Reviving an old thread here because it is something I'm dying to ask about....
Though it puzzles me to finally admit it to myself, I guess I seem to have a crush on one of my very, very best and closest male friends. Let's call him R.
Except for him, I confidently feel straight. I fantasize about girls all the time, and do my best to hook up with them; I absolutely love foreplay, finding it more exciting than sex because I can make it last longer and the girls get more uninhibited and "wild" as I go further with it. When I'm sucking a girl's tits or tonguing or fingerfucking her, I can totally control the pace and immerse myself in doing things to her, just be the star of her world, her relentless orgasm king, for a while, have her sexy body totally tuned into me and responding to me for however long as I want (or as long as she'll let me). My absolute favorite thing in the whole world is to get girls off just by sucking and milking and nibbling their tits. I could do it all night, but none has ever let me for more than about 2.5 hours. Inevitably they'll tell me afterwards that most guys can't be bothered with it for more than a few minutes, that I'm special for it, and it makes me feel ten feet tall.
The guy in question, R., is likewise straight: a total jock who has dated and laid lots of girls, shows off for them and is extremely confident around them, to the point where he's been pursued--and used--by several at once. His current girlfriend is a drop-dead knockout.
R. and I were very frequent j/o buddies from junior high up to post-college. I am not exaggerating when I say it was at least 200 times that we'd meet up in one or another's houses or dorm rooms to look at porn (straight only) and beat off together. We never touched each other, but we certainly saw each other naked and masturbating, asked and answered extremely personal questions about dick sizes, cum volume, exactly what we'd done with this or that girl, favorite positions, fantasies, "would you ever____?", "is it gay if you______?", commented on the sounds each others' dick made splashing in the spit used for lube, sometimes even jokingly playing "Name That Tune" with it.... "Jingle Bells," for instance, was easy to do. During the course of these games we each recognized that I was more endowed than he was but that he was more experienced than me.
As the years went by I found myself looking forward to these sessions more and more. I'd outgrown all my other j/o pals by no later than the middle of high school, and in retrospect don't miss them. But--especially as we got further into college years--I found that when getting together for a session with R., I'd get very agitated and excited, just about *exactly* as I would when first making out with a girl. Like, the physical and emotional "wind-up" elements seem just about the same. And that those feelings would then carry over into totally non-sexual interactions like watching normal movies or playing video games or just even *talking*.
I really want to give him a blowjob. I have dreamed about doing it. In some years, it has been in equal frequency with dreams / fantasies about women; in other years, it was less him and more them, maybe 25 / 75 instead of 50 / 50. But even at those relatively low points, it was still there. I can't believe I actually said that, in "public." But it's true. I wonder if I could use my mouth to make him squirm and freak out and lose the power of speech, like with girls' tits. I want that feeling of accomplishment.
I am certain--absolutely dead certain--that if I had made the appropriate offer years ago, before he had grown more confident around girls and gotten any longterm girlfriends, that he would have taken me up on it. I would have phrased it as *him* doing *me* a favor by letting me suck him, because I was curious about whatever or wanted a technique tip for some girl, whatever. But that was then and this is now--and now he is, as I said, going steady with a girl who might as well be a supermodel, and the two of us haven't whacked off together in about 4 years.
Has anyone else been through this? Do other guys kind of "wonder" about a special close friend, and have absolutely no idea what to do about it? Is there still any chance I could broach this topic with him, or have I missed the boat on adolescent experimentation and now at this point in our lives it would it be just a recipe for disaster? He isn't a violent guy, I'm not worried about that. But if he thinks he's moved beyond something, or was only just playing the whole time.... I really wouldn't want to risk our friendship and have him freaked out and avoiding me from now on.
