She doesn't believe in sex before marriage.

invisibleman

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I'm conflicted about the sex. If I didn't feel this way about her, I would be gone. It's not something I can do without in a relationship. We've fooled around, but that's it (I'll just say she gets very, tangibly, aroused. Her restraint is also tangible.). For personal reasons I don't want to elaborate on, I cannot marry her, but I want to be with her. I want to make love to her. I guess there's not much point to this post. I don't see what can be said. Maybe I just needed to vent.

Well, you should be honest with her how you feel. Don't marry THAT gurl. (AND DEFINATELY DO NOT "MAKE LOVE" TO HER because you don't LOVE her in that MARRY love way.) And you probably should get over the notion of wanting to be with her because you don't want to marry her. That is the honest thing that you can do.



 

luvinlife83

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I agree with mandoman, you should decide what's more important your personal reasons as to why you can't marry her, or the way she makes you feel. To me, it sounds like love and you can't help who you fall in love with.
 

D_Jacqueline_Boozann

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If you can't marry her, leave her alone. It's what she is looking for, and you can never give her what it is she needs.
You may never meet a woman who suits you more. This is a really special thing, coming from a guy who knows when he sees a special thing. If you want her to have a better life, either change the thing that makes it impossible for you two to marry, or get out of her life, so she can be happy.

and all the church said, "Amen!"
 

Enid

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The thought of her suffering in any way enrages me. She makes me want to be a better man.

For personal reasons I don't want to elaborate on, I cannot marry her, but I want to be with her. I want to make love to her. I guess there's not much point to this post. I don't see what can be said. Maybe I just needed to vent.

Venting is fine. You know what you need to do. You can't make love to her -- just keep it platonic, for serious. Otherwise lines get blurred. Do you really think you can skate by?
 

Joe Agiotage

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I would agree with MickyLee--"she deserves better than you."

Twenty-eight years ago I married my wife—I was her first. At 5’8”, with a pretty face and curves like Rachael Welch, she was (and is) dazzling—but her real beauty comes from inside, exclusively from being a (conservative/practicing) Christian.

As for my wife, she deserved better than me. Before I met her I was somewhat of a girl toy, mostly for slightly older, more experienced woman. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed every minute…at least so I thought—but I wonder where I’d be today if I had not chosen to be with Her exclusively “til death”.

It looks like you have a decision to make. I don’t regret mine… will you regret yours?
Regards.

 
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dolfette

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As for my wife, she deserved better than me. Before I met her I was somewhat of a girl toy, mostly for slightly older, more experienced woman. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed every minute…at least so I thought—but I wonder where I’d be today if I had not chosen to be with Her exclusively “til death”.
that's so frickin' sweet.
 

Joe Agiotage

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that's so frickin' sweet.

Whether it's sweet or not, I really don't know. What I do know is that when I was in my twenties I was fortunate enough to have a choice similar to MISCER's, and I made a choice, and I'm a better man for it.

MISCER, if you mean what you said, and I couldn't have said it better, seems like the choice will be an easy one.
 
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185248

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I've never met a girl who doesn't believe in sex before marriage who actually says it out of deep principle and noble chasteness. Until now. Most girls who say they're saving themselves just haven't met the right charming asshole who'll get them to spread em--the panties and the morals come off. Words are empty things. Or they take multiple peckers up the ass and delude themselves into thinking they're still a virgin.

I've met a girl who stirs my soul. She's deeply religious, but not a moral hypocrite, unlike most religious people. She has character, inner strength, warmth, perspective, intelligence, and is beautiful inside and out. She's a winner, a fighter, a girl who has stopped me in my tracks and given me pause. The thought of her suffering in any way enrages me. She makes me want to be a better man.

I've slept with 40-50 girls. I can assess character very quickly and accurately. I can see pseudo-innocence a mile away.

When I say she's different, she truly is.

I'm conflicted about the sex. If I didn't feel this way about her, I would be gone. It's not something I can do without in a relationship. We've fooled around, but that's it (I'll just say she gets very, tangibly, aroused. Her restraint is also tangible.). For personal reasons I don't want to elaborate on, I cannot marry her, but I want to be with her. I want to make love to her. I guess there's not much point to this post. I don't see what can be said. Maybe I just needed to vent.

Be that better man. Leave her in one piece and let her complete what she needs to achieve at this point of her life.
 

