I haven't read that many topics in here about this theme (or maybe I just wasn't around enough), but there is a certain topic I would like to discuss.
I find myself constantly questioning my sexuality and worrying over it almost every single day to the point where I just want to go crazy. So, here's the complete story for anyone that wants to read:
When I was a young boy, I always jerked off on regular porn, reading dirty magazines and enjoying myself until one day after two years I discovered the internet where I stumbled upon gay porn and I decided it was best for me. That was the time when I stopped being friendly with other people and instead chose to retreat into my family and enjoying the gay stuff I occasionally watched. Of course, every single time I watched it I felt extremely uncomfortable and guilty but kept coming back as some sort of a drug. Still, every time I watch str8 porn (or lesbian) I get excited and I love the possibility of being with a woman.
I love the possibility of one day finding a woman and marrying her, then having kids together, but I keep worrying that my gay porn watching will come between it and destroy me and my family. Also important to note-I'm a 20-year-old. I want to somehow forget about the gay stuff and I have the ability to forget about it for a week or more, but then I always remember it is right there on the net waiting for me to find it.
So what should I do? I REALLY want to forget about it or at not do anything about it so I can enjoy my life in the way I want. Every time I meet a girl I get scared and push her away instead of trying to date her and see where things might go. I really don't know what to do.
I find myself constantly questioning my sexuality and worrying over it almost every single day to the point where I just want to go crazy. So, here's the complete story for anyone that wants to read:
When I was a young boy, I always jerked off on regular porn, reading dirty magazines and enjoying myself until one day after two years I discovered the internet where I stumbled upon gay porn and I decided it was best for me. That was the time when I stopped being friendly with other people and instead chose to retreat into my family and enjoying the gay stuff I occasionally watched. Of course, every single time I watched it I felt extremely uncomfortable and guilty but kept coming back as some sort of a drug. Still, every time I watch str8 porn (or lesbian) I get excited and I love the possibility of being with a woman.
I love the possibility of one day finding a woman and marrying her, then having kids together, but I keep worrying that my gay porn watching will come between it and destroy me and my family. Also important to note-I'm a 20-year-old. I want to somehow forget about the gay stuff and I have the ability to forget about it for a week or more, but then I always remember it is right there on the net waiting for me to find it.
So what should I do? I REALLY want to forget about it or at not do anything about it so I can enjoy my life in the way I want. Every time I meet a girl I get scared and push her away instead of trying to date her and see where things might go. I really don't know what to do.