Shopping at Costco

Discussion in 'Funny Stuff: Jokes, Quizzes, Games & Pics' started by Pecker, Mar 3, 2011.

  1. Pecker

    Pecker Retired Moderator
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    Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Oscar, the Wonder Dog and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

    What did she think I had an elephant? So since I'm retired and have
    little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was
    starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't,
    because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50
    pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming
    out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

    I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that
    it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply
    eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally
    complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to
    mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with
    my story.)

    Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog

    food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff a
    poodle's ass and a car hit me.

    I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was
    laughing so hard.

    Costco took my membership card and told me not to come back.

     
  2. D_Gunther Snotpole

    D_Gunther Snotpole Account Disabled

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    I guess all that dog food made you think you were a Great Dame, Pecker.
     
  3. borntobeking

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    That is friggin' hillarious. I love being sarcastic when people ask me dumb questions as well. Though I have never gone through the lengths of an entire story like this. I need to step my game up :)
     
  4. Pecker

    Pecker Retired Moderator
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    Pwnd.
     
  5. bicuriousbc

    bicuriousbc Member

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    lol
    that was very funny
     
  6. canuck_pa

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    Dear Pecker,

    I love your humour.
     
  7. MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK

    MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK Well-Known Member

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    Peck, you really oughtta Beagle-ad you weren't arrested.
     
  8. Hoss

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    If we scratch Pecker behind the ears will he do tricks for us?
     
  9. hockeyguy741

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  10. MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK

    MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK Well-Known Member

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    OMFG!!! Now, there's classic humor from the master himself. Great one there, Pecker.
    I can just imagine your shopping trips to BJ's.
     
  11. bigboy9239

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    I bet if you scratch his back...his right leg goes crazy!
     
  12. Indelicate

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    Dear Pecker,
    Did you ever get your Costco membership back? Or was it a perma ban?

    Indy
     
  13. BUSTERHYMAN

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    Pecker met a girl in a nightclub last night when she whispered in Pecker ear, "I want you to make me feel dirty and degraded."

    So Pecker took her shopping at the local Costco.





    I gave a tramp with a dog some food from Costco yesterday which supposedly gives a clean, fresh coat.

    I walked past him today and his jacket still stinks of stale piss.
     
    #13 BUSTERHYMAN, Nov 24, 2013
    Last edited: Nov 24, 2013
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