Oh OK well apologies for mistaking your tone, I wasn't offended I just didn't want to provoke.
My question then is, if you have a problem with anyone but you disciplining your children without express permission, does this apply even in unsupervised situations, like when they spend time with other family members but not in the company of their parents ? If not then why does that change because the parents are around ( as in the OP ) ?
If so then how do you accustom children to the concept of being obedient when they should be in other situations later in life, lets say in school when teachers will be responsible for disciplining them ? If the only authority who a child feels responsible to is their parents wont this effect their ability to be feel responsible to other people ?
As a child I was often disciplined by members of my extended family, and I think it gave me a sense that not only should I expect to behave in a way which is acceptable to those closest to me but that there might well be numerous situations in which I might have other standards of expectation to live up to, something I'm glad of.
Naturally if a family member is being excessive, or capricious or cruel then it would be perfectly responsible for a parent to object to them disciplining their child, but the OP doesn't suggest any of those things.
When you put your kids in someone elses care, in a sense, you are giving them permission. You basically tell the kids that they have to listen to them because they are their teacher, coach, minister, policeman, doctor, camp counsellor, etc. The order is coming from you. And kids know that if the teacher tells on them for misbehaving, they will be in big trouble.
A lot of this can be established off the bat because you only need to grant permission once, not each and everytime. What I am getting at, is the first time around. If it was established that Uncle Galaxus is someone the child has to listen too, then there is no issue. But for Uncle Galaxus to automatically assume he has to do something because he is blood related, is disrespectful to the situation. Some parents, much to my disagreement, raise their kids to be free spirited.
Growing up, my Aunt, mom's sister, would baby sit us. And she would be mean and scary! She would tell us that she got permission from my mom to spank us if we misbehaved. And she did a couple times. And my mother had no issue with it. My mom's attitude was, "Well, you should have listen to your aunt. And if I hear about more problems, then I will spank you."
I dont think our views are too different.
One more thing. I use to work my summers as a camp counsellor for years. I have a lot of experiance working with children. And there are limits to the way dicipline is handled. You need to maintain discilpine with the only the resources available, and from a legal perspective. I had every age group from kindergarden to about 6th grade. Kids know. And I dealt with some tough ones, especially the younger ones that are used to getting thier way at home. I never had to yell and I hated when other counsellors would. But I was able to get through. Kids know who is in charge and they may test the waters. But ultimately, they learn quickly. With a strong teacher or leader, they learn how to respect authority.
