Sexual Attention Deficit Disorder

[CarolinaLiar]

For the past several years I've had issues with achieving orgasm through intercourse. I have regularly dated women with healthy sex drives (wanting sex every day or every other day), but have had issues with performance anxiety and concentration. I have no issues with orgasming through manual stimulation, and regularly watch porn and masturbate, but when it comes to having sex something happens that makes it very difficult. Having researched the issue online, I discovered that I likely have what is referred to as Sexual Attention Deficit Diorder, or SADD, which is often the result of too much masturbation / porn. Has anyone else had experience with this problem?

It isn't that I can't achieve orgasm; most of the time I do. The issue presents itself as loss of erection during sex from a combination of lack of interest and anxiety at the thought of not achieving orgasm. Also, even if during the first few minutes I seem poised to ejaculate, I become very anxious at the prospect of climaxing before my partner, and it turns me off. By the time she has been satisfied, I have lost interest and my erection. What usually occurs is some break in between, and then a sexual encounter for the sole purpose of orgasm, which is usually achieved shortly after penetration. If not, then oral sex will always allow me to achieve orgasm.

It's as if sex has become a job for me: 1) I have to make sure she has a good time, and orgasms at least once 2) I have to make her feel good about herself by giving her the impression that I'm having a good time, which means I need to climax. I know the orgasm isn't everything, but when a man doesn't climax during sex it makes it much less emotionally satisfying for both partners.

I have tried to lay off porn before, but the irony is that I have a very very high sex drive, and often have to masturbate two or three times just to be able to focus on other things. If my partner were around every time I got really horny (usually mid day) then I think things would be different. But often times when we're together (during the evenings), I have already masturbated or am simply not very horny.

I hate the fact that has become a point of stress for me.

Also, if there is any indication that the girl isn't that into sex, I immediately lose interest and erection (save for the few times when I am having sex because of a strong need to orgasm). It is as if I cannot enjoy myself unless she is enjoying herself.

 

[Charles Finn]

yes I too masturbate too much to online porn or webcams to where when i get real sex i still have to jack off to cum

 

[ShannonH]

I can relate to pretty much every single thing you've said there CarolinaLiar. It is very ironic since it's tied more to having a high sex drive than a low one. My gf came home for lunch yesterday and we fucked the whole hour, but I never got off once. In my head I just kept thinking "we don't have much time, have to finish quickly" and I think putting all that pressure on myself to come ensured that I wouldn't.

The absolute worst part is when we're fucking and it feels awesome for both of us, and she starts saying 'don't stop don't stop I'm almost there'. As soon as I hear that, it does become like a job for me and I've gone soft several times because of that.
The worst part is, when I don't think about it we both come pretty consistently and she's the only partner I've ever had simultaneous orgasms with most of the time we have sex. The more I can turn my brain off the better it is.

Personally I've never been very orgasmic, but it's always been 100% psychological. I lost my virginity young but didn't orgasm from masturbation until I was 22 because I put so much pressure on myself to come when I did.

 

[D_Baron_von_Hardon]

im in the same boat! its not as if i don't like having sex, but i often edge myself while masturbating and that results in me taking too long to cum during sex. so i always have to jack myself off to cum after making my girl cum a couple times

 

[billblows4u]

men we are all addicted to something. in this case it is porn. stop watching ohter guys having sex and enjoy your ladies.

 

[erratic]

For the past several years I've had issues with achieving orgasm through intercourse. I have regularly dated women with healthy sex drives (wanting sex every day or every other day), but have had issues with performance anxiety and concentration.

I'm sorry to hear that, but I'm glad to hear that you're working on finding answers.

I have no issues with orgasming through manual stimulation, and regularly watch porn and masturbate, but when it comes to having sex something happens that makes it very difficult.

