i need to cry. that hollow aching, the tight, lax, heaviness of soul and clouding of vision. tight in my throat and my chest, struggling to present a comforting, cheerful face.
and i can't. it doesn't come to me. a constipation of emotion causing pressure to build up without release. like waiting for a storm to break.
i've had a tough month. death, trauma, car crashes and heart break... yet i can't muster a single tear.
my mother once told my sister that 'dolfy doesn't have emotions' and, when my sister objected, she qualified that with 'yeah but not proper ones like everyone else has'. of course, she's full of shit.
and what it makes me want is sexual brutality. not random violation but the passionate violence coupled with genuine mutual affection. to make me cry, a nurturing act, an act of tenderness, like spoon feeding a hungry baby, a basic need met with an act of devotion.
i may be nuts.
i'm not sure where this is going. i suppose, as is often the case, that i'm looking for an understanding. i don't think entirely clearly in this frame of mind.
and i can't. it doesn't come to me. a constipation of emotion causing pressure to build up without release. like waiting for a storm to break.
i've had a tough month. death, trauma, car crashes and heart break... yet i can't muster a single tear.
my mother once told my sister that 'dolfy doesn't have emotions' and, when my sister objected, she qualified that with 'yeah but not proper ones like everyone else has'. of course, she's full of shit.
and what it makes me want is sexual brutality. not random violation but the passionate violence coupled with genuine mutual affection. to make me cry, a nurturing act, an act of tenderness, like spoon feeding a hungry baby, a basic need met with an act of devotion.
i may be nuts.
i'm not sure where this is going. i suppose, as is often the case, that i'm looking for an understanding. i don't think entirely clearly in this frame of mind.