Sex With Someone Married

sizequeenNY

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Update- he msged

He msged me proud that he had sex with his wife. I was happy for him at first. Then he said he still wants a fwb. He said he comes home late and goes to work early. He said she is always tired when he is up. I asked if maybe he went home to his wife earlier instead of getting a fwb. I asked if I could convince him not to get one lol. I feel bad for his wife
 

LaFemme

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Update- he msged

He msged me proud that he had sex with his wife. I was happy for him at first. Then he said he still wants a fwb. He said he comes home late and goes to work early. He said she is always tired when he is up. I asked if maybe he went home to his wife earlier instead of getting a fwb. I asked if I could convince him not to get one lol. I feel bad for his wife

Interesting how some men think, isn't it? He just wants it all, lol. Anyhow, I think you handled it well. And I don't just feel bad for his wife - I feel bad for anyone he talks into sleeping with him. Personally, I think you might be a little more woman than he can handle anyway! :biggrin:
 

sizequeenNY

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Interesting how some men think, isn't it? He just wants it all, lol. Anyhow, I think you handled it well. And I don't just feel bad for his wife - I feel bad for anyone he talks into sleeping with him. Personally, I think you might be a little more woman than he can handle anyway! :biggrin:

Aww thank you and I am sure you are not talking about the size of my ass lol
 

dcsurvivor92

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This is a very hard situation, and very real. There are many marriages out there where the woman has literally shut down, sexually. Some of my friends are in this situation. I was there years ago, and my wife wouldn't put out for five years. Her answer for it, after she had our son, she really didn't have the time, energy, or desire for sex anymore. Well, I was still functioning and horny, but that didn't matter. I got sick of it, and left her. Once we became separated, I was intimate with other people. I have never looked back, or regretted my decision.
 

jquest4406

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You have 2 choices - do him and go on about your business. Or Send him home packing. This continual stringing along will in the end make you the bad girl as the realization he is about to be taken to the cleaners by his wife and they subpoena you to testify in the divorce proceedings. He is not going to ever stop, you will need to shut it down and stop walking the middle ground.
 

sizequeenNY

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You have 2 choices - do him and go on about your business. Or Send him home packing. This continual stringing along will in the end make you the bad girl as the realization he is about to be taken to the cleaners by his wife and they subpoena you to testify in the divorce proceedings. He is not going to ever stop, you will need to shut it down and stop walking the middle ground.

How am I stringing him along? I have been very clear to him about not having sex with him and I have the conversations on my iphone since messenger saves it, just trying to help them. I was talking to him yesterday as a friend, trying to encourage him to look into his situation before doing wrong

It is always easier to blame the woman though, not th guy trying to cheat. Ugh
 

Phil Ayesho

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My feeling is that sex is something that you contract for in marriage... Its part of the deal, and is, in fact, the CONDITION upon which fidelity is offered.

And when either partner withholds sex from their mate for protracted periods of time without unavoidable cause ( such as pregnancy, illness, etc.) then that aspect of their contract is broken. I agreed to a lot of things in my marriage vows... but the one thing I did not agree to was to empower my mate to unilaterally decide that I would never have sex again in my lifetime.

At that point the neglected spouse has to make a decision... Are they going to allow the contract to be re-defined to require them to remain faithful while their spouse offers NO sexual contact?

Or are they going to re-negotiate the contract, such that they remain married, supportive and withal for whatever reasons, but that both parties understand they will discretely get their sexual activity elsewhere?

OR, will they leave the marriage and seek a relationship that can offer them the physical intimacy they have every right to want for their life?

The one thing is is not acceptable is to sneak around and do things without the knowledge of your spouse.

Negotiate openly with your spouse in good faith, or consider the contract broken and dissolve it...

I understand why cheating happens.... and sometimes it is for reasons that I can have compassion for...
But if your heart is not in the marriage, then end it. And if your heart is in the marriage then make sure whatever you do is something of which your mate is aware and accepting.
 

f0zzie05

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^^

The one thing is is not acceptable is to sneak around and do things without the knowledge of your spouse.

