Sex with a Buddy? (Other thread not updating...)

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by NYC8", Jan 3, 2006.

  1. NYC8"

    NYC8" Member

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    (NOTE: I tried posting this in the pre-existing thread, but it doesn't seem to be updating. Sorry if this causes any trouble. Anyway.)

    Reviving an old thread here because it is something I'm dying to ask about....

    Though it puzzles me to finally admit it to myself, I guess I seem to have a crush on one of my very, very best and closest male friends. Let's call him R.

    Except for him, I confidently feel straight. I fantasize about girls all the time, and do my best to hook up with them; I absolutely love foreplay, finding it more exciting than sex because I can make it last longer and the girls get more uninhibited and "wild" as I go further with it. When I'm sucking a girl's tits or tonguing or fingerfucking her, I can totally control the pace and immerse myself in doing things to her, just be the star of her world, her relentless orgasm king, for a while, have her sexy body totally tuned into me and responding to me for however long as I want (or as long as she'll let me). My absolute favorite thing in the whole world is to get girls off by sucking and milking and nibbling their tits while using the bottom of my palm on their pussies, gently rubbing and fluttering. I could do it all night, but none has ever let me for more than about 2.5 hours. Inevitably they'll tell me afterwards that most guys can't be bothered for more than a few minutes, that I'm special for it, and it makes me feel ten feet tall. And then I get to cum just the same.

    The guy in question, R., is likewise straight: a total jock who has dated and laid lots of girls, shows off for them and is extremely confident around them, to the point where he's been pursued--and used--by several at once. His current girlfriend is a drop-dead knockout.

    R. and I were very frequent j/o buddies from junior high up to post-college. I am not exaggerating when I say it was at least 200 times that we'd meet up in one or another's houses or dorm rooms to look at porn (straight only) and beat off together. We never touched each other, but we certainly saw each other naked and masturbating, asked and answered extremely personal questions about dick sizes, cum volume, exactly what we'd done with this or that girl, favorite positions, fantasies, "would you ever____?", "is it gay if you______?", commented on the sounds each others' dick made splashing in the spit used for lube, sometimes even jokingly playing "Name That Tune" with it.... "Jingle Bells," for instance, was easy to do. During the course of these games we each recognized that I was more endowed than he was but that he was more experienced than me.

    As the years went by I found myself looking forward to these sessions more and more. I'd outgrown all my other j/o pals by no later than the middle of high school, and in retrospect don't miss them. But--especially as we got further into college years--I found that when getting together for a session with R., I'd get very agitated and excited, just about *exactly* as I would when first making out with a girl. Like, the physical and emotional "wind-up" elements seem just about the same. And that those feelings would then carry over into totally non-sexual interactions like watching normal movies or playing video games or just even *talking*.

    I really want to give him a blowjob. I have dreamed about doing it. In some years, it has been in equal frequency with dreams / fantasies about women; in other years, it was less him and more them, maybe 25 / 75 instead of 50 / 50. But even at those relatively low points, it was still there. I can't believe I actually said that, in "public." But it's true. I wonder if I could use my mouth to make him squirm and freak out and lose the power of speech, like with girls' tits. I want that feeling of accomplishment.

    I am certain--absolutely dead certain--that if I had made the appropriate offer years ago, before he had grown more confident around girls and gotten any longterm girlfriends, that he would have taken me up on it. I would have phrased it as *him* doing *me* a favor by letting me suck him, because I was curious about whatever or wanted a technique tip for some girl, whatever. But that was then and this is now--and now he is, as I said, going steady with a girl who might as well be a supermodel, and the two of us haven't whacked off together in about 4 years.

    Has anyone else been through this? Do other guys kind of "wonder" about a special close friend, and have absolutely no idea what to do about it? Is there still any chance I could broach this topic with him, or have I missed the boat on adolescent experimentation and now at this point in our lives it would it be just a recipe for disaster? He isn't a violent guy, I'm not worried about that. But if he thinks he's moved beyond something, or was only just playing the whole time.... I really wouldn't want to risk our friendship and have him freaked out and avoiding me from now on.
     
  2. GoneA

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    nyc8, my friend, this venture you're willing to take is quite risky. clearly, there isn't any hard and fast answers on how to approach this ... issue. if you're asking for my opinion, i say leave the friendship as friendship. i've seen all to many times people (whether they be heterosexual or homosexual) try to take friendship to "the next level" and, in the end, they end up wishing they had drawn the line between common sense and fantasy. that is not to say the same shall be true with you - it may work out according to how you want it too. however, i'm a better safe than sorry kinda guy, therefore, i say leave it alone and keep this dream of yours in the theatre of mind.
     
  3. Chinese 9x6

    Chinese 9x6 New Member

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    I am so agree to that, just leave friendship as friendship. And for yourself, there is something called bi-sexual, and it is totally normal.
     
  4. beercan9x7

    beercan9x7 Member

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    I agree with GoneA BUT for a different reason. I do not think that taking it to the next level is always a bad thing in friendships..it really depends on the people involved, what their expectations are (if any) and how open minded BOTH of them are.
    My agreement to leave it alone is based on the fact you havent jacked together in over 4 years............it would seem that he has moved on from a need to do that or he does not wish to pursue that anymore. What his gf looks like doesnt matter either....(does she have a great cock like yours- um no).

