sex with a man
- Thread starter East
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I'm going to start out by saying I am one of those rare individuals who is indeed 100% gay. I knew I was different long before I knew WHY I was different. And I have never been sexually attracted to a woman.
I would go very slowly if I were you. It does sound like you might be bi or gay. You don't indicate how attracted you are to your girlfriend, or to women in general. Nor have you indicated any attraction to men other than your friend. More importantly, moving too fast may permanently alter or end your friendship with this guy. On the other hand, taken slowly, if you are gay or bi, you may develop a much more intense relationship with this friend. ( I was going to say a deeper relationship, but felt the pun was too much. Still, I couldn't resist, either. )
Other things to consider are the emotions you feel around him, and around your girlfriend. I have had emotional attachments to many women, but they are never as strong or passionate as those I have for men. But I do attach emotionally with women easier and more often. Perhaps it is related to the lack of desire for them, less likely to get hurt / rejected. Who knows, but that is also part of what you must evaluate.
Last, if you had to live the rest of your life stranded with only one person, and it could be anyone, who would it be. Be honest with yourself. Make sure you know why you would choose that one person. Think in terms of attraction, intellect, charisma, status, etc.
Good luck and have fun.
It almost sounds like you've set up an "appointment" to fool around, so it may feel a bit awkward if it doesn't happen spontaneously. I think you'd get a better read on your feelings about having a sexual encounter with a man if you'd just chill and let thngs happen spontaneously. If it's meant to happen with this guy, it will happen, you don't have to push it.
However the experience does end up coming about, it's perfectly normal to be excited and nervous at the same time. If you feel good about what's happening, then that's great. But if you start to feel uncomfortable, make sure that you communicate that and don't be pushed into something you're not ready for. It sounds like your friend has already promised you that is the way it would be with him anyway, so I'm sure it will be fine.
- East,
I'm going to start out by saying I am one of those rare individuals who is indeed 100% gay. I knew I was different long before I knew WHY I was different. And I have never been sexually attracted to a woman.
I would go very slowly if I were you. It does sound like you might be bi or gay. You don't indicate how attracted you are to your girlfriend, or to women in general. Nor have you indicated any attraction to men other than your friend. More importantly, moving too fast may permanently alter or end your friendship with this guy. On the other hand, taken slowly, if you are gay or bi, you may develop a much more intense relationship with this friend. ( I was going to say a deeper relationship, but felt the pun was too much. Still, I couldn't resist, either. )
Other things to consider are the emotions you feel around him, and around your girlfriend. I have had emotional attachments to many women, but they are never as strong or passionate as those I have for men. But I do attach emotionally with women easier and more often. Perhaps it is related to the lack of desire for them, less likely to get hurt / rejected. Who knows, but that is also part of what you must evaluate.
Last, if you had to live the rest of your life stranded with only one person, and it could be anyone, who would it be. Be honest with yourself. Make sure you know why you would choose that one person. Think in terms of attraction, intellect, charisma, status, etc.
Good luck and have fun.
[post=297814]Quoted post[/post]
[/b][/quote]I definitely do have a sexual attraction to woman that is stronger than the attraction I feel towards my male friend. in general I don't really feel attracted to males sexually, although I do appreciate and enjoy a nice male body. my girlfriend and I are very sexually active because we love each other and it's something we very much enjoy doing. it's just that lately i've been curious as to what it feels like to have sex with another man and since my friend offered that chance to me I am definitely going to try it with him. if I like it then it will have been worth it and if I don't like it then I don't have to do it again. i'm a pretty open guy and i'm quite interested with what it feels like to do it with another man. my friend is very mature about it and doesn't want to push me at all, he wants me to enjoy it as much as possible so that I don't have a bad first experience. he said we can do things as slow or as fast as I want so that's also reassuring. I think i'll be fine.
jason_els
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So much great information here!
I am truly bisexual. It's a hard label to bear because gays assume you're just in denial and straights think you're "just experimenting". It's really crazy.
Sex with women is great. You get to be all "manly" and really feel like you're satisfying someone who desperately wants you and all your parts :9 If you're in love with her all the better! On the whole, however, with women I find myself more dominating. I also find it a little more isolated because I realize that my partnet doesn't know instinctively how to please me. Men are the same way. Takes some effort to learn what women really like and then, just like women are wont to do, not all women like all things! The nerve!
