Should I hook up with my "straight" best friend?

[Jarren.Anthony]

Okay so here's the sitch guys...

My best friend (let's call him Adam) has always been giving me confusing signals. We've known each other for 2 years so far and we get along great. Like, really great. Our personalities are completely the same. He's one of the best looking guys I've ever met, but he's straight. There's never been an issue or embarrassment for him that his best friends gay, and I've always loved that about him and his confidence. A jock and a gay guy being best friends can obviously be considered "incompatible" in societies perspective. The thing though is that starting 3 months ago, when we would hang out at his place or mine, and we would start drinking together, his personality almost does a 180. He always get very touchy, he's pulled my face in and kissed me a bunch of times randomly (because he thinks it's funny), he's wiped out his dick a couple times out of now where (soft), he always starts complimenting me on how good looking I am, and then when we finally good to bed, he loves to cuddle with me. (Like, he pulls me in hard) When we lay together though he never gets hard at all or even a chub, so it kind of seems to me he really just likes the comfort of it and connection.

I've never initiated anything myself though and have always just gone along for the ride because I never want him to feel uncomfortable since he identifies as straight. He also says when we're drunk that he'd never do anything like this with anyone else except me because he feels so comfortable around me. When we're sober though, we never talk a peep about it. Like, not one word. Kind of like it never happened in the first place, but then when we drink again together, it's back on.

I'm moving back to LA next month because my lease is up and I'm bored with Palm Springs, so that means I'm not going to be hanging out with him all the time anymore and probably wont be seeing him for a good while unless he comes to LA to hang out. I'm staying with him for my last two nights here in Palm Springs, and then I'm gone.

My main question or thought that I need input on, is if we start drinking, should I go for it and initiate something my last night here? I'm scared as hell to do so and have it go south, but then again I wont be hanging out with him anymore so I wouldn't have to worry about it being awkward afterwards if it does goes bad. But what if it goes good? I've always wanted to hook up with him, like...bad, but I didn't want to lose my best friend here if it didn't go well. I keep going back and forth and I don't have anyone to run it by except the people in our friend group, which I'd never do. But since I know you guys might be able to relate or have some good input to add, I figured I'd try and ask for help here

Thanks guys!
(Please be kind in the comments)

 

[Jarren.Anthony]

Hey guys! I’m so sorry I left all of you hanging. I just finished up my move back to Los Angeles so there’s been a lot going on, especially for the preparation. I really appreciate everyone’s comments and advice about what I posted, and there was so much to consider going into it. As you know, New Year’s just passed and I know for damn sure some of you have been on the edge of your seats, lol. So here’s what happened…

We obviously spent New Year’s Eve together, and he kept repeating all day how excited he was that it was just going to be us. We ended up BBQ’ing some filets, and then of course since it was New Year’s, we started drinking as well. After two drink’s he started getting touchy like usual. We both really wanted to watch the NYE countdown events so we ended up throwing them on and chilled on the couch. He wanted to hold my hand as we watched, which at this point in our friendship is nothing, and then he laid on me and wanted to cuddle for a second. When we got up to get our third drink, he said something that definitely threw me off. He asked “what’s the different between a circumcised dick and an uncircumcised dick?”. I stood there in shock for a second and then explained it to him. I was surprised at first he didn’t know the difference, but then because he perfectly fits the stereotype of a jock, I sort of understood how something of that nature can be out of his education range. I even ended up referring to our dicks because of the circumcision scars we have. At this point he was still confused so he said, “wait, what do you mean the scar line?”. So I ended up whipping out my dick to show him, and really tried to educate him on the difference. He unzipped his pants and pulled out his cock too to examine, but I was surprised to see he had a full on chub going on.

Like I’ve said, we’ve totally seen each others cocks before, but never have I seen him whip it out with a full on chub. I got a little nervous because the sight of his cock thickened up more than usual started to turn me on, and I noticed mine was starting to fill up more too. I watched him as he stroked the scar on his cock, and then he said, “I definitely see what you mean now. I can even sort of feel it”. Without hesitation, he looked at my cock and said, “can you feel yours?” and then reached out to feel. At this point no matter how much I tried thinking of something to turn me off, it wouldn’t work. As he was feeling the scar on my dick it started to fill up more and it was definitely noticeable. I immediately apologized because of how embarrassed I was, but he just laughed it off and kept feeling it. There was a short moment of silence but he broke it by saying, “I’ve never touched someone else’s dick before. It’s so weird, especially because of how hard it is now. Do you cum a lot?”. Because I was still slightly embarrassed, I decided to try to break it with some humor and replied, “well if you keep touching it so much you’re about to find out”. He broke eye contact from my dick and looked up at me with a look of complete shock. Sort of like I said something terrible. He quickly took his hand off of my dick and just said, “really?”. And I was like, “well yeah duh. That how it works bro”. He stood there for a second and then looked away. His face looked like he was stuck with a question on a math quiz. I started to put my cock back in my pants but then he looked back at me and asked, “can I see?”.

