Have you ever just sat and thought about your life and where you thought it would be? And where you are is totally different. Like for me...i thought I was gonna live it up when I got to college. You know...party with my boys, chase women, yada yada yada....NO! Not I. All my best friends are married....WITH KIDS (3 has kid) and if they dont have kids...they been hit with the baby plague (meaning they were suppose to have kids but something happened). We were all in college....now im just in college. And all the ppl that I hung out with from HS are at other universities hrs away from me. I just sucks sometimes man. Do we have other stories to share???
Shhhhhhhhhhhhhi* Happens
- Thread starter Ty101
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B_Think_Kink
Sexy Member
Mine is about where I thought it would be. In college, fucking a hot boy, doing drugs, living the college experience. It all end in 4 weeks.
My life is better than I ever dreamed or hoped. Being gay I often felt left out and felt that all my friends were getting on with their lives while I was being left behind. Now, things are great. Their stuck in "domestic hell" as one friend (now just an aquaintance) calls it, while my life is my own. I have more and have achieved more than I ever thought I would. (and I'm not rich, comfortable yes) There is not a day goes by that I'm not aware of how lucky I am.
Eh, things have worked out pretty well for me, definitely some bumps along the road and being unemployed for 8 months was one of them. But, now I am in a new job that I like so "all's well that ends well." A LOT of my friends are married and/or pregnant and/or parents though, which is fine with me, more power to them, having a kid was never something I aspired to even before I figured out that I liked guys.
One of my favorite sayings is "Things will work out OK in the end. If things aren't OK, it isn't the end." If you are the one still in college, good for you! You have a much brighter future ahead of you in your career.
One of my favorite sayings is "Things will work out OK in the end. If things aren't OK, it isn't the end." If you are the one still in college, good for you! You have a much brighter future ahead of you in your career.
My life most definitely did not turn out the way I had imagined when I was younger. I thought I'd have a job that I loved, be happily married, and living in a nice home. I thought the husband and I would have a nice little circle of friends, that we'd entertain occasionally, and that we'd travel. I never expected or imagined that I would end up in a soul-sucking job, paid too poorly to even consider owning a home (let alone a nice one), and still single. I also never imagined that I'd become overweight. My biggest self-image problem when I was younger was that I was too skinny, so I imagined myself working out and getting into shape. (Of course, I never did.)
And, like the OP, all my friends got married, had kids, and moved on with their lives. Maybe I'd feel a sense of freedom if I knew other single people my own age, but I don't. If I go to a bar or club, I go alone, and I'm surrounded by people who are 10-15 years younger than me.
If I've learned anything it's that wishful/positive thinking doesn't accomplish anything. If you want something, you have to actively plan and work to make it happen, but even then there are no guarantees. There's always an element of chance, and some of us will fail. And some of us will learn from our failures, ultimately turning them into successes.
I think part of the problem is that I never really knew what I wanted except in the most general sense. I knew I wanted a job that I loved, but I didn't know what that would be--and I still don't. I guess I always thought that I'd figure it out when the time came, that things would fall into place. Maybe it does work out that way for some people (those lucky bastards), but it sure as hell didn't work out that way for me.
Although my life is far from over and there is still time to create the kind of life I'd like to have, I can't help but to mourn that loss of the last decade of my life. I think what I regret the most is that I didn't get to spend that time with someone special. I alway prioritized my education and career. It seemed like there was time. Now that that time is gone, I wish I could do it over.
Although I realize that indulging in regret and self-pity is counter-productive, I've found myself stuck in a rut and unable to see a way out.
I really wish I could think of a way to end this post on a positive note, but I can't think of anything else to say.
And, like the OP, all my friends got married, had kids, and moved on with their lives. Maybe I'd feel a sense of freedom if I knew other single people my own age, but I don't. If I go to a bar or club, I go alone, and I'm surrounded by people who are 10-15 years younger than me.
If I've learned anything it's that wishful/positive thinking doesn't accomplish anything. If you want something, you have to actively plan and work to make it happen, but even then there are no guarantees. There's always an element of chance, and some of us will fail. And some of us will learn from our failures, ultimately turning them into successes.
I think part of the problem is that I never really knew what I wanted except in the most general sense. I knew I wanted a job that I loved, but I didn't know what that would be--and I still don't. I guess I always thought that I'd figure it out when the time came, that things would fall into place. Maybe it does work out that way for some people (those lucky bastards), but it sure as hell didn't work out that way for me.
Although my life is far from over and there is still time to create the kind of life I'd like to have, I can't help but to mourn that loss of the last decade of my life. I think what I regret the most is that I didn't get to spend that time with someone special. I alway prioritized my education and career. It seemed like there was time. Now that that time is gone, I wish I could do it over.
Although I realize that indulging in regret and self-pity is counter-productive, I've found myself stuck in a rut and unable to see a way out.
I really wish I could think of a way to end this post on a positive note, but I can't think of anything else to say.
Phil Ayesho
Superior Member
Shit Meniscus...
that sounds awful.
All I can tell you is that you need to take action.
My life is not what I would have imagined at 20, but it is pretty damn close... a satisfying analog of what I always dreamed...
and that is solely because I have always known what I wanted to be doing.
While so many of my peers drifted... pissing away time waiting for something to happen... spending a decade in college to get a degree they would never use... or working jobs they never intended to keep while a decade slipped by... I always had a goal.
I had no idea how to make a living at it at first, nor even if I could make a living at it... but having a clear goal made it very easy to make choices in life, as every choice could simply be anaylzed by whether it took me closer or farther from my goal.