I also feel like I'm under more pressure to satisfy a woman. Not enough to really worry, but good sex takes some thought and preparation. You have to have good communication and not be afraid to ask or say what you like. Having a really small dick means I have to work harder to get a woman off; lots of oral and fingering are required before I'm satisfied with my performance. If I don't get her off I feel bad and it effects my masculinity. I feel like less of a man. I know in my head that's silly but I still feel it.
Sex with men is a very different ball of wax. With men I get a few things I don't get with women. Men know what men like. It's true and it's great! Universally I've found men are fantastic at giving blow jobs. Some women are good, but the best I've ever had have all been from men. Same with hand jobs. Lot of women don't know how to grasp, stroke, or play with a penis comfortably. Men do! Men also know how to play with your balls without causing undue discomfort. You also don't have to feel like you're dominating the encounter. With the right guy you're both on the same playing field and there's no question of faking an orgasm. More than this, if you're with a guy you love, whether as a friend or a boyfriend, then there is the most mind-blowing experience you can imagine. Getting fucked is incredible, knowing he's deep in you and you're looking into his eyes and it's just the two of you then the world stops because there's nothing else you need. Same when you're fucking him. You're deep in another guy, watching him writhe in pain and pleasure but loving every minute of it. And when you come, wow. You're sharing the deepest, most personal thing with another man; giving him your semen. Knowing part of you is now in him, become part of him. Swallowing another guy's semen is the same way, you're drinking his essence, allowing him to be with you forever. There is something, somewhere deep in the hearts of men that allow sex between them to be something you'll never find psychologically with women. Maybe it's a parity, maybe it's a unique ability to feel complete. Male on male sex is usually rougher, sweatier, certainly hairier, and a lot of fun. Revel in your maleness. It's great to be a man.
Allow yourself to be open to the experience and let go. Sex is best when you're relaxed and with someone you love. You don't have to do everything at once and always remember that you have to communicate with each other so that you both can share in the wonderful joy of each other physcially and mentally.
Good luck!
I am truly bisexual. It's a hard label to bear because gays assume you're just in denial and straights think you're "just experimenting". It's really crazy.
Sex with women is great. You get to be all "manly" and really feel like you're satisfying someone who desperately wants you and all your parts :9 If you're in love with her all the better! On the whole, however, with women I find myself more dominating. I also find it a little more isolated because I realize that my partnet doesn't know instinctively how to please me. Men are the same way. Takes some effort to learn what women really like and then, just like women are wont to do, not all women like all things! The nerve!
I also feel like I'm under more pressure to satisfy a woman. Not enough to really worry, but good sex takes some thought and preparation. You have to have good communication and not be afraid to ask or say what you like. Having a really small dick means I have to work harder to get a woman off; lots of oral and fingering are required before I'm satisfied with my performance. If I don't get her off I feel bad and it effects my masculinity. I feel like less of a man. I know in my head that's silly but I still feel it.Sex with men is a very different ball of wax. With men I get a few things I don't get with women. Men know what men like. It's true and it's great! Universally I've found men are fantastic at giving blow jobs. Some women are good, but the best I've ever had have all been from men. Same with hand jobs. Lot of women don't know how to grasp, stroke, or play with a penis comfortably. Men do! Men also know how to play with your balls without causing undue discomfort. You also don't have to feel like you're dominating the encounter. With the right guy you're both on the same playing field and there's no question of faking an orgasm. More than this, if you're with a guy you love, whether as a friend or a boyfriend, then there is the most mind-blowing experience you can imagine. Getting fucked is incredible, knowing he's deep in you and you're looking into his eyes and it's just the two of you then the world stops because there's nothing else you need. Same when you're fucking him. You're deep in another guy, watching him writhe in pain and pleasure but loving every minute of it. And when you come, wow. You're sharing the deepest, most personal thing with another man; giving him your semen. Knowing part of you is now in him, become part of him. Swallowing another guy's semen is the same way, you're drinking his essence, allowing him to be with you forever. There is something, somewhere deep in the hearts of men that allow sex between them to be something you'll never find psychologically with women. Maybe it's a parity, maybe it's a unique ability to feel complete. Male on male sex is usually rougher, sweatier, certainly hairier, and a lot of fun. Revel in your maleness. It's great to be a man.
