Sex with wife

[ballmantx]

All,

This is the topic I was hoping to avoid, but I might need some advise. I'm a married man (about 7 yrs now) and have what I believe to be a good size endowment (7" x 5"). My wife and I were both virgins when we married and our sex life has always been only so-so. Over the last year it's just gotten worse and we have only done it twice in eight months.

She just isn't interested in sex. I've suggested that we get help with a sex therapist and she is considering it.

I think I use my tool pretty well and have always been a considerate lover (I always get her off having sex - unless she fakes well).

I am just concerned that things won't get better and I am getting tired of taking things in my own hands.

Any suggestions?

 

[Master Blaster]

Ask her flat out why she isn't interested. Cause it's not your dick size.

Maybe she's had traumatic stuff happen in the past (molestation, rape), and has intimacy issues. Happens more than we think.

good luck

 

[mellowmal]

There can be a lot of reasons why a woman will want less sex, and probably most of the time it has to do more with other parts of the relationship or life in general and not much to do with your technique or size. Have other things changed for the two of you? A sex therapist might help - but a regular therapist might help more, at least at first.

I went through a nasty bout of depression and my sex drive dropped to nothing, and then when it was getting better and I was still on the meds, I could feel some desire, but couldn't reach orgasm so I didn't want sex then either.

I've also been with partners who I felt I couldn't really trust - and if I don't feel like I can trust someone, I don't care what size penis he has, or how well he uses it, it ain't getting anywhere near me!

Those are just two of many reasons I'm aware of that can lead to women not wanting sex very much. It may be something entirely different with you and your wife, but you're right in thinking that until you get to the cause of it, it probably won't get any better.

Best of luck to you!

 

[jeff black]

All,

This is the topic I was hoping to avoid, but I might need some advise. I'm a married man (about 7 yrs now) and have what I believe to be a good size endowment (7" x 5"). My wife and I were both virgins when we married and our sex life has always been only so-so. Over the last year it's just gotten worse and we have only done it twice in eight months.

She just isn't interested in sex. I've suggested that we get help with a sex therapist and she is considering it.

I think I use my tool pretty well and have always been a considerate lover (I always get her off having sex - unless she fakes well).

I am just concerned that things won't get better and I am getting tired of taking things in my own hands.

Any suggestions?

How about you try being patient with her. If she has some issues... maybe she needs some time to work through them. You said she was considering going to therapy, so that is a good thing.

Not everyone continues to have a sex drive as they get older..(well guys do, but not all women do)

Just be someone she can talk to. Tell her that you support her, and you want her to be happy. Give her the opportunity to open up to you. If there is a problem with you, maybe you guys can work through it.

Good luck.

 

[Wrat]

How about you try being patient with her. If she has some issues... maybe she needs some time to work through them. You said she was considering going to therapy, so that is a good thing.

Not everyone continues to have a sex drive as they get older..(well guys do, but not all women do)

Just be someone she can talk to. Tell her that you support her, and you want her to be happy. Give her the opportunity to open up to you. If there is a problem with you, maybe you guys can work through it.

Good luck.

I believe that you have a right to a certain amount of privacy in your marriage, but in the case of something as intimate and important as sex then you need to ask if there is a problem. Yuo need some kind of answer. Not a complete explanation, but a response. You have a problem and it is not small.

 

[Pirate Wench]

Is she, by any chance, on Zoloft ?

That, and many other drugs, can knock one's sex drive right into the dirt.

Don't always rely on the printed info that comes with a prescription re: unwanted side effects....they won't always mention That one.
Do ask around or ask your pharmacist for a candid opinion on which drugs can diminish sex drive.

The Pill (contraceptive) can also, ironically, diminish sex drive.

Twice in 8 months is horrible !!

Hope you get things figured out soon !

 

[3956]

I have not personally experienced this problem, not being married yet, but my best friend has gone through the same thing.

With them it got to the point of marriage counseling, she moved out for a little over a month and it got pretty ugly. Thankfully, they worked everything out and are great now.

My point is that if there is something wrong in the bedroom, then it tends to reflect something that is wrong somewhere else. Even though she does not want to go to it is very important to the relationship. My friend did not really want to go to it (and neither did she) but it helped things turn 180 degrees.

I think you should sit down and have a heart to heart with her. It may be uncomfortable, and probably will be, but in the end it will be worth it. Again, this is not from my personal experience, but from my best friend's, which drug me along with it. Trust me, I hated seeing them go through this (knowing more than his wife knew I knew) but I was and still am very glad they went though with it just because of the end result.

 

[sares]

My point is that if there is something wrong in the bedroom, then it tends to reflect something that is wrong somewhere else.

Thirding this. If you have ruled out physiological problems, like medication (yes BC pills are libido-crushers for MANY women) or pain during intercourse, you need to look further up, towards the brain... I agree that sex is often a symptom, not the core problem.

She could be harboring some resentment towards you regarding an issue that you thought was closed, but was never resolved to her satisfaction. She could be feeling overworked in some way so that your needing her time feels like just another person "using" her (I have never understood this when both people get to come, but apparently it's very common). Men often reconnect emotionally through sex, but woman are often the opposite -- if she does not start off feeling emotionally intimate with you, she will find it hard to be inspired towards physical intimacy.

Communication is so key. You say you think she comes... I'd get to a place where you can discuss candidly whether she does, what she likes, what's working and what isn't.

Definitely try conventional therapy first. Don't let her tell you it's "your" problem. Sex is always a mutual problem, whether you want more, less, better, or otherwise. If it affects you it affects her and vice versa, so don't let her diminish the importance of intimacy in your marriage.

 

[JoeNeckbone]

Married women sometimes have alot less sex with their husbands when they are getting fucked like never before someplace else.

 

[Macarion]

This is the topic I was hoping to avoid, but I might need some advise. I'm a married man (about 7 yrs now) and have what I believe to be a good size endowment (7" x 5"). My wife and I were both virgins when we married and our sex life has always been only so-so. Over the last year it's just gotten worse and we have only done it twice in eight months.

What are you comparing it to??

 

[SR_Pepe_LePube]

Married women sometimes have alot less sex with their husbands when they are getting fucked like never before someplace else.

I'm afraid this is often true - my wife was being 'serviced' by another guy and I wouldn't have found out other than the fact that one night after a nigh out she came home and slipped into bed without showering - I slipped into her (as I was randy as hell!) only to discover her pussy still full of his cum!