Sexual Musings

[B_spiker067]

This is interesting I think.

Generally, the characterization is that when a man cheats on a woman, she isn't as insulted by the physical betrayal as much as by the psychological betrayal; that her man would be emotionally close to another woman. To a man it is the opposite; more insulted by the physical betrayal.

Interestingly the actual enjoyment of sex for men is probably more generated from the psychological elements rather than the physical. The having of the woman, the ego stroke. Women on the other hand potentially get a much greater physical enjoyment from the act itself (when done competently). In other words sex is better for women than men physical enjoyment wise.

You'd think if women enjoy sex more than men physically they'd be out there fucking anything with a stick on it whereas it is men fucking anything with a hole.

 

[deleted356736]

You are correct when you say that women get more physical enjoyment from sex, as the female orgasm is more intense and more whole-body than the male orgasm. Men can get the same physical enjoyment if they learn Tantric sex practices, but that's another story.

Men have more testosterone than women, and consequently have a high sex drive. A lot of what men enjoy about sex is the release of sexual tension from this drive. Women seem to enjoy both the physical sensations (which are very intense), but often they enjoy the closeness, intimacy and bonding that sex provides as well. If they were purely interested in orgasm they would masturbate, which many women do.

In my case I don't gain pleasure from 'having' a woman, indeed I searched long and hard until I found someone who was her own person. I gain pleasure from sex for the closeness it brings me to my partner, and from the physical release that results. I am also Tantric, but that's another story as well.

Statistics on infidelity have been quite constant over the decades: approximately 40% of married men and 30% of married women. So men tend to stray more often, but women aren't far behind. I haven't read any analysis on the aftermath of straying: what men feel and what women feel. In some cases, the aftermath can be a non-event, in some cases the person who didn't stray may need to think about why their partner sought sex outside the relationship, in some cases there can be the physical / psychological concepts you raise.

Thinking about what my reaction would be, most likely I would be affected by my wife physically having sex with another man, rather than the emotional side of such a relationship. I feel this is the case because she could fall pregnant with his child. I also feel that women are emotionally closer to a broader range of people, usually other women, and as husbands we are used to being just one part of their lives.

 

[cougarblue]

I can't even count how many men in my life feel they have to "hide" me from their wives/girlfriends. It's not because we have been sexually intimate. NOT AT ALL.

You have hit the nail on the head with the "psychological betrayal" observation.....One of my guys even said to me once, when I asked help on a household project...

"Don't tell my wife I helped you with this. She'd rather you and I were fucking than to know I did a house project for you".

I have another male acquaintance who I lunch with regularly... I am quite sure he's never told his wife. I suppose if I were her, I might feel threatened that my husband were having lunch with another woman...Maybe. I would hope I wouldn't, and I would hope that our relatioship would be truthful enough that it wouldn't be an issue. Maybe women feel threatened because, often, friendships build into more. Just like LPSG itself....how many men on here have told their wives/gfs that they are on this site????? Not many, I would bet. And why not???

In my own experience, I believe that men have emotional needs just as women do. Men have been cultured over generations to hide their emotions, to be "strong". So they have different ways of exploring their emotions than women do. I think my male friends like being with me because, obviously, I am a woman...but also because I am NOT their wife/gf. They share details of their lives with me that I used to wonder "why aren't you sharing this with the wife/gf??" But now I have learned to accept and love them for who they are.

Ultimately, I think many of us are AFRAID to be ourselves. It is very scary to open up to another person and be yourself. But WTF. I mean, really. My goal is to meet men who are more evolved than that and can face their fears. Women can never expect that men will react/act like we do. But we can ask everyone in our lives to speak their Truth.

 

[Penis Aficionado]

That's a very thoughtful observation, Cougar.

It goes both ways -- a couple of times I've lost touch with female friends when they began dating guys who would not tolerate them having close friendships with other men, in any circumstances. That is almost more fucked up than I can comprehend, and I think it is a 99% guarantee of future domestic violence, but it is surprisingly (to me) common.