1. D_CountdeGrandCocque

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    This all starts out about a week and a half or so ago. I took the dive of doing an online dating service, I honestly thought these things were to much full of nerds and whatever else, but I did so. I did start to look around after a while, and occasional people interested me. But I started to talk to this one girl, who me and her had a lot in common. Eventually after talking a bit more, we start to really like each other, we agreed on so many things about how relationships should work, and when to do this and that; so it wasn't long that we started to talk about our own.. ideas. We both got really interested in the idea of meeting each other. The first problem was she lived an hour away from me, which sounds okay, because we both could just meet each other half way; unfortunately not because her car probably wouldn't make the trip. So I agreed to drive all the way, one hour to her. And so I did.. yesterday. So me, her, and her two friends we.. all just hung out, talked, and did stuff around her town. We dropped of her two friends and eventually we had time alone. We drove around talking about the stuff we couldn't talk about in front of her friends.

    Now.. here is were it gets interesting. We park, and.. after talking a little bit.. make-out. And.. then.. we start to go a little further.. Basically stopping just before the point of sex. Which was fine with me..
    So here is the problem I have. I have this like weird shadow of doubt about.. me and her. I should explain something about her too. She is a 6 foot tall "plump" black woman, which I knew from the start so it didn't bother me because of her great personality. So I.. just am not sure. Am I having like second doubts of me and her after seeing her be.. maybe a little too "plump" or I hope its not that I have the doubt because she is black, I was thinking it could be that she lives an hour away.. and its only going to get worse when I move in 6 months or so to some place 2 hours away. I can't tell if I'm being just weird about this because this is.. my first real relationship. The only problem is.. that.. I'm too afraid to say anything about it now to her because I don't want to hurt her feelings, because I honestly do love her (I think.. first time relationship and all), and for her to want to go though with some of the things we did makes me lover her even more so. So.. I kind of what the help of figuring out why I have this shadow of doubt and if its something that will go away, or.. if this shadow of doubt is really telling me something and.. how to.. maybe break apart with out hurting her feelings even though we went very far together in a short amount of time. I don't want to make her feel like a whore, or make her feel fat. I'm.. I don't want to say this too her.. but.. I.. I'm not sure If I'm quite attracted to her.. even though I said I was.
    I'm starting to really hate myself for putting myself in these types of situations..
     
    #1 D_CountdeGrandCocque, May 1, 2010
    Last edited: May 1, 2010
  2. Gillette

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    A week and a half + one date and you're in love?
    Yet you're not really attracted to her.
    But it's a "real relationship".

    Right.

    If you're having doubts this early then continuing isn't really in the cards.
    If you want to end it without hurting her feelings tell her that it's because you're moving too far away for a relationship to work and you don't want this to be more painful when it ends later.
     
  3. D_CountdeGrandCocque

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    Its just that.. we both have never done anything like this, and she is very sensitive about her weight, so I would hate to think that after what we did I'm uninterested in her because of her weight.. and.. I don't know..
     
  4. D_CountdeGrandCocque

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    I feel like I took advantage of her, I forced her into do this, and now I can't take that back.. If at one moment I'm all over her in love.. then the next day not. Women.. I'm asking you, if a guy loved you so much, but then the next day was completely uninterested.. just how would you take it? I really feel like i took advantage of her being a virgin.. and us not knowing any better.
     
  5. HiddenLacey

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    Awwww you deserve a hug!!! First of all I doubt it's real love... JUST BECAUSE at first it's normally infatuation....
    PLEASE seriously don't tell her its her weight. PLEASE. Just take it slow. If your really not attracted to her then don't have sex with her. BE a nice guy... and I'm saying that because you seem to be by what you've written. I'm not going to jump on you for not being attracted to her. If your not your not... and I'm sorry to say I doubt it's going to change.
     
  6. D_CountdeGrandCocque

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    Thank you.. Though I still don't see why I deserve a hug after taking advantage of a great girl. We even agreed that we were boyfriend and girlfriend. I think.. I think I know what I'm going to do.. the next time we talk.. I'm going to say that I know what we did was quick but very nice, and.. I know what I said.. but.. with how things are right now.. I don't think we were completely meant for each other. And hope that she doesn't want to kill me.. or send her friends to do that..
    I hope.. hope hope hope that she will take this angerly rather then complete apocalyptic rage hate against me..
     
