Sexually Attracted To Men But Emotionally To Women??

Funny1616

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Hi, I have a huge problem about my sexuality lately. I'm sexually attracted to men, I always think about having sex with one, but when it comes to girls I want to date and have a relationship with one... Actually, I get very depressed about this... Do someone have this problem too or am I alone?
 
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Lance V

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Reconcile yourself to knowing that you like both. I do, but for me men are for getting off. Women are for a more emotionally stable long term relationship.

Before I sound like an expert, I haven't been able to maintain anything resembling long term with women. But that's where my heart lies.

To me, men are for physical relief. We are action-oriented without attachments. Just get me off, that's all I ask. And I'll be happy to do the same.

But when it comes to romancing, sharing, longing, protecting, then women only immediately comes to mind. I'm not saying it couldn't happen between another man and myself, but that's not my aim at the moment.

Being realistic, women apparently aren't my aim at the moment either, at least not for long term. I still date women, but have never dated a man.

In any case, you are far from alone. It's very difficult to put such things in words, and I may have failed miserably. But I hope some semblance of similarity is there.
 

french_toast

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Hey there, I can totally relate with what you are experiencing there, but now with a little more experience, I think the first thing you should do is to stop considering this whole situation a problem.
Sexuality and romance can be flexible things. What you are feeling and experiencing right now might be entirely different from what you used to feel a year ago, and you might be surprised by what the future holds also.

A few years ago, I felt the very same way you do now. I was attracted to men physically, but had deeper connections with women. Then one day I stopped worrying about it, and I'm now in a loving relationship with a guy.

I think you should just experience whatever comes most naturally and whatever feels best at a given time, with a given person. A purely physical and sexual attraction can turn into something more, and a deep emotional connection can lead to amazing understanding of your partner, including sexually. :)
 
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spaj8987

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I'm a straight guy. Not str8 but straight. And have always been so. So what i'm about to say could be very heavily influenced by that. I'm also not an expert. Not a psychologist (i somehow always leave the h out of that). And not anyone who has studied any of this area of stuff. So take that as you will.

Anyway, i think part of why this might be the case for you is...sexism's influence on us all. Now i can guess what you might be thinking. Danger, sjw in coming but no really. When it comes to how we see each other gender and gender role wise a lot of it can be tracked back to how sexism has influenced us.

Maybe you feel you can't connect romantically with men because you don't think men have the same values as women or can't have the same values as women. That men can't commit like women do. That entering into a relationship with another man has such a low chance of success that your mind all but dismisses it entirely.

While not all men are the type to scream no evidence exists when there are mountains of it. It's completely understandable that that insane amount of men could then shift the focus entirely on themselves (attention whores) and influence everyone's way of thinking toward that being a part of why others don't or can't find men viable toward romantic relationships.

I mean, this all would denote that at least some aspect of your sexuality belongs with the lgbtq community and the lgbtq community is still to this day being bombarded by certain kinds of men from all angles in such a way as to influence repulsion. A very large portion of heterosexual men, men still in the closet and even within the lgbtq community still promote that something is wrong with the lgbtq community as a whole. So it's more than understandable for that to have influenced how you see men in general.

I'm thinking the fact that you only see men as sex objects is a reflection of how the lgbtq community has been and is treated by men in general. When people get into relationships their potential partner's opinions on all sort of things matters. If they refuse to tip that could be a red flag. If they don't have a good relationship with family members that could be a red flag.

And when it comes to men in general. We were kind of born into a lot of red flags. Especially when it comes to sexualities other than heterosexual.

So i'm thinking you do in fact have the ability to be romantically involved with another man. You just logically are much much much more hesitant because of history and current events. Not just for safety reasons. Considering men in the lgbtq community are constantly under the threat of violence, death and just being used for sex (a self sustaining circle) but that the possibility for a long term relationship is so statistically low in your mind that even allowing yourself to be romantically attracted to other men gets compartmentalized away.

As far as i can tell there aren't any real differences between men and women (other than genitals and child birth) except the ones others created and the ones we create.

(Keep in mind though. i could still be very very wrong here. This is just what some random person on the internet thinks given all the things i've seen.)
 

seventiesdemon

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Hi, I have a huge problem about my sexuality lately. I'm sexually attracted to men, I always think about having sex with one, but when it comes to girls I want to date and have a relationship with one... Actually, I get very depressed about this... Do someone have this problem too or am I alone?
Being a confused human is nothing new.....if we were not a confused species we would not be living in a confused world. It's nothing to get depressed about, it's about finding your place in it all, that's the exciting part, not depressing part.

Your mind can go through thousands of scenarios of how things should be, that in itself should let you know you are an individual.

I'm 62 and still enjoy the contradictions, questions, answers of my mind. You need to understand and become comfortable with why your mind works the way it does. When you do, you may begin to find answers to the many questions and become more understanding of who you are and why.