sexless marriage/relationship...

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by D_Irving D Injector, Dec 12, 2010.

  1. D_Irving D Injector

    D_Irving D Injector New Member

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    who here has gone thru a sexless (under 50x's a year) streak with their wife/partner. i'm going thru it now and it's horrible. have thought about looking elsewhere just for satisfaction but haven't as would feel bad about later. she has been suffering from pmdd and other hormonal issues since giving birth that I've tried to be understanding with but its so difficult as I'm the type that could have sex daily and have such a drive when I dont get it causes stress. Ive read up on how to deal, tried everything under the sun to change the mood with her...but nothing. wanted to see what others had been thru and what they did. thanks.
     
  2. helgaleena

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    If she has postpartum depression, more sex could actually help her with that. If she's taking care of the baby nearly completely by herself, try to get her to accept help. Late night changings and feedings, if she isn't breastfeeding, you could help with for example. A lot of sex drive loss after birth is due to simple exhaustion. That goes for both sexes too! If you are not exhausted by a new baby you are likely not doing your share.
     
  3. D_Irving D Injector

    D_Irving D Injector New Member

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    baby is now 18 months and sleeps thru the night....i'm home right after work every night and am that parent that is always there not a dead beat dad per se. her cycle has been all messed up since baby....anything I suggest is a "attack" on her....i'm going crazy.
     
  4. helgaleena

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    I hope she is seeing a professional about this. It's pretty bad. But I would say to simply hug her a lot while you jerk off, as a first step. I'll bet you feel as if she's turned into a complete stranger. She has, and she feels exactly the same way. I know; I have been that woman.

    Try to get her to at least be present while you jerk off and say you don't want to feel like you are leaving her out.
     
  5. D_Irving D Injector

    D_Irving D Injector New Member

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    I will try that...it's just from a simple hug/kiss/grab of ass...no response.
     
  6. petite

    petite New Member

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    Did you say 50 times per year? That's much more than single people have sex, on average. Most people wouldn't consider that sexless. Or did I misunderstand the OP?
     
  7. helgaleena

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    Remember, giving birth is something you can die of. It may take her a while to have good feelings about doing anything that might lead to getting pregnant again. Try other kinds of sexual play before intercourse. Good luck to you both.
     
  8. Riven650

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    It's a difficult time. Some lucky couples seem to get their sex lives back really quickly. My wife and I stopped having sex about 3/4 way through her pregnancy, and that was because I lost interest. We were both still horny, but I couldn't cope with knowing my cock was bumping our baby. It kinda weirded me out. Then after he was born, my wife felt weird when we got intimate. She felt that the baby had more rights to her body, and my attention, to her tits in particular, weirded her out! But within a few months she'd stopped breastfeeding him and that made her feel more comfortable sharing her body with me, after which followed some of the best sex we've ever had.

    But my wife is on chemotherapy again (it's for her breast cancer) which is making her very tired. It's also causing her mucous membranes (along with her hair, nails, etc.) to become thin and weak, so sex is off the menu. Obviously, it's not high on my/our list of priorities but, like the OP, I get sexually frustrated, so I do feel for you man but I guess we just have to be patient.
     
  9. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

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    I was going to say that. 50 times a year is almost once a week. Definitely not 'sexless'.
     
  10. Drifterwood

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    I think less than once a month is a fairly widely used definition of a sexless relationship.
     
  11. D_Irving D Injector

    D_Irving D Injector New Member

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    yeah 50 over course of year....all averages online say 2-3xs a week is norm and use to be for us.
     
  12. ginger_qboy

    ginger_qboy Member

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    50 times a year... I'd say that is within the normal range of sexual frequency in marriage or any other long-term cohabiring relationship.
     
  13. Hippie Hollow Girl

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    Gosh! Your getting sex once a week and you are calling that a sexless streak!

    I would recommend that you supplement by jacking off and looking at porn.

    You could even try the web camming (as long as you don't get too carried away) I don't want to get blamed if you get caught up in one of those web cam sites you have to pay for. And I don't want to get blamed if you decide you have to go meet with some web cam partner in person......and it wrecks your marriage.

