Should I cheat to get his attention?

Ed69

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I guess this solution treats it as a sex problem, whereas I was seeing it more as a relationship problem.

I see it as both because I've been there done that!My T levels crashed on me and sex or even thinking of it grossed me out,cause I knew I could not get it up.Here's the deal,do you love her enough to fix the problem?That's my take on it.:wink:
 

bavmotors1

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Cheating, or having an open outside partner, means you have given up on the marriage. Bottom line. Considering it and recognizing that you couldn't means you haven't and that is good.

"Given up" sounds bad, but we have divorce in this country and while it's not awesome, it can be the best option. If you aren't happy and he's not making the relationship, and I agree it is a relationship issue of which sex is a symptom, a priority then you need to ask yourself would you rather be married or happy. If you truly have tried couples and individual counseling and the changes aren't there then I would have that conversation with him. "I love you, and my first choice would be for us to change and for us to share intimacy again, but as you have demonstrated time and again this is not a priority for you I need to take steps to make myself happy up to and including divorce."
 

gma26_4521

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Clearly this is a relationship problem, with a sex component. I am on the same page with tactfulgal and elliep. I did not address the relationship aspect because the OP has been through counseling. My professional advice was correct with SSRI's. The half life of these med's allow the holiday. I would not recommend one week but two days is fine.
 

AlteredEgo

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Have been so patient for so long. I'm getting desperate. How can I make my husband take our lack of a sex life seriously? This has been going on for several years. He agrees it's a prob and vows to work toward change but then doesn't. Advice? Men or women of lpsg - what can I do to show him I'm serious and need him to take me seriously??

I was in the same situation. My husband did not start fighting for our marriage until I asked for a divorce. Unfortunately, I was no longer in love with him by then. I still love him, sure, but like the friend and brother he's been to me for the past decade. I don't want to be married to him anymore. I wish I did. We tried the open marriage. Open marriage just let him off the hook, and did not force him to face the issues, nor seek assistance. The only thing that motivated him was my decision to leave. I wish I had pretended to be divorcing him before it was truly too late for us. If I were still interested in our marriage, and asked for divorce, and he immediately got up and started working on his problems, I would have been able to stay with him. I wouldn't have to mourn our lost dreams, nor worry about all the unknown variables in my new future.

Ask him for the divorce. If he busts his ass trying to keep you, let him win you back. If he doesn't want to, then follow through. He's not worth having, and your relationship is dead.
 

Tearnitup

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i have the same problem with my wife. I have a couple women that i could be with rite now, but i won't. I want to, fk ya i want to, but i am not losing my son, and i do not want to hurt her. it's fkn terrible, she won't even make a effort, says she will just like ur husband.
It's super fkn aggravating!!! I just keep doin my own thing. it sux cuz i dont want to be around her and it's making me lose time with my boy. Sorry but i dont know what thefkn answer is. Sorry i had to vent a little, thanks
 

Ramona85

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Have been so patient for so long. I'm getting desperate. How can I make my husband take our lack of a sex life seriously? This has been going on for several years. He agrees it's a prob and vows to work toward change but then doesn't. Advice? Men or women of lpsg - what can I do to show him I'm serious and need him to take me seriously??


Yes.
 
D

deleted871301

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Cheating will definitely get his attention and that of his divorce lawyer...:eek:
 
D

deleted871301

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If you find a hot gay sex partner with a large penis does that count as cheating? You should propose that to him and see if he goes for it :)

Yep... use his credit card and go shopping for high quality sex toys... Buy a special strap on for your hot gay sex partner's use... She will enjoy it :wink: That will get his attention!
 

Daisy

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Yep... use his credit card and go shopping for high quality sex toys... Buy a special strap on for your hot gay sex partner's use... She will enjoy it :wink: That will get his attention!

It's not really cheating if he's gay though. I mean, if anything hubby should be happy that she's off his back :tongue:
 

Uncutpete

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Cheating -- A word that carries its own negative answer. How about 'getting what you need?' --- Sex for a grown woman is a need. Denying your body is not healthy, that has to be part of your equation as well. Years of frustration will take their toll. How about starting with that in your conversation with your husband?
 
D

deleted871301

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Cheating -- A word that carries its own negative answer. How about 'getting what you need?' --- Sex for a grown woman is a need. Denying your body is not healthy, that has to be part of your equation as well. Years of frustration will take their toll. How about starting with that in your conversation with your husband?

Sex for a grown man is also a need... if he's not getting it from his wife... well... he's getting it somewhere else :rolleyes:
 

JPoster

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The best I can suggest.

Possible reasons:

1. low sex drive because of meds, or low testosterone, or he's just not a high sex drive person.

2. There is a relationship problem inhibiting him.

3. Related to number 2, he's getting some somewhere else.

Solution: He needs to get tested for the medical, T questions.

If it is a relationship issue you should try counseling. Regardless he needs to step up his game because he has obligations to you.

If it is number 3 then the game may be over.

At the least you should sit down with him and explain in direct terms (men don't understand subtlety) that he gets with it, or you will consider yourself no longer obligated to look solely to him for sex. See what he says.
 

Crowe

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Honestly if he's not interessted in having sex or somehow doesn't want to it's probably on his end. Lots of men, even when younger can have problems with either getting it up or pains cause circumcision or even other things. I'm by far an expert on this shit and I'm just giving ideas on what could be the reason but I think with enough patience and talk you will get to know whats wrong.

Buy a few new toys in the meantime to pleasure yourself, maybe invite him and see what might happen.
 

sweetthaithigh

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Cheating is a bad idea, get permission first.

Alternately, could you try kick-start his sex drive by exploring some of his fantasies? Do something out of the ordinary like take him to a peep show booth or something? Ones with glory holes are the best especially when someones watching!

Does the thought of you with another man turn him on? Could be something there to explore.
 

Imbackbitches

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I've been MIA, but got a few private messages of support and to see how things are. So just wanted to quickly say, things are no better. No worse either, I suppose. I haven't cheated but do fantasize daily about seducing random strangers or co workers. Giving some lonely sex starved man or young in experienced kid one of my award winning blow jobs. Just someone to appreciate my...talent, if you will. So, thanks for the messages of support and understanding from those in similar situations. And from those who have commented with advice, I truly appreciate it. Sex should NOT be one of the difficult things in life...*sigh*
 

Imbackbitches

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Also- totally missed all these new posts and ideas. He loves the idea of glory holes and we've had threesomes before...but we were much younger and more freedom etc. my favorite porn is gay or trans porn and he knows it...but where am I finding a trans in nowhereville USA?
 

Seekinganswers

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Imbackbitches, I have personal experience with your problem! But I was in your husband's place. As hard as it is to believe, I could not confide with my wife that I had erection problems. Be understanding to him for NOT BEING ABLE TO - confide his problem to you. ("not able to" are the words) He has probable been brainwashed that his condition makes him UNmanly. Have the look of caring & understanding in your eyes, the expression on your face, & in your voice. And assume this is his problem. Tell him that, if he wants, you will go with him to a urologist to get help. Only AFTER my problem was over & I no longer advoided sex because of it, did I tell my wife. Until then, she thought I did not want to have sex with her. AND ONCE HE HAS THAT PROBLEM, performance anxiety WILL CAUSE him to have more & even worse erection problems.