Sexuality Woes

[Countryguy63]

Hey Bud,

No need to force yourself to "come out", just allow yourself to grow and become comfortable with who you are, beit gay or bi.

It can be a scary journey, but so far minus some bumps in the road, for me, each acceptance has come with a feeling of relief.


Know that there are others going through similar journeys. Hang in there and good luck.

 

[B_Hung Jon]

There are theories that sexuality is fluid. A person may be attracted to women for a time, and then maybe meet some guy who gets your engine revved up. I also don't think you can "try" to fall in love with anyone. Loving should come naturally and authentically, and hopefully in a mutual way. All the best to you. :smile:

Ok, I think I've been lying to myself for a long time. I've tried to fall in love with girls, but I just don't feel much sexual attraction to women. I realised this while staring at a really hot guy today.

So I've updated my percentages and I'm taking mental stock at the moment. I think I'll try the university's LGBT society, see what they're like and try and make some LGBT friends and take it from there.

Looking back it should have been clear to me I was gay back when I was 14, jacking off to gay porn and fantasizing about my best friend. But still I kept this from myself and convinced myself I was interested in women. It really should have been clear to me at 18 when 80% of the porn on my computer was gay porn. And it certainly should have become clear to me when, at 20, my new best friend was making comments on hot girls and the only ass I had been staring at was another man's.

I've been unfaithful and untruthful to myself and about myself, and right now I feel a little shaken than I've spent 8 years in a grand deception.

 

[Viking_UK]

Good luck, SomeGuy.
It's a few years since I've been to Aberdeen, but that was where I came out. The scene in Aberdeen could be pretty seedy, but it's a small city which means there aren't many bars to choose from so you end up with every type of guy in one place. That doesn't suit everyone, so there are a few straight/friendly bars where the less "out" guys go. Getting involved in the LGBT society is probably a good idea. It will let you get to know people your own age, some of whom will be going through the same experiences and emotions as yourself and also give you access to advice on which bars you could go to if the gay bars aren't for you.

Edinburgh and Glasgow both offer more variety when it comes to going out, so I'd suggest a night out in either to explore the different options available.

The important thing is that you're honest with yourself. The gay scene isn't for everyone. There are a hell of a lot of non-scene guys out there. You just have to find what you like, be it on the scene or not.

Not every gay man is a camp, flag-waving, mincing, lisping poof to name but a few of the stereotypes. You may be surprised to find that guys you've known for years and assumed were straight are actually gay, but just don't conform to the stereotypes. There were a couple of people I agonised over coming out to, only to be told "snap". Some guys just slip under the gaydar.

 

[SomeGuyOverThere]

Good luck, SomeGuy.
It's a few years since I've been to Aberdeen, but that was where I came out. The scene in Aberdeen could be pretty seedy, but it's a small city which means there aren't many bars to choose from so you end up with every type of guy in one place. That doesn't suit everyone, so there are a few straight/friendly bars where the less "out" guys go. Getting involved in the LGBT society is probably a good idea. It will let you get to know people your own age, some of whom will be going through the same experiences and emotions as yourself and also give you access to advice on which bars you could go to if the gay bars aren't for you.

Edinburgh and Glasgow both offer more variety when it comes to going out, so I'd suggest a night out in either to explore the different options available.

The important thing is that you're honest with yourself. The gay scene isn't for everyone. There are a hell of a lot of non-scene guys out there. You just have to find what you like, be it on the scene or not.

Not every gay man is a camp, flag-waving, mincing, lisping poof to name but a few of the stereotypes. You may be surprised to find that guys you've known for years and assumed were straight are actually gay, but just don't conform to the stereotypes. There were a couple of people I agonised over coming out to, only to be told "snap". Some guys just slip under the gaydar.

I've sort of hesitated about getting involved with the LGBT Society as they seem very "scene". I feel a little identity-less right now, as I can see the point in the scene but it makes me slightly uncomfortable.

I know not all gays are 'flag waving, mincing queers' so to speak, and I think I came across as being homophobic when I referred to them; what I meant is that the scene exists to bring gay people together, but I don't identify much with the... more flamboyant aspects of it as I'm quite a reserved person by nature.

You're quite right about the Aberdeen gay scene too, it's all shoved together in like 1 bar and 2 nightclubs. I've been to both of the clubs, one of them was unbearable and the other was so quiet. Must try the pub at some point.

I've thought about moving to Edinburgh in the future, as a friend of mine (a girl) once complained that "all the nice guys I meet here are gay". Sounds like a good place to start to me

 

[scrabble]

i'm a gay guy living in a smallish town and not into the scene so i can definitely relate, i told my friends and some family that i was a cock lover, and they were cool with it, but i dont go broadcasting it about in public, i dont wear overtly effeminate clothes, dont speak with a lisp, use hand gestures or anything like that, im still me, i just chose to quit hiding a part of my self, its not even an important part in the grand scheme of things.

so just be yourself, you dont need a change of wardrobe!

 

[Stephenmass]

So I told my best friend, and he was really supportive. He suggested a few changes in how I dress to come across a little less "straight" but not effeminate. I think I'll go shopping on Sunday and take his advice.

I was going to say what he said in his last sentence above. You don't need to dress differently to come across as a bit less straight (not quite sure I understand that anyway). While I will admit some gay guys definitely have a "fashion sense" going, so do a lot of straight guys. Be yourself.

 

[Viking_UK]

I've sort of hesitated about getting involved with the LGBT Society as they seem very "scene". I feel a little identity-less right now, as I can see the point in the scene but it makes me slightly uncomfortable.

I know not all gays are 'flag waving, mincing queers' so to speak, and I think I came across as being homophobic when I referred to them; what I meant is that the scene exists to bring gay people together, but I don't identify much with the... more flamboyant aspects of it as I'm quite a reserved person by nature.

You're quite right about the Aberdeen gay scene too, it's all shoved together in like 1 bar and 2 nightclubs. I've been to both of the clubs, one of them was unbearable and the other was so quiet. Must try the pub at some point.

I've thought about moving to Edinburgh in the future, as a friend of mine (a girl) once complained that "all the nice guys I meet here are gay". Sounds like a good place to start to me

I know what you mean. You sound very much like me 20 years ago. Aberdeen can be difficult because it's just not large enough to have a diverse scene, so everyone's lumped together. That's one of the reasons why so many guys in Scotland are non-scene. It might be worth your while checking out gaydar and squirt. Be sensible about it though, and if you do arrange to meet someone, make sure it's in a public place and that someone knows where you're going and who with.

There are also a number of groups which organise activities like hillwalking, swimming, badminton etc which might be worth investigating if that's your kind of thing. They usually advertise in the gay press, so next time you're in the pub or club, pick up the magazines and have a look through them. You may find a group that suits you, and you'll also find that quite a few of the guys and girls who're involved with them wouldn't be seen dead on the scene.