sexual harassment or compliment?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Supersized, Jul 25, 2008.

  1. Supersized

    Supersized New Member

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    Okay, i'm stepping off my know it all soap box and i'm asking for advice this time. I have been repeatedly hit on in the workplace by my bosses. It doesn't matter if it is a man or a woman. The job im in now is great because my boss is professional and respectful and straight. I've had bosses and coworkers just stare at my crotch during a conversation about work. From the start of the conversation to the end. I usually get furious on the inside and do my best to hide it. One guy even commented on my penis's length. I didn't know how to react. I've tried wearing briefs to hide any bulge. It doesnt stop them from staring. At this point I've given up briefs and just wear boxers because they are more comfortable. I figure if they are going to offend me by staring i'll offend them by showing. That makes me feel a little less frustrated. I know that doesn't sound like a healthy response but it helps me to sleep at night.

    The next level of intensity is the inappropriate touching of my butt. Usually my boss would walk past me while im at the filing cabinet and brush his hand against my butt. One paticular boss did this a total of nine times!!!! I was brushed against three times in a row for three days straight. I was hoping if I ignored it he would figure out that i am not interested and give up. About 6 months ago im at a different job and my new boss does this butt brushing again after i told him that he didn't look overweight. He had confessed that he was having trouble timming down. I guess he took my support the wrong way.

    Then there is the double standard. I have worked in jobs where other men may show a bulge, yet, I never see anyone staring at their crotch or goosing their butts. Why am I so different from them?

    What I want to know is is there anyone else who has experienced this? How did you deal with it? Women's responses are welcome too. I don't consider this a gender issue.

    This is not a joke or an attempt to get attention. I am in a good work envoirnment right now. I don't know why it stopped happening or if I did anything to stop it. My career is prettty much in the toilet at this point because I have been fired from more than one job for complaining about it. Some jobs I quit because I was so pissed of. I was never able to successfully file a law suit or get help from the EEOC. Believe me I've tried. What do I do if it starts up again?

    Also, why did it continue for so long? Seven years this had gone on. Are these all Isolated incidents? or are employers making phone calls saying continue to hit on me for some reason?

    I apologize for being so long winded.
     
  2. marleyisalegend

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    It continues because people are disrespectful dawgs, and you didn't say anything. I'm NOT justifying their behavior, but remaining silent is the same thing as giving them a big fat green light. Once or twice may be an accident, but by the third time, you either work in a small office or need to warn your boss that the next conversation you two have will involve lawyers and the corporate office. There are laws against sexual harassment, and you being a man does NOT make it okay to treat you like a piece of beef jerky.

    That said, I'm sorry to say that if I worked with you my eyes would prolly be glued to your crotch. I mean....come on...just look at it!!!!! :biggrin1:
     
  3. Supersized

    Supersized New Member

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    Thank you, Marley for your advice and honesty. My experience with verbal objections is that they just keep doing it and say,"Sorry, i forgot.", or a different person will do it the next time. Basically, a boss can turn an entire staff against me because they all need to keep their jobs. I admit though I could have been more consitsent. After that one bad experience I stopped verbally objecting. Maybe in another work enviornement it would have been more effective. There were a few times that going to the office manager put a stop to it.
     
  4. Hippie Hollow Girl

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    A few things went through my head when I read your opening post......How do you conduct yourself at work? Do you have sexual relationships with people that you work with?

    To me it sounds like you have developed a water cooler reputation for not objecting to inappropriate behavior. Somebody made the statement on another post......that a lot of times when word gets out that someone (a man) is gay or bisexual .....there is an assumption that he is easy..... Or maybe that is what the lowest common denominator want to believe.

    I say, if you don't like something......say no. Nobody should be treated like a piece of meat.

    But, if you are wearing reaveling clothing......which flaunts your big cock.....that might be part of the problem too.

    And who knows......if push comes to shove.....it might be harder for you to prove sexual harrassment. Anyways all I can say is conduct yourself in a respectful way at work......and demand that others treat you with respect. And whatever you do.....don't get involved sexually with anyone from work. That is where there is a potential for your career to go in the toilet. Just my opinion of course.
     
  5. Supersized

    Supersized New Member

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    You're right about my clothing. It probably does perpetuate the problem. I have asked a few of my female cowokers out on dates. That may have started a reputation of me being "easy". Also, it may have gotten out that I am a "switch hitter". That is not going to help any. Thanks, this is all good advice!
     
