Sexual Insecurity: Advice Welcome

[tokenblackboiii]

Heyo Hello Y'alls

I'm creating this thread with the hopes that people feel comfortable expressing their sexual insecurities and things that often go undiscussed. Any and all are welcome and I hope this can be a beneficial space for at least some. In creating this, i'll start.

So overall I have had a pretty well rounded sex life considering im only 21 and have had my fair share of fun with a spectrum of guys and girls. I have come to understand more recently that I am most definitely gay and attracted to men of all gender backgrounds which is exciting. I also recently found myself to be in love and we agreed that our relationship should be emotionally monogamous and sexually open which im very happy with considering im leaving this town in May and they'll be here for another three years.

For some odd reason whether the dick be big or small I always get very nervous when it comes to bottoming. I find myself over thinking and literally becoming scared of pain that I know will end up feeling good. With my new boyfriend, they have a bigger/thicker dick than I have ever been used to and we've already fucked a few times but idk i've been trying to practice with dildos and they play with my ass to open it up but im also wondering a.) why im not staying hard when im playing with my ass and b.) how do I make anal penetration easier on me?(other than taking it slow).... I know sex is overrated and I traditionally fo well with skinnier and longer dicks but I honestly have a few questions for the public so i'll just list them:

1. How do I get out of my head when it comes to penetrative sex?( I love sucking dick though

2. Is it normal for your dick not stay hard when it comes to being penetrated?

3. What ways(outside of viagra) have you personally found to work for you when bettering your sex life?(working out, mediation, etc....)

4. How do I stop getting intimidated by/comparing dick sizes and feeling that mine may be too small?

This tokenblackthey just wants to live their best sexual life and break out of the cocoon of blowjobs to become more well versed in and outside of the bedroom lol also dont reccomend a therapist, I already have one but we just arent a match when it comes to talking about sex so I will be searching for someone within that speciality this summer. Looking forward to your responses and hope all is swell.

 

[Lost.intra]

Do you have any kinks maybe

 

[tokenblackboiii]

Do you have any kinks maybe

Im into a lot more than I give myself credit for lol. Always down to try anything at least once. My nipples are very sensitive as well. The thing is, is that I can be really horny and producing a good amount of pre-cum, but im just not hard. Maybe im just reading too much into it and not giving myself space to have fun and just be.

 

[Lost.intra]

But it feels good right

 

[tokenblackboiii]

But it feels good right

yes

 

[tokenblackboiii]

But it feels good right

like overall im a very confident and open person but I just feel like im doing everything wrong when it comes to sex sometimes

 

[Lost.intra]

like overall im a very confident and open person but I just feel like im doing everything wrong when it comes to sex sometimes

Well just have fun do what ever feels right and be vocal if u want something a way or something . Let’s see that dick

 

[Infernal]

Just go with it and enjoy it. You don't have to be hard to enjoy sex when you're bottoming. Enjoy what you feel, but understand that your brain is always your biggest sex organ. You're feeling things internally, so don't focus on your penis. Speaking of which, it's beautiful. Stop comparing it to anyone else. It's all yours and whoever you choose to share it with. There is no use being worried about what anyone else has. Be proud of it. If you feel you aren't getting enough stimulation, try a different position. Harder, slower, this angle or that angle, sit or stand. If that doesn't work, try being a little more assertive, or maybe give up totally and be submissive. Some days you just want or need something different so don't be afraid to ask for it.

 

[EquusAZ]

Hey @tokenblackboiii !!! Another member from the DC area! Cool!

First I'll answer your questions then give you the pep talk I give all my bottoms ;-)

1. How do I get out of my head when it comes to penetrative sex?( I love sucking dick though

You are absolutely right on the money here. You've identified that your problem that it's 'in your head' on penetrative sex. You've stated you enjoy it so that's the key. Focus on the memories of how good it felt last time. Identify in your mind what made it feel good. Was it the 'full' feeling? Possibly the feeling of being with someone? The pleasure of the prostate getting pounded into? Focusing on those things helps you 'get it out of your head.' You're afraid/fearful and overly anticipatory of what might happen but rarely does. Pain. Also, trust has a big part to play in this. Bottoming requires trust. The ass is not designed for penetration so its a bit delicate. Understanding your top's moods and desires and communicating those and your trepidation will go a long to building trust, especially if they talk you through the process or show you the gentle opening you want.

2. Is it normal for your dick not stay hard when it comes to being penetrated?

This varies from guy to guy. For the most part, being penetrated can be an intense feeling both emotional and physical. It could be something as simple as 'distraction' causing you to go soft. That's perfectly normal. For me, I've always been hard when bottoming, but I'm an outlier. The husband used to have problems staying hard until we switched things up and we start out with him riding me. Now? Rock hard all the time. I think the reason is that it allows him to control what he's feeling and how deep to go. That helps him concentrate on the good feelings. This may be a solution to #1 above.

