So I guess my other thread has been active long enough for everyone to know how much of an insecure retard I am, hah. That said, I'd like to put something else out there that might give you all some insight as to what goes on inside this deranged little mind of mine. Lots of people have mentioned that I should be thankful that he chose my personality and all the other great things about me over some big boobs or a perfect body. This much is true, and I agree. However, while that might be a big plus for some, for me, the opposite has always been something I fantasized about. You see, growing up, going through school, my circle of friends were beautiful...all of them. I wasn't ugly by any means, just not one of the "hot chick", basically I was "average". I always ended up with boyfriends, or dates...but only AFTER they got to know me, and got hooked to my charming personality biggrin1: ). Any guys we hung out with would always gravitate to my other friends, and I'd be sitting around wondering when someone would notice me. Eventually (sometimes) some of those guys would realize my friends were nothing more than a pretty face, and would gravitate toward me, because I was fun to be around, and talk to, and had more depth. Anyway, to make a long story short....I've always wanted to be noticed for my looks, or lusted after because I'm "hot". I know it sounds twisted and shallow, and I'm trying to work on it....but it is the reason I crave that raw sexual attention, and may be a big part of why I come here. Who knows? I don't know if any of that made sense, but I wanted to try and explain it. Also, since I have gotten a little older and more mature, and also prettier (eek, don't hate me for saying that)....I think about this stuff less, and less. Obviously it is still a pattern if I'm asking a new love interest to pick my body over his ex's....but I think I handled it a lot better this time than I would have a year ago. Perhaps it's the help I got here, or the confidence I gained when I lost weight and began taking care of my body? Whatever it is, I want to continue to make progress. If any of you have ever struggled with something similar, I'd love to hear from you. If you have a suggestion, let it rip. If you have criticism, go for it, sometimes it's what I need to hear. If you just read this, you deserve a reward....it is a bit much, I admit.