  6. MuscledHorse

    MuscledHorse Well-Known Member

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    That is unquestionable sexual harrassment. And I give you the advice tht was given to me by an older friend when I started out working. NEVER EVER EVER date people in your place. It leads to just this kind of gossip and such. I've seen more personal disasters happpen to people's career from this kind of thing, wherther it was just unwanted comments or the result of dating gone bad. There's plenty to be had otuside of work, or to quote my friend again :don't shit where you eat.
     
  7. marleyisalegend

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    The key to this is nipping it in the butt, if possible, find a witness cuz ur word being against another is sometimes a tricky battle if they've been there longer, are friends with the boss, etc..

    BEFORE going to any higher-ups, let them know how you feel, some people might stop as soon as you make it known, politely and professionally, that you're not to be messed with. If it continues, that's when you let the higher-ups know. I don't even go to managers, I call corporate immediately because managers are sometimes biased, and are often lazy and want nothing to do with these kind of situations.

    Again, there are laws against this behavior and it should NEVER be tolerated, and NEVER excused with a "sorry, I didn't know", or "sorry, I was joking", or "sorry, but you're just SO cute!"
     
  8. Supersized

    Supersized New Member

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    I guess its time to go back to my policy of no dating people you work with.
     
  9. Supersized

    Supersized New Member

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    Now that I think of it. Calling corporate did work better than going to the manager. When I went to the manager he started goosing me too. He even touched my crotch. I had to call corporate on him. I heard from a coworker that after I had reported him he said, "I guess this wasn't meant to be. I want to fire him but I'm afraid of getting sued." I should have known her was going to be trouble with him because he would pause between sentences during my interview and look me up and down.

    My new policy is first I talk to the offender one on one. If that doesn't work, call corporate.
     
  10. Phil Ayesho

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    you might want to examine the notion that you are imagining things.


    You clearly have a heightened consciousness of your own dick size...
    While certainly SOME of the incidents you describe might be 'real'... the vast majority may be your interpreting as sexual or intentional things that are actually innocent.


    One of the biggest problems with being black in America is that you DO get treated differently because you are black... SOMETIMES.
    This results in a self consciousness about your color that will make you tend to perceive the actions of others as being related to your color, even though that may have nothing to do with it.

    Am I being turned down for a loan because of my color? Maybe... or maybe its because they are turning down everyone with a credit score under 500 and you simply have no way of knowing or confirming that.

    Similarly, you are self conscious about your Dick. No doubt some folks stare at your crotch because of the bulge...
    Chances are, tho, that you suspect people of staring, who aren't, more often than they are.


    People are poor observers, in general. We all have a tendency to SEE things the way we DECIDE that they are.

    I would say you need to step way back and try and get over your dick and your feeling that everyone is hitting on you.


    I go commando because briefs actually make a bigger bulge by grouping it all up front... I don't wear tight pants... but if someone is looking there is no hiding the thing hanging down one pantleg.

    I have had maybe 3 people my whole life make any actual comment relating to the fact that they have observed that I am not small...

    Surely many more have taken note and never said a thing. But I would have no idea of that because of their silence.

    All I can tell you is that the primary difference between you and me is that, if I caught someone staring at my crotch... I would assume I had spilled something on my lap, or that my fly was undone... the last thing that would occur to me would be that they were ogling my dick.

    Like belief in ghosts making you far more likely to interpret something as being a ghost.... people hyper sensitive to sexual issues are the ones most likely to fling accusations of harassment.

    Another person... sitting in the same office.... experiencing the same things... often does not see anything at all out of the ordinary.


    This shifting discrepancy between how differently various people see and interpret the same things, is why harassment accusations are so often untrustworthy and biased.


    If you rob a bank... there would be no person in that bank who, seeing the same events unfold as others, would be of the opinion that you had not "robbed" the bank at all.

    A boss says something to one worker... and she laughs as if its the funniest thing.... says the same thing to another worker... and she sues him...



    I would recommend a reality check of your own perceptions. See if any of your co-workers agree with your interpretation of events.

    Proceed with caution and always examine and suspect your own assumptions.

    As an artist, I make good money by capitalizing on the fact that people see what they decide is true.

    If you decide people are touching your ass on purpose... then that is how you will perceive any contact with your ass.
     
    #10 Phil Ayesho, Jul 27, 2008
    Last edited: Jul 27, 2008
  11. Domisoldo

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    Huh? Was it on THIS planet?

    I must have spent too much of my life on the West Coast and/or mainstream corporate America. I can't think of anyemployer that would have allowed such clearly out-of-line behavior.

     
  12. Supersized

    Supersized New Member

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    I'm not the first person this has ever happened to. That is why employers usually show videos of sexual harassment and go over that it happens and that it is illegal. I've sat through two presentations about sexual harrassment in my career. It turns out that the staring and butt brushing are common tactics.

