sex with a large penis/ womens issue

[twoton]

This is part sex with a large penis, part women's issues.

I had a talk with my wife last night about our sex life--or lack thereof. She had multiple c-sections, and sex is very painful for her. So painful that we rarely do it. I don't want to get into details but she's been to specialists and the solution is probably surgery and a favorable outcome isn't guaranteed. It's not something we talk about very much.

She said it's ironic that I'm married to her. She said there are probably women out there who would like 'it' (an extra large penis), whereas she would probably do better with someone much smaller in that category. I said, "But it hurts even when they do pap tests, doesn't it?" She said yes, it does hurt because they have to spread it open, but it doesn't hurt nearly as much as when I'm in there.

Yes, we use lots of lube. Yes, I'm gentle and slow (which is hard to do sometimes). I only 'insert' about half way.

Just venting. There really isn't another venue for venting like this. What can I do? Stand around the office coffee machine and say, "Hey guys, Have I told you my wife and I never have sex because my dick is too big?"

 

[baldyboy8000]

I share your concerns/problems. It's not surgeries, it's the medication she has to take. We had fantastic sex until she started having problems with sleep problems. Now, she had to have the medication and tells me she has talked to her Dr. and he tells her there is not a medicine that is better than what she is taking. She doesn't even want me to touch her. It's stupid for a grown man to cry himself to sleep, but sometimes I do.

 

[petite]

Has your wife tried Premarin cream? My gynecologist recommended it when I discussed the exact same issue with her. I haven't tried it yet, but I'm going to start on it in a few months. Ever since I gave birth, I haven't been able to have sex with my husband. My doctor says that breastfeeding has suppressed my estrogen levels, and that makes the vagina less elastic and the tissue thinner and more easily torn. Before I talked to her about it, it literally felt like my vagina had shrunk. My husband is girthy, but as long as we've been having regular sex or I play with dildos, I used to be able to accommodate his girth just fine. The first time we tried it after I gave birth, it was so painful that I was afraid to try to have sex again. I actually dreaded it when he came on to me, and I felt ashamed that I felt that way. My doctor told me that if I stopped breastfeeding then my estrogen levels would probably return to normal in 3 months, or 6 weeks if I used the Premarin cream. There's a possibility that using the cream could stop me from lactating, which is the reason why I haven't tried it yet. Apparently the same thing can happen during and after menopause, too.

We once got it halfway in yesterday before I finally told him to stop because I didn't think it was going to work. It was the furthest we've been able to get it in so far, but it was very painful, and I finally just gave up.

If surgery was suggested, is it because she has scar tissue? Usually scar revision surgery for painful sex happens due to a vaginal delivery. My doctor didn't mention surgery to me.

We do have anal sex, though, once I've dilated using dildos. It takes time, but once I've worked up to his size, it fits in there. We also have oral sex.

So, we're feeling your pain, too.

 

[upone]

You and she really do need to talk about it more. Is is sex that hurts, or penetration? Oral sex works wonders.

 

[twoton]

Has your wife tried Premarin cream?

No, she's never mentioned it. The problem is from scar tissue. Apparently the c-sections resulted in a build up of tissue that pushed her uterus out of alignment, which pushed her vagina out of alignment.

One of the recommendations was that regular sex would help, but it hurts too much. She likened it to having sex for the first time, every time.

We do have anal sex, though, once I've dilated using dildos. It takes time, but once I've worked up to his size, it fits in there. We also have oral sex.

So, we're feeling your pain, too.

Anal is a non starter with us. Always was, always will be. I think she may have done in the past.

We used to have oral a lot, but I guess her hormones are out of whack too. She's just not interested in sex. Anything we do is purely for my benefit.

Other than the sex problem, we have a wonderful marriage. I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea.

Are you a new mom, Petite? Congratulations! (?)

 

[twoton]

You and she really do need to talk about it more. Is is sex that hurts, or penetration? Oral sex works wonders.

Penetration. And yes, we really do need to talk more. I think she's afraid if we talk about it then I'll want it, and she'll feel guilty for not wanting it. She's even made off-hand remarks that she's risking that I'll find my fun from someone else. That's probably the least of her worries. The big problem is that she's stuck with me! :biggrin1:

 

[twoton]

I share your concerns/problems. It's not surgeries, it's the medication she has to take. We had fantastic sex until she started having problems with sleep problems. Now, she had to have the medication and tells me she has talked to her Dr. and he tells her there is not a medicine that is better than what she is taking. She doesn't even want me to touch her. It's stupid for a grown man to cry himself to sleep, but sometimes I do.

I wouldn't say it's stupid. :wink:

 

[petite]

No, she's never mentioned it. The problem is from scar tissue. Apparently the c-sections resulted in a build up of tissue that pushed her uterus out of alignment, which pushed her vagina out of alignment.

One of the recommendations was that regular sex would help, but it hurts too much. She likened it to having sex for the first time, every time.



Anal is a non starter with us. Always was, always will be. I think she may have done in the past.

We used to have oral a lot, but I guess her hormones are out of whack too. She's just not interested in sex. Anything we do is purely for my benefit.

Other than the sex problem, we have a wonderful marriage. I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea.

Are you a new mom, Petite? Congratulations! (?)

Aw, thank you! Yes, I am! My boy is beautiful and I love being a mother. :smile:

I have to be honest, it took a long time before I learned how to have anal sex with a large penis. I was motivated to do it, though, and I'm a very stubborn woman sometimes. This is both a good and a bad quality that I possess. :tongue:

It's possible that she isn't producing enough testosterone, which is the primary hormone responsible for sexual desire. Actually, I've learned that it's also responsible for all our other desires as well, including non-sexual pasttimes, like enjoying TV or food, too. It's pretty interesting. She should have her hormone levels checked if that's the case. It could increase her overall quality of life if her testosterone levels are low.