  7. HiddenLacey

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    I said you deserve a hug because yes maybe things did go alittle far BUT you WANT to be honest with her and you know its not right to lead her on. I think you can be a man and just tell her that you really like her but your just not sure your right for each other. Etc.... You can do it:biggrin1:
     
  8. D_CountdeGrandCocque

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    At the moment I don't feel like a man at all, I feel lower then a man, I'm more like a prick asshole who takes advantage of people and forgets about them. I honestly deserve to be alone.. After what I am going to do to her, saying one day that I'm completely in love with her and making out, touching our bodies together, then the next breaking up I deserve the worst. I am going to break up with this lovely lovely, wonderful girl who has a lot to give.. because of just not being interested after our great night together. I.. I am asking all women.. seriously not to forgive such a selfish act I'm prepared to do,.. I don't even have the courage to tell her on the phone, I have to hide behind my computer screen and talk to her though instant message.
    I.. I will message back on here.. for how it goes for me, because like the selfish asshole guy that I am I don't deserve any real friends to talk to about this.. I have to have people online to make me feel better about myself, I don't even deserve that.. I should be taken out in the middle of nowhere and shot for leaving such a nice girl.
     
  9. Wish-4-8

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    How have you taken advantage of her? You both found each other and formed a bond before you went out. You went out on a date. For you, it didnt click for whatever the reason. sorry to break it to you but this happens ALL THE TIME!!!

    Its called dating! You dont owe her a damn thing. You both are adults. The fact that you didnt go all the way shows you are not a bad guy. But take Gillette's advice. And SubmissiveGirls.
    Dont tell her its her weight.

    When I first read this I wanted to say, "Man the fuck up and just go for it!" I dont mean the sex part, i mean the relationship. If you start to question everything about everyone and create doubts for stupid things, you will never get to know anyone.

    Sorry to break it to you, but she may not be "the one". But you dont know that. And she may turn out to be "the one". Look how well you two hit it off online. The point is, if you leave this now, you better have a damn good reason that you are sure about. But dont stay out of obligation either. You dont owe her a damn thing except honesty.

    And stop moping already! That shit aint cool. Learn from this.
     
    #9 Wish-4-8, May 1, 2010
    Last edited: May 1, 2010
  10. D_CountdeGrandCocque

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    Well... I'm not happy, and I shouldn't be.. but at least its over, and I gave her the honest truth. It is going to be a long time before I do anything. .. I have to say, I'm an asshole still, not because of what I am, but because of how I was saying all this stuff about me.. and she was way more mature then to just be irrationally angry at me.. I guess I was not as mature as I always though about myself.
    ... I'm going to have to have a couple of days to regain my thoughts..
     
  11. HiddenLacey

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    Still doesn't make you a bad guy. You were honest I think that's great :)
     
  12. lopo2000

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    Perhaps it's the process of knowing each other that makes you feel this. What usually people in your place do that seems to be quite effective to me is to keep getting to know each other. You don't have to be in love, loving comes when the time is right. I'm sure love will come when you find a lot of desirable qualities that she has that you still haven't known.
     
  13. goodwood

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    123 - please. do be sensible here. you forced her into nothing.
    you had a nice time. if she didn't want to make out with you then
    she would have jumped out of the car. period.
    so you had a nice time, you almost had sex. she lives far from you,
    she is going to live farther from you. you are not sure she is the girl
    for you. that's OKAY! that's what dating is for. you didn't marry her
    for crying out loud. you went out. she is not the one for you. that's all.
    that's it. no harm, no foul. please don't stress about it.
     
  14. green carnation

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    next time though, take it slower so you dont do anything you will regret. It is quite normal to have to meet someone before you decide, but probably not to make out with them under your circumstances. You are being hard on yourself because you know you were a bit naughty, but the main thing is that you were mature enough to sort it out.
    And also next time ask for a photo first and think about the inconvenience of driving before you actually meet? If you filter out these obstacles you may have less dates but higher chances of them being successful
     
  15. D_CountdeGrandCocque

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    I just have to get this off my chest.
    I'm getting over this, but writing this all out will make me feel a lot better, so not response is really needed. But I'm not happy that I broke up with her so soon after we did all this stuff. But I think you all are right that I didn't force her into anything she wasn't willing to do, if I was she would have been completely against it.
    And when it came to me talking about it I really should have just said "I know we had a great night.. and it was really intimate, but that hour drive back to my house is way to much.. and thinking it over.. we are just not to be" and so on.. I should have been a lot more grown up about it, but I didn't know how she would handle it.. so whatever.

    I'm actually glad that I'm writing this all out. I'm sad about how I handled it, and I think she will be alright.. it does hurt to hurt others I can tell you that.. But if she is ok, and hasn't done anything random, then I should be fine. But 18, first relationship that quickly went sour.. Live and learn is my motto for the month.
     
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