Should I discipline my lil cousins?

[galaxus]

Ok. Me, my mom and my extended family were eating at Outback Steakhouse. My cousins and their daughters (my second cousins) came too. they were like 3 and 4. I was happy to see all of them. But they were hyper and excited all night.

So I was sitting next to my baby cousin and she was being very fidgety and straight up rude to me. she was getting in the way of the waiters. I ask her if she would calm down and sit her chair. And she yelled out "NO!" and laughed at my face. So i ignored it for a while hoping that somebody else would deal with it. Nobody dealt with it and she kept getting worse. So I took the doggy bag box that she was coloring on from her and told her that if she doesn't calm down that she wouldn't get it back. So she went crying to her mom. I couldn't hear what her mom was saying to her, but my mom walked to me and told me to give it back to her. I said no and that she needs to sit her ass down.

So we all preceded out of the restaurant and and she's still trying to grab for her box. I told her to stop, but she wouldn't. Then I told her if you don't behave and say your sorry I'm going to throw you box in the trash. My mom got upset that I was talk to my cousin like that and told me not to throw it in the trash and give it back to her. My cousin didn't say anything but just rushed towards me..... So I just threw it in the trash.

She started balling and acted a nut in the street. All of us except for my mom started laughing at the situation. I gave my cousin's mother a dollar to replace the food I threw away that was in the box. I said bye to everybody and went home with my mom.

She was really upset that I did that to her. She said I don't have a right to do that. I was just trying to teach her that in life you don't always get your way by crying and complaining. Am I wrong for doing this?

 

[D_Ollyvalle Treegirth]

no not at all! I fucking hate brats like that. But maybe I'm the wrong one to ask.......

 

[rob_just_rob]

I see your point, but it's not your place to discipline your aunt's kids.

A better approach would be to not dine with them again, and let your aunt know why.

 

[mattsrod7]

I see your point, but it's not your place to discipline your aunt's kids.

A better approach would be to not dine with them again, and your aunt know why.

Yeah, this way she will realize that by letting her children act like that other people don't want to be around them, even her own family!!

 

[galaxus]

I see your point, but it's not your place to discipline your aunt's kids.

A better approach would be to not dine with them again, and your aunt know why.

Its not my aunt. It's my cousin's daughter.

Also, I'm not going to avoid a 4-year-old. My thinking is, she behave or its going to suck for her being there. Her mother didn't have a problem with it. My mother had a problem with it.

 

[Florida Boy]

This is an interesting situation and unfortunately all too common. Parents no longer act like parents to their children. No matter how much you love a brat, that brat cannot teach itself table manners or how to behave in public. While you can't give the kid a lifetime of home training during one session at a steakhouse, you have other options. Primarily to avoid the situation. It is of no value to the kid I've ever, if the parent does not know why you are avoiding their company.

Good luck next time.

 

[rob_just_rob]

Its not my aunt. It's my cousin's daughter.

Also, I'm not going to avoid a 4-year-old. My thinking is, she behave or its going to suck for her being there. Her mother didn't have a problem with it. My mother had a problem with it.

OK, the point still stands whether it's your cousin's kid or your aunt's kid.

You're not avoiding a 4 year old. You're avoiding situations that piss you off. I do that wherever possible.

 

[galaxus]

OK, the point still stands whether it's your cousin's kid or your aunt's kid.

You're not avoiding a 4 year old. You're avoiding situations that piss you off. I do that wherever possible.

I didn't do it because I was mad. I love my baby. I did it to teach her that she can't get everything she wants because she cries. I did it because I love her, to educate her.

 

[D_Tim McGnaw]

I didn't do it because I was mad. I love my baby. I did it to teach her that she can't get everything she wants because she cries. I did it because I love her, to educate her.

I think your dead right, it's not like this is a friend's kid, she's your relation and your teaching her a simple and pretty mild lesson that if she never learned it might lead to her having someone teach it to her as an adult in a harsh and unpleasant way.

You did your cousin a favour, and your mum's just being a bit of a worry guts.

 

[galaxus]

I think your dead right, it's not like this is a friend's kid, she's your relation and your teaching her a simple and pretty mild lesson that if she never learned it might lead to her having someone teach it to her as an adult in a harsh and unpleasant way.

You did your cousin a favour, and your mum's just being a bit of a worry guts.