I honestly had no clue what to even say. I kind of froze midway stuffing my dick back in my underwear and looked at the floor. There was a part of me that didn’t even really understand the request. He must of seen that I was sort of puzzled because he ended up laughing and said, “I’m just kidding bro”. I looked back up and saw him standing there smiling at his “joke” with his cock still hanging outside of his pants and said, “I’m down if you want to see?”. His face got serious again and it was silent for a second so I decided to follow it up by saying, “can we sit on the couch though? I’m not much or a stander…”. Without saying anything, he started walking over to the couch and I followed behind him. My heart started racing really fast and I actually started to get a bit nervous. He took a seat and at that point I sort of hesitated because I didn’t know if he wanted me to sit right next to him, or if I should give us some space in-between. So I stayed on the safe side and ended up sitting far enough that another person would be able to fit in-between us. He looked at me a little surprised and said, “I mean, I can’t really see much if you’re going to sit so far away”. (Even though I was literally 4 feet away) So I smiled and scooched over and apologized. I lifted my hips off the couch so I could pull my pants down, but when I sat back down with my cock out, I wasn’t hard anymore. I wasn’t soft, but my dick was laying in-between my thighs chubbed up. He smiled as he looked and said, “stage fright?”. I smiled nervously and replied, “I just wasn’t prepared to do a solo production tonight”. We both laughed as I started stroking my cock to get it hard again. I brought my hand up to my mouth and spit on it so I could get my dick a little wet. We both got quiet and when I looked back up at him, his face seemed so mesmerized as I just sat there and played with myself. His hands were in his lap and his dick was still flopped out of his pants just laying there chubbed up. I could feel the blood rushing to my cock as it started getting thicker in my hand, and when he gazed back up at me, he caught me staring at his dick too. I turned my head back to staring at my own, and I was so hard that I could see my pulse making it thump. I took my other hand, put it up my shirt, and started rubbing my chest a little as my breath got louder. After some seconds went by he spoke up and said, “it would probably be easier for you bro if you just took your shirt off”. I looked up at him and laughed a little and said, “you know you’re probably right dude”. He ended up leaning over and said, “I should probably help you out since you have spit on hand”. We both laughed again as he helped pull my shirt over my head. He threw it over on the floor as I continued to feel myself up.

I knew in this moment that if I were to ever speak up, it would have to be now. I thought about what some of you guys said, and put it into play. I looked back over at him with my breath still heavy and said, “are you just going to sit there at stare? Or are you going to help me out?”. He looked up at me and I could see that he was hesitant. It was quiet for a second and I started to second guess my question, but then he replied, “I’m not too sure what to do. I’ve never done this before”. I kind of smiled at him and said, “It’s exactly like doing what you do to yourself, but on a different person. Just copy me”.

We sat there quiet again and I could tell he looked hesitant, but then he put his hand up to his mouth and spit in it like I did. He reached out slowly and I took my hand off so he could put his on. He rubbed his spit all over the head of my cock and slowly started stroking up and down. If it weren’t for having some alcohol in me, I would’ve came right then and there. His hand was so warm and he started stroking me the same way I was. When I looked over at his face, he seemed so concentrated and still looked a bit nervous like he wasn’t doing it correctly. My breath kept getting louder and louder as he stroked, and I could tell that loosened him up and reassured him that he was doing a good job. (Which he definitely was) He started going faster, and then slower, and then faster again. The more he got into it, the closer his face kept getting near my cock, and the sight of that alone made my dick pulse so hard. He looked back up at me and whispered, “do I make you want to cum Jarren?”. I started breathing so much heavier, and I could feel my body start shaking. I leaned my head back and whispered, “do you want me to cum for you Adam?”, and he whispered back, “I want you to cum for me Jarren”. My heart was beating so fast that I could hear it in my ears. I could feel the sweat from my forehead start dripping down as my body tensed up. I started lifting my hips on and off the couch and fucking his hand as he kept stroking. All of a sudden I could feel pump after pump of my cum shooting out as my head was laid back. I hadn’t jerked off for about a week so it was pump after pump of pure ecstasy. Once he saw that I was done, he slowed down and milked the rest of it out. I was so out of breath and coming down from the high that I couldn’t even form one word. I looked at him as he smiled and just said, “damn bro”. He smiled back at me and said, “that was so awesome dude…let me go get you a towel”. So he stood up, put his dick back in his pants, and went over to go grab me one so I could clean up. I couldn’t stop smiling and when he came back I decided to make a joke and said, “thanks man. So how much do I owe you?”. We both started laughing, cleaned up, and went over to take another shot. He raised his shot glass and said, “Happy New Years dude!”, and then we continued our night and watched the ball drop. I ended up falling asleep on the couch but he woke me up and dragged me over to his bed so we could lay together.

