Sexual Attraction To Your Partner

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by 3193401, Feb 8, 2020.

  1. 3193401

    3193401 Guest

    In your current relationship or relationships previous or just in general have you ever felt you would enjoy sex better with a more attractive person or are not performing your best sexually on purpose OR subconsciously because you truly aren't as sexually attracted to your partner? Nothing to do with chemistry or compatibility because everyone can feel that connection with their partner in their or they wouldn't be in it with them. I guess to re-address do you ever feel at times not as enthusiastic sexually toward your partner because they aren't as attractive physically
     
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  2. masqued.visage

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  3. palakaorion

    palakaorion Well-Known Member

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    No. My sexual enjoyment is largely a function of my emotional connection.
     
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  4. 3193401

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  5. masqued.visage

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    What, you think that will make me change my answer? No.

    Answer to original question same as it was when answered the first time. also don't have a "type". Dated and fucked all sorts. Never have dated my "ideal" beauty standard. Is the person/personality that matter. Who they are. What they do.
     
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  6. 3193401

    3193401 Guest


    Thats not the question I was asking at all read it thoroughly, I was only adding the article as to address attraction
     
  7. Sagittarius84

    Sagittarius84 Well-Known Member

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    Ill be honest, yes...i know it's popular and somewhat self aggrandizing to insist ones sexual attraction exists independent to their SOs appearance or physicality, but it doesn't, at least for me.
    The sad part is the lessening of attraction stems more from the self perception of the partner than anything else. For example so many women obsess over weight gain as a reason while their partners lose sexual interest..its not that I don't think there arent a subset of men that prescribe to that opinion, but i think it has more to do with how the women downplays herself, complains about the visual changes, or is constantly complaining about aches and pains that is the real source of the decrease in attraction.
     
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  8. Coronahead

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    In my case a dead bedroom definitely has compounded the lack of sexual attraction, but its not major component of why you stay married after 23 year. Its much more important to have mutual respect for each other and complete honesty in the relationship. Also really important is how we have fun together, laugh together, raise our kids together and are soulmates. So yeah its a shame I'm in a dead bedroom and it affects how physically attractive I find my wife, but its not a deal breaker by any means
     
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  9. spaj8987

    spaj8987 Banned

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    No. There are people out there who are attracted to someone just for physical features but i'm not one of them. And i would imagine only a few are. I'm of the mind to think we human beings are much more complex then that. That our attractions are more than just physical and that they change more than because of the physical.

    I'm gonna go ahead and guess that you won't be getting nearly as many yes answers as you might expect. Mostly because people have lots of reasons to be attracted to someone.

    Not a sapiosexual but that for instance has nothing to do with physical attractiveness. Or at the very least not at first. Depending on what a person says about any given topics a sapiosexual could be aroused simply off that. With the more said person says raising that sexual attraction bit by bit. No matter what they look like.

    And if they were to get in a relationship with that person i would imagine the sexual attraction is only hindered when someone says something that isn't intelligent.

    When it comes to other relationships though it's still more complicated. Attraction isn't a 24/7, seven days a week, all month 365 day thing. There are and will be times people find their significant others unattractive. Not only is it normal. But my guess is if people didn't have those moments there wouldn't be a relationship to begin with.

    Problem is. Only certain kinds of people go from. I don't currently find this person attractive directly to. I should find someone more attractive to sleep with. I'm sure it happens. Just like i'm sure there are people out there who only get into relationships if they're physically attracted to a person but i'm pretty sure none of that happens as much as we'd think.

    What i think does happen is that attractiveness gets tied to other things. For example. A guy in a relationship saying something sexist/homophobic/transphobic. My guess is a certain large amount of people out there no matter how hot the guy is will be disgusted with what he said and it will harm his attractiveness severely.

    And would not only be cause to leave the relationship but would be enough to make the guy who said it completely unattractive in the mind of those people. I think that's much more the average or the norm than people leaving because the person they're with just flatly isn't as attractive anymore.

    For another example. Men who leave their wives at a certain age. I don't think that has anything to do with physical attractiveness. We're complex beings. And one of the downsides with being complex is that there are many roads to get to many destinations. If for hundreds of years we human beings define something as true. No matter if it actually is or not. Then we'll think it's true. No matter if it is or not.

    And for hundreds of years we've defined women specifically as having expiration dates. Ages in which they are automatically undesirable for no logical reason. So when it comes to guys who reject their wives at a certain age they'll say it's because of physical attraction but it isn't. It's because they were told women have expiration dates and they automatically believed it.

    On the outset it would appear those women are no longer attractive. And that those men saw them as unattractive as well. But really it's just social standards created for both being carried mindlessly through time from others.

    Don't think you'll be getting many yes answers here either. Because very few people are willing to admit to doing this. They know how illogical it is. How shallow it is. And how it would make them seem. Just some thoughts though. Could be very very wrong.
     
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  10. Herodotus

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    I get the guy’s point, but I think he’s exaggerating the prevalence.

    Neither my wife nor I look anywhere near what we did in our 20’s. We’re both a little rounder in some areas, and wrinkled in others. I still think she’s hot. Love / emotional connection is a powerful aphrodisiac.
     
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  11. noirman

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    No! While physical attraction was part of the equation of falling in love, the love is so powerful that it truly transcends physicality even though the sex is great. I would love him as much as I do now even if I were blind. That said, I can understand that many others will have the opposite viewpoint. There is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to love and sex.
     
