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sex with best friends?

durrp

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ok so my best friend for like 5 years now( to clarify im not talking about a guy) recently decided that we should try the whole fwb deal. so far no worries! we have only done it once(the other night:biggrin1:) and it was great, absolutely 0 awkwardness. Theres only one issiue i have and its that she says she doesn't want to make eye contact when we do it. i dont really understand why? can anyone give me a reason why she wouldn't want too look at each other? acording to her that's how shes always been and it makes it weird for her. maybe she has low self esteem? anyone's advice is welcome, i need to bounce ideas off people. I would like to help her change this.
-thanks in advance:smile:

fyi if im talking in circles its because i haven't slept in like two days.:frown1:
 

str821

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That does sound like a shame. I'd keep asking her what was the problem. My first guess would be that she's "afraid of" falling in love with you. That would be a lot like thinking that a company's stock price might increase after you heard positive news about the company on CNBC; by the time you've thought it, it has already happened, and there is nothing than you can do about it.
 

BobLeeSwagger

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I don't know how you could have sex with someone without looking her in the eye. Even if it's just casual sex, there's an intimacy going on there that I think requires looking at her and making that connection at least part of the time. Maybe that's what she's afraid of, that looking at you so closely during an intimate moment will force her to confront what she's feeling.

The biggest problem with the FWB scenario is that it's unlikely that both parties will be able to stay emotionally detached for the long term. It's a physically intimate act, so there are bound to be other intimate bonds formed from doing it. It's not that difficult to separate it when you haven't had sex with someone very many times, or very often. But if you make a habit of it, then it's only natural that you start to feel something.
 

nealin

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The eyes are the windows to the soul. It brings a lot more "feelings" into sex when your looking your partner in the eyes. Maybe she is afraid of getting to close.
 

Maia

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Definitely afraid of falling in love. You are great friends already, so the only thing missing is the physical intimacy, and the logistics of marriage (or cohabitation)

I have two friends in the same situation. The girl claims she isn't falling in love with the guy, but I think she is. She is desperately trying to introduce him to someone he will like, because she knows she can't go on much longer without falling for him. They have only had sex a few times, I guess less than 10.

The male involved doesn't seem to be falling in love, but he thinks about her much more than before they slept together. So it is probably just a matter of time, he just has a slower pace.

I think this friends-with-benefits thing is bollocks, it is called an affaire. I guess I am old fashioned. You know you aren't getting married, and you don't WANT to be in love, but you are lonely and want some affection with the agreement that it will not last. That is an affaire.
 

brunohsrod

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Maybe she is already in love with you and do not want you to know that.
and bringing up this friends-with-benefits idea would be a way to be with you, without, literally, being with you.
 

dibo

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Definitely afraid of falling in love. You are great friends already, so the only thing missing is the physical intimacy, and the logistics of marriage (or cohabitation)

I have two friends in the same situation. The girl claims she isn't falling in love with the guy, but I think she is. She is desperately trying to introduce him to someone he will like, because she knows she can't go on much longer without falling for him. They have only had sex a few times, I guess less than 10.

The male involved doesn't seem to be falling in love, but he thinks about her much more than before they slept together. So it is probably just a matter of time, he just has a slower pace.

I think this friends-with-benefits thing is bollocks, it is called an affaire. I guess I am old fashioned. You know you aren't getting married, and you don't WANT to be in love, but you are lonely and want some affection with the agreement that it will not last. That is an affaire.

smart babigirl
 

durrp

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well first off that you everybody. And a few of you may be right, perhaps she is afraid of falling in love with me. she also told me a few months ago that she had a crush on me in high school, and i had no clue also considering that she always was dating. But at the same time I think i understand because her and her husband were married for only 3-4 months before they split. and the worst part is I have no idea what i want, i hate the idea of losing her as my best friend, but i don't know if i could live with no knowing my whole life whether or not things may have worked. So far the only thing I know is that im happy for the first time in a long time and from my experiences labeling this as something only means trouble. Im confused. lol. Thank god for lexapro.
 

helgaleena

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Okay, if you force her to look you in the eye, you force her to get serious about you. ARE YOU READY TO STEP UP FOR THAT? buy the ring, get the mortgage, the Pampers?

If not, just do as she asks for crying out loud. Don't 'help her with it'.