Sexuality identity

[deleted26275]

Here's a little situation that I'm going through right now. I have had sex with both sexes for a few years now and I thought that I was bi. But, over the past few months, I have become less and less interested in sex with men.

Recently, it's been harder to cum when having sex with men. I end up just having to jack myself off at the end to finish the job. Just yesterday, I fucked someone and I couldn't cum, no matter how hard he tried.

In the general sex sector, I am finding it harder to really get into the act and feel like I am putting my all into it. I don't feel like I'm forcing myself to do anything, but it just doesn't feel as great as it used to.

I have always identified myself as someone who is willing to have sex with men, but only fall for women for potential relationships. But the male half seems to be slowly dwindling. I still can find some men hot and I enjoy watching gay porn but I am getting less and less into actually doing the sex act myself.

I realize that this is something that a lot of people go through, but I wonder how many people, both male and female, have gone through this as well. I am not saying that I am eventually becoming completely straight as I don't know what the future holds. I also put into consideration is that some bi people sometimes go in and out of the desire to have sex with the same sex.

 

[whatireallywant]

I went through a sort of "bi-curious phase" when I was much younger (didn't act on it), but as I got older I realized that while emotionally I think it's more about the person than the gender, physically I am attracted to men and not to women. I do notice when a woman is attractive, but I don't want to have sex with her.

 

[Kenyth]

Sexuality lies on a continuant and you are always on different spot on this spectrum from Str8 to Gay. So yea I guess it depends on the person and the mood at the time I guess. Being Bi makes it harder I find, because its really hard to have a preference of one over the other coz they are both so different.

Ive been through many phrases as well, I actually wish Im fully gay to make things a lot easier LOL but yea Im pretty gay most of the time

 

[wingnut84]

Hmmm... I've heard about people's orientations changing before but I can't say it's ever happened to me, and I'm the same age as you. I mean, sometimes I'll have no desire to be with or fantasize about a man whatsoever, but usually this doesn't last very long, and it's never been a long-term thing. Interesting phenomenon, though.

 

[Male Bonding etc]

Orientation, like IQ, is probably not a static thing. More than likely it does change as we go through different phases of our lives.

I went through a period in my late twenties when I thought I should just accept that I was gay, but then I discovered that was not a good fit for me. If you ask me what I find visually attractive, I will probably respond (as amply documented here) with a description of some built young guy. If you ask me what kind of relationships are the most intense, longest lasting, most satisfying for me, I can honestly tell you that those have been with women. Furthermore, while I like looking at a larger number of men than the number of women I find attractive, there are certainly women who look good to me. So, if my orientation percentages were based on what I like to look at, they'd probably be the reverse of what I've got showing.

 

[deleted26275]

I was hoping that nobody was going to start accusing me of trying to be more "pure" or whatever the politically correct term is for actively trying to get rid of the "bad" part of sexuality. So far, so good though. This is more of an internal thing as I believe that nobody should live a sexually repressed lifestyle.

 

[kurios]

Actually for some reason(s) what attracts changes but then an emotional connection occurs that factors into the attraction and you can be back where you started from. This I think supports the 'continum' thinking.

 

[mattyacht]

Straight or gay. Decisions decisions. It's almost like a PH level without a buffer. LOL

 

[SoFla8]

I'm in a similar situation, but I've only had sex with a woman once in the last 6 years. Sex with men...maybe once a year. Always oral only and I never cum (oh well), but I always cum with a woman. I want oral with men and when I seek it out in never lives up anymore to my expectations. I haven't lost interest in sex, but a bad divorce has left me bitter and unwilling to date women ...and I don't see men in a romantic sense.

So I'm basically wandering a vast wasteland of near-celibacy. Neither single women or gay men are out beating down doors of single fathers. It's ok though. I've grown used to it and my children are more important to me that my sex life.

So, I'm not sure if this is a stage or what, but I think everyone goes through stages of sexal desire based on their lifestyle in general.

 

[cgttown]

This brings up the whole percentage thing to me, too. I can identify with what you're feeling, and I'm in my 40's, so it's not so much an age thing. I've been with both sexes, but prefer long lasting relationships with women. I have really only had one male "lover" in the aspect that we had a relationship that was clearly more than friendship and was long lasting. I've had several female girlfriends and one wife, and those relationships were fulfulling sexually and emotionally.

However, if we're just talking sex partners here, then I've had way more men than women. Casual encounters from hand jobs, to blow jobs, and all the way to intercourse have been predominantly with men. Yet, I identify as predominantly straight because that is how I see myself, and in relationships, that is ALL I really want long term.

My desire for m2m sex ebbs and flows, and sometimes it just doesn't do it for me. But, frankly, my sexual desire in general ebbs and flows, too. So I don't know that it's all that different. Honestly, if you've been getting a lot of sex or regular sex with guys, you might be yearning more for the "different" than anything else. Lay off of either one for awhile and see what you think then.

Unless you have a moral issue about it (which I actually have but am not so good at fighting), then just enjoy whatever.

 

[EdWoody]

However, if we're just talking sex partners here, then I've had way more men than women. Casual encounters from hand jobs, to blow jobs, and all the way to intercourse have been predominantly with men. Yet, I identify as predominantly straight because that is how I see myself, and in relationships, that is ALL I really want long term.

That's simple availability. You're both men, so you don't have to do the whole "buy me a drink and we'll talk about it for two weeks first" thing. You can just whip it out and go for it.

 

[2322]

Orientation, like IQ, is probably not a static thing. More than likely it does change as we go through different phases of our lives.

Very well stated. It bears repeating, you are not a label. The label has to fit you, not you fit the label. You will be whatever you are at any point in time and you may or may not change. It's all good and there are no hard rules about it. Maybe the feeling will come back or it won't. I've gone through exclusive periods where I thought I was straight and others where I thought I was gay precisely because I lost interest in a particular sex. After a while I'd slide back. It was hell trying to figure out just what I was so I could find an identity and stick with it. Silly me! Now I just don't question it.

Nothing like going to see Lost in Translation with a gay friend and then sit through the entire movie thinking of various carnal acts I could perform with Scarlett Johansson only to watch Latter Days with a straight female friend and have to excuse myself to go change my underwear because of Steve Sandvoss.

Don't let it psych you out. Go with what you feel and just accept it. There are no answers, no therapies, no pills that will change you. If you find you're never attracted to men again, well there you are.

The more confident and sure of who you are as a man you become, then the more you'll let go of expectations and just be the man you are, whomever that is.