Allow yourself to be open to the experience and let go. Sex is best when you're relaxed and with someone you love. You don't have to do everything at once and always remember that you have to communicate with each other so that you both can share in the wonderful joy of each other physcially and mentally.
Good luck!
Lex
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- Lex,
HebrewNational--I have JUST been there. My wife and I have been havin gongoing discussions about my bi-sexuality. Hasn't been easy, but it has been worth it--hiding the truth was much worse. Now I am fortuinate enough to have a wonderful wife and a hot BF. PM or IM me if you want to chat about it. Good luck.
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Are you sure you're only 50% - 50% there jason? :wow: I practically had to run and grab a cum rag after reading that one. <whew> I'm spent...
Anyway, Let's no forget your FRIENDS emotions here East. How will he react if you do this then decide it's not for you and "go straight?" Having sex with someone, even if it is just for "experimentation" can have deeper, emotional meaning then you plan. So please make sure your friend is 100% in the know here.
Bill
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Alley Blue
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Before anything else, East, examine your feelings a bit and make sure it something you want to act upon, and not just a fantasy. Be sure also that when and if you do make it with your friend, you will feel comfortable with YOURSELF afterward. If there is a chance you will have guilt or self-esteem issues because of it, don't do it. Never do anything you are ashamed to admit, at least to yourself. Nervous is normal for the first time, but it should be "anticipation nervous," not "shame nervous." Do not feel forced or obligated to try anything, but also do not be embarrassed to try what you think will be gratifying or fulfilling. It is perfectly OK to be top for some activities, and bottom for others. If you are truly bi or gay, some things will just feel natural. Above all, do not stigmatize yourself. Best of luck, keep us informed.
Goon: I wrestled with this same dilemma years ago. I lived with my girlfriend and finally took the plunge when I was 21 with an older stud. I promptly dumped the girlfriend and the drama ensued. It turned out to be really, really messy. For the record, I dumped her for her mistreating me, not for the other guy. That was the other thing, she hadn't laid me in over a year and that made me...vunerable. It was my choice, no regrets now but it was messy at the time. In a perfect world I would have more experiences with women but the way it's played out in my life, I stick to men to avoid the drama. Now I'm with someone I love and care about so it's irrelevant. I still think about pussy sometimes.
Bottom line, careful because once you cross the line, you can never take it back.
Bottom line, careful because once you cross the line, you can never take it back.
Kimahri
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Cool, something I can actually be helpful on. Woo hoo psych minor!
Hey bro, the label for your orientation is that last thing you should be worrying about right now. From observation and experience, guys around your age occassionally explore if it's a safe thing (noone will find out, not getting stalked, etc etc). It is not uncommon for two buddies to have an interest in exploring something sexually with each other too. Don't jump to conclusions because of a bad relationship with a girl and you had a great time with your buddy, that does not make you gay.
I also have a buddy I talk to that is 21. He explored being gay and such, but found it not to be him. He's fine with me as a friend if his being gay, he just politely let it be known it holds nothing for him.
Another thing to consider if you're going to do this with a friend. Both of you need to feel ok with everything before AND after it's over. I know it's a strange subject to talk about, but make sure you guys understand that your normal friendship will still be ok. Don't panic if you or he feels the need to take a day or so away to consider what's happened, that's pretty normal. But definitely talk about things.
I wish my entrance to male / male sexuality was similiar to yours. I had a series of screwed up incidents when I was in my teens. Shame too, there was a beautiful guy that I found out later was interested in trying something with me. I really wished I was bi in high school.
Hey bro, the label for your orientation is that last thing you should be worrying about right now. From observation and experience, guys around your age occassionally explore if it's a safe thing (noone will find out, not getting stalked, etc etc). It is not uncommon for two buddies to have an interest in exploring something sexually with each other too. Don't jump to conclusions because of a bad relationship with a girl and you had a great time with your buddy, that does not make you gay.
I also have a buddy I talk to that is 21. He explored being gay and such, but found it not to be him. He's fine with me as a friend if his being gay, he just politely let it be known it holds nothing for him.
