My gf recently has told me to have sex w/o condom. I am not sure to do it, first because I don't want childs in my life and I don't know if that can hurt me. I am uncut and idk if that can hurt me. so, I am afraid of trying.
Help pls.
In short, in trying to avoid the risk of fertilization or infection, you wouldn't have sex unprotected unless you trust your partner to be taking birth control responsibly, and to have an up to date knowledge of her health (i.e., by being tested for infections a while after her last sex partner). To be clear, you should yourself have kept up with and have a handle on your own health and statuses as well, for your partner's sake.
The key word here is trust. But trusting someone to do something is different from knowing they will. I'm not saying you
should trust anybody in that way. I'm saying that is what one is doing in choosing to have unprotected sex.
Whenever one grants this sort of trust, one ought to ask if the trust is justified. Do you have a good reason to trust this person to such an extent? Some naive people trust what a ONS says about their STI statuses. But they don't really have a good reason to. They do so just because it gives them what they want in the moment.
You also need to ask yourself what the consequences of your trust being misplaced would be. Are you prepared to handle those consequences (e.g., your gf becoming pregnant)?
So for choosing to have unprotected sex to be reasonable, there are (at least) three conditions that have to be satisfied:
1) Both partners have to want it and to consent to it.
2) Both partners have to trust each other to be responsible, and to do what is necessary to mitigate the risks of unprotected sex. Further, each has to have good reason to have this trust.
3) Both partners have to be prepared to deal with the potential consequences of things going badly.
If
any of these three conditions are not met, then it isn't reasonable to have unprotected sex.
So I suggest you take some time to take stock of whether having unprotected sex with your gf would satisfy these conditions. If not, you are entitled to refuse, and to give an explanation if you wish (or not, if you don't wish).