Miscer

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I broke up with her. Before reading any of your replies.

Thanks for the input. A gripe-- typically, as is par for the course, most of you made me out to be the bad guy who's got all the power, and she is the innocent helpless girl who can't make any decisions for herself.

She knew from the beginning my position, and she chose to be with me. Women are stronger and in more control than most people give them credit for. The guy always get blamed for a breakup.
 

rtg

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Sounds like too much effort to me. If she won't have sex before marriage, but doesn't want to get married for another 5 years...and you say yourself that you don't even want to get married..sounds like you both are wasting your time. I would get out now to save the heartache later on. A 5 year relationship without sex is just insane...and considering you don't want to get married...well, nothing else needs to be said.

I guess it comes down to how much you really do like this girl. If you think she is in fact your soul mate, then you could wait the 5 years perhaps. But will you change your mind about marriage? What if the sex is shit once you actually do get married?
 

rtg

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I broke up with her. Before reading any of your replies.

Thanks for the input. A gripe-- typically, as is par for the course, most of you made me out to be the bad guy who's got all the power, and she is the innocent helpless girl who can't make any decisions for herself.

She knew from the beginning my position, and she chose to be with me. Women are stronger and in more control than most people give them credit for. The guy always get blamed for a breakup.

Soz didn't read this til after I posted. Sorry that it didn't work out, but it was probably for the best. While it's good to be with someone who is different then us, some things just can't be compromised and in the end this won't work.

But I don't believe that you were the bad guy at all. You were honest at the start, as was she. Honesty is the most important thing. And yep, she also made the decision to be with you knowing where you stand.
 

MickeyLee

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there is no blame in this break-up, only some foundation level of incompatibility. staying with the hope of her changing her mind would havemade you a bad dude.

no pouting. folks are aware of ya post history. if ya didn't get benefit of the doubt is no fault but ya own. ya closed in the expected *of you* fashion.... grumping about being treated unfairly cuz you have a penis :rolleyes:

as much as she knew who you are/what you wanted.. you knew who she was and what she wanted. both of you are silly for expecting the other to change or go without.

ETA: do ya see her "no sex before marriage" thing as a power trip? a way to control/manipulate you/dudes? *asked cuz ya last post*
 
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invisibleman

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I broke up with her. Before reading any of your replies.

Thanks for the input. A gripe-- typically, as is par for the course, most of you made me out to be the bad guy who's got all the power, and she is the innocent helpless girl who can't make any decisions for herself.

She knew from the beginning my position, and she chose to be with me. Women are stronger and in more control than most people give them credit for. The guy always get blamed for a breakup.

Sometimes relationships end when both aren't getting what they expected. That is the way that is.


I never pegged you to be at fault for anything. Men or women can be blamed for a breakup either way. Both can fuck things up.
 

D_Dick_S_Lapp

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I broke up with her. Before reading any of your replies.

Thanks for the input. A gripe-- typically, as is par for the course, most of you made me out to be the bad guy who's got all the power, and she is the innocent helpless girl who can't make any decisions for herself.

She knew from the beginning my position, and she chose to be with me. Women are stronger and in more control than most people give them credit for. The guy always get blamed for a breakup.

I think your partly right. The women you just broke up with had an immense amount of control and strength. Not many people can do or even think about doing what she is and plans to do. As far as i can tell though, she was willing to give you part of that power. I know it sounds pretty insane but when a woman picks you for a relationship its like going half an half on a business deal. For she knows you could totally and utterly bone the job.

I think she was hoping that you could be the Dick Cheney to her Bush :cool: That one guy (because there aren't many if any) that could wait with her. It was a gamble. But in that gamble, she put her heart on the line. Which means in the end you did have more power. Hopefully she was able to deal with your decision (after hers by picking you).

Not saying your a bad guy or anything. We are who we are. And certain people need what they need That doesn't remove the fact that you ended it.
 
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185248

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I broke up with her. Before reading any of your replies.

Thanks for the input. A gripe-- typically, as is par for the course, most of you made me out to be the bad guy who's got all the power, and she is the innocent helpless girl who can't make any decisions for herself.

She knew from the beginning my position, and she chose to be with me. Women are stronger and in more control than most people give them credit for. The guy always get blamed for a breakup.
It ends...something else will begin :)