I could’ve never predicted that that was the situation that was going to go down. There’s definitely a part of me that’s bummed that I didn’t get the chance to interact with him, but I’m definitely not complaining. I was going to go into the night like I said I was, and just hang out with him the same way we always do, so this definitely threw me off. I still can’t stop thinking about it, and I’m really glad nothing was ever awkward afterwards. We just went on like normal and had a great time.

So yeah, that was my New Years Eve guys! I’m sorry this was so long but I felt like I was obligated to report back. The next day was really fun. Since it was our last day we went to see a movie and then he had me get dressed up because he was taking me out to dinner. That night we just laid in bed together afterwards and talked for hours until we fell asleep, and then the next morning was moving day. You guys have been amazing and I really appreciate everything you all had to say. Well, most of you. There was some old dudes who got kind of weird in the thread, which was definitely uncalled for, but most of you were dope, so thank you! I really hope all of you had a great New Year’s Eve too

 

[Im23XXzz]

Straight bros can be very affectionate with each other. Hugging and being playful, even naked or in a homoerotic way are pretty common among jock types. That doesn't mean he's gay or bi at all. It just means he sees you as as his bro, as one of the guys. Personally I wouldn't recommend trying to initiate anything more unless you're willing to possibly ruin your friendship. (I doubt he'd drop you altogether, but if you make him feel uncomfortable you might just grow apart)

Just think of it this way: if he is bi or interested in experimenting, and he's interested in doing that with you, he will try to initiate. If that happens you can just be completely receptive to it and see where it goes. The upside of this approach is that you'll feel great if it actually does happen - you won't have to worry about feeling you 'tricked' him or if you did something bad that damaged the relationship.

 

[C4junG0n3_BAD]

I'm an old guy. I've been around the block more times than I care to reveal. Ask yourself this...How much does his friendship mean to you? The reason I say this is, once you introduce sex, it will change. I cannot predict how. Neither can you. Sex invariably changes everything in a relationship.

The other thing is straight guys aren't thinking the same thing you are thinking when they do this kind of crap. I've had this happen a few times. It is really better to ignore it. Either that or laugh it off in a way.

I had a frat buddy do pretty much the same thing. He was a touchy feely guy. I'm not...period. I'm like a cat. I don't like to be touched except when I want to be touched and I'll let you know when that is. He was a handsy, slap ass dick grabbing jock. His thing was to get some guy in a headlock and lick his face...YUCK! This behavior was definitely more on display went inebriated.

He was the guy on spring break that would teabag guys or sit his naked ass on your face while you were sleeping on the couch or something like that...a real piece of work. Physically he was not a bad looking guy. He had a slammin' body and had really really nice boys. Everyone saw them ALL THE TIME!

I'd had enough at some point one night. He was doing this rubbing his crotch all over by butt. He did this frequently as well. I just turned around abruptly looked him right in the eye and said if you do that one more time, I'm going to suck you off and eat your cum and call your dad and tell him about it. I was very serious looking while saying this. His face froze. Then he laughed and I laughed and the other guys in the room laughed. So did it stop him from doing it? No. Did it stop him from doing it around me? Yes.

 

[dreamer20]

My best friend (call him Adam) ... We've known each other 2 years and we get along great...there's never been an issue or embarrassment for him that <I'm> gay ... starting 3 months ago, when we would hang out, and start drinking together... He always get very touchy, he's pulled my face in and kissed me a bunch of times randomly (because he thinks it's funny), he's wiped out his dick a couple times out of now where (soft), he always starts complimenting me on how good looking I am, and then when we finally <got> to bed, he loves to cuddle with me...he really just likes the comfort of it and connection.
I'm moving back to LA next month because my lease is up ... and probably wont be seeing him for a good while unless he comes to LA to hang out. I'm staying with him for my last two nights here in Palm Springs, and then I'm gone.
My main question or thought that I need input on, is if we start drinking, should I go for it and initiate something my last night here?