Another thing to consider if you're going to do this with a friend. Both of you need to feel ok with everything before AND after it's over. I know it's a strange subject to talk about, but make sure you guys understand that your normal friendship will still be ok. Don't panic if you or he feels the need to take a day or so away to consider what's happened, that's pretty normal. But definitely talk about things.
I wish my entrance to male / male sexuality was similiar to yours. I had a series of screwed up incidents when I was in my teens. Shame too, there was a beautiful guy that I found out later was interested in trying something with me. I really wished I was bi in high school.
volcanoboy: Good luck with your search for sexual identity. At your age, your sexuality may still be in flux, so (as others have said) do not get hung on labels. An occasional fantasy about a man does not necessarily 'make you gay'.
I am also struck that you mention only being interested in having sex with a man. Being gay involves a lot more -- something that I wish the straight world would get it, that being gay is about who you are, not just who you do.
If you are curious about whether you are gay, ask yourself (either before or after 'The Encounter':
How do you feel about making out? If you did it, did you enjoy it?
-- Being physically sensual with a man and especially kissing him will tell you more about your attraction to men then getting a BJ. There are plenty of men who are 'straight' and the extent of their desire to interact with men is to have sex, without a kiss or foreplay or post-coital nuzzling, etc. I am not sure if they should be 'considered gay' but it strikes me they are in a different boat than a guy who is into all those things.
I am also struck that you mention only being interested in having sex with a man. Being gay involves a lot more -- something that I wish the straight world would get it, that being gay is about who you are, not just who you do.
If you are curious about whether you are gay, ask yourself (either before or after 'The Encounter'
:How do you feel about making out? If you did it, did you enjoy it?
-- Being physically sensual with a man and especially kissing him will tell you more about your attraction to men then getting a BJ. There are plenty of men who are 'straight' and the extent of their desire to interact with men is to have sex, without a kiss or foreplay or post-coital nuzzling, etc. I am not sure if they should be 'considered gay' but it strikes me they are in a different boat than a guy who is into all those things.
Originally posted by volcanoboy@Apr 21 2005, 01:14 AM
Good luck with your search for sexual identity. At your age, your sexuality may still be in flux, so (as others have said) do not get hung on labels. An occasional fantasy about a man does not necessarily 'make you gay'.
I am also struck that you mention only being interested in having sex with a man. Being gay involves a lot more -- something that I wish the straight world would get it, that being gay is about who you are, not just who you do.
If you are curious about whether you are gay, ask yourself (either before or after 'The Encounter'
How do you feel about making out? If you did it, did you enjoy it?
-- Being physically sensual with a man and especially kissing him will tell you more about your attraction to men then getting a BJ. There are plenty of men who are 'straight' and the extent of their desire to interact with men is to have sex, without a kiss or foreplay or post-coital nuzzling, etc. I am not sure if they should be 'considered gay' but it strikes me they are in a different boat than a guy who is into all those things.
[post=302809]Quoted post[/post]
This is a great post. Volcanoboy's description is real clear to me. I know sometimes when I'm making love with my g/f, images of big cocks fucking girls come into my head & are pretty wild. It's just sexual fantasy. I try not to put anybody in a catagory & hope they give me the same respect.
Kimahri
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Originally posted by HungSpermBoy+Apr 21 2005, 02:24 AM--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(HungSpermBoy @ Apr 21 2005, 02:24 AM)</div><div class='quotemain'><!--QuoteBegin-volcanoboy@Apr 21 2005, 01:14 AM
Good luck with your search for sexual identity. At your age, your sexuality may still be in flux, so (as others have said) do not get hung on labels. An occasional fantasy about a man does not necessarily 'make you gay'.
I am also struck that you mention only being interested in having sex with a man. Being gay involves a lot more -- something that I wish the straight world would get it, that being gay is about who you are, not just who you do.Â
If you are curious about whether you are gay, ask yourself (either before or after 'The Encounter'
How do you feel about making out? If you did it, did you enjoy it?
-- Being physically sensual with a man and especially kissing him will tell you more about your attraction to men then getting a BJ. There are plenty of men who are 'straight' and the extent of their desire to interact with men is to have sex, without a kiss or foreplay or post-coital nuzzling, etc. I am not sure if they should be 'considered gay' but it strikes me they are in a different boat than a guy who is into all those things.
