sexually speaking, how dominant are you?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by dolfette, Jan 1, 2012.

  1. dolfette

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    assumptions are often made about how people are in bed.
    in general...women are assumed submissive. men dominant.
    in gay couples, the more butch partner is assumed top.
    more out spoken people are assumed dominant.
    she people assumed submissive.

    so where do you stand?
    what are you and how are you?
     
  2. B_quiet_man

    B_quiet_man New Member

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    I don't like the terms "dominant" when it comes to sex.

    There is an assumption that men *should* be dominant, assertive, and borderline aggressive.

    Dominance is fetishized, of course, too, in many ways.

    There are other ways to view such things as dominance and submission; for example, who is more active, who is more passive? who is more giving, who is more recieving? who is more healing, who is more in need of healing? Sex can be experienced as a healing exercise.

    Personally, when having sex, I tune into the moment and lose myself in the experience; it's not so much about me "doing" sex, or fulfilling some role, as either being "dominant" or "submissive". At different times I could be more active or passive, more giving or receiving, depending on how the energy between me and my partner is moving. This, for me, is really the best way to have sex.
     
  3. The Dragon

    The Dragon New Member

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    Dominant.

    :wink: HUGE surprise I know! :biggrin1:

    I actually had this conversation with a potential new couple - ( or more like some sleaze with wishful thinking)

    Him: *leering once over* - So how are you in the sack?
    Me: *steps away from leering arsehole who's in my personal space* I'm a dominant.
    Him: Dominant ok, Cool! That'll make things interesting when me and my girl hold you down and do bad things to you. *more leering*
    Me: Sorry, but no thanks we aren't going to be compatible. I think you would be better off looking for someone else.

    For me it's just insulting.
    I'm a dominant - period!
    I'm not going to flip or switch.
    Do you expect a straight person to be gay just because you want to fuck them?
    No!
    Asking a Dom to sub or vise versa is just the same.
     
    #3 The Dragon, Jan 1, 2012
    Last edited: Jan 1, 2012
  4. Thirdlegproduction

    Thirdlegproduction Formerly WhiteMonst3r
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    I'm surprisingly dominant in bed but out of bed I'm laid back and don't care all that much and actually dislike anyone acting dominant.
     
  5. MelbourneGirl

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    I usually tell my partners I do about 10% of the time enjoy being dominant sexually. It does vary a bit according to who I am with, though. Expressing this can range from me rough-housing with my lover, up to fisting him, if he's able to entertain a sufficiently passive headspace. I usually only play with guys who are looking for a woman who sometimes likes to dominate. The key for me is finding a partner who is sufficiently dominant the other 90% of the time.

    That's the type of energy exchange I enjoy most; a scenario where I usually bottom, but can still occasionally express my Top side.
     
  6. LaFemme

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    Both. Sometimes I all take charge and make him do what I want and make him do it well and sometimes, I just want to be done. And sometimes it's all equal and a sharing of energy.
     
  7. red7.5

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    I greatly prefer being a bottom/being dominated over topping/dominating. A lot of guys have assumed I'm a top so I've learned to let potential bed-mates know I'm a bottom sooner rather than later.
     
  8. B_quiet_man

    B_quiet_man New Member

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    I very much doubt you will get many straight men in this thread admitting to being "submissive".

    I suspect that for many women, expressing that they are "dominant" will be seen as a form of personal empowerment (thanks largely to feminism). Some women are likely to admit to being "submissive", because that is also seen as feminine. Both these terms, therefore, can be considered complimentary to women, so they are likely to freely admit to either.

    But I don't think being "submissive" is seen as complimentary for a straight man, ever. The only complimentary choice for a straight man is to describe himself as "dominant".

    I'm happy to be wrong about all this, however.
     
  9. B_Nia88

    B_Nia88 New Member

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    I am 100% submissive I love to be dominated but I am submissive in all aspect of life.
     
