Short Reviews of Movies You've Seen Recently

steve319

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I'll join in on the raves for Crash. Just phenomenal. Topical, unsettling, insightful, powerful, moving, depressing and uplifting all at once. THIS is what films should try to do. :eek:

Saw Corpse Bride a couple of months ago. I love Burton's stuff anyway, but combine that with stop-motion and gothic imagery and I'm overjoyed. Didn't think the songs lived up to the standard set in Nightmare Before Christmas, though.
 

SurferGirlCA

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Short review/capsulization of KING KONG: Fresh-faced NYC girl struggles to break into show business and keep from starving (not necessarily in that order)... Girl meets sleazy filmmaker who promises to make her a star, then meets mousey writer who promises nothing but gives long, soulful glances 24/7... Trio travel to scary Jurassic Park-like island, populated by drugged-out natives... Gianormous bi-polar ape makes dramatic entrance, instantly explaining why locals prefer herbally-induced catatonic state... Ape swipes girl and tours her around island, trying to connect with girl when not being forced to kill numerous annoying creatures... Hapless humans give chase, soon regret this decision... Sleazy filmmaker captures ape and returns to NYC, mousey writer and slightly rumpled NYC girl in tow... Giant ape breaks out of chains in NYC, unwisely chooses Empire State Building as escape route... NYC girl sobs uncontrollably as giant ape is killed, realizing that, with all the issues surrounding their relationship, happiness far more likely with him than with sleazy filmmaker or mousey writer. :smile:
 

madame_zora

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caneadea said:
__________________________________________________
I remember when Robin Williams was cast to star in "The World According To Garp". I was horrified because I loved the book and pictured somebody completely different than the zany maniac, Robin Williams. However, it turned out that he was really excellent. It proves my theory that comedians are great at playing drama but not vice versa.

(I know that there are exceptions. No need for anyone to pounce.) :smile:

Wow, I haven't thought about that movie for a long time, but I agree. It was one of the few book-into-movie efforts that really stayed true to the original story. I also liked Scott Turow's Presumed Innocent for that reason.

I want to see The Machinist, especially since you guys liked it so much. I loved Bale in American Psycho, but he lost points for being in Batman.
 

scottsimms

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ME AND YOU AND EVERYONE ELSE WE KNOW

This worthless piece of trash wins my vote as the worst movie of 2005
and enters the Hall of Fame pantheon as one of the worst EVER. It
makes SON OF THE MASK look like Ingmar Bergman! The scene mentioned below with the 6-year old boy in the Internet chat room has to be one of the
most foul, disgusting scenes ever committed to celluloid and, if I
could, I would bring up the producers and the parents of the child
actor on child charges. At any rate, I've downloaded a review which
pretty much sums it up:

" If Zach Braff and David Gordon Green conferred in the deepest,
darkest corner of hell, removed each other's genitals with piano wire,
feverishly slammed the dripping remains into a filthy blender, added
liberal helpings of bile, excrement, and the entrails of mutilated
infants, and then -- and only then -- shot the concoction at a blank
canvas, the end result might approach what I witnessed in any given
moment of Me and You and Everyone We Know; not only the worst film of
the year, but one so repugnant to reason that I may be forced to
endure several dozen more screenings of Fantastic Four to remove the
deep, unshakable odor. From the opening scene -- a dual disaster
whereby one character sets his hand on fire while the other "creates"
bizarre, unwatchable performance art -- I knew I was in for an
unmitigated disaster; the sort of crime against the cinema that one
encounters only on occasion, but with increasing frequency in an
independent film scene that has now institutionalized the belief that
madness and advanced, incurable retardation are endearing quirks that,
by fiat, must be celebrated as genuine alternatives to everyday
living. It should surprise no one that writer/director/star Miranda
July (a silly stage name if there ever was one -- she probably had her
first period in that month or something) is, in real life, the sort of
performance artist she portrays on screen, which provides the only
evidence we really need as to her twisted mental state. If there's a
group of folks in this wide, wretched world that deserves the same
sort of unending contempt reserved for Christians and Republicans, it
is these overly precious, colossally untalented wretches; human beings
so childishly needy and narcissistic that they wail with the sadness
of a hungry newborn when the world fails to recognize that yes, the
rusty toilet fastened to the ceiling is in fact symbolic of
patriarchy's determined hold on the politics of the Western world.

