Sexual Requests

merc41

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Do you ladies go along with your long term partners sexual requests even if the act makes you a little uncomfortable at first. I am not talking about multiple partners, anal or anything extreme. I am talking about harmless requests like: would you masturbate for me while I watch, light bondage, non extreme BDSM, femdom occasionaly, facesitting, rough sex, pegging, gapeing etc.etc. Men as you know are very visual and I believe what goes on in the bedroom stays in the bedroom. Some women are shy to act on what might be considered kinky. But I believe that if two people are in a committed relationship why whould'nt you want to please or turn-on your partner. Especially if you only have eyes for each other. I certainly would try most things sexual if my partner asked and it turned her on.
 

MickeyLee

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If it makes me uncomfortable I'd like to think my partner would care more about me than a sex act.

My hard no list is pretty short but damn certain. My partners know my limits, they respect those limits and me as a human. I give the same respect and care to my partners.
 

LaFemme

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Everyone has their own definition of kink. I look at your list and it all pretty much falls under vanilla for me. So, like Mickeylee, my list of ‘no’ is pretty firm. I know where my limits are through years of experimentation and experience. I give respect and expect the same.
 

Tight_N_Juicy

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My guy and I have come to learn about ourselves together and developed new kinks and opened up about those we weren't sure anyone would ever accept before. But neither of us has had to "convince" the other to do anything sexual and neither of us participates in any act *solely* for the sake of giving the other what they want.

I fully acknowledge and appreciate the fact that we're as compatible as we are. There is a very short list of activities that are a hard No for either of us. His list is actually longer than mine.
 

Scarletbegonia

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This question rang in my head, with a memory whispering under it.
I went digging, and found a discussion from WI.
Here is my first response from that thread
Do You Oblige His Kinks?

We did get sidetracked later by “oblige.”

if you want your specific activities addressed, I could do some in the role of a service top.
I’m not a good choice for a submissive man. I’m neither dominant nor inclined to switch, in the bedroom.
I’m a strong partner with opinions and views and I’m not afraid to state them, albeit I’ll open gently.

if my current partner asked for any of the things you list,@merc41, I would be GGG (Good, giving, game), with a strong emphasis of it coming from giving. If they became things he truly desired with regularity, it’s likely I’d develop an attachment to the activity with him.
Just as I can’t see some of the things we do being integrated with any other partner (with our age gap, and non married state, I assume there will be another someday).
 
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merc41

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Thank you ladies for all of your responses. I think there is a little confustion between requests and convincing. I do not try and convince when she says no she means it, end of discussion. She is very shy / vanilla and NEVER communicated her desires or boundries. So I've basically stumbled through our sex life introducing new activity's that she might enjoy. What I brought up in " Requests " are some ( not all ) things that we as a couple could enjoy. Some that would result in sexual satisfaction for her and I and some just for me. More often than not her immediate answer is no but sometimes she will go along even though she is uncomfortable trying only later to find out she likes the act. Personally I see no problem with masturbating in front of me, light bondage, face sitting etc.,etc. A few examples of what took me years for her to try: sex with the lights on, positions other than missonary, toys and vibes. All of which she now enjoys a great deal. But... she never asks for them ( shyness ). I just wanted the opinion of other women on how they respond to new requests by their partner. It seems the older I get my sexuality expands to include new things while my wife is stuck in the Catholic school girl mode.
 
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AlteredEgo

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If I'm uncomfortable, he can just forget it. It will NEVER happen. I'll see myself to the door of the relationship if it keeps coming up after I already said no.

I do not say no to much. Most of my boundaries are around pretty extreme kinks, but every once in a while I have a firm boundary around something tame, like being watched while masturbating. Very firm no. This is absolutely not happening. I've already tried it with two partners, and I hate it. Masturbation is for me alone. You are not invited. I will never change my mind. Polite pass. I also would likely refuse to have him use a vibrator on me. I'm open to it as long as it will not be used on my clitoris. I have been sexually active my entire adult life and woe to the man who thinks he knows better than I do what will please me once my opinion has been expressed. Don't ask again next week if I already said no.

I do not try and convince when she says no she means it, end of discussion.
This sounds false because you also, in the same paragraph even, write this.
her immediate answer is no but sometimes she will go along even though she is uncomfortable trying
A few examples of what took me years for her to try:

I can only assume she and I do not have the same boundaries. Asking me to do something, or physically goading me after I said no, would abut my boundary that requires a higher level of respect for my ability to chose for myself, like a real live adult. I would feel disrespected. I would abandon such a man. I might not even say anything, and just leave. Consent is a thing. Respect for boundaries reinforces trust. Clearly her opinion is different, or her boundaries are not where mine are, or her perspective allows for a different interpretation of your actions. She and I are really not alike; I seem to be more communicative regarding my sexual desires and boundaries. My views have nothing to do with her.
 

Scarletbegonia

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Thank you ladies for all of your responses. I think there is a little confustion between requests and convincing. I do not try and convince when she says no she means it, end of discussion. She is very shy / vanilla and NEVER communicated her desires or boundries. So I've basically stumbled through our sex life introducing new activity's that she might enjoy. What I brought up in " Requests " are some ( not all ) things that we as a couple could enjoy. Some that would result in sexual satisfaction for her and I and some just for me. More often than not her immediate answer is no but sometimes she will go along even though she is uncomfortable trying only later to find out she likes the act. Personally I see no problem with masturbating in front of me, light bondage, face sitting etc.,etc. A few examples of what took me years for her to try: sex with the lights on, positions other than missonary, toys and vibes. All of which she now enjoys a great deal. But... she never asks for them ( shyness ). I just wanted the opinion of other women on how they respond to new requests by their partner. It seems the older I get my sexuality expands to include new things while my wife is stuck in the Catholic school girl mode.
As long as she decides when to move a boundary, it’s all good.
Try not to negatively label your wife. She’s just on her own path, and it isn’t identical to yours.
 
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