  10. rob_just_rob

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    Depends on my mood. In BDSM terms, I am more of a dominant now... but sexwise, it varies with mood, partner, etc.
     
  11. D_Chesty_Pecjiggle

    D_Chesty_Pecjiggle Account Disabled

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    I'm a super nice laid back guy out of bed. And VERY dom (though not every time) in bed.
     
  12. NotSoDumb_Blonde

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    I'd have to say I'm a bit unsure of how the terms are being used, BDSM dom or just dominate -- the take charge person in sex?

    If the take charge person, I kinda like to be both. I noticed a few other women say this as well. I don't like to totally take over, ie fisting, but I do enjoy initiating sex and even tying a guy up and teasing, playing, if it's all good. I don't do pain and sex, and I don't demean anyone, that's not my kink. I do like the roles reversed and enjoy having the other person take charge-- I'd say more often than I take over -- I even enjoy being tied up or held down. I find the situation rules the roles though, more often than any preconceived idea of me being dominate over my partner. And I am turned off by a submissive, always wanting me to initiate sex kinda relationship. That's a turn off for me. So, I guess....I might be more submissive -- meaning I like him to take charge, but I like to know I can also roll those roles over and have fun.

    huh...I don't think I answered this very well....lol. Sorry maybe I should limit my Killians prior to posting. :)
     
  13. rob_just_rob

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    Agree.
     
  14. MickeyLee

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    the more assertive type.
    prone to pouncing.
    most of the time.
    i do like to manhandled from time to time.
    trading off, bouncing off one another is the best.
     
  15. B_debonair87

    B_debonair87 New Member

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    I'm pretty dominant but I like to be dominated every now and then.

    In my every day life I'm a pretty assertive person. I want things to go my way and I have to call the shots. I clash with my superiors at work sometimes if I don't agree with the way we do shit or if they talk down to me. Hate the feeling of being powerless. I'm also very outspoken.
     
  16. Silvertip

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    In the public world I am known as having a very assertive, Type A personality. Indeed, all of my close friends are of the type who are strong, assertive and capable of telling me I'm full of shit, when that's what I need to hear. But in the bedroom, and especially with a woman, I tend more toward the submissive side. Actually, I don't much care for any kind of "dominance" or "submission" in sex, just a mutual understanding of what each of us wants and needs. But being six and a half feet tall and in decent shape I've lived most of my adult life as an exceptionally powerful individual. Indeed, in my younger years while hanging out at the beach or pool in swim wear I've more than once been mistaken as a professional athlete of one discipline or another. Of course the ravages of age spare me the embarrassment of any such encounters nowadays, but the point is that most of society has historically been unable to match my physical strength. As such, and again especially with women, any physical dominance or hint thereof by me would cause the sex act to feel more to me like rape than making love. And being an old timer I was raised to a more old fashioned, and chivalrous, custom than prevails today, which only adds to my reticence to ever dominating a woman. And even with men were I to play a "dominant" role it would make me feel more like a bully than a sex partner. No, for me I say let's make love, not war.
     
  17. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

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    Brilliantly said Dragon! I feel the same way (only insert sub for Dom of course).

    I am a sub, whether the sex is D/s or vanilla. I have no other way of being.

    This can come as a surprise to those who aren't pre-warned because I'm generally quite dominant in day-to-day life - a stereotypical oldest sibling.
     
  18. Remington

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    Dominant.
     
  19. twoton

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    I'm not sure. I've always had sub fantasies, but it never seems to work out in real life. If you ask the women I've been with (incl. my wife) they'd probably say I am pretty determined to get what I want the way I want it.

    Luckily, my wife enjoys the 'tie me up tie me down' games. (Or at least she used to. Long story.)

    In non-sexual terms, I'm decidedly non-dominant in day-to-day life.
     
  20. vibrationzzz

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    I don't like being told what to do. Can be manipulated on the odd occasion, yes. But only if I let you.
     
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