Should a new gay teacher be "out" or "in"?

IntoxicatingToxin

Expert Member
Joined
Sep 10, 2006
Posts
7,639
Media
0
Likes
246
Points
283
Location
Kansas City (Missouri, United States)
Sexuality
99% Straight, 1% Gay
Gender
Female
Well, my first question would be... what grade level is he teaching? I don't think you should be if you're dealing with elementary school kids - too many parents would freak out. Probably not middle school either. High school would probably be more accepting... college should definitely be more accepting. I don't necessarily think he should go blabbing his sexuality... but I dunno. I'd have to know what grade level first.
 

jfrsndvs

Experimental Member
Joined
Jul 16, 2006
Posts
352
Media
2
Likes
16
Points
238
Location
Quincy (Illinois, United States)
Sexuality
69% Gay, 31% Straight
Gender
Male
you are sooo right on that, a person can be themselves without having to scream that they are gay, sure he is gay, he can be proud of that, but he doesn't have to flaunt it around.

as for the future music teacher, personally, I don't think that he needs to blurt out that he is gay, that has absolutely nothing to do with his teaching abilities, during the school day, a teacher should not think at all about their lifestyle, all they should be thinking about is how and what they are teaching the kids, since this is a music class, he needs to be teaching music, not lifestyles, or politics, keep the home life at home.

back when I was in school, there was a music teacher that was gay (and it was quite obvious he was gay just by his actions), he never ever spoke of his personal life, and there was a straight music teacher, and again, he never spoke of his personal life, they stuck to the subject that they taught, both teachers were highly respected for their profession by not only by the other teachers, but from parents and students for their dedication to their students.

in this area, there are quite a few teachers that are gay, a couple of them were let go because they were talking too much about their personal lives, and caused quite an uproar, but those gay teachers that keep their private lives private have no problems at all.




I am not arguing with you, mindseye. Most people are realistic enough to understand that you have to play it cool. Yes, don't be ashamed of yourself, but don't SCREAM gay.

I know it is annoying, frustrating and unfair, but look at all the examples. Mindseye had one, the lesbian art teacher who had a website up with naked pics is another.
 

dags

Just Browsing
Joined
Oct 2, 2006
Posts
250
Media
0
Likes
0
Points
161
Location
Midwest
Sexuality
99% Gay, 1% Straight
Gender
Male
I have to agree with robjustrob and fortiesfun. If you two are staying in Ohio, what is the population of the area you live? I would definatly take some intitial time on the new job to observe the new work environment. I always do when I relocate or start a new job, just to lay back and feel out the vibe you get from people. He should trust his gut feelings befor making a decision about sharing any details about his personal life or even just the fact "Oh I have a partner" type statement.
I always prefer being open and honest that I have a partner, and I follow my advice above as guidelines. At the point I feel comfortable enough that my coworkers are "cool" and are non-judgemental I just work it in to a conversation and keep right on talking without missing a beat in a confidant manner. I've never had a problem. Also being well liked ahead of time helps.
Possibly wait a year until he's more established, well known and liked as well as repected for his work. I've had that be the case also, I was such a key player, had some senority, was well liked and then I started mentioning it. Nobody had a problem with it at least on my level and none of the new employees ever knew or said anything. I was'nt too worrried anyway.
I hope this helps and gives you some more perspective.
 

naughty

Sexy Member
Joined
May 21, 2004
Posts
11,232
Media
0
Likes
38
Points
258
Location
Workin' up a good pot of mad!
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Female
Hi,

I think Nic ,Mindseye, and LEx made valid points. I feel that way across the board be you homosexual or heterosexual. The work place is for WORK. He doesnt have to deny who he is but just as in the case of a heterosexual teacher who's personal life begins to bleed into the work place it can be a very awkward situation. So it is probably best to leave that particular part of his personal life at home.
 

DiegoID

Experimental Member
Joined
Jul 13, 2006
Posts
92
Media
0
Likes
2
Points
151
Location
San Diego, CA
Sexuality
99% Gay, 1% Straight
Gender
Male
I don't know about Ohio, but if this was California it would be a non-issue. Of course you want to be professional. That doesn't mean that you hide who you are and what your sexuality is. Make sure the other faculty know, and let the students figure it out on their own. It is being open and honest, and will prevent any embarrasing "outing". Being in the closet is not emotionally or mentally healty. Be out, be proud, and stand up for who you are.

Just my 2 cents.



Did you hear that they're changing the Virginia state motto to "Virginia is for /straight/ lovers"?
 
