She's A Player?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Incocknito, Jan 14, 2009.

  1. Incocknito

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    Momma told me my new girlfriend/lady friend/occassional partner in social activities be a player.

    We met NYE...spent the next three days together...spent new years day in bed all day (naked, groping, cuddling, not penetrating (I was only groping above waist)).

    So anyway we got on, I noticed her eyes dilate when looking at me and she was very touchy feely and honest. Seemed good. Recently she told me she was still thinking about her ex a lot since they broke up just before Christmas which is understandable. At the same time she expressed that she "really, really" likes me.

    Now some times like today for instance she told me she has gone out with a friend. Didn't tell me where or which friend and I didn't ask because frankly I don't think its any of my business at this early stage in the game.

    It is just these times and my knowning that she gets texts A LOT (in fact one time we came out of the cinema and she looked at her phone and said "no one's text me in all that time?") lead me to believe that I may not be the only guy she is seeing.

    So what I was thinking anyway but that this recent revelation has confirmed is that I will propose to her that we stop seeing each other until she is a) over her ex and b) she decides what/who she wants.

    Now, I would like to be with her and for her to choose to be with me but I would respect any decision she made. I would even encourage her to move continents to be with her ex if that's what she wants (her ex lives on another continent, she used to work overseas).

    What do you think? I just don't want to be a girl's 'other man' and since I am not tempted to see any other girls I expect the same courtesy from here.

    Am I right? Am I wrong? Anyone been in a similar situation? BTW she is quatre ans older than me.

    So basically these are the options as I see it, maybe you see more:

    1. Tell her we should have some time apart to let her decide what she wants

    2. Not have any time apart and keep seeing each other, risking me being upset/embarrassed when/if it emerges that she actually is a 'player'
     
  2. Principessa

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    #3 Talk to her, tell her how you feel and ask if she feels the same way.
     
  3. Amber1

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    Okay....

    the ex thing is definately a concearn....and I totally here you there.
    So I would watch that!!

    However, the text thing you could be totally overreactin to!
    I f she is a very sociable girl she may just be dissapointed because none of her friends have text???

    Girls text each other ALL the time (well a lot of us do) and if she is a heavy texter she may be dissapointed not to have heard from her mates....

    really some days I find it hard to get a minute bcos me and my friends and family are textin each other so much....and i dnt even like textin that much!!!


    As for the ex....yes be careful just WATCH the signs, try not to get too emotionally involved at this stage. If she keeps goin on about him I would probably back off...which may be all the incentive she needs to make up her mind!!
     
  4. Incocknito

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    She doesn't talk about him except that one time.

    We are going out tonight so we'll see.
     
  5. Incocknito

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    Well it was pretty strange with her. Maybe I was a little off because of the way I feel. She didn't seem as into me tonight and she's been that way for a while now.

    She didn't want to stay over which is understandable but still I want someone who will want to stay in my bed (and just sleep, honestly). I told her that I know I like her and she knows I like her but I don't know how she feels. She said it would take her a long time to get over her ex and that she was still thinking about him.

    I told her she has my number and she can get in touch if she ever wants to make an honest man of me.

    Quite proud of myself really, normally I would have been quiet in a relationship but I've been hurt too many times that way. I actually felt a weight lift off me.

    Guess we'll see now.
     
  6. Jovial

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    I sounds like she is just not into you that much. Maybe she wants back with her ex or whatever. There is nothing wrong with dating more than one person. If two people are in the dating-other-people stage, then they should both be honest and just say that. Just because you dated her a few times doesn't mean that it is exclusive. So I wouldn't label her a player. To be a player there needs to be some lying going on. Sometimes a girl will have a hard time telling a guy that she doesn't like him that much especially if he really likes a lot. She doesn't want to hurt his feelings.

    It sounds like you handled it well. You didn't want to deal with the drama, so left it up to her if she wants to be with you and be more exclusive.
     
  7. Incocknito

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    Well other guys didn't really come into it. I just said she could call me if she ever wanted to go out with me. The issue is as you said she's either not into me or still into her ex. She almost started crying when I mentioned her ex's name so I'm pretty sure she's still 'grieving' the breakup.

    This has been a good lesson for me if nothing else :smile:. I wish I'd learned this sooner!
     
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