Sexual encounters with friends

[lucidbass]

I always considered sex with friends a 'taboo', personally, but I don't think it's the black and white anymore.

Most of my close friends are female and I wouldn't fuck them just because.. well, it would be weird. One friend in particular where any sexual contact would just not feel right at all However, I've been wanting to fuck this friend of mine ever since I first met her almost 3 years ago. About 5'4", perfect small perky boobs, beautiful long blond hair, perfect big hips and a big ol' ass. We've had an odd relationship for a long time, she was actually straight up mean to me around the time I first met her but she still liked me. I was in a weird place of my life at the time. I told her to fuck off often enough, but meh. Fast forward a bit over a year and we grew pretty close. Fast forward one more year (early 2010 now) and we were even closer.

Thing is, I'd been going through stuff (my father's death, a relationship with someone who made me feel like shit by handling my grief awfully) and she was too (finally seeking out psychological help) and.. this clashed. A lot. After an almost mutual mental breakdown on the phone we decided it's best to help ourselves because we can't help each other. A little less than a week ago she texted me saying that she misses me. I was so happy, so I asked her if I could call her one of these days. She instead suggested she'd come by my place (she moved a year ago to a different city, 2 hours per train away). Great!

So on Saturday we just had a ton of fun through out the whole city, ended up eating at Subway and the staff fucking loved us (handing out free drinks and food) and that's when she suggested we get drunk. Went to the liquor store and got 2 bottles of liquor. Drank 'em both like water. Before I knew it we were making out and ridding ourselves of our clothes and I was going down on her (most perfect pussy ever). She passed out and I'm not a rapist, so I lied down and didn't do any more to her. When we got dressed again to put her on the train we were just... weird. We were kinda sobering up but we were just hurting each other to establish dominance (she was choking me, or when she was on her back, stopping me by driving her high heels into my chest -- felt amazing, I was pushing her, holding her down by her hair, biting her) and this continued on our way to the train station. We walked holding hands and every so often we'd continue our 'domination game' on the street for fun.

After she got home I called her to make sure she got home alright; we ended up having phone sex.

And now?

Nothing and absolutely nothing is weird. Feel more close to her than ever before. Sure, we didnt straight up fuck (yet???? who knows), it just felt 'right' -- we had no need to talk about it. And even if we fucked, which she said she wished on the phone, things woulda been ok. I do have some romantic feelings for her, but I know I want another girl (and she does too, and she's crazy about that girl too and doesn't want anything more than for me and her to be together). We just had some fun and we're crazy about each other, but it's not gonna come in between our friendship. Honestly, nothing relieves me more than the notion that things are ok.

Sooo, sex with (very, very close) friends, always a 'no-go' or sometimes ok? My personal opinion; 'friendship' like 'human sexuality' is way to vague to make any generalizations about.

Discuss I'd say!

 

[Wish-4-8]

Sex changes things, period. Sometimes good, sometimes bad. Its a line that once crossed, kinda difficult to go back when you now know each other "in the biblical sense".

Its a new level of intimacy. Basically a door, or a grab bag-esque Pandora's Box, when once opened, you hope for the best.

In other words, things will never be the same afterwards. So I cant say if its good or bad. Even in the movie, When Harry met Sally..., one of the plot themes is that men and women cannot be friends because the sex always gets in the way. I disagree. But once you have sex, well, in their case, they ended up married. So go figure.

 

[B_subgirrl]

Many of my sexual relationships have been with friends. Some of those were good friendships, some were less close, but I've never had a friendship fall apart because we fucked. It can be hard if one person never wants to have sex again but as long as everyone is honest afterwards it doesn't cause problems (in my experience).

 

[Corius]

I hope it is alright for me to reveal that I am uncomfortable with the thinking that seems to be evident here. Sexual intimacy with a friend is really not something that is in the nature of a prize to be won and forgotten or at least laid aside. If the OP knows that this is not the person he wants to be in a permanent relationship with he should,IMHO, forget about getting into her knickers. Gentle men do have standards and one standard surely ought to be that no person ought ever to be used for the mere pleasure or pride of another.

 

[HiddenLacey]

I agree with Wish, sex changes things. Doesn't mean you cannot still be friends afterwards... I'm not sure I would take that step with a friend unless it was someone I had deeper feelings for and I moving away or lived away from etc.

 

[B_subgirrl]

I disagree with this. As long as she knows he isn't looking for anything permanent and she is OK with this, I don't think there's anything wrong with it.

Gentle men do have standards and one standard surely ought to be that no person ought ever to be used for the mere pleasure or pride of another.

Definitely agree with this. Mutual pleasure is good. Pleasure of one person is bad.

 

[need2bsexy2]

Well, I had sex with the woman that was the "maid of honor" at our wedding. It was seven years after the marraige and she lived in a nearby town. It was OK but not spectacular sex. She moved away to California shortly after the encounter. I didn't see her for thirty more years.

