sex, soul and the inability to cry.

twoton

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I'm sorry to hear what you're going through. Wish I could help. Wish I could help everyone who is going through what you are.

I take drugs. My doctor prescribes them. They help.
 

B_SeattleYo

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i need to cry. that hollow aching, the tight, lax, heaviness of soul and clouding of vision. tight in my throat and my chest, struggling to present a comforting, cheerful face.

and i can't. it doesn't come to me. a constipation of emotion causing pressure to build up without release. like waiting for a storm to break.

i've had a tough month. death, trauma, car crashes and heart break... yet i can't muster a single tear.

my mother once told my sister that 'dolfy doesn't have emotions' and, when my sister objected, she qualified that with 'yeah but not proper ones like everyone else has'. of course, she's full of shit.

and what it makes me want is sexual brutality. not random violation but the passionate violence coupled with genuine mutual affection. to make me cry, a nurturing act, an act of tenderness, like spoon feeding a hungry baby, a basic need met with an act of devotion.

i may be nuts.

i'm not sure where this is going. i suppose, as is often the case, that i'm looking for an understanding. i don't think entirely clearly in this frame of mind.

I was like that until I was 29. Couldn't cry, for anything. Nothign would make me cry. Breaking up with my live in gf of 5 years... ...didn't shed a tear. My eyes burned once, and I tried, but couldn't.

Then I went backpacking alone in the mountains. The beauty overwhelmed me, and the pain and lack of sleep I think made me very emotional. Either way, I finally broke down and bawled for 5 minutes for beauty.

Now I cry every time I go backpacking for a long period of time.
 

NoH8

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I'm sorry for your pain.

You won't cry until you have a shoulder to cry on. I can't usually cry, but it happened spontaneously one day while I was relating something to a dear and trusted friend. I was surprised and a little embarrassed.

You may also be depressed. I have been too. It's often like being numb or fearful rather than being sad. In fact I prefer to feel sad rather than depressed. Sadness I can express. Depression I endure.

Your mother seems to think that you have kept her at arms length and she is chiding you for that. She isn't helping.

Sex and especially hard or fetish sex can be a great *temporary* relief. It's an outlet for some of our pain and agressive feelings but done in a (relatively) safe way. It's not a cure for depression though.

As you work through your emotions by talking them out with someone you trust the tears will eventually surface - and you'll feel better. Take your time - there is no rule that says you can't wait or shouldn't hold back. You'll know when you are ready - and it must be when you feel safe and secure enough.

Best wishes.
 

NoH8

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I was like that until I was 29. Couldn't cry, for anything. Nothign would make me cry. Breaking up with my live in gf of 5 years... ...didn't shed a tear. My eyes burned once, and I tried, but couldn't.

Then I went backpacking alone in the mountains. The beauty overwhelmed me, and the pain and lack of sleep I think made me very emotional. Either way, I finally broke down and bawled for 5 minutes for beauty.

Now I cry every time I go backpacking for a long period of time.

This contains a great deal of truth. The pain and exhaustion break down barriers. Great beauty in nature is deeply healing and all contributes to the emotional release.

I'm happy for you. You have discovered something important.

One cold rainy winter day when I was 14 my father made me walk 17 miles with him rather than call a taxi. Eventually when we got home that night my barriers were broken and I cried for 45 minutes because I felt so alone and so distant from my family. It was painful but it released me from their control and from feeling guilty forever. I became my own man that day.

Though there was nothing beautiful to appreciate about that day, I have also felt that powerful emotional hit in the presence of nature's beauty in hundreds of wonderful places around the world.