This is a very straightforward situation DaddysBoyy. I would simply tell Adam I'm glad that I had him as a friend and sorry we won't be seeing each other as much. And I would make sure that I held him and kissed him before we parted. He has shown you what he is comfortable doing. Be just as affectionate as he is, but do not stray beyond that comfort zone is my advice.

 

[C4junG0n3_BAD]

I'm going to say the thing everybody is avoiding. I've snaked on straight guys before. I'm not proud of it, but I have. I've gotten guys drunk. I've tricked guys. Things went my way sometimes and sometimes they didn't. None of said experiences were without problems. I had a thing with a straight guy for years. Yea Yea Yea I know everybody is gonna say he ain't that straight. Who cares? Anyway that particular one was weird as hell. I don't recommend it to anyone. Most every time I did this, it was because I was selfish and thought I was entitled to what I wanted...his body.

If you are sexually attracted to guys and like to have sex with them, then the best thing is to pursue like-minded guys. The outcomes will be much better. Most of my buddies all my life have been straight guys. I never really fit into the "gay lifestyle" whatever that is. The good thing about straight guys, no matter how hot they are, is you know they are off the menu....period. The spare few times I forgot that all important rule, I was invariably disappointed.

Every one of those times was not some guy kissing all over me or cuddling with me. Now I've bathed with guys, slept in the same bed, eaten off the same plate, hell eaten off the same fork, used my bud's toothbrush. I've manscaped some guys for IFBB comps. I've shaved balls for crying out loud. I even checked out a bud's perineum because he thought there was something way bad going on down there. When there is deep trust, secure straight guys have no issue with same gender physical contact, even if it is very intimate. If you think that is not true you have bought into a nonsensical feminist myth.

 

[OptimusJet]

Perhaps over drinks just talk to him about all the previous experiences and ask him if it was just because he was looking for comfort or if there is something else going on there. Make it so it's not so blunt and in ya face and immediate if you know what I mean. Just cascually talk about it.

To me, It's a hard one because I know of alot of straight guys that once you mention you're Gay or Bi they immediatley start looking for attention in ways you start questioning their sexuality but in reality they are just looking for confidence in themselves but also just being good friends and accepting you and being comfortable around you. Little do they know it can be really hard and you can get mixed signals especially when you "Like" one of them

Since coming out as bi with my friends I have seen all their dicks as they are comfortable with just showing it now but I think they are just looking for that opinion from a "Gay". They are looking for the confidence boost. They really want that "Oh wow your dick is amazing" comment.

But non have kissed me and cuddled up to me though so there might be something there, I couldn't really tell you but all I can say is my friends wouldn't do that to me. And if they did that would tell me they actually want it and I would act on it immediatley. They can't get mad when they are the ones making the moves. Just set yourself boundaries and say "hey if you're gonna start kissing and cuddling me it's game on.. we are gonna start moving some furntiture around" lol.

Best of luck anyway and goodluck with your future endeavours in LA

 

[Jarren.Anthony]

Perhaps over drinks just talk to him about all the previous experiences and ask him if it was just because he was looking for comfort or if there is something else going on there. Make it so it's not so blunt and in ya face and immediate if you know what I mean. Just cascually talk about it.

To me, It's a hard one because I know of alot of straight guys that once you mention you're Gay or Bi they immediatley start looking for attention in ways you start questioning their sexuality but in reality they are just looking for confidence in themselves but also just being good friends and accepting you and being comfortable around you. Little do they know it can be really hard and you can get mixed signals especially when you "Like" one of them

Since coming out as bi with my friends I have seen all their dicks as they are comfortable with just showing it now but I think they are just looking for that opinion from a "Gay". They are looking for the confidence boost. They really want that "Oh wow your dick is amazing" comment.

But non have kissed me and cuddled up to me though so there might be something there, I couldn't really tell you but all I can say is my friends wouldn't do that to me. And if they did that would tell me they actually want it and I would act on it immediatley. They can't get mad when they are the ones making the moves. Just set yourself boundaries and say "hey if you're gonna start kissing and cuddling me it's game on.. we are gonna start moving some furntiture around" lol.

Best of luck anyway and goodluck with your future endeavours in LA

That explanation was amazing! Thank you so much for that input. The way you stated it and perceived it from a different view angle really opened my mind. I can definitely tell when he's drunk that he likes that validation if I give him any. He's also a Leo if that says anything at all, lol. I don't really go far into astrology or anything, but I've just heard that Leo's tend to have that sort of quality when it comes to boosting their ego.

