sex problems with new girlfriend.. help!

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by ben40, Jul 16, 2007.

  1. ben40

    ben40 New Member

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    I have been seeing a fun and very attractive girl for about one month now. Let me start by saying I like her a lot and definitely see her as more than something just physical. Things are going great, but we are having some problems in the bedroom. Firstly, I have no idea why, but I am struggling to cum... I don't get it... because I find her very physically attractive. Every time we have had sex I have seriously gone for an hour, in various positions (missionary, cowgirl, doggy) and just can't blow! Eventually she stops me as she says it is hurting, and I take the condom off and she tries to finish me with a handjob, but I just can't go! Eventually I have had to finish myself off while she rubs my arms, stomach etc... I would like to go from her though, because this would be much more intimate. The main problem could be I had a gf for 2 years and we didn't use condoms... I respect her wish to make me use them, but I find I can't feel anything and my dick feels as though it is suffocating, if that makes any sense. However i do not want to ask her to look at other options (eg pill) because I do not want to seem disrespectful, I genuinely value and respect her so please offer any advice with that in mind. Secondly... I can't make her orgasm! This is tough as with my ex I could make her go pretty much every time through sex, oral and by rubbing her clit. She is very wet during foreplay and sex so I can tell she is turned on... I just can't push her buttons right obviously, and I really really want to pleasure her and make her feel amazing. Help!
     
  2. SpoiledPrincess

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    Your second sentence said 'I see her as more than something just physical,' and this should also hold good for the sex you have with her, sex is more than just physical and whether your cock feels somewhat numbed by a condom you should still be coming because sex isn't just about the physical sensations, it's about knowing that you're nuts deep in her, about her reactions turning you on etc. Maybe however much you like one another you're lacking a little chemistry together - have you talked to her and found out if she did orgasm with other partners. What were the circumstances your last relationship ended in as that can have an effect (if we're in a long term relationship and it ends it can still deep down feel like we're cheating), have you allowed this to build up so that you can't just relax and have sex it's become some sort of challenge: I'd say talk to her and see how she feels and then take the strain of yourselves, make sex about the journey not the end and just relax and enjoy the foreplay and try not to see coming as the point of sex.
     
  3. confusedman

    confusedman New Member

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    i can feel your anger and furstration.firts of all calm down.i had the same issues.your penis gets conditioned during time.try to finish with penetration or else don't finish at all until you achieve it man.well.fuck her for an hour then stop until she wants you inside again and continue.if you can't make it try another day without finishing.i believe that in one month you could finish easily.i had the same problem.i could finish with penetration and i didn't orgasmed for 8 days .then i went to a strip club and with two dances about 6 minutes of rubbing i started cumming!!!so go figure...after some severals days without orgasm by your own etc,..you can come for sure by penetration even with 10 condoms on!!!
     
  4. Principessa

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    You mean it's not?!?!:tongue: :redface:
     
  5. SpoiledPrincess

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  6. chemical_man

    chemical_man New Member

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    Try putting ONE drop of lube in the condom's tip before putting it on your dick; this should help with getting a slippery raw fuck feel. i had the same problem, this trick helped.

    *note: more than one drop was too much, it lost the feeling for me and the condom felt like it was going to fall off.
     
  7. wingnut84

    wingnut84 New Member

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    QFT.

    If you go long enough without busting there will come a point where you'll practically nut just donning the rubber.
     
  8. zaza

    zaza New Member

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    Generally if you take the pressure off, it makes it easier to achieve. Perhaps forgetting about orgasm through penetration for a while might help. Otherwise masturbation before penetration, ie getting nearly there before penetration? It might work. If the problem is the condom it might work to try masturbation with a condom on, either by yourself or with her, to help get used to the sensation of wearing one.

    As for her not being able to orgasm, has she been able to previously? If not she needs to learn how. The best way is through self stimulation so maybe watching her and learning might be in order. Also as before take the pressure off, enjoy being together, don`t try too hard for orgasms, experiment, and they might just happen naturally.
     
  9. Pirate Wench

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    I think chemical man may be onto something.....try his suggestion.

    You lose quite a lot of sensation using a condom.....
    Maybe try a different brand ?

    I'm no expert on this subject, but it's worth a try.

    Also stressing out about it will only make it worse.
     
  10. wldhoney

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    I have a vibrator, and if you put one of the cute rubbery covers on it, it dulls the sensation when held against my clitoris and makes the goal harder to achieve. (Excuse the verbage, but I am still not sure what words you can and can't use). If you believe that is the issue, (using a condom) talk to her. There are other options besides the pill, and either way it's about compromise. There are two of you involved, so your feelings matter as well.

    If that is not the issue, get a check up. I had a friend who could not climax all of a sudden no matter how long he was stimulated. Turns out he had a prostate blockage and the doctor pressed on his prostate from the inside and boom!, all done. (Fun to do by the way....)

    As far as her climaxing goes....everyone woman is different. I agree with the rest in talking to her and asking her about it. Have her show you how she touches herself. We all have our own way. If she normally uses a toy, she may be unable to orgasm with out one. Incorporate it. Keep in mind she may be embarrassed to admit she is unable to orgasm thru penetration, and/or a man's manual stimulation. God, I sound like an encyclopedia....blech!

    Regardless....number one thing to due is relax and keep your sense of humor......laughter when things go wrong (us girls have our hard moments too!) can really make a difference.
     