4

4357

Guest
The BEST teacher that I had in high school taught Biology; he was equally respected by students and colleagues and went on to become a principal at one of the top schools in town. He is gay, but not out. By contrast, the biggest perve of the teachers in high school was one of the gym teachers, who used to sit outside the showers sneaking peeks at the exiting students, ostensibly there to insure that we didn't steal the towels. He was a lousy teacher and a letch, but married. Teachers, and all people for that matter, should be measured by their contributions and character, not slandered by narrow minded ideology.

Isn't it a sad state of affairs that one needs to ask such a question in this day and age? Most civilized nations extend equal rights to all people regardless of sexual orientation, and here we are--the most wealthy and powerful nation in the world "spreading freedon in the mid-east"-- yet a significant portion of our population is still being subjugated! All perfectly legal, done in the name of "protecting" the majority (status quo.) Churches and conservatives want to "protect the sanctity of marriage," the military descriminates to "protect troop morale", the Boy Scouts want to "protect Scouts from homosexual pedophiles" and sadly many school districts descriminate too.

It is one of the most upsetting aspects of American society, and I equate it to the Civil Rights struggles for blacks back in the 60's. We all must keep voicing our outrage until the time comes when our Gay-Lesbian-Bisexual & transgendered brothers and sisters feel as free as the straights in our society, enjoying the same benefits and protections.

To the specific question: My thoughts are that a new gay teacher should be 'out' . Set a professional example for staff and students alike, and in time you will be respected for your abilities despite early whispers about your orientation. Teachers shape our young, and we should expect and encourage them to lead lives of integrity.

PattyPablo, my best wishes and heartfelt prayers go out to your friend.
Regardless of what decision he makes, he is doing one of the most important jobs that there is, and that should be applauded.
X
 

donkeylong84

Just Browsing
Joined
Nov 14, 2006
Posts
1
Media
0
Likes
0
Points
146
This is my first post here after lurking for a while and given the time I have to really contribute to this forum, it may not happen again for awhile, but I just wanted to put my two cents in.

From past experience with gay teachers, it seems like if they just live their life day to day and try not to hide it or overly expose it, I've never noticed a problem.

Being a musician myself in a few areas, majority of the guys I've met have been gay. I'm not trying to stereotype the profession because I do know many straight men who have a music-related career, but if there is any career where men are often seen as gay, it's music. I don't know why, and I personally don't like it, but this stereotype in society usually eliminates a lot of awkwardness with the possibility of the man in question being gay. If somebody seems to think that a guy's gay in music, it usually isn't a problem at all and from what I've experienced, you just move on. It really shouldn't cause much of a problem, especially in the music field, but again -- each situation is different.

Alright. i just wanted to put my two cents in. Thanks.
 
Joined
Apr 16, 2006
Posts
23,294
Media
0
Likes
11,402
Points
358
Having been a teacher for seemingly centuries, I wouldn't jeopardize your career at the start by sharing that you are gay. Your sexuality is nobody's business, and the less personal information you share, the better off you will be whether it is with staff, parents, or students. It is amazing how information can come back to haunt you as it is passed on and added to by the school grapevine. With tenure taking longer now, beginning teachers are often a year away from that goal and are dismissed without cause. I would like to believe that we are a more enlightened and accepting society in areas of diversity, but the truth is, we are not. And the teaching profession is as regrettably guilty of it as any other profession. We are held to unfair standards at times in our presumed personification of role models by parents who are failing that role for their children. Establish your career first, and share your private life only if you need to once you are tenured and secure in your position. The oft touted Shakespeare quote "to thine own self be true" is nice but will not protect your livelihood. The quality of who you are as a person should be paramount to letting your sexuality be the deciding force in your identity as a teacher. The former is you as a positive role model, the latter, if quietly understood and accepted, enhances it, and will be a much needed role model for those students that need to have a positive gay image of how to live.
 

ausmaxx

Sexy Member
Joined
Aug 13, 2006
Posts
59
Media
0
Likes
31
Points
238
Location
SoCal
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
The best advice I can offer is that once you tell people, it is forever. I agree with sentiments above that early truth mitigates anxiety, but perhaps truth comes in greater forms than overt words. You live in a conservative part of the country and my assumption is that you both wish to remain there for broader purposes. If that is so, you may have social issues to be prepared for. You have likely already faced some. The reality is many people may already know. Give people a chance. Give all aspects of yourselves a chance, as well. If we live by deed, be good people (that word has many perversions, but in general terms, good, with honour, care for others, be sympathetic consistently and never let other negative deeds deteriorate your faith), eventually someone will notice. That person will stand up for you in a dark patch and the kindness in people will surprise you. Remember, you have more to offer society than their knowledge of your sexuality - so focus on those other attributes and keep your course. AND, if you love you man, stay by him whatever complex path he needs to follow. Your love will grow strong and it will carry you past any despair. Good luck my young friends.
 