I would stress that this is, in my experience both in the real world and at LPSG, very, very common. I don't say that to down-play what's happening for you, but there are lots of guys who get off easily by themselves, but have a hard time with their partners. Common suggestions that work for people are not masturbating for a while before seeing your significant other, and easing up on the grip you use and the speed you go at while masturbating.

Having researched the issue online, I discovered that I likely have what is referred to as Sexual Attention Deficit Diorder, or SADD, which is often the result of too much masturbation / porn. Has anyone else had experience with this problem?

Just to make it clear, this is not a disorder that is listed in the DSM-IV. I'm not saying it doesn't exist, and I'm sure that moderation is key when it comes to porn (as with anything else), but it's not a thoroughly-researched "disorder", either.

The issue presents itself as loss of erection during sex from a combination of lack of interest and anxiety at the thought of not achieving orgasm. Also, even if during the first few minutes I seem poised to ejaculate, I become very anxious at the prospect of climaxing before my partner, and it turns me off. By the time she has been satisfied, I have lost interest and my erection.

See, it sounds to me like anxiety is the culprit here. Anxiety will kill a boner. It takes your mind and body out of having fun, and it makes them worry. There's lots of medical research that shows that stress-related hormones (like cortisol) that are released when people get anxious suppress erections. So it's not just your brain at work, here. Anxiety makes your body shut down your libido.

It's as if sex has become a job for me: 1) I have to make sure she has a good time, and orgasms at least once 2) I have to make her feel good about herself by giving her the impression that I'm having a good time, which means I need to climax. I know the orgasm isn't everything, but when a man doesn't climax during sex it makes it much less emotionally satisfying for both partners.

No wonder you're having a hard time enjoying sex, man. I mean, good on you for making sure she orgasms, but it sounds like a chore, not a goal.

I have tried to lay off porn before, but the irony is that I have a very very high sex drive, and often have to masturbate two or three times just to be able to focus on other things. If my partner were around every time I got really horny (usually mid day) then I think things would be different. But often times when we're together (during the evenings), I have already masturbated or am simply not very horny.

Two or three times a day? What if you masturbated once, instead? There are some things that sound very black-and-white in that paragraph. "I have to masturbate two or three times just to be able to focus on other things." You have to masturbate two to three times, or else. You both have to orgasm, or else. No wonder you have so much anxiety going on

What if you masturbated only once, one day? Would you be completely unable to focus on other things?

What if only your girlfriend orgasmed next time you had sex? What if you gave her a great orgasm, and then said "You know what, honey? I feel spent. How was that for you?" You've already orgasmed three times that day, and you've given her a great orgasm. Why does that have to be a bad thing?

I hate the fact that has become a point of stress for me.

I feel for you. It sounds as though anxiety and all these "I have to" thoughts are setting you up to lose your boner when you're with your woman.

Also, if there is any indication that the girl isn't that into sex, I immediately lose interest and erection (save for the few times when I am having sex because of a strong need to orgasm). It is as if I cannot enjoy myself unless she is enjoying herself.

There's anxiety again.

I think it'd be great if you could see what really happens if you just masturbate once or twice, and if you could shake up your ideas about sex. I used to think that both my partner and I always had to orgasm if we had sex...but sometimes I've already gotten off, and I really just want to get him off. Or vice versa. There's nothing wrong with that. In fact, it's pretty damn nice. And if I know that we're going to fuck later, I don't beat off. Yeah, I get horny. Yeah, it can be distracting...but it's a nice way to be distracted. And if I get all anxious and lose my boner, I let it lie low for a while, pay attention to my husband for ten or fifteen minutes, and let let my hard-on come back on its own schedule. Works like a charm.

 

[D_22]

STOP jacking off. Ease up on the porn. Try it for as long as possible, more than a week.

 

[B_mastersword]

yeah i can kinda relate... you need to just let go and let it take as long as it may... when i was a bit younger that meant a few hours sometimes, but once i got over the anxiety of making someone have to come i learned to just enjoy it, and now last average unless i wanna trick my mind into a sex marathon which can be fun