3. What ways(outside of viagra) have you personally found to work for you when bettering your sex life?(working out, mediation, etc....)

Honestly just being healthy. I used to drink but gave it up. I noticed that getting rid of it (a natural depressant) helped me with my sex life.

4. How do I stop getting intimidated by/comparing dick sizes and feeling that mine may be too small?

I can tell you that after looking at your pics you absolutely are NOT too small. Lol. This is a mental 'rut' you've gotten yourself into. It's similar to body dysmorphia where men will obsess about being healthy/muscular and think they are not healthy or muscular when in reality they are huge/buff/hot. Perhaps focus on what your sexual partner sees in you. Listen to what they tell you they like about you. There are always things we like / dislike about our own bodies, but sex is a two-way street. Perhaps focus on what your partner finds attractive in you and what you find attractive about them. For instance - you have a great dick - nice and lock and an absolutely fuckable butt IMO. So...there you go.

In the end (no pun intended) sex is both a physical act, and a mental exercise. There are times when our own minds get in the way of our enjoyment. In reality, the biggest driver for sex is our own mind. Understanding what we like, dislike, etc, and embracing it can be key to having a more sexually fulfilling experience.

 

[tokenblackboiii]

Just go with it and enjoy it. You don't have to be hard to enjoy sex when you're bottoming. Enjoy what you feel, but understand that your brain is always your biggest sex organ. You're feeling things internally, so don't focus on your penis. Speaking of which, it's beautiful. Stop comparing it to anyone else. It's all yours and whoever you choose to share it with. There is no use being worried about what anyone else has. Be proud of it. If you feel you aren't getting enough stimulation, try a different position. Harder, slower, this angle or that angle, sit or stand. If that doesn't work, try being a little more assertive, or maybe give up totally and be submissive. Some days you just want or need something different so don't be afraid to ask for it.

Thank you so much :')

 

[tokenblackboiii]

Hey @tokenblackboiii !!! Another member from the DC area! Cool!

First I'll answer your questions then give you the pep talk I give all my bottoms ;-)

1. How do I get out of my head when it comes to penetrative sex?( I love sucking dick though

You are absolutely right on the money here. You've identified that your problem that it's 'in your head' on penetrative sex. You've stated you enjoy it so that's the key. Focus on the memories of how good it felt last time. Identify in your mind what made it feel good. Was it the 'full' feeling? Possibly the feeling of being with someone? The pleasure of the prostate getting pounded into? Focusing on those things helps you 'get it out of your head.' You're afraid/fearful and overly anticipatory of what might happen but rarely does. Pain. Also, trust has a big part to play in this. Bottoming requires trust. The ass is not designed for penetration so its a bit delicate. Understanding your top's moods and desires and communicating those and your trepidation will go a long to building trust, especially if they talk you through the process or show you the gentle opening you want.

2. Is it normal for your dick not stay hard when it comes to being penetrated?

This varies from guy to guy. For the most part, being penetrated can be an intense feeling both emotional and physical. It could be something as simple as 'distraction' causing you to go soft. That's perfectly normal. For me, I've always been hard when bottoming, but I'm an outlier. The husband used to have problems staying hard until we switched things up and we start out with him riding me. Now? Rock hard all the time. I think the reason is that it allows him to control what he's feeling and how deep to go. That helps him concentrate on the good feelings. This may be a solution to #1 above.

3. What ways(outside of viagra) have you personally found to work for you when bettering your sex life?(working out, mediation, etc....)

Honestly just being healthy. I used to drink but gave it up. I noticed that getting rid of it (a natural depressant) helped me with my sex life.

4. How do I stop getting intimidated by/comparing dick sizes and feeling that mine may be too small?

I can tell you that after looking at your pics you absolutely are NOT too small. Lol. This is a mental 'rut' you've gotten yourself into. It's similar to body dysmorphia where men will obsess about being healthy/muscular and think they are not healthy or muscular when in reality they are huge/buff/hot. Perhaps focus on what your sexual partner sees in you. Listen to what they tell you they like about you. There are always things we like / dislike about our own bodies, but sex is a two-way street. Perhaps focus on what your partner finds attractive in you and what you find attractive about them. For instance - you have a great dick - nice and lock and an absolutely fuckable butt IMO. So...there you go.

In the end (no pun intended) sex is both a physical act, and a mental exercise. There are times when our own minds get in the way of our enjoyment. In reality, the biggest driver for sex is our own mind. Understanding what we like, dislike, etc, and embracing it can be key to having a more sexually fulfilling experience.

Much appreciated! I'll have to hit you up when im back