Sex shame! Have we really grown that much?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Rowan Ravenseed, Jan 10, 2010.

  1. Rowan Ravenseed

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    Ok so reading these forums and a few others things has prompted me to start a post about our not so hidden shame of our own sexuality.

    In this place a place that is predominately about sex and sexuality i still see so many posters Downing the sex industry, downing porn stars while they surf the web for porn, speaking ill of sex workers and the like.

    So many pictures of cocks and so very few face pics and likewise for women's pics as well.

    Why do we still fear our sexuality so much?

    Why do we are we so ashamed?

    I watched a bit of the tyra banks show on gay for pay and people discussing the shame of being a porn actor and the hurt it causes their families and think to myself.....

    Would it really cause their families so much pain if their family could learn to respect their decision and understand that its their body and their choice.

    Why should any one be ashamed of being promiscuous, why should we be ashamed if we choose to make some money while doing it?

    You know what i think.... i think its not MY shame.... i think it others shame

    I think there are people out there ashamed of themselves for their thoughts.... their actions but theyre to cowardly to accept responsibility so they pass the shame on to others

    Like the priest who beats young women for making him have dirty thoughts about them
     
  2. B_Hung Jon

    B_Hung Jon New Member

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    I think your post is one of the healthiest I've ever seen on this site. I know from my own friends that while people are excited about sexuality, there's also the other side of the coin about it, and that's the "gross" stuff that my generation is freaked out about. Besides the guilt christian aspect of it, young peeps have been fed a whole line of bullshit about sex being dangerous because of disease, the disgust with body functions and a sort of weird morality that says being sexually active means you're a slut. And being a slut means you're disrespectful of others and a bad person. So even though there's a whole lot of sexuality in our culture, there are still these weird taboos that keep people thinking negatively about the whole subject. It's a strange duality to me. Tons of porn but fear of sex. Go figure.

    Great post! Thanks!
     
  3. SpoiledPrincess

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    I don't have any shame about sex, but realise that my feelings about it aren't the same as anyone else's. I wouldn't wish to cause my family any embarrassment, but the embarrassment a family might feel may not be their shame, it could be a fear of the reactions of other people.
    To view sex with shame I think you have to see it as a bad thing.
    However, I do see sex as something that is a way in which humans bond, so in that respect I can see how people might frown on something they see as a misuse of sex.
     
  4. D_Inglethorp Rumpshow

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    I think some people get off on the anonymous aspect of it, others may be worried about their careers and some may not want to run into a family member here :eek5:
     
  5. eyescream

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    Good point. Heck, I don't even have a verified picture up. I'll just go and figure out why.

    But yeah, it is about protecting our identity and social image. It might be overrated but believe it or not it can affect careers and family life.
     
  6. cbrmale

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    I'm 100% straight, and in my time I've met a lot a female sex workers, both as their client and sometimes as their friend. I think they're great, very earthy about sex and men, and all women could learn something from sex workers. I was close to one escort who suggested that all women should work as escorts for a few months: to learn about sex, to learn about men, and to learn about themselves. But I also suspect that there are a lot of families out there who don't know their grown-up daughter is a prostitute. So despite my attitude, there is this stigma that doesn't go away.

    However, I think that many Australians are either pro the sex industry or ambivalent towards it, but relatively fewer Australians are negative about it. Although many more might have negative feelings about a sex worker if they met face-to-face, hypocrisy at work.

    I don't know the answer, and I know sex workers well enough. I don't know if there is an answer. Is paid sex any worse than a series of one-night-stands? Is it socially unacceptable compared to a woman who's had drunken sex with a countless random partners? Is one good and one bad? If so, which one? You know what I'm getting at, and it's all hypocrisy still.
     
  7. Rowan Ravenseed

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    just to quickly respond to those who have mentioned the whole protecting their careers/ identity, im not saying you shouldn't do this.... what i'm saying is why should this be necessary.... why should it be such an underground thing to speak openly about your sexuality.

    SP: i understand what your saying about some people viewing sex as being a whoely intimate thing and that promiscuity is abuse of that.... but sex has been for centuries a hell of a lot more than that and it will continue to be for centuries to come....why should i be made to feel shame because i don't fit these peoples ideals of sexuality?

    I don't make them feel ashamed for having what i believe to be a very narrow perspective on sex.... after all sex is different for every-one
     
  8. SpoiledPrincess

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    I don't think you should Rowan, I was just giving another reason why some people might view promiscuity/working in the sex industry as wrong/bad/shameful.
     
