Sexual frustration

[Axel69]

I don't want to toot my own horn, but cock size isn't the problem (other than potentially being too big, but I'm always very attentive to the possibility of hurting her so that's not the reason). I'm also an above-average husband when it comes to showing her affection and love, through chores and errands, through surprise gifts and surprise dates, through plenty of quality time and attention, etc.. I mean there might be small ways I can improve (of course), but I am by no means neglecting her in a way that would make sense of our horrible sex life.

Also, I don't really understand why women have an expectation that the man must go above and beyond and really "warm her up" in order to hope for sex. Sex is supposed to be a natural part of marriage, and it's supposed to be desired by both parties. It's no different than spending quality time together or going on dates. If a woman was complaining about the husband not spending any time with her or taking her on dates, etc..., it would be absurd to ask, "well, have you been fulfilling all of his sexual needs? You really have to warm him up. Try giving him a blowjob every morning for a month and see if things change." It's stupid.

No she's not on any pills. No there were no "warning signs" before marriage (though we never had sex before marriage, we did fool around quite a bit).

I've always blamed myself for not being the man she wants or is attracted to. But I've worked damn hard for years at improving myself in every way possible, and the sex life does not seem to improve.

I think the problem is that there is a stigma around sex in our society, especially among women, that it is somehow dirty or shameful, and I think she's been really affected by that. To her, like with many women, sex is an unpleasant duty that you might enjoy once in a while.

 

[693987]

To her, like with many women, sex is an unpleasant duty that you might enjoy once in a while.

...well shit, maybe it's that you're trying to say how "many women" are that is partially leading to her lack of enthusiasm. That would make me more dry than the Sahara. I'm going to go ahead and guess that your comment is based off of anecdotes. My anecdotal experience says literally none of the females I'm friends with feel like sex is shameful, a duty, or "dirty" in a negative sense. Literally not a single one. Not most, not many of them, flat out not even one.

I don't know why men have an expectation that a woman must put out anytime a man wants, in exactly the way he wants in the hope of being considered a good partner. Fluctuations in stress, energy, etc. are supposed to be a natural part of marriage, and it's supposed to be handled by both parties. If a man was complaining about his wife not having sex with him often enough it would be absurd to ask if she has been dealing with higher amounts of stress than usual, or other health/life factors being an influencing factor... oh wait........

I think the problem is that men in our society seem to think think they know everything about the majority of women, ask for advice, and then blame society for the problems they're having with a single specific individual. Oh wait...

In all seriousness, for what little the thoughts of a stranger on the internet are, if she didn't want you it's not that difficult (as a gross generalization) to get a divorce in the USA. It's also sadly not that uncommon for people to be unfaithful, so if she was wanting sex, just not with you, that would likely not be absurdly difficult to get either. Your initial post included assumptions and no mention of actually trying to *gasp* communicate with the woman in question. It theoretically would be really easy for me to jump to the conclusion that my partner isn't attracted to me or doesn't want me, because we don't have sex that often. In actuality, we communicate and I have a realistic grasp of how many outside factors are affecting him.

 

[Gj816]

Im attractive, fit, and have a pretty nice cock. But my wife is not very into sex. She refuses to do oral (either giving or receiving), she won’t give me a handjob (it’s like she thinks it’s dirty). All she’ll do is lay back and let me fuck her... SOMETIMES. But rarely. Like 2-3 times a month TOPS.

Is anyone else in this situation? I don’t mean that you don’t have sex cuz you’re fat or got a small dick or bcuz you’re a jerk to your girl. I’m looking for other guys like me who can’t imagine how else to improve and STILL get very little sex from their SO. I need to vent w guys who understand. Anyone? Any advice?

I went thought a period with my wife. Nothing I did seemed to interest her in sex. At least not with me. Turns out it wasn't me she wanted. She was too busy having an affair with another man to take care of business at home. I was getting it a couple of times a month. Before that we were doing it four, five, six nights a wk. Then it dropped off to maybe two times a month if I was lucky.

I'm not saying that this is the situation with you. It would depend on what your sex life was like before. Women are fickle sometimes when it comes to sex especially after you marry them. Before you marry therm they give it to you anytime you want it after they get that ring on their finger something in their fuckin DNA changes. They get stingy with the pussy.
Hope you figure out what's going on. Good luck.