This is called emotional cheating, of which my partner and I are both guilty. However I have tried to offer to be open about things and he continued to contact ex's via social media<-- I found out and called him on it and he got Very defensive :-/ It's not like we don't have sex, I've found out that the real problem was with both of our confidence levels. Good luck in this SizeQueen but I feel this married guy is at least using you for some type of sexual emotional release to vent. I've seen it in my own relationship where the first married guy my partner was talking with totally shut off and wouldn't give a reason after stringing things along for months. My partners obsession with this other guy actually made me see him as less attractive as the lies and cover ups finally consumed our relationship. We are currently working on being more open about our agendas.
 

aninnymouse

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Well, you know you're not going to sleep with him. Do you like him in any other way? Honestly, it sounds like he's just being skeezy and using you.

Plus, what's with him not wanting to fix his relationship. "Oh, his wife is already in bed when he gets home, and he leaves too early." Well, if you want to have sex with your wife, be at home at a time when she's not going to be too tired. Plain and simple.
 

sizequeenNY

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Well, you know you're not going to sleep with him. Do you like him in any other way? Honestly, it sounds like he's just being skeezy and using you.

Plus, what's with him not wanting to fix his relationship. "Oh, his wife is already in bed when he gets home, and he leaves too early." Well, if you want to have sex with your wife, be at home at a time when she's not going to be too tired. Plain and simple.

As I mentioned in the thread I already said that to him, about getting home earlier to be with her. He hasn't msged in days so maybe he realized I am not interested. Still feel bad for his wife too
 

xmarksbreakdownx

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Starting off I have to say I'm glad you decided not to have sex with him. It's really unfair that everyone blames "the other woman" in these situations. Women rarely go looking for sex.

Anyways, I do not think I have, or would have sex with a married woman (or man...). It just wouldn't feel right, it's like stealing. Not to mention I'd never want to be the reason a marriage ended. A friend of mine recently had sex with a woman who's "attached", but very different from this.

The woman who's attached and her... man (?) were in a relationship, have a child together and live together, but are no longer "together". Due to the economy neither of them can move out so they're more less stuck. When my friend told me they had slept with eachother, I was really taken back. He explained the situation to me, and told me she told him the "our relationship is over and I have needs" and all that stuff. He asked if I could do it, to which I said no.

I don't know. I guess that's just me. Even though they have nothing there (Which I do honestly believe) at some point they did. I'm not married, but I feel as if a husband can tell if he wife was hiding something like that... and I imange it's hell.

Even though they're more less room mates at this point, they still live together and had something special at one point, so I'm sure the feelings are still there.

Almost off topic, but I do believe lack of sex is reason to end a marriage.
 

Mumzi

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If he'll cheat on her, he'll cheat on someone else. Chances are he's bored and really doesn't take his marriage vows seriously. Not everyone is cut out to be married.

Ask him who doing her while he's doing you. Amazing how the same men who want to play while married freak if she does. Many don't believe she would, but it's entirely possible that she feels neglected and someone pays her the attention he does not.
Suddenly she realizes what she's missing.

Be careful. There's always the possibility you'll become more attached to him than you planned. Then what? He says he'll leave her? It could happen, but most often it doesn't because many of these men just wanted an affair and they want to end it on their terms.
They don't think of your feelings. Don't realize that you may beleive every word and somewhere consider life with him.

For him that means breaking up his marriage, not being in the same home with his children , if there are kids.
It means all of the financial decisions and of course, he hits that wall of reality : is he really ready to leave his wife and family.

There's always the possibility that he married the wrong person and is not, nor will ever be happy. Maybe she isn't either. If he really wants to date other woman, let him separate from his wife.
If he cant or won't do that now, will he ever?
I don't know many women who want to be some guys secret. Not for long.
Then again, mature adults can find themselves in difficult situations and as long as you considered ...really considered the negatives, it is your life.

On a side note, I have a friend right now who is in a similar situation. He married and she not. It was a fling to her. He is not letting go. It's now become a very scary situation.