The premarin cream might help her anyway. I talked to her about an interesting phenomenon that happened while I was pregnant. My husband has always been too long except during my pregnancy. My OB-GYN believes that my higher estrogen level while pregnant might have contributed to the greater degree of elasticity that I experienced. You may want to try it. Perhaps if the normal vaginal tissue around the scar tissue was more elastic, she would experience less pain. I think it's worth trying.

I've never heard of scar revision surgery from a c-section before. I went through labor before my c-section, so I have wondered if I could have been injured inside and that's the reason why we're experiencing certain problems. It seems like I'm not tenting as much as before. I've tried stretching using dildos in my vagina, with no luck at all. I think it's a little depressing but my gynecologist assures me that it's probably temporary and I'm unwilling to give up the health benefits to my baby that breastfeeding provides in order to improve our sex life right now. My husband agrees with me that it's more important right now to make sure that our son is as healthy as possible, so he doesn't want me to stop breastfeeding, but it's harder than I thought it would be, not having vaginal sex for this long. It hadn't occurred to me that scar tissue might be a factor. We'll just have to see.

 

[JulieInNaplesFL]

I think some people REALLY need to find some REAL doctors.

 

[petite]

I think some people REALLY need to find some REAL doctors.

Yeah, because I'm totally sharing information that wasn't given to me by a real doctor.

There's nothing wrong with twoton telling me what his wife's doctor told her or for me to tell him what my doctor told me. It only benefits both of us.

 

[simplenough]

Aw, thank you! Yes, I am! My boy is beautiful and I love being a mother. :smile:

I have to be honest, it took a long time before I learned how to have anal sex with a large penis. I was motivated to do it, though, and I'm a very stubborn woman sometimes. This is both a good and a bad quality that I possess. :tongue:

It's possible that she isn't producing enough testosterone, which is the primary hormone responsible for sexual desire. Actually, I've learned that it's also responsible for all our other desires as well, including non-sexual pasttimes, like enjoying TV or food, too. It's pretty interesting. She should have her hormone levels checked if that's the case. It could increase her overall quality of life if her testosterone levels are low.

The premarin cream might help her anyway. I talked to her about an interesting phenomenon that happened while I was pregnant. My husband has always been too long except during my pregnancy. My OB-GYN believes that my higher estrogen level while pregnant might have contributed to the greater degree of elasticity that I experienced. You may want to try it. Perhaps if the normal vaginal tissue around the scar tissue was more elastic, she would experience less pain. I think it's worth trying.

I've never heard of scar revision surgery from a c-section before. I went through labor before my c-section, so I have wondered if I could have been injured inside and that's the reason why we're experiencing certain problems. It seems like I'm not tenting as much as before. I've tried stretching using dildos in my vagina, with no luck at all. I think it's a little depressing but my gynecologist assures me that it's probably temporary and I'm unwilling to give up the health benefits to my baby that breastfeeding provides in order to improve our sex life right now. My husband agrees with me that it's more important right now to make sure that our son is as healthy as possible, so he doesn't want me to stop breastfeeding, but it's harder than I thought it would be, not having vaginal sex for this long. It hadn't occurred to me that scar tissue might be a factor. We'll just have to see.

This is very true Petite. You would be amazed how Testostrone effects men especially. It controls all the desires, aggressions, sex drive, work ethic. Doctors look at this hormone as a "bad" customer. The big reason is Steroid abuse which has given the bad rep of this hormone. Doc's tell their patients it does not mean nothing to lave low normal Test levels...and you are just BARELY normal they will tell you that you are "healthy". Also Docs will tell patients that it does not really benefit them if they were to be given this as an injection. If patients complain of depression symptoms and have low energy, Docs will tell their patients just "take an antidepressant which keep the neurotransmitters active in your brain and avoid Testosterone which naturally stimulates all neurotransmitters. I know because I have had to deal with this crap and doctors. I have a good doc that prescribes me a lift with the Test and the other that wants me on anti d to stimulate "energy". My doc has been poisoning me for years unnecessarily...My big problem was sleep apnea. If my Doc is so smart why couldn't he catch onto that?
THEY ARE PUSHING PRESCRIPTIONS! My doc is a jerk....I hate him....he is selfish and thinks of himself(due to all doctors arrogance)before others. I told him that the doc that gave me this prescription for Testosterone is a surgeon, owns his own clinic, is an obstetrician e.t.c.
His reply said with a snotty look on his face was: "I don't agree with it".....


Do yourself a favour, find a doc that cares about your symptoms. Sorry if I rambled a bit too much!:smile:

 

[JMeister]

I share your concerns/problems. It's not surgeries, it's the medication she has to take. We had fantastic sex until she started having problems with sleep problems. Now, she had to have the medication and tells me she has talked to her Dr. and he tells her there is not a medicine that is better than what she is taking. She doesn't even want me to touch her. It's stupid for a grown man to cry himself to sleep, but sometimes I do.

Perhaps it's time to find a new doctor. I think a good doctor would say there is no one medicine better than the rest.

I'd spend some time with Dr. Jacob Teitelbaum's books. While his primary interest appears to be chronic fatigue but he talks about sleep issues as well. I think his new book on beating the sugar addiction talks about it too.

CFS & Fibromyalgia Solutions for Patients and Their Doctors