sutarikun

1st Like
Joined
Jun 9, 2006
Posts
15
Media
0
Likes
1
Points
146
Gender
Male
Well, it's good to know I'm not the only potential male music teacher out there :p

I'm bi, and I've also been pondering this question. I've had no problems with keeping my social life (or lack thereof) away from teachers, and for a while, that's how I plan to be in my teaching time. I feel that even if there were a good and decent, accepting community in which I taught, I would probably keep it separate. That's how I usually do it, actually, even with the guys in the a cappella group I'm in. Not until it really came up did I tell some of them who didn't know that I'm bi, and the only person I've dated was a guy, but that wasn't until I knew they'd be comfortable with it. But yeah, if it's not really a need-to-know issue at that point, I'd avoid saying anything.
 

D_Sheffield Thongbynder

Experimental Member
Joined
Apr 30, 2006
Posts
2,020
Media
0
Likes
4
Points
183
Though one's sexuality shouldn't be factor in any profession, middle- and high-school teachers receive more scrutiny because they deal with children. A newcomer to the field, I anticipated that there would be more reaction to openly gay teachers than there is. I have two gay friends who teach in public school. They don't discuss their sexuality with students, but everyone -- students, parents, and admin/faculty -- knows they're gay and has no problem with it. They are considered excellent teachers and are respected as such. Ohio may be another story, however.
 

Wrat

Expert Member
Joined
May 6, 2006
Posts
787
Media
7
Likes
136
Points
173
Location
As mentioned above, in the middle, between the eas
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Male
I know a woman who has worked at the same school for five years and the principal just learned this year that she is married and has three kids.

There is nothing wrong with keeping your private life at home. As open as we all liek to be with the people we work and live with, there are things you never ever have to bring up.

If you feel compelled to say something be sure to declare it outrightly. In plain words. On the premises. During working hours. You have the grreatest protection of the law under those circumstances. Otherwise do not discuss your sexuality when you are charged with dealing with children.
 

blackcameron

Just Browsing
Joined
Dec 1, 2006
Posts
87
Media
9
Likes
0
Points
151
Location
Canada, Toronto
Sexuality
69% Straight, 31% Gay
Gender
Male
I think a lot of parents will be turned off by this - for the sake of his career and to avoid potential issues in the school itself I would highly suggest keeping the private life away from the school.

As they've said above it's best to keep things STRICTLY professional. From a student point of view, when theyknow that their teacher is different it gives the student a different perspective on that teacher and the entire learning experience.

A lot of people will say "it shouldn't matter and the students shouldn't care" but I believe that's dead wrong. Our society is yet to understand the gay life-style so until that day comes I think it would be professional suicide to handle it the other way and be open.

Sorry this was a quick dissoriented post, I hope I make my point clear enough.
 

Pattypablo308

Sexy Member
Joined
Nov 20, 2005
Posts
81
Media
0
Likes
32
Points
238
Location
Northern Ohio
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
It really seems that most of the people on here have strong feelings about this one way or another. I have noticed that most everyone agrees that it shouldn't need to be hidden, even though in reality all agree that this will either damage or add another dimension to the student-teacher relationship.

I really wish we lived in a world in which a person's orientation wouldn't be considered part of the professional profile!
 

amhersthungboi

Sexy Member
Joined
Jan 1, 2006
Posts
369
Media
4
Likes
29
Points
163
Location
Australia
Sexuality
69% Gay, 31% Straight
Gender
Male
Two points.

1.) I have a gay friend who is a math teacher in rural Pennsylvania. He has opted to remain closeted, due both to the homophobia in the larger community (like parents) who might not take kindly to a gay teacher, but also the homophobia those parents give to their kids. That is, would the students really respect a gay teacher? He admits that he has a substantial ability to change attitudes ... but at what personal cost? Ultimately, being a martyr might advance a cause, but not help the individual lead a happier life. I guess the ultimate question is: Is the discomfort associated with being closeted at school greater than the discomfort of enduring bigotted attitudes on the parts of (un-enlightened) parents, administrators, and students?

2.) There is some academic literature on this topic. Harbeck's Coming Out of the Classroom Closet is the classic, as is Jenning's On Teacher in Ten. Both are good books without too much jargon in them.
 

Duane.Ament

Experimental Member
Joined
Nov 22, 2006
Posts
105
Media
0
Likes
9
Points
163
Sexuality
No Response
Gender
Male
Whether a teacher is gay or not should not matter. It has nothing to do with his/her ability to teach.

BUT...

If the students know that he/she is gay (I'm talking middle school and high school), it could create some problems. Especially in a conservative community.

I look forward to the day when a person's sexuality is a non-issue. I believe that day is coming...