  11. B_ScaredLittleBoy

    B_ScaredLittleBoy New Member

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    Are you using the right size condoms? When I would wear normal condoms or even smaller 'knock off'/obscure foreign ones, my cock would get strangled. Magnum XL are a good brand to get.

    A drop of lube helps. With one gf I practically finished myself off every time we had sex...which was very often. I think I had/have...'retarded ejaculation'. Or I don't want to cum so soon so I don't but the downside is I find it hard to cum. I would always have to wear a condom with her too, even for a blowjob or any time she was touching my cock...

    Then with another gf I could go without cos she had an IUD. I could cum quite easily with her so maybe it was the condoms. She was also very hot though and turned me on more than the previous gf who was quite a prude.

    Just keep trying or look into other forms of contraception. As for not being able to make her cum...Find out what turns her on. Have a mooch around her sexy body hehe. I've had lots of nice words said about the speed at which I can move [my penis]. Moving it fast, kind of like that Sybian machine I guess, not necessarily hard seems to be enjoyable. Especially if the girl is on top and I can literally drill into her really fast. Note that I say fast and not hard...

    Anyway just see what works and good luck.
     
  12. 4t65e

    4t65e New Member

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    Are you taking any meds or maybe diet??? I took depression meds for awhile a few years back. It didn't matter who I was with, condom or not, I could not come unless it was self sex. Been off of them now and all is well.

    You may need to train her or just give her time. It took my girlfriend over a year to cum with me. She is in her fortys and says I am the first to make her orgasm (she never had a problem getting there by herself). Claims she needed time and comfort and I believe it. It was frustrating though.
     
  13. Belly_Dancer

    Belly_Dancer Member

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    Of course I can't resist throwing in my 7¢ worth. :rolleyes:

    First, I'd say I disagree a bit with those who've said that you should be able to come regardless of reduced stimulation. My lover, Artfulwilly and I both require a lot of stimulation to come. This doesn't mean we aren't turned on by each other or that we don't have chemistry -- rather, he and I turn each other on more than anyone we've met in our entire lifetimes.

    But the fact is, if the right stimulation isn't there, it just doesn't happen. There's nothing to be done about it -- believe me, I spent years and years trying to come faster and more easily, and feeling like a burden to my partners because I was so much work.

    One of the joys of being with AW is that we're on a level playing field. I don't feel guilty about taking a lot of stimulation to come, because he takes a long time to come, too.

    I agree with the people who've said you need to have a frank talk with your new girlfriend about how she comes -- what kind of stimulation does it take, and has she orgasmed with a man before -- if so, in what way...etc.

    Keep in mind that every woman is different. My ex-husband is now with a woman who orgasms very rapidly (sometimes immediately upon penetration), and it works out extremely well for them because he tends to reach orgasm rather quickly as well.

    But to compare and contrast, she has a very prominent G-spot, and mine is harder to find. Her clit is so sensitive he can't touch or lick it directly, whereas in order for me to come, I need strong stimulation directly on my clit (in fact, when AW, who is very experienced with women, first saw me stimulate myself, he said, "I've never seen a woman abuse her clit like that!")

    So your new woman may need stronger stimulation, or not. Definitely ask her before trying it, because I guess it can be very unpleasant for some women.

    Finally, I disagree with your out-and-out dismissal of having her take joint esponsibility for birth control. If condoms really are keeping you from coming (and this is the case with some guys), it's definitely not disrespectful to discuss other options with her. Sex is about your mutual pleasure, and that includes yours. Also, if she's getting sore from prolonged intercourse, she may be actually be relieved to find a way to make things easier.
     
  14. ben40

    ben40 New Member

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    thanks for the advice... i use ansell "large". my penis is quite long and very thick so anything else and i can't even pull it on... for ages i couldn't figure out why i couldnt put a condom on... then my gf at the time said it was because i was "big" and should try a large sized condom. that worked, but i still much prefer the sensation of not wearing one!!
     
  15. D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah

    D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah Account Disabled

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    Lube inside the condom, Right sized condom and pleny of foreplay, even to the point where you arent penetrating her until you are JUST about to cum.

    And as for the hand job, do it together. Get her to grab your cock then you put your hand on top of hers. Not only will this make you feel as if you are in control but it will also teach her how you like it

    Also importantly you are very right in not wanting to ask her to stop using a condom. With so many diseases and infections around it would be silly, especially considering you have only been together a month.


     
  16. dolfette

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    but you're not getting off if she gives you a hand/blow job after?

    that says to me it's more than just a condom issue.

    i think it's in your mind. you dig her so you're stressing.
     
  17. D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah

    D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah Account Disabled

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    I have to agree,

    Could be a case of stress, nerves and/or possibly intimidation if you are so atracted to her
     
  18. ben40

    ben40 New Member

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    i think you hit the nail on the head there! i really like this girl...which very rarely happens for me!
     
  19. dolfette

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    awww! i really hope things work out for you then :smile:

    i never orgasm through sex, so i kinda understand.
    you've just got to enjoy the journey, try not to worry about the destination. you'll get there when you're ready.
     
  20. jennizeus

    jennizeus New Member

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    you should go to like a sex shop and get games.....or you can get lickable syrup etc................just spicy things up in the bedroom that might help
     
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