This all starts out about a week and a half or so ago. I took the dive of doing an online dating service, I honestly thought these things were to much full of nerds and whatever else, but I did so. I did start to look around after a while, and occasional people interested me. But I started to talk to this one girl, who me and her had a lot in common. Eventually after talking a bit more, we start to really like each other, we agreed on so many things about how relationships should work, and when to do this and that; so it wasn't long that we started to talk about our own.. ideas. We both got really interested in the idea of meeting each other. The first problem was she lived an hour away from me, which sounds okay, because we both could just meet each other half way; unfortunately not because her car probably wouldn't make the trip. So I agreed to drive all the way, one hour to her. And so I did.. yesterday. So me, her, and her two friends we.. all just hung out, talked, and did stuff around her town. We dropped of her two friends and eventually we had time alone. We drove around talking about the stuff we couldn't talk about in front of her friends.
Now.. here is were it gets interesting. We park, and.. after talking a little bit.. make-out. And.. then.. we start to go a little further.. Basically stopping just before the point of sex. Which was fine with me..
So here is the problem I have. I have this like weird shadow of doubt about.. me and her. I should explain something about her too. She is a 6 foot tall "plump" black woman, which I knew from the start so it didn't bother me because of her great personality. So I.. just am not sure. Am I having like second doubts of me and her after seeing her be.. maybe a little too "plump" or I hope its not that I have the doubt because she is black, I was thinking it could be that she lives an hour away.. and its only going to get worse when I move in 6 months or so to some place 2 hours away. I can't tell if I'm being just weird about this because this is.. my first real relationship. The only problem is.. that.. I'm too afraid to say anything about it now to her because I don't want to hurt her feelings, because I honestly do love her (I think.. first time relationship and all), and for her to want to go though with some of the things we did makes me lover her even more so. So.. I kind of what the help of figuring out why I have this shadow of doubt and if its something that will go away, or.. if this shadow of doubt is really telling me something and.. how to.. maybe break apart with out hurting her feelings even though we went very far together in a short amount of time. I don't want to make her feel like a whore, or make her feel fat. I'm.. I don't want to say this too her.. but.. I.. I'm not sure If I'm quite attracted to her.. even though I said I was.
I'm starting to really hate myself for putting myself in these types of situations..
Now.. here is were it gets interesting. We park, and.. after talking a little bit.. make-out. And.. then.. we start to go a little further.. Basically stopping just before the point of sex. Which was fine with me..
So here is the problem I have. I have this like weird shadow of doubt about.. me and her. I should explain something about her too. She is a 6 foot tall "plump" black woman, which I knew from the start so it didn't bother me because of her great personality. So I.. just am not sure. Am I having like second doubts of me and her after seeing her be.. maybe a little too "plump" or I hope its not that I have the doubt because she is black, I was thinking it could be that she lives an hour away.. and its only going to get worse when I move in 6 months or so to some place 2 hours away. I can't tell if I'm being just weird about this because this is.. my first real relationship. The only problem is.. that.. I'm too afraid to say anything about it now to her because I don't want to hurt her feelings, because I honestly do love her (I think.. first time relationship and all), and for her to want to go though with some of the things we did makes me lover her even more so. So.. I kind of what the help of figuring out why I have this shadow of doubt and if its something that will go away, or.. if this shadow of doubt is really telling me something and.. how to.. maybe break apart with out hurting her feelings even though we went very far together in a short amount of time. I don't want to make her feel like a whore, or make her feel fat. I'm.. I don't want to say this too her.. but.. I.. I'm not sure If I'm quite attracted to her.. even though I said I was.
I'm starting to really hate myself for putting myself in these types of situations..
Last edited:
