should i be mad?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by bigdog83, Nov 28, 2008.

  1. bigdog83

    bigdog83 Member

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    -started fuckin a girl in my work building.
    -she asked what we were, we both said we dunno yet lets just be fwb's and see what happens
    -she brought emotions into it.
    -also kept holding my hand/cuddling etc.
    -i brought it up, "whats up friends arnt suppose to do this stuff".....she said she really likes me but isnt sure what she wants and lets just keep having sex.
    -sex stops,kissing/cuddling is more often.
    -for like the 3rd time we have another talk......im like ehy, if we are FWB where is the sex, friends arnt suppose to doing this other shit thats bf/gf crap. and again for the 2nd or 3rd time she tells me she really likes me and isnt sure what she wants, but lets keep having sex and be friends blah blah blah. mean while there is no sex, and im like, yea but there is no sex.......then shes like yea yea i want to but from my history its making it hard i feel you are using me.(she was raped, and had a few relationships where the guys just used her)
    -im putting up with all this mess thinking its from her past as she has brainwashed me into thinking so many times. so im hanging around because i like her and she is showing signs.......
    -then tonight she tells me......"dont get mad but i just want to tell you i have a bf". and that she hopes this doesnt ruin are friendship.

    so should i fuckin stick around? i told her 3243242x i dont give a fuck just always be honest with me. and it took her a month to tell me........the same time she stopped having sex. we never went out...and its not like she used me because i only took her to dinner 2 times.......i did buy her beer alot but that also benifited me :)
    it just makes me mad because i was always there for her when she was bringing her shit into the FWB's part. and that i made it clear i dont give a fuck, just always be honest with me.......then she told me a month later she got a bf?
    like wtf would you be telling me you like me and holding my hand and shit.........
    what should i tell her?
     
  2. Mandee

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    Well OBVIOUSLY she wanted a boyfriend... and when you wouldn't agree to being her boyfriend she found someone else. I would have done the same thing. You have no right to be mad, you were just using her for sex, it's not like you can't find someone else.
     
  3. bigdog83

    bigdog83 Member

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    uh, no. she didnt say she wanted a bf. if she said she wanted to date me, i would be dating her. i think i told her with in a week when she asked what we were, i wanted to get to know her. that is when she said she doesnt know and lets just be fwb.
     
  4. Mandee

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    Well... I'm a girl, and it sounds like she wanted a boyfriend. She went on and on about how she liked you, and she was kissing you and cuddling with you. The only reason why she agreed to be your fwb is because she liked being around you. I have lived through this... I know what I'm talking about.

    Also... if you wanted to date her, then why did you keep having a fit every time she wanted to hold your hand? How old are you???
     
  5. D_Amyntas Lillydong

    D_Amyntas Lillydong Account Disabled

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    try being friends without benefits. it is tough on either part when a person gets emotionally attached. when one wants more than the other. she definitely wanted a friend to tell her problems too. i can't say i enjoy being singled out as just a woman's "friend" at times. at least you got some of the good stuff for a little while while having to listen to all of her crap.
     
  6. D_Ivana Dickenside

    D_Ivana Dickenside New Member

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    take it from a woman... she wanted a boyfriend. plain and simple.

    she may have told you she didn't want a boyfriend because she knew you didn't want to be in a relationship. women do it ALL the time so they can keep FWBs in hopes of turning them into relationships. it's dumb, i know, but a lot of women think they're capable of doing it.

    it is wrong that she didn't tell you she had a boyfriend all along. on the other hand, this boyfriend of hers is giving her the relationship title you didn't want to give her. she's pretty much cheating on this guy with you, but that doesn't give you any right to be mad at her. you were only in it for the sex anyway. this woman seems like a basketcase and it's probably better than you both move on.
     
  7. D_Ivana Dickenside

    D_Ivana Dickenside New Member

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    sooo true!!!
     
  8. Snozzle

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    I agree with mandee. Also, you need to cut her a LOT of slack as a rape survivor. She will have huge issues. You need to be grateful for what you got, wish her well with her bf (if you can with any sincerity), and move on.
     
  9. bigdog83

    bigdog83 Member

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    because to me it was like she was confused........and if she agreed on fwb's i wasnt trying to bring bagage into it. i had already told her i wanted to get to know her, and that is when she said shes not sure if she wants a relationship blah blah blah.
     
