of pride in her sexuality society views it bad. I simply asked the question because people have automatically assume I must be promiscuous because of my bisexuality, so I just wanted to understand the female perspective since women tend to be shamed for having sex. My may not be applicable to you but it was to me. I do not ask questions in this forum lightly. I actually am interested in what people think. Sorry for upsetting u.
 

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Maybe I have a different perspective, but i don't think sex positive has to mean promiscuous. I'm sex positive (my definition is sex is important to a relationship, fun, I'm uninhibited, know what i like, am willing to explore, etc) but im also monogamous. It's not been a problem for me.
I agree sex positive does not necessarily mean you are promiscuous but I find when people hear the term they automatically assume that or when they see how comfortable one is talking about sex on a deeper informed level they assume that. I still find that sex is a taboo topic unless it is said in a joke or mocking way.
Thank you for your response, got that you have not had bad experiences with it.
 
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No one I have ever been with has expressed anything negative about my being kinky or having had casual sex partners or anything at all relating to my sex positivity, knowing my own sexual desires, etc. The ones who bitched were the ones I didn't fuck, because they didn't meet my standards.
 

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I never said offer commitment to strangers?? I was referring to when you date someone and yes you can still speak on sexual attitudes and still have a disconnect because people are not always honest or they may have gotten the wrong impression.
Do you see how blunt I am on this site? I am that plainly honest in person. I loathe games and manipulation. For better or worse, this has negatively impacted my ability to bullshit in personal interactions. I am capable of diplomacy, or being careful not to hurt someone's feelings, but that's all I can muster. No games. No sugarcoating. When I first meet a man, I make him laugh so my intensity is less intimidating, and once a light tone is set, the full weight of my personality is presented. If I even am better at discernment, this is due to having NO tolerance for the disingenuous, and an extreme aversion to even a little manipulation. I'm not saying I am better at discernment, however.

I do like to cover some topics fairly quickly. I think my frankness invites forthrightness in return. I do pay attention to language, nuance, body language, facial expressions (including those quick espressions that get swiftly masked) and changes to tone of voice. I can be deceived, though not easily, and am far more likely to fool myself about someone than to have them actually fool me themselves. I don't tend to hold on to the narratives I create for myself, because age and experience are teaching me to recognize faster when I'm doing that.

One instance of being mistaken about a potential partner's sexual expression definitely stands out, and I MARRIED him. I've learned a lot from the experience. But he, like most of the men I've dated or lain with, was attracted to me BECAUSE of my openness, particularly about sex and sexual discovery.

I simply was surprise by your answer because women tend to get slut shamed more often than men because once a women has an once of pride in her sexuality society views it bad.
This just hasn't happened to me. The men who have told me I had Daddy issues, called me a whore, a thot, a slut, a bitch, a self-loathing race traitor, a hoe, a tease, a cocktease, and other slurs meant to shame me based on my sexual choices have have been relatively few, and first heard the following. "It has been lovely speaking with you. Thanks for spending time with me. I feel like this is not a match, and we shouldn't do this again." Most of the time, they are gracious. Most of the time, we've just been speaking on the phone, and I've learned enough to disqualify them. Sometimes it's gotten to sitting in person once or twice. Usually, my decision is accepted graciously, but sometimes, they get ugly, especially the ones I have only really dealt with over the phone. Anytime a dude decides I'm not for him, with very few exceptions, they just ghost. A couple times they seemed about to speak up, and I said, "This isn't going to work long-term. We're not very compatible, are we?" They looked relieved and agreed. It has been mostly fine. No one is for everyone.

Really, you don't get much slut-shaming from the ones you get to know and later break up with. At least, that's been my experience.
 
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I wanted to add that I think a fair few of the men who are bitter, hateful fuckers towards women is due to them being "that guy". The one women turn down and they can't take it. No matter how kindly and gracefully done, they can't handle rejection and they make it into a big fucking deal. They can't handle any kind of critique or comment that isn't positive. They will go so far as to take offense at or take something personally that has absolutely nothing to do with them. A fair few women are bright enough to pick up on that shit and want nothing to do with people like that.

Most women I know on here or elsewhere and most men I know not on here (and some who are on here) are mature enough to be completely okay with not being the perfect whatever for everyone on the planet. I know plenty of people won't find me physically attractive. I know plenty of people don't find my personality and opinions to be compatible with theirs. I know plenty of people won't find anything about me appealing. That's perfectly okay and I don't fucking care.
 

TinyPrincess

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Serious question:
For women that consider themselves sex positive or very sexual Has being open and honest about your sexual views and past history negatively effected a relationship? How have you come to terms with your sexuality and slut shaming?
I'm always honest, so if the guy ask, I answer. Can't say it has ever been interpreted negative. On the contrary...
 