Thanx. That's what I was thinking.

 

[Pendlum]

Good for you man. I'm glad someone did something. I don't think you were out of line. Maybe close to being out of line.

 

[blackbottom2]

I WANT TO HAVE YOUR BABIES, and you can discipline them as much as you like within reason

 

[Gl3nn]

I know how you feel. It's the same with my sister. If her mother doesn't properly teach her how to behave, then it isn't your fault that she acts like that. But you can still tell her to behave when you're with her in public or let her mother know to tell her kid to behave.

Btw (and sorry for going off topic), ut I've read this a couple of times... why do americans take home food from restaurants?

 

[Pendlum]

Btw (and sorry for going off topic), ut I've read this a couple of times... why do americans take home food from restaurants?

To eat later. It's not uncommon, especially for steak houses, to get really large portions of food. Every time I go to this Italian restaurant I get a large plate of this awesome tortellini with cream sauce that I could probably never eat in one sitting. I take the rest home, and enjoy it later. Yum.

 

[Daisy]

well speaking as a mom I can tell you that the punishment has to fit the crime. For example, if a child is misbehaving in a restaurant they need to be removed and you go outside and sit on a bench until she calms down. Throwing away her dinner (or the box) was not appropriate because she won't learn from that. Your goal when you discipline a child is to make the punishment a direct result of whatever they did wrong. If she had been taken outside for a time out she would know that she's going to miss out on all the fun if she's obnoxious. I never subject other diners to my children (though most of the time they're good) but if they do act up they have to be removed until they calm down. Now if she had been hitting people with the box, for example then you couldve thrown the box away. I also agree that I would have tried to get mom to step up and take control of the situation rather than just punish her. If the mom did nothing, I'd think twice about dining out with them again.

 

[Daisy]

Btw (and sorry for going off topic), ut I've read this a couple of times... why do americans take home food from restaurants?

Because they serve disgusting obnoxious portions in American restaurants!!

 

[Gl3nn]

Yes, I get the whole 'taking food home to eat it later' part... it just seemed weird to me. If you don't finish your food, then just leave it. Another cultural difference between Europe and the US I guess.

 

[Pendlum]

I guess, because it seems weird to me to just leave it, unless it is a tiny amount.

 

[Wish-4-8]

Good Points Seaside!

I will say this. If you were left in charge of taking care of her, then yes, at that point it is your job to dicipline. If the mother is there, you ask. "Since you are not doing anything about this, can I?" And if you get a yes, Seasides advice is best.

If you get a "No", then you endure the dinner, chalk it up to a bad night, and as stated before, refuse any other invitations and state why. But just because you are blood related does not give you the right to dicipline. You still need permission.

Actually, this works out for the lazy parents too. Because they make you the bad guy and use you as a tool of threat. "If you misbehave, I am taking you to Uncle Galaxy, and he has my permission to do whatever he wants to you!"

 

[D_Tim McGnaw]

Good Points Seaside!

I will say this. If you were left in charge of taking care of her, then yes, at that point it is your job to dicipline. If the mother is there, you ask. "Since you are not doing anything about this, can I?" And if you get a yes, Seasides advice is best.

If you get a "No", then you endure the dinner, chalk it up to a bad night, and as stated before, refuse any other invitations and state why. But just because you are blood related does not give you the right to dicipline. You still need permission.

Actually, this works out for the lazy parents too. Because they make you the bad guy and use you as a tool of threat. "If you misbehave, I am taking you to Uncle Galaxy, and he has my permission to do whatever he wants to you!"

I'm afraid I disagree, children have always been raised ( and disciplined ) by extended families, even whole communities. The invention of the nuclear family in the mid twentieth century imposed the idea that children and their parents formed a distinct and essentially closed cell, this has had a dramatic effect on certain societies abilities to properly rear children since the extended family has been cut out of the process.

Stigmatising non-nuclear familial involvement in child rearing by making it a permission only privilege is unnecessary, and no one is harmed if a cousin or an aunt or a grand parent disciplines a child in a non-violent and non-aggressive way. In fact it's liable to give the child better social skills, since it will realise that its actions have a wider effect on, and consequent reactions from those around them and not just their immediate and closest family. To interpolate absolute parental control in to the OP's situation ultimately makes the child only responsible to its parents, and will not teach it that it has a responsibility to others also.