    Saying that it doesn't exist or you've never witnessed it. Therfore, it can't be happening is called "secondary wounding". I suggest anyone who fits this description needs to google the term to gain a better understanding of it.

    Better yet, get a book or video on sexual harassment, bullying, or mobbing.
     
    #12 Supersized, Jul 27, 2008
    Last edited: Jul 27, 2008
  13. Phil Ayesho

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    'Secondary wounding" my ass.
    Stop LOOKING for injury and you will stop finding it.

    Sorry... but that kind of jargon is just a PC ploy to evade your own responsibility for how you react to life.

    I have been around long enough to SEE real sexual harassment... and ACT to stop it.

    I have also seen plenty of self centered over-reactors who imagine slights at every turn and fabricate injuries out of thin air and ordinary social interaction.

    Guess which type actually does more litigating?

    We used to call people like this "chiquitas" 'cause they bruised like bananas--

    I swear, the world has become populated with psychological weaklings.


    People live in such mollycoddled comfort these days, never suffering anything even remotely like a real injury, that they imagine the slightest thing is the worst thing in the world.

    Travel some.
    READ some.

    Boo fucking hoo over your "wounding"

    Deal with it as people have managed to for millenia...
    Take it up with the antagonist.... or make him look ridiculous in front of everyone.


    trust me... its easy. And it works.
     
  14. Supersized

    Supersized New Member

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    I don't care what you think. You aren't a threat to me especailly since it would be impossible for you to grab my butt nine times over the internet. If you don't like my posts or my thread, no one is forcing you to read them. Go find another thread that fits into your world view.
     
    #14 Supersized, Jul 27, 2008
    Last edited: Jul 27, 2008
  15. D_Bob_Crotchitch

    D_Bob_Crotchitch New Member

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    Ladies! Ladies! We must control our tempers.
     
  16. Principessa

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    You need to document each time harassment occurs. Write down the date, time, place, what was said and/or done. Better yet start carrying one of those mini voice activated tape recorders. A good one at Radio Shack runs about $95.

    Stop dressing to enhance your bulge, you aren't helping your case. If this goes to court, the opposition will say you wanted it to happen and that you bought it on yourself. They used to say the same thing about rape victims who had been wearing mini-skirts or tight clothing.

    Well duh! I always thought that was a given. :rolleyes: Seriously, even if there are 100 people in your office that's too few people and word of your endowment or sexual prowess will spread quickly. It's usually best to treat your workplace like a family reunion. By that I mean it's not a dating pool.

    Also, and I am loathe to bring this up. :12: There are still those that believe the myth of the big, black buck. An oversized, oversexed black man whose sole purpose in life is carnal pleasures. The fact it seems you are openly bi-sexual at work does nothing to defeat this belief. :frown1: Normally I would say your sexuality is none of their business but it seems it has become a big issue with those smaller minds. Most of the bi-men I have encountered here are super-picky about both sexes and not the manwhores the conservative media would have us believe.

    Good luck,
    njqt466
     
  17. Supersized

    Supersized New Member

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    Thanks, that is actually good advice. I am not openly bisexual by the way. Just worried that someone will eventually find out.
     
  18. Magnum Excel

    Magnum Excel New Member

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    :bsflag:

    Why would you have to throw out that disclaimer about this not being "a joke or an attempt to get attention"??

    I can't help but think this thread is just another whopper from the mind of Averagesized to get attention. Do you wear biker shorts to work or something? Even so, your bulge wouldn't be a big deal, because you are AVERAGE sized lol.

    This story is fabrication or delusion. One or the other.

    Sorry, but I MUST question the credibility of anything from someone with a 6.5 inch dick who makes claims of being 10+ inches, and seriously thinks he is the biggest on the site...

    http://www.lpsg.org/81178-who-has-biggest-dick-lpsg-post1358835.html#post1358835
    http://www.lpsg.org/80091-the-biggest-dick-here.html (all throughout this thread his posts are comically outlandish)
    http://www.lpsg.org/80091-the-biggest-dick-here-post1355733.html#post1355733 (this is my favorite lol)

    you are Looney-Tunes.
     
    #18 Magnum Excel, Jul 27, 2008
    Last edited: Jul 27, 2008
  19. Principessa

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    My bad, I misread your post. I apologize. :redface:
     
  20. D_Bob_Crotchitch

    D_Bob_Crotchitch New Member

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    I'd talk to a lawyer or legal secretary first about that tape recorder. In many situations, that would be considered illegal wire-tapping, and he'd lose his job.
     
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