 

[Sagittarius84]

Im in a similar situation to OP, at least to a lesser degree. My wife still has a drive but simply can't keep up with mine due primarily to health and lifestyle choices. It really makes you question the nature of your relationship at times. I've seen a few low libido folk chime in that we need to be reminded that one's sex drive is not a choice, and we should be cognizant and understanding of that, but I counter that with making the effort to know your partner's sex drive and being proactive in self motivating or at least offering alternate solutions definitely is a choice that I think a lot of low libido folk opt not to make, and that is where I think the root of a lot of the confusion and resentment lies. And unlike those who tend to post in forums like these, alternate sexual outlets are rarely offered to supplement.
I don't really have any advice for existing or ongoing discrepancies in libidos. The stress/chores common advice is really kind of snake oily, take it from a simultaneous primary breadwinner, child care giver, chore doer, and general labor force of our little operation. I just weigh the other aspects of my relationship, family, and life a little higher than my sexual fulfillment at the moment, and I guess I'll remain that way until she makes the decision to change, my libido subsides, or enough resentment builds up that I feel drastic action has to be taken.
Kids, cannabis, and Words with Friends have been miracle workers so far...lol

 

[185248]

Im attractive, fit, and have a pretty nice cock. But my wife is not very into sex. She refuses to do oral (either giving or receiving), she won’t give me a handjob (it’s like she thinks it’s dirty). All she’ll do is lay back and let me fuck her... SOMETIMES. But rarely. Like 2-3 times a month TOPS.

Is anyone else in this situation? I don’t mean that you don’t have sex cuz you’re fat or got a small dick or bcuz you’re a jerk to your girl. I’m looking for other guys like me who can’t imagine how else to improve and STILL get very little sex from their SO. I need to vent w guys who understand. Anyone? Any advice?

Some guys are lucky if they get it once a month, possibly twice if that month contains their birthday or anniversary. Count yourself lucky, over those guys

My love wants it so often I feel inadequate...what should I do? She wants to milk it all the time...total penis envy. I have suggested she see a psychologist,. What am I to do???

 

[185248]

Oh my god..she's backkkk...noooooooooo..uggghhhhhh

 

[tnman]

My wife thinks FUCKING and COOKING are two cities in China

 

[SoaringSpirit]

Sex being " unpleasant or dirty" is a mental state of mind that can be caused by various things. Its not normal to think its unclean, dirty or otherwise.

One thing is upbringing. If its drilled into a child's head that will do it. If its a religious teaching that its "wrong" that's another. If there was any type of abuse in the persons background that could be it.

Its also about self image & self love. If a person has low self esteem that effects everything else. So does depression & stress.

So with all that & who knows what else going on in a persons mind, sex is the 1st thing to suffer. Personally it good to have a discussion on these things before getting serious. Of course things happen " after the fact"....But the bottom line is communication. If its not open or lacking then the relationship will suffer.
You have to decide to work together. Then if things never change, ask can you live with it as is ?

 

[1188257]

I used to be into sex a lot until life got stressful recently. Since then I've lost all interest and my boyfriend thinks I don't love him. Not the case at all.

 

[SoaringSpirit]

I used to be into sex a lot until life got stressful recently. Since then I've lost all interest and my boyfriend thinks I don't love him. Not the case at all.

Sometimes hugging & cuddling is more important. I hope things get better for you -

 

[1188257]

Sometimes hugging & cuddling is more important. I hope things get better for you -

Thank you so much. I hope so too.

 

[ronin001]

My love wants it so often I feel inadequate...what should I do? She wants to milk it all the time...total penis envy. I have suggested she see a psychologist,. What am I to do???

Just ask yourself what the wisest Auzzie of all time would do ?

W.W.P.H.D. ?

 

[Astro]

Although my partner really enjoys intercourse until it rapidly becomes uncomfortable and her vagina starts rejecting, I equally love it and because I like to take my time, I’m not getting to finish most times now. She will not indulge in any other activities afterwards to that end. No oral. I found this extraordinary. I thought any woman would sell her soul for some good oral, and I really enjoy giving it- it is fabulous seeing the effect it has when done well. I asked about why she will not ever give it- it came down to her friends. She has a bunch of female friends living on their own, and she says none of them like doing it or ever do it, so that has cemented her attitude. It has now become the officially endorsed ‘right’ thing to not do it. I think this is now the problem with women with sexual blockages- it comes from their friends!

 

[Gj816]

Yep that's what put me on cocksuckers not getting any at home. But I don't really use cocksuckers anymore either.