I married a woman who seemed to want me, at 21... and while I loved her, it was not that magical relationship I always wished for...
I spent 15 years in that marriage... and it may have ended badly... but it was not time wasted, because we had children that I raised, that family focused me on the future and my career and earning... and made something outside myself more important..
I do not look upon it with regret... but as time profitably spent while waiting for the person that would be that magical relationship...
The worst thing you can do is nothing. To suffer a life that is not moving anywhere is worse than to suffer a life that is moving, even moving in the wrong direction... because at the very least you will learn one more thing you don't want and maybe hone in by the process of elimination...
Not making a choice is STILL a choice.
You can choose Different or choose the Same.
Each day you get up and straddle a horse... and you can ride that horse north half the day and south half the day and find your ass is just as sore as if you had made progress, and yet you are right back where you started...
Or you can pick a direction, even at random, and just keep riding that direction every day.
You may not find what you are looking for, but you will at least find yourself someplace different, see new vistas, uncover new horizons...
And you are far more likely to chance upon the horizon that rightly beckons to you, than you are riding the same trail repeatedly.
I can tell you that the next ten go by in half the time as the last.
And at their end you will not longer have youth.
Get off your ass, pick a goal, even an uncertain one, and ask yourself what you can do today to take you even one yard closer to it.
As as to your soul crushing job... you can be poor doing something you hate or you can be poor doing something rewarding.
If you don't know what you want... try not thinking about what you want and see if you can help others find what they want, or need.
Right now, you have no job you love, no person you love, and no great monetary ties to hold you down.
You have nothing to lose... you are unencumbered...
That, my friend, is the truest form of freedom.
Look around, and find a path , It matters not if it is your path, as long as it is a path with heart,
and start riding that way.
And don't look back.
that sounds awful.
All I can tell you is that you need to take action.
My life is not what I would have imagined at 20, but it is pretty damn close... a satisfying analog of what I always dreamed...
and that is solely because I have always known what I wanted to be doing.
While so many of my peers drifted... pissing away time waiting for something to happen... spending a decade in college to get a degree they would never use... or working jobs they never intended to keep while a decade slipped by... I always had a goal.
I had no idea how to make a living at it at first, nor even if I could make a living at it... but having a clear goal made it very easy to make choices in life, as every choice could simply be anaylzed by whether it took me closer or farther from my goal.
I married a woman who seemed to want me, at 21... and while I loved her, it was not that magical relationship I always wished for...
I spent 15 years in that marriage... and it may have ended badly... but it was not time wasted, because we had children that I raised, that family focused me on the future and my career and earning... and made something outside myself more important..
I do not look upon it with regret... but as time profitably spent while waiting for the person that would be that magical relationship...
The worst thing you can do is nothing. To suffer a life that is not moving anywhere is worse than to suffer a life that is moving, even moving in the wrong direction... because at the very least you will learn one more thing you don't want and maybe hone in by the process of elimination...
Not making a choice is STILL a choice.
You can choose Different or choose the Same.
Each day you get up and straddle a horse... and you can ride that horse north half the day and south half the day and find your ass is just as sore as if you had made progress, and yet you are right back where you started...
Or you can pick a direction, even at random, and just keep riding that direction every day.
You may not find what you are looking for, but you will at least find yourself someplace different, see new vistas, uncover new horizons...
And you are far more likely to chance upon the horizon that rightly beckons to you, than you are riding the same trail repeatedly.
I can tell you that the next ten go by in half the time as the last.
And at their end you will not longer have youth.
Get off your ass, pick a goal, even an uncertain one, and ask yourself what you can do today to take you even one yard closer to it.
As as to your soul crushing job... you can be poor doing something you hate or you can be poor doing something rewarding.
If you don't know what you want... try not thinking about what you want and see if you can help others find what they want, or need.
Right now, you have no job you love, no person you love, and no great monetary ties to hold you down.
You have nothing to lose... you are unencumbered...
That, my friend, is the truest form of freedom.
Look around, and find a path , It matters not if it is your path, as long as it is a path with heart,
and start riding that way.
And don't look back.
Its amazing what people write on here. My mom always says that I'm the one everyone envys. Becuz im smart, I'm hardworking, i go to college (3 semesters left--thank god!)....its kinda like I have the perfect life. Yet like some of yall said, I really havent had true true love (i know itll come tho). And i feel like im kinda missing out on the relationship part...dont get me wrong I date alot of people. But I really dont have time to stablize bcuz im so busy trying to set building blocks for the perfect life that I want me and my family to have.
by the way im only 21. All my friends had kids at 20 and married at 22.
on the other hand, I do feel good. Im the only one outta 6 of us that is finishing school. I have all the freedom that anyone would want. I can go out n stay out til i feel like I cant move anymore lol...it does feel good. I thank my parents tho for what I am. I did a good job. im happy too
its just, I thought it would be TOTALLY different.
by the way im only 21. All my friends had kids at 20 and married at 22.
on the other hand, I do feel good. Im the only one outta 6 of us that is finishing school. I have all the freedom that anyone would want. I can go out n stay out til i feel like I cant move anymore lol...it does feel good. I thank my parents tho for what I am. I did a good job. im happy too
its just, I thought it would be TOTALLY different.
Phil, I want to thank you for your kind and thoughtful reply. I've been meaning to write back, but haven't yet had the time or energy. (It's 9:00 p.m. here and I haven't had dinner yet.) Since this thread seems to have run its course, I will pm you sometime within the next few days. Thanks again.
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