Ms. July portrays Christine, a woman from a world no one of good sense
would ever recognize, who operates a business called "Elder Cab," a
taxi service for equally intolerable senior citizens. From all
appearances, she seems to only have one client, some nattering old
coot who is in love with a dying woman in a retirement home. Their
first scene together involves a trip to the shoe store for a pair of
Nikes, which serves no other purpose than to allow her to meet Richard
(John Hawkes), who sells footwear and at the same time, dispenses the
sort of wisdom you'd most likely get on a crowded, urine-soaked bus at
the wrong end of town. He's a nervous, frightening-looking fellow, and
as soon as he begins speaking, we know that he's bound to fall in love
with Christine because he's her equal in the criminally insane
department. Richard just separated from his wife, and he's left caring
for his two kids, who are precocious and solemn in good measure,
depending of course on the requirements of the wretched screenplay.

The eldest son, Peter (Miles Thompson), doesn't say much, but we know
he's a wise soul because he wanders around looking like he needs a
nap. Peter's younger brother is also one of those kids you'd find in a
film like this; the sort of youngster who will carry on an internet
sex chat, and ask that he be allowed to poop in her butt, and have her
reciprocate. And back again. Needless to say, the pervert at the other
end will ask to meet the child, and when it takes place on a lonely
park bench, the person we suspect is a greasy child molester is
actually a middle-aged woman, and one of the characters we've come to
know in the course of the film! Standing nearby, of course, is some
weirdo doing Tai-Chi, which is actually an understated distraction for
someone of July's nature. Had a nude couple strolled by engaging in a
debate about existentialism while eating pizza with their feet, I
would not have been shocked. That's the kind of film this is,
unfortunately.

Peter also gets blown by two neighborhood chicks, who want to hone
their skills before moving on to the creepy dude who is leaving
suggestive notes on his window. Before getting down to business, the
girls ask for two washcloths (one dry, one wet), a towel, and two
pieces of candy (preferably mints). Such a description, as bad as it
is, does nothing to convey the tone of the scene, which is so phony
and theatrical that no one could ever believe it. But that's only a
small slice of unconvincing bullshit that passes before our eyes. A
sampling:

* Christine and her elderly friend chase down an SUV with a
goldfish in a bag sitting on the roof, which flies off and lands on
the trunk of a nearby vehicle. The bag eventually falls to the ground,
presumably killing the fish.

* Christine narrates a video (playing both male and female parts)
where two young people declare their love in language that would be
too embarrassed to be featured in a greeting card.

* Christine works on her art some more, this time writing "me" and
"you" on her shoes for -- you guessed it -- no conceivable reason.

* Christine (who else?) flirts with Richard by attaching nylons to her ears.

* A young friend of Peter's -- a girl who actually says "Sunday
supplement" to a clerk -- keeps a hope chest full of appliances and
bath items, which she calls her dowry. Oh yes, she also spends a few
moments inhaling the smell of a shower curtain.

* Christine, disturbed by the sight of Richard speaking to his
estranged wife, shoves a talking picture frame at her and proceeds to
redden faces everywhere with her sales pitch.

* Richard and his two sons stroll down the street singing hymns
because Richard wanted to "take his hand for a walk" after removing
the bandage from his self-inflicted wound.