    If the two of you were together more, hanging out etc and the opportunity arose, you can always ask him if he had ever considered it. I think most men, especially str8 guys, love the idea that you wouldnt want to do it with anyone else but him, its a common male ego thing ...
    For now Id let it be, let it be a great fantasy- but if you ever start getign together again like before...approach him about it...or begin to go down on him and pause to see if he is ok with it....if he doesnt stop you then he wanted you to also- if he does stop you apologize and explain your feelings and that you just wanted to know what it was like one time with him...im sure it would go ok either way.

    Good luck...........
     
  5. Lex

    Lex
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    This is a very tricky situation. Often when friendships are taken to a sexual place, misunderstandings can occur and someone can get hurt. On a few rarer occassions (my experiences)--two friends can go there and find an ever deeper, more meaningful relationship. My advice would be to tread carefuklly, be clear about what your short and long term expectations are and have your friend do that same. It reads like you have been developing an emotional attachment to him (which, in and of itself is in no way a bad thing); just be careful.
     
  6. GoneA

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    neither do - not at all. my point was it's better to be careful.
     
  7. viking

    viking New Member

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    I've had both good and not so good responses from buddies when this happens.
    One of my best buds and I fooled around quite a bit for a while. It was really great and we are still quite close. Both married now but still miss our time together.

    Another buddy was totally not interested but told me that he respected my ability to be straight about it and say what I felt. We are still good buddies. As a matter of fact, he's my neighbor.

    I believe it's best to get things out in the open. They don't always go the way you want them to but at least you can stop wondering if you did the right thing.
     
  8. B_DoubleMeatWhopper

    B_DoubleMeatWhopper New Member

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    Also, keep this in mind: the reality rarely lives up to the fantasy. Sure, your curiosity would be satisfied if it ever came to pass, but are you really willing to risk a close friendship for something that might not be all that? A friendship is more important than a sexual encounter: don't take something that valuable and downgrade it.
     
  9. viking

    viking New Member

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    Personally, I've experienced an upgrade in a few relationships by taking things to an intimate level.
     
  10. B_Danceswithlamps

    B_Danceswithlamps New Member

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    I will agree. There have been many instances outside of dating where I have done things and said things I wish I hadn't. Think about this. He is your very special friend. Did he look at you when you beat off? If he is with the girl of his dreams, then it may be selfish to ask him. How would you feel if your girlfriend was being active with her best friend and not telling you? You might not care, but the girl may... I would leave it. You may outgrow this fantasy too...
     
  11. NYC8"

    NYC8" Member

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    Thanks to all for the feedback. I definitely agree that it is best to be cautious and not risk ruining one of my very best and longest-term friendships, especially if he does seem to have lost interest in that behavior. If somehow we ever get to playing our old games again, I might see how things develop--but I'm sure not going to plot and plan for it or anything like that.
     
  12. jay_too

    jay_too New Member

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    For a friend from high school and college, I was the other guy. We never jerked off together or watched much porn...we had seen each other in the showers or skinny dipping for more than a decade.

    I didn't freak out or anything.....Initially, we "pretended" the incident never happened, but over the next few months, both of us seemed to avoid the other. We are still friends and get together when we are home, but BOTH of us wish it had not happened...I think.
     
  13. UniDude

    UniDude New Member

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    Pretty much what has happened is that you sexualized the event (jerking off) with your friend. I did the same thing with a neighbor growing up. He is very straight, I'm not so straight. It was a bonding activity as you really can't get much more intimate with a male friend. If he is truly the only one that you think about blowing, it's probably only as a way to get closer to him (in your mind). It's amazing how attached you can become to something when it starts in your earlier years.
     
  14. B_HungSpermBoy

    B_HungSpermBoy New Member

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    For me the most important part of this equation is respecting the guy you're interested in (or the girl for that matter). Any intimate activity requires some self knowledge and what the other person wants and needs. If it's just some quickie, then maybe this is not applicable. But I've found that most people want to be acknowledged as a human being as well as a sexual object. I mean, for instance, having a big dick is nice, but I'd rather that my friends appreciate me for ALL the rest of me too. Also just try not to hurt him or yourself in the process.



     
  15. regularguy

    regularguy Member

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    I totally agree with Gone A.

    But I have another piece of advice for you--get over your fixation on your buddy and just blow some other guy.
     
  16. viking

    viking New Member

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    What if it's not about just blowing some other guy.

    I've had some great, exciting, very loving and emotionally bonding times with my best buddy. And yes it involved sucking each others dicks. But it also involved intimacy. And THAT is worth having!
     
  17. D_Elijah_MorganWood

    D_Elijah_MorganWood New Member

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    For once I agree with GoneA. Unless you're seeking a long-term relationship with this person (and you're not) it will almost certainly ruin your friendship. If you want to blow a guy I suggest you look elsewhere. It sounds like you're looking for a notch on your bedpost and want a guy you're most comfortable with. I almost guarantee you could find the same level of curiosity with someone else.
     
  18. latin_male83

    latin_male83 New Member

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    yeah my situation was different. i had a friend and to be honest we'd seen each other naked and we'd even had 3somes but it wasnt until we stopped being friends that i had a fantasy about him. i wondered about that kinda stuff, luckily since we werent friends anymore i didnt have to worry about it as to whether it meants something or if i was bi curious or anything. ... "luckily"...
     
  19. xtrathickdick

    xtrathickdick Member

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    Well, if you can't fuck your friends, who can you fuck? Strangers? I think not!
     
  20. GoneA

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    oh that's nice.
     
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