    I look at web camming as a safe way to have a little fun and not get any sexually transmitted diseases or pregnancy.

    You might want to make sure your wife knows that you are playing around on the webcam......just so if you get caught she won't be as mad.

    You could always tell her that you have been wanting to give nudism a try and that you are sitting around talking to your nudist friends on your webcam.
     
  14. AlteredEgo

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    I wish my marriage was sexless like the OP's. Sounds whiny.
     
  15. D_John Handcock

    D_John Handcock Account Disabled

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    support your woman - jack off more.
     
  16. D_Irving D Injector

    D_Irving D Injector New Member

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    thxs for all the advice! not trying to sound whiny....just after reading site after site of 200xs a year for married couples feeling the norm and my high drive just felt like was alot less....from sounds of it sounds like others have it worse.
     
  17. oldschoolhd

    oldschoolhd New Member

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    I can understand, my wife and I had a baby in jully. our sex life has deminished. She says she wan'ts to, but she is exhausted all the time. ( kids do that to ya) This is her 1st, and my third. The best thing is to comunicate.
    Last week, early morning, she went down stairs to pump. So I followed her to the couch. While she was pumping I pleasured my self with her watching. She loved.

    She knows you have needs, and sometimes some porn makes it easyer.
     
  18. oldschoolhd

    oldschoolhd New Member

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    My ex and I were intamit about once a week over our 9 year marrage. My wife and I (before our son was born) were about 2 to 3 times a week. I want it once a day. So I jerk off alot, and no it"s not as fun, but its better than the frustration.
     
  19. CapAmerica

    CapAmerica Member

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    Sexless ?...that would be me. Baby born this past spring (our second child together, we've been married 12 years). From date of conception until today, we've had sex 3 times - that's 3 times in 15 months. She says she has little interest, is tired, several excuses each month. I'm ready to give up as I'm the kind of guy that's read all the help books, and do 90% of the household cooking, cleaning, laundry and major bread earner. I share the baby duties throughout the day/night. I've shed some 20 pounds over the past year to get healthier and back to my high school weight. She has no interest...the more I make advances, romantic suggestions, she shrugs them off and says "don't make plans, you get upset when they don't happen"...I end up jackin' off late at night after she's gone to sleep just to keep from going totally insane.

    It's not been just since this last child...over the past 5 years of our marriage we've gone for 3-4 times a month to let's say an average of 5-6 times a year. Once we start, she's totally into it, cums a bunch of times and then the next day or week, zip -she doesn't think about it anymore. I give massages to her a few times a week, compliment her clothing/hair, the parenting she does, buy her gifts....heck I got a vasectomy (it was her suggestion and I gladly got it done, thinking it would improve our sex life) in September since we didn't want any more kids (her 34, me 45) and that hasn't improved anything...if fact, I've done all the "emptying of the pipes" solo.

    It's a horrible cycle, I get excited about a nice weekend, perhaps a lovely evening will happen...then she shows zero interest or falls asleep watching tv...next morning I'm pissed and pretty much all matter of fact with her on all matters. She realizes this and says I plan too much, I'm always looking for sex and always get moody this when nothing happens...the circle continues, month after month...on and on and on...

    Heck, every X-mas and Anniversary I'd buy her something nice from Victoria's Secret - not super slutty, just sexy - all these gifts hang in the back of her closest now...some still have the tags on them.

    Sexless marriage - yep, I know it well.
     
    #19 CapAmerica, Dec 14, 2010
    Last edited: Dec 14, 2010
  20. Drifterwood

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    I get quite angry when I read posts like the above.

    How do we get to a point where one partner feels no oblgation to consider the happiness of the other?

    Capt America. I would fuck other women, don't tell her, keep it discreet and well away from home.

    And people tell me I have commitment issues.

    PS - I would also tell her to get off her lazy ass and do at least half the housework.

    PPS - I wouldn't buy her shit for Christmas either.
     
    #20 Drifterwood, Dec 14, 2010
    Last edited: Dec 14, 2010
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