And on and on we go, but even the most masochistic moviegoer has his
limits. And even if I closed my eyes, there'd still be that horrific
score, which sounds like a drunken Philip Glass blowing chunks into a
tuba. Christine is cut from the same cloth as Garden State's Braff, as
she makes strange noises, writes "fuck" on her windshield, puts round,
pink stickers on everything, and asks the director of an art show
(within the context of her submitted video) to call her, say only
"macaroni," and hang up. And I'll be fucked if such a call wasn't
made. Finally, Richard asks this disturbed creature over for a date,
and when she catches him on his front lawn trying to hide a painting
that had been defaced by his youngest son, she naturally helps him
look for a more suitable tree on which to hang the work of art. Don't
you understand? This chick sees into the soul of every person and
object she encounters, and art is, like, everywhere, you know? And
she'd see nothing untoward about asking you to plunk down $25 for a
ticket to her show, which would be nothing more than her sitting
cross-legged in the middle of the room eating ice cream for 3 ½ hours.

Ignore the praise, the four-star reviews, and the cries that in Ms.
July, cinema has found a striking new talent. The only justice would
be for this obnoxious twit to return to her studio, keep creating for
the handful of paid sycophants who convinced her that writing a
screenplay was "that one thing" she just had to do, and never show her
face in public again. She's a shining example of what's wrong with
American film, even the so-called "cutting edge scene," that is now
little more than the same old bullshit with smaller catering budgets.
It's impossible to hate characters more, or be invested in their
plight less, and only my wife's strong arm kept me seated for the
duration. Her sweat-filled loathing was equally as strong, but as she
loves to watch me squirm through raw sewage, my pain outweighed her
desire for freedom and fresh air. But we survived -- barely, with the
scars to prove it."

A HORRORSHOW!!!!!!!!
 

Matthew

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SouthernBum said:
Just watched Four Brothers...good action type movie if you go in with the mindset of not expecting much.
Sounds like my life story.
 

tivers78

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The Good Old Naughty Days

a sketch/documentry about early pornography.
Actually fell asleep while watching but not bcos it was dull. I was just totally knackered! lol! From the bits I recall seeing last night, I[ll definately re-watch the entire movie b4 returning it.
 

B_Danceswithlamps

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Spirited Away, by Hayao Miyazaki.

Woderful, wonderful movie/anime.

About a young girl (10), Chihiro, and what happens to her when she is left by herself in a strange world, and forced to work, when this little prissy twit is left parentless. She grows tremendously. I loved it. LOVED It!

3 thumbs up! :D:D:D
 

B_caneadea

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My partner and I saw Woody Allen's latest film, Match Point.
It moves along slowly while the plot develops. Then, a very good ending. If you can stand the slow first half, I would definitely recommend it.
It's very different from any Woody Allen film that I have ever seen.
 

Pecker

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caneadea said:
My partner and I saw Woody Allen's latest film, Match Point.
It moves along slowly while the plot develops. Then, a very good ending. If you can stand the slow first half, I would definitely recommend it.
It's very different from any Woody Allen film that I have ever seen.

My favorite Woody Allen film is "What's Up, Tiger Lily?"

But I still can't make a good egg salad.
 

rawbone8

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It would have been more hilarous as a much shorter movie or even as sketch comedy. The challenge was keeping the joke going. Interest dwindles as it becomes a vapid love story.

The first scene is priceless though. Talk about waking up with morning wood! :biggrin1:
 

D_Barbi_Queue

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Must Love Dogs - John Cusack....mmmm....I'm a fan of his movies. While this wasn't one of his best (Say Anything, Better off Dead), it certainly wasn't one of his worsts either (Pushing Tin, Being John Malcovich). I was actually pleasantly surprised at how cute the movie was.


Sahara - Matthew McConaughey - oh man, I could spend a solid 24 hrs tapping that fellow Texan!! Oooo-wee, he's hot! OK, back to the movie, I mainly rented it for the eye candy, fully expecting it to be as cheesy as Reign of Fire. Again, I was pleasantly surprised. While it wasn't one of the best movies I've ever seen, I'd rate it a solid 3 1/2 out of 5 stars. Oh, and did I mention that Matthew is hot?!