She and her family moved to our town with a job transfer by her husband. We started seeing each other's families on holidays. I called and went over to her house when I knew her husband was at work. We necked and cuddled but didn't do the deed until a few visits later. I was drilling her missionary style and she started to cum from intercourse, a thing she told me she couldn't do.

Needless to say, that totally turned me on, and when she begged "Cum with me" I faked it and kept on drilling her, my balls slapping against her ass. I would cum after making her cum several times (and it was good).

 

[B_Jules7]

I have slept with a few girl friends with no problems. I think the reason was that most happened when I was going though a phase of being an "alpha male" and I had lots of female attention. Sometimes I had flings with my girl friends' friends. I think some of my girl friends wondered what all the fuss was about and we ended up sleeping together. this scenario accounts for three of them anyway, and all three were one night stands (except one who blew me a few times before we fucked). It didn't effect any of the friendships and we laughed about it afterwards, as our little secret!

I have had other girld friends that I would never touch and I know it would change things.. it depends on the person

 

[lucidbass]

I hope it is alright for me to reveal that I am uncomfortable with the thinking that seems to be evident here. Sexual intimacy with a friend is really not something that is in the nature of a prize to be won and forgotten or at least laid aside. If the OP knows that this is not the person he wants to be in a permanent relationship with he should,IMHO, forget about getting into her knickers. Gentle men do have standards and one standard surely ought to be that no person ought ever to be used for the mere pleasure or pride of another.

Men and women have an equal say in sex; who said she wanted to have sex with me because she wants a relationship? I find that notion rather sexist. She's an independent person who knows what she wants and doesn't 'give it up' for a guy she feels she needs. I'm not a gentleman, I'm a man. She's not a lady, she's a woman. Both her and I don't conform to sexist societal constructs like 'gentleman' and 'lady'. We're individuals who make up their own mind and we're both crazy about each other and mean a lot to each other. We happened to have had some sexual contact and we had fun and we don't know what the future holds in that aspect.

Women are every bit as strong as men are. The reason we did things is because we both felt that it's right. I'm kinda offended by the thought that it's a 'classic case of a man using a woman'. Women can use men as well or both can have some consensual fun because the time and place and situation asked for it for whatever reason. If we're anything more than a 'man' and a 'woman', then we're individuals and any situation involving people should regard that more than our genders and the societal constructs attached to our respective genders..

 

[ericbythebay]

I've had sex with a few friends, not had a bad experience since early college. If you can't fuck your friends, who can you fuck?

 

[B_subgirrl]

I've had sex with a few friends, not had a bad experience since early college. If you can't fuck your friends, who can you fuck?

This is pretty much how I feel about it. Well said!

 

[B_dxjnorto]

Yeah, that's me too. I don't really feel attracted to people unless I feel friendly toward them.

 

[pir8ship]

I ate out my best girl friend once in a buzzed moment of raging hormones between us. We've been friends for a long time and it really didn't change anything between us. There is a lasting spark of sexual energy between us I believe but it is held in check by the fact that I have a g/f of a few years. We're both sensible and realistic about it and carry on as good friends like always. Don't think it can work in every situation however...

 

[D_Larrimore Laprocket]

I have one friend that I fuck. Before she moved a few weeks ago, we actually fucked a lot. I'd be careful, but if another female friend wanted to fuck, I can't say I'd turn her down.

 

[B_ILIW]

if the two parties can talk it over, it's not lost at all.

 

[TheRob]

some of my female friends I really wish I did lol

 

[pain4anangel]

I say as long as it's mutual and the communication is great (no one has romantic feelings for the other - one sided)...then go for it.

 

[D_Harry_Krautch]

I've had sex with a few of my friends in the past and nothing has changed in our relationships. One specific friend and i actually grew closer and are now best friends; after having sex, and it happenend more than once. But i'm always wary of these situations, because it can screw-up a friendship.

 

[Bbucko]

In my late teens and early 20s, I drew no lines whatsoever between friends and fuckbuds, as they were generally either how they started or where they evolved.

When I was 25 I met a very jealous man who found such arrangements impossible, despite the fact that, at least in the beginning, the relationship was closed. I wound up losing a number of friends because of it.

It wasn't until my mid-30s that I really started drawing sharp lines in the sand, although these days, after having been single again for the last six years, the boundaries are becoming somewhat blurry again.

 

[Fire Stick]

The circumstances of a particular friendship are likely to drive the best course of action, but in a more general sense, I believe this topic can be "over-thought." Based on my own experience, when there is mutual sexual attraction between friends, it's usually best, natural, and perhaps even inevitable that you share some some kind of sexual experienece with one another, unless one of you is in a wholly monogomous relationship with someone else. The key, I believe, is that both people are capable of making a distinction between sex and everything else contributing to the friendship. When viewed this way, sex can intruduce a level of intimacy between friends that may be casual, but is actually constructive for the friendship.

Maybe it's different for gay men, because it's often more simply an issue of "male bonding." Or maybe my thoughts are just a way to give a green light to my position that if you're horny, just do it.