  9. ConstantComment

    ConstantComment New Member

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    I think one has to careful when deling with sex as it is a multi edge sword. It is used for pleasure, purpose and humiliation - the same acts, just how you dress it up.

    I like being open about sexuality but I know that that is welcomed in only certain forums both online and IRL. I don't think I am ready like others here to share my private parts -- only my past private moments. I hope that I can find a balance.
     
  10. helgaleena

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    I believe in not doing anything I am ashamed of. I have even said that to my children-- "Do not EVER do anything you are ashamed of; either don't do it or stop being ashamed."

    I edit erotic romances and I am in favor of legalizing nudity and same sex marriage and prostitution. But because of family members who do not want others to know this, or where my family lives exactly or what our real names are, I have invented Helgaleena Healingline.

    I do not put up a gallery here because I am comfortable talking about my sex life, but not yet comfortable with how I look. Instead I am working through the medium of self-portraiture on issues of self-acceptance. Those are in sketchbooks at home and in my photomanipulated works at deviantart.

    I felt shame since a young age that I was even alive. Sex is something live people do, so I sort of factored that in when I decided i was going to make the best of being alive.
     
  11. Smooth88

    Smooth88 New Member

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    Really because of this site I have become more comfortable with myself, my own body, and my sexuality while expanding my sexual knowledgeand letting go of my insecurities.
     
  12. D_Doe_Ray_Mi

    D_Doe_Ray_Mi Account Disabled

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    I have no shame about my body, sex or sexuality but as an adolescent that wasn't the case. Confidence and security come with experience and maturity. Relative to the absence of photos of faces - Part of what works about this site is the honesty, openness and crossing of barriers that might be restrictive otherwise afforded by the inherent anonymity. Most probably feel comfortable about posting photos of their cocks because they most likely won't be recognized from those images alone. Pictures of faces puts it all in a whole other realm of accountability. Yes, safety and security are an assumed aspect of anonymity. I'm not ashamed about my participation here but I don't want to openly advertise it either.
     
  13. D_Dagleishe Deadlyfarte

    D_Dagleishe Deadlyfarte Account Disabled

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    I'm still not 100% about my sexuality. That's why I hid my face. There are so many things about myself that I don't share with others and but hiding my face, it makes me feel less likely to be judged since I could be anybody.

    I have abnormal urges sometimes and then they go away and I'm right back looking for the woman.

    At this rate, I'll probably never find her since, for some reason, I can't approach a woman.
     
  14. Pendlum

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    Why do you need to see my face?
     
  15. Rowan Ravenseed

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    RyoDave: Please don't infer in any way that homosexual urges are abnormal, that is degrading to those of us who are homosexual

    Pendlum and the couple of other who mentioned the face pic thing, its not that i want to see your face the issue isnt about putting your face up.. I was just using the face pics as an example of how some people don't have their face becuase they seek anonymity because they are ashamed of being caught on this kind of website.

    To answer your question specifically pendlum.... i want to see your face and other peoples faces because i relate to people by looking at their face... its is most difficult to relate to a penis.... a face however has eyes and a persons eyes tell me alot about them
     
  16. D_Dagleishe Deadlyfarte

    D_Dagleishe Deadlyfarte Account Disabled

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    Please don't infer that I'm being malicious towards homosexuals. My reference to "abnormal urges" is based on my own experience. Therefore, meaning it was abnormal for me. That is all. :smile: Geez! :rolleyes:
     
  17. B_nyvin

    B_nyvin New Member

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    why is the original poster's forehead so big?
     
  18. Vestigial

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    shame
    noun
    a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior
     
  19. lustful10

    lustful10 New Member

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    There can be a lot of shame about things like this. Some people, maybe they even grew up (especially people from an older generation) being told/believing that even if you are sexual you shouldn't talk about it or whatever. It's silly. Why can't people be more free/liberated, and make their own choices? All this about being called names if you enjoy your sexuality or whatever. It shouldn't be the case. Being interested in sexual things is natural, but often it's made to seem like it isn't. Some people don't buy into this - I openly admit I'm sexual (hence joining this site for example). My boyfriend is also very open in this aspect, which is good. It's all very complicated, but soceity shouldn't make people feel ashamed.
     
  20. luvmycock

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    dude you hit the nail on the head with this one.
     
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