Shopping addiction.

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by Drifterwood, Jun 19, 2009.

  1. Drifterwood

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    I have a friend whose wife has a serious shopping problem. It really is like an addiction. She wastes money that they just don't have on things she never uses. She also won't go out to work.

    I can see him losing everything, or simply living his life in financial slavery to this woman.

    Does anyone have experience of this or advice on what he can do or where they can seek help?
     
  2. D_Brecock Evileye

    D_Brecock Evileye New Member

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    I need this information as well. My mother and my Aunt have this same problem.
     
  3. got_lost

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    Would she go and see a councilllor to discuss it?

    I used to shop alot when I was working - on reflection it was just fill the void and give me some quick release of pleasure of having bought something new for myself. KInd of like trying to tell yourself you have value as you've bought yourself a gift.

    Has he tried giving her a budget or just plain cancelling her credit cards?!?!
    I think he needs to put his foot down before he/they are destitute!
     
  4. Incocknito

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    Yeah, its hardly rocket science. It works like this:

    The wife has no credit cards or other means of accessing currency. Whenever the wife wants money, she asks her husband and if he deems it necessary, he gives her cash of a certain amount.

    Rules, boundaries, limiations.
     
  5. B_theOtherJJ

    B_theOtherJJ New Member

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    There is alot of info online for Shopping Addiction, as it is not Uncommon. There are support groups as well.

    I love to shop, but I do have control over my compulsions. Oddly, if I am having a bad day or I am bored, Shopping always lifts my spirits and relaxes me.

    But surely I dont make light of someone who is in dire need of help for a problem with this. It is an illness.
     
  6. barbiegirl007

    barbiegirl007 New Member

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    If there is nothing wrong with her, then perhaps your friend could suggest she finds herself a job (this will also occupy her time). He could also try cutting her source of credit (he is the one providing for her after all……confiscate those credit cards, close the joint account etc.). He also needs to sit down with her and find out why she has this obsessive need to waste money (especially in the current financial mess). If she won’t open up to her husband, then perhaps he could advise her to talk to a professional.

    I used to shop like I was possessed but it was my own money (not credit cards) I was spending, no make that wasting. I only stopped after constantly going through my closets and finding untouched clothes/shoes/bags with the tags/labels still attached to them and thinking okay, why did I buy this, I don’t even like it that much. On the upside, the charity shops were happy with my donations.
     
  7. Mem

    Mem
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    You have to tell her "no". These are people who were not given boundaries growing up. They find pleasure in external things. Explain that she needs peace of mind in her life and that comes with financial security. Send her to therapy.

    The man may need to leave her. Maybe even just the threat will straighten her out. I wouldn't let myself get involved with someone like this.
     
  8. B_Stronzo

    B_Stronzo New Member

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    My "wife" doesn't have the shopping problem. His does.

    Just let him try to curb my spending. It's my bloody money!

    Seriously DW? I imagine it's like any addiction be it alcohol or gambling. It needs professional attention. Seems trite but I hear it works.

    I disagree with Incocknito in that making someone beholding to that degree is bound to bring about resentment.

    I say let the professionals sort it out.

    Doling money out seems parental and that never works in a relationship.
     
  9. nudeyorker

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    That's why I work...but I spend within my means! If I want it I buy it ..If I can afford it. I think some of the people with this problem have not worked or have never been accountable for their spending...or both!
     
  10. IntoxicatingToxin

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    Shopping is a form of escapism for most people. Whether they can afford it or not, they need to get "away" from whatever is bothering them at the moment. Shopping also gives you a feeling of immediate gratification. I'd suggest some type of therapy/counseling.
     
  11. Drifterwood

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    Thanks everyone.

    I think in her case, it is the lack of boundaires rather than some psychological gap filling. The latter would give her the excuse to behave like a victim of something. He doesn't help the situation by being weak with her and he can't walk out because they have two kids.

    However he does have to sort it out. I will speak to him, I just didn't want to say anything unsympathetic or wrong.
     
  12. StrictlyAvg

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    Mock if you will - you might well hate the guy - but Paul McKenna's book "I Can Make You Rich" has some very useful analyses of the reasons people spend more money than they earn and shopping addiction is one of the things covered (clue - despite the title it's not all about material riches; some of the figures he's chosen as examples I happen to detest btw). A lot of it seems to come down to self-worth issues.

    Might help him to at least understand why she's doing what she's doing and work on some solutions with her.
    Like dealing with any addict, first he has to make her realise she is an addict and needs to do something about it, in order to get her to see a counsellor with any sense of purpose on her part.
     
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