[post=302809]Quoted post[/post]
This is a great post. Volcanoboy's description is real clear to me. I know sometimes when I'm making love with my g/f, images of big cocks fucking girls come into my head & are pretty wild. It's just sexual fantasy. I try not to put anybody in a catagory & hope they give me the same respect.
[post=302812]Quoted post[/post]
[/b][/quote]Years ago, I got :spank: over putting people in categories. I personally take a guy or gal as they are. What's important is how they see themselves. They don't need me to tell them.
So much great information here!
I am truly bisexual. It's a hard label to bear because gays assume you're just in denial and straights think you're "just experimenting". It's really crazy.
Sex with women is great. You get to be all "manly" and really feel like you're satisfying someone who desperately wants you and all your parts :9 If you're in love with her all the better! On the whole, however, with women I find myself more dominating. I also find it a little more isolated because I realize that my partnet doesn't know instinctively how to please me. Men are the same way. Takes some effort to learn what women really like and then, just like women are wont to do, not all women like all things! The nerve!
Sex with men is a very different ball of wax. With men I get a few things I don't get with women. Men know what men like. It's true and it's great! Universally I've found men are fantastic at giving blow jobs. Some women are good, but the best I've ever had have all been from men. Same with hand jobs. Lot of women don't know how to grasp, stroke, or play with a penis comfortably. Men do! Men also know how to play with your balls without causing undue discomfort. You also don't have to feel like you're dominating the encounter. With the right guy you're both on the same playing field and there's no question of faking an orgasm. More than this, if you're with a guy you love, whether as a friend or a boyfriend, then there is the most mind-blowing experience you can imagine. Getting fucked is incredible, knowing he's deep in you and you're looking into his eyes and it's just the two of you then the world stops because there's nothing else you need. Same when you're fucking him. You're deep in another guy, watching him writhe in pain and pleasure but loving every minute of it. And when you come, wow. You're sharing the deepest, most personal thing with another man; giving him your semen. Knowing part of you is now in him, become part of him. Swallowing another guy's semen is the same way, you're drinking his essence, allowing him to be with you forever. There is something, somewhere deep in the hearts of men that allow sex between them to be something you'll never find psychologically with women. Maybe it's a parity, maybe it's a unique ability to feel complete. Male on male sex is usually rougher, sweatier, certainly hairier, and a lot of fun. Revel in your maleness. It's great to be a man.
Allow yourself to be open to the experience and let go. Sex is best when you're relaxed and with someone you love. You don't have to do everything at once and always remember that you have to communicate with each other so that you both can share in the wonderful joy of each other physcially and mentally.
Good luck!
I'm glad that you are open and out as being bisexual. I'm a gay male and I've never had or wanted sex with a woman.
slurper_la
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This is my first post on this site. So here are my two cents. I don't think a persons orientation is defined by what they enjoy physically. I've NEVER been attracted to a man in my life.I don't see anything beautiful about a man. BUT, for the last 10 yrs ijn between girlfriends I have met on and off with a guy for oral sex. WHy? Because a mouth is a mouth, and a hand is a hand. I just wanted to get off. Drama free, and guilt free. I don't consider myself anything but str8. Men stick there dick in all kinds of things to get off. I think there is a post on here about a guy fucking a melon. Does that mean he is a melonsexual? Of course not. He just used the melon to get off. Which leads me to my point. We all like to get off. Some people are just more open minded about the avenues that are open to them. I have a girlfriend whom I love very much. Best relationship I've ever had, and best sex I have ever had. She is bi, and fuckin loves that I have had the experiences I have had.I think a persons sexual orientation is defined by whom they develope an emotional connection with.
So, if you just see this friend as an easy uncomplicated way to get off from time to time I wouldn't question yourself to much. Mostly likely you ar thinking the same thing all str8 men think about. Now, if you find yourself being genuinely attracted to men physically, and emotionally then I would venture to say you are on your way to being gay. Hope I was of some help.
So, if you just see this friend as an easy uncomplicated way to get off from time to time I wouldn't question yourself to much. Mostly likely you ar thinking the same thing all str8 men think about. Now, if you find yourself being genuinely attracted to men physically, and emotionally then I would venture to say you are on your way to being gay. Hope I was of some help.
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