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I have been "slut shamed" on several occasions in my life. Never by anyone who actually mattered to me, so I never felt negative feelings about it.

I always knew I loved sex. I always knew there was nothing wrong with that. I always knew that anyone who did have a problem with my love of sex and having Earth-shattering orgasms was just simple minded and insecure about their own sexuality.

Some past casual partners did express concern about my promiscuity, but those situations were just adult conversations which needed to happen for the sake of keeping everyone safe and informed.

My man is thoroughly aware of my sexual history and has explicitly told me that he gives no fucks whatsoever. We're not shy about having those conversations and no grudges are held. It's part of what keeps us close as fuck.
 

find83

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I have been "slut shamed" on several occasions in my life. Never by anyone who actually mattered to me, so I never felt negative feelings about it.

I always knew I loved sex. I always knew there was nothing wrong with that. I always knew that anyone who did have a problem with my love of sex and having Earth-shattering orgasms was just simple minded and insecure about their own sexuality.

Some past casual partners did express concern about my promiscuity, but those situations were just adult conversations which needed to happen for the sake of keeping everyone safe and informed.

My man is thoroughly aware of my sexual history and has explicitly told me that he gives no fucks whatsoever. We're not shy about having those conversations and no grudges are held. It's part of what keeps us close as fuck.

Thank for your response. Sounds like you found someone really loves you for you. :)

I'm always honest, so if the guy ask, I answer. Can't say it has ever been interpreted negative. On the contrary...
Thank you for your response :):)
 
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missT44

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great question! My open and overt sexuality has never affected my relationship with my wonderful husband (we’ve been married 26 years) - in fact he embraces and encourages it because it empowers me and enriches our relationship. However, I have had playmates and friends who really struggle with it and despite enjoying the benefits are still quite judgemental. I’ve had everything from “you should really tone it down” to being called “sexually selfish” and more often than not they’ve suggested I wear something less sexual in public or ask me to be more demure around other men. I even had one guy suggest that I suppress my pheromones because my obvious promiscuity makes people uncomfortable( like wtf? I’m
Not about to jump
Every man I see despite what his insecure little sensibilities think) ... needless to say the men who appreciate and support my strong positive sexuality are the ones who remain ....
The hardest and most offensive/ often laughable are the complete strangers who think it’s their duty to reform the slut in me and shame me for my wild and sexually free behaviour. If it wasn’t so annoying it would possibly be amusing but mostly I just find it boring ...
 
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find83

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great question! My open and overt sexuality has never affected my relationship with my wonderful husband (we’ve been married 26 years) - in fact he embraces and encourages it because it empowers me and enriches our relationship. However, I have had playmates and friends who really struggle with it and despite enjoying the benefits are still quite judgemental. I’ve had everything from “you should really tone it down” to being called “sexually selfish” and more often than not they’ve suggested I wear something less sexual in public or ask me to be more demure around other men. I even had one guy suggest that I suppress my pheromones because my obvious promiscuity makes people uncomfortable( like wtf? I’m
Not about to jump
Every man I see despite what his insecure little sensibilities think) ... needless to say the men who appreciate and support my strong positive sexuality are the ones who remain ....
The hardest and most offensive/ often laughable are the complete strangers who think it’s their duty to reform the slut in me and shame me for my wild and sexually free behaviour. If it wasn’t so annoying it would possibly be amusing but mostly I just find it boring ...
Thanx for the response
sexuality and the expression of it is a beautiful think, yes there is a time and a place but it sounds like you already got that. I think you hit it on the nail it has a lot to do with peoples insecurities that they project on others.
 
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I wanted to add that I think a fair few of the men who are bitter, hateful fuckers towards women is due to them being "that guy". The one women turn down and they can't take it. No matter how kindly and gracefully done, they can't handle rejection and they make it into a big fucking deal. They can't handle any kind of critique or comment that isn't positive. They will go so far as to take offense at or take something personally that has absolutely nothing to do with them. A fair few women are bright enough to pick up on that shit and want nothing to do with people like that.

Most women I know on here or elsewhere and most men I know not on here (and some who are on here) are mature enough to be completely okay with not being the perfect whatever for everyone on the planet. I know plenty of people won't find me physically attractive. I know plenty of people don't find my personality and opinions to be compatible with theirs. I know plenty of people won't find anything about me appealing. That's perfectly okay and I don't fucking care.

I'm sorry I have to stop this thread and tell fade once again that her lips are fantastic we're not talking about just artistically fantastic they down right turn me on it's a good thing she doesn't live nearby.