  10. bigdog83

    bigdog83 Member

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    no, but i really like her. and i showed her this.......i never told her, and wont.
     
  11. Ed69

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    Grow up your not a bigdog,you are a little boy that needs to learn a few life lessons before having sex with a woman!
     
  12. D_Ivana Dickenside

    D_Ivana Dickenside New Member

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    LMAO :rofl:
     
  13. D_Amyntas Lillydong

    D_Amyntas Lillydong Account Disabled

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    I say you could always start over as friends if you two really want to. Some times people come into our lives for a reason.
     
  14. B_mylipswet

    B_mylipswet New Member

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    In your mind until you meet me eye to eye if you d
     
  15. Leche por mi cafe

    Leche por mi cafe New Member

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    I'm only putting the pieces together as I hear fragments about what went on with you and this girl. What you read here is only my observation of it all...

    I think you guys both did it to each other. If for the first time you felt some discomfort with a gesture she acted out towards you, i.e. holding your hand, then that should have been the first clue for you to stop everything: no going out for beers, no sex, no casual conversation, etc...
    By you continuing the FWB thing, it only gave her reason to believe that you had an interest for more. Personally, I don't think you both weren't totally clear about what you guys really wanted. I think you wanted to just get laid, while she wanted a relationship. I also think you went along with it because you were getting your dick wet and she went along with it because within herself, she may have thought, " he'll start changing his mind as long as I continue to give him some!" Even though you said later on sex was cut out. Only for her to follow up with the passive/aggressive BS did you discover the whole truth behind this entire dissfuctional relationship. She mentioned she had been raped. That would have been another indication for further discussion of this whole situation. Questions like, "Can she really handle a FWB" or "Is she trying to get an deeper 'emotional scar' temporary fixed?"...should have been thought about before continuing with the relationship. (And I do say relationship even though as crude as this was, it was a relationship). I don't have enough details to present further outlook. But if you really wanted to be her friend, you would have taken further steps to help her heal any unresolved issues that she may have had regarding the sexual assault and let downs she had endured instead of trying to continue getting into her pants.
     
  16. D_Jared Padalicki

    D_Jared Padalicki Account Disabled

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    U could be mad, but at some point it is rather senseless to do because it won't work, and will not prove the situation. You could say that you were at least honest about the whole situation what can not been said about others.
     
  17. bigdog83

    bigdog83 Member

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    i know......

     
  18. B_quietguy

    B_quietguy New Member

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    Maybe it is just me, but I prefer to discuss this before fucking. I just don't see fucking somebody and then asking "What was that about? Does that mean we're dating or something?" I just don't share my body with somebody who is not sure of what kind of relationship or friendship they want with me. I just prefer to be around those with more awareness of their needs and can articulate them to others.

    As I say, if you can't be friends, then you can't be friends with benefits. If you can't do things together as friends without any expectation of sex, then is there really a friendship there? You want to know "where are the benefits?" but I'm thinking "where is the friendship?" Friends don't pester friends to have sex. Friends don't say that having sex is necessary for their friendship.


    If she was raped, and still feels unsure of how comfortable she feels with her body or with relating to another with emotional and physical intimacy, then be her friend and don't expect her to put out for you. Why not let her decide how to proceed both with emotional intimacy and with sex? I think telling her that she gets to decide would go along way to reassuring that she can feel in control again. Look, an ex-girlfriend of mine was raped, and that made her distrustful of men for a while. A long while. To feel emotionally safe enough to have sex, she needed to feel like she was in control. She needed enough safety to say "I have to stop now. I know this might be awkward for you, but I really need to stop, and I can't really articulate why." Trust me, it took her a long while to feel at ease in her body again. If you are truly her friend, and not just looking for somebody to fuck, then allow her to be in control.


    Meanwhile, if she has a boyfriend already and has not been completely upfront with you about that, why not just step away? Sounds to me like you both need to step away from the other and do some growing.
     
  19. Sklar

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    Someone who doesn't tell the truth in the begining is someone to avoid forever more.

    Sklar
     
  20. B_New End

    B_New End New Member

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    Friends are always only happy their friends are in a relationship. So if you cant be happy for her, YOU were the one confused about what FWB is. FWB is sex, and friendship, but not the commitment of a relationship, and allows EITHER one of you to try and make something with someone else, if the right person comes along.

    If you dont care, you can still be friends... but I get the feeling by the tone of your post... you do care, and you are jealous.
     
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