  12. Aety

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    Yes. In the past it didn't matter that much because we had a great relationship in and outside of the bedroom. Because of a lot of changes over the last few years, our relationship isn't as strong as it once was. At work I'm surrounded by extremely attractive girls in their early twenties and I find myself wondering how sleeping with them would be. There are two I could definitely hook up with, but I don't want to start an affair.
     
  13. Sagittarius84

    Sagittarius84 Well-Known Member

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    I think you're spot on with this observation. I think men understand how honesty in this particular fashion works against them as far as preserving opportunity, and I think women are invested in maintaining an altruistic, holier than thou façade when it comes to their desires and preferences, not to mention how often they'll allow other categories and features weigh more than actual physical attraction.
    And personally i dont think it's an illogical nor shallow attitude, because I think in practice, the lessening of sexual attraction has a lot more to do with a subject's response or reconciliation to physical changes than the change itself. For example, I imagine women on average would prefer a man with a full head of hair, and would seeing balding in of itself as a bit of a turnoff....unless that man owns that baldness with a confidence that can't be ignored nor not lusted after. Do I think women's weight gain can turn off a man, sure, but I think how women carry that weight both physically and mentally is the difference between "she's gotten too big" and "more of her to love".
    I think that's what makes questions like OPs so triggering, people are so invested in making a certain answer be considered so shallow, they completely disregard justification of it lest they implicate themselves. Its easy for a man to say she left me because I got bald or fat, not so easy to admit they let their baldness or fatness dictate the aspects of their personality that she found attractive..Its so easy and sympathy inducing for a woman to proclaim he left because I got fat, older, much less harder to admit she was unwilling to twerk that fat ass and shake them grays as he would've loved because she couldn't get over herself.
     
  14. spaj8987

    spaj8987 Banned

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    That's not where i was going with that.

    I meant people in general. Women and men. On that part i didn't say anything about who does it more. Though i will now say i think men do it more. That men would much rather not say yes to this because they know how shallow it would be. And disagree that women do it more.

    See when you have women being the targets of body shaming way more than men. It leads to more of psychological push to settle. Well i'm blank so how could i how others to a higher standard than myself.

    Body and age shaming literally causes low self esteem. And since it has been the case for women much longer and is more often targeting women they have a much higher chance of settling for the bald guy without question and enjoying a bald guy without question more than men do with women who are over weight.

    Basically men have been and are more shallow than women. I don't think we need to go further than this site to see that. The amount of penis related content surrounding sex is off the charts. Something i've never seen women even approach when it comes to their bodies. I have though seen entire industries do it for profit. While targeting women.

    So yeah. Wasn't where i was going with that but thanks for the input?
     
  15. 51arledge

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    OK. I'm a big YES on this question, BUT!

    I've been with my husband for 31 years but we haven't been intimate for about 21 years due to major health and pain issues. We even got married after intimacy was no longer possible.

    For most of those last 21 years we were quite emotionally intimate sharing fantasies, hopes and memories. Even that though has faded in the last few years because of his level of pain and of pain medications.
    As his disability and inability to exercise or even move much has led to weight gain and depression, and as I've become caregiver rather than lover, there is no longer any physical attraction toward him.

    BUT, I still love him very much: for all that he's done for me earlier in our relationship, for all of the history we shared--the joys and the sorrows, the adventures and the day-to-day, the dreams and the disappointments.

    If I left them, he would have to be in a full nursing home situation and, since there have been several months long stays for physical rehab, I know what that would be like for him. I can't bear to let that happen.

    In couples therapy several years ago, I made it clear that I would never leave him as long as he let me have affairs. It works for us and it was never something either of us would conceive of 20-30 years ago.
     
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  16. Sagittarius84

    Sagittarius84 Well-Known Member

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    Im curious as to what your definition of "shallow" is
     
  17. Coronahead

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    Yeah physically, women in their 20s can be stunningly beautiful and amazingly attractive , generally I find it hard to relate to millennials, being from generation X. I did meet a young woman lately that's 24, we seem to have a emotional connection, but even though I have my wife's permission to sleep with another woman, I doubt it would ever become physical. How do you know you could definitely hookup with 2 of these women in your office? BTW, Good for you for not cheating on Your wife.
     
  18. Aety

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    By now I'm experienced enough to know the difference between casual flirting and showing you're up for sex. I'm not bad looking, but I'm technically one of their bosses. Maybe that's why they try it. In my company it's been known to happen for management to sleep with subordinates, unfortunately.
     
  19. Aety

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    Can't seem to edit my post.
    Anyway, one of the girls is exactly my type. Not too thin, large breasts, great ass and a cute/naughty face. I have to admit I've fantasized about fucking her. Doing so would pretty much ruin my life and that of my wife, though. If I was single for a day...
     
  20. masqued.visage

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    Was fucking my partner before we got romantic. Still attracted to them as much as ever. Fucked all kind of people, they were good or bad lays based off effort and paying attention/listen to feedback. Had great sex with what mainstream would prolly view "ugly". Had great sex with "average" and "pretty/handsome" too. Had bad sex with all of above too. Original question was "In your current relationship or relationships previous or just in general have you ever felt you would enjoy sex better with a more attractive person or are not performing your best sexually on purpose OR subconsciously because you truly aren't as sexually attracted to your partner?" answer is the same three times in a row for me...

    Sex got bad when they are selfish or relationship hit rocks. Not because people may get a bit softer/rounder as time pass.
     
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