The way you stated everything though actually makes a lot of sense. It's just going to be a little tricky now to differentiate the ego vs the "signals". I've never put much thought into seeing his dick or vice-vera just because it's always just been a "bro" thing without any thought much behind it, but since I'm gay I'm pretty sure he knows it triggers something in my brain knowing that I have a certain lust for it.
When he kisses me it always just seems like a joke to him, but the cuddling in our underwear is where it gets me. Every time he grabs me close to him in bed and holds me tight, my arm's always on his chest and there's nothing more I want than to travel my hands down and slip them into his underwear, but because he's soft I even up coping out every time. If he was ever chubbed or hard at all then it'd definitely be game on immediately, but because he's soft I back off. I always have to do everything in my power too to not pop a boner when my legs are around him. It ended up happening once and we didn't say a word about it, we just laid there and fell asleep.

Now next time I'm with him I'm really going to pay attention to him soaking up my validation and when he seeks it. I kind of wonder what would happen now if I didn't validate him. I'm curious if he would try harder or not, lol. I think you're absolutely right though about "how can he be upset with me when he's the one giving me these signal?" That made so much sense.

I think I'm just going to go for it now. If the same thing goes down on my last night there, I'm going to have to make a move. If I don't, I also know I'll be curious for the rest of my life of what would've ever happened if I went for it. I'd beat myself up about it forever if I chickened out. I guess in the end I'd rather try and even get rejected, than live the rest of my life wondering.

Thank you so much dude for your input! I really appreciate it.
And thank you for your best wishes.

 

[Jarren.Anthony]

I don't think this post is about actually getting advise. I think it is more about getting approval. I'm pretty sure from what I've read here the mind was made up prior to the post. The guy posting was just looking for validation.

I have no idea how old DAVE08114 is. I am 58. YIKES! I am thinking from what he has said, he is at least mature maybe not in years but in mindset. I'm like you Dave. I had a 14 year long "thing" with a straight guy. Here's the kicker. I thought I was doing him a favor and he thought the same thing. Those inaccurate assumptions were based on completely different criteria. Both he and I were doing it because of our close friendship.

It was a weird situation. He was basing his participation on gay stereotypes and his desire to keep me from making mistakes with other men, yes, gay men. As a result of our arrangement, I was never in a serious relationship with anyone...except him...if you can count that. A relationship which was a hybrid of some sort. I still cannot explain what it really was. None of my other friends knew about it. I couldn't possibly explain it to my gay friends. The straight one wouldn't have understood at all!

I participated in this for so long because I wanted to be close physically speaking to someone that I actually cared about. I honestly believe in the back of my head, I wanted to be IN LOVE with him. I'd gotten burned and very badly, when it came to that. So once bitten twice shy. Sex for me was just sex, the physical part, no emotion at all.

Ok, here is the weird thing. When gay marriage was legalized, he actually called me and said we should get hitched...his words. He had been through 3 failed marriages. He had shitty relationships with his kids. He said I was the only REAL relationship he had ever had. I really considered it for a while. I realized I really wasn't in love with him. O, I loved the guy. I love everything about him, faults and all. I mean who doesn't have faults. I know I sure do.

OK, then there is the physical thing. He is 4 years older than I am. He had a life of hard living, just like me. We have completely different metabolisms or something. He won the gene lottery. I have struggled with my weight since I was 40. Up and down for years. I am super self conscious about it because I was big around as a broom straw most of my life. He still looks like he did at 30, just the older version. I mean he has wrinkles. He has maybe a skooch of extra fat here and there. But the man is still built like a KW longnose. He has great teeth because most of them are fake. He had most knocked out in parking lot brawls. He still has pretty much all his hair and yes some of it is grey. I really stopped the whole thing because I was embarrassed. It felt like a pity fuck type situation. To clarify, we never had intercourse at all.

Full disclosure, when I was this kid's age, I wouldn't have listened to a bunch of old farts saying anything reasonable or sensible either. I have posted I've done this sort of thing. I'm not proud of it. I paid the piper. Moved on and did it again until I didn't. The other thing is Gen Z-ers don't seem to have a clear understanding of the word friend. I don't think many of them actually have a friend,. They have Instagram or FB friends and they think that is real.

I work with nothing but Gen Z-ers all day. I do game character design and use live models. I hate the generation software and refuse to use the handful of online photo resource sites. So I hire my own guys. I have one coming over within the hour. I've observed this with them in how they act and what they say. Their friends basically fall into a few categories. Those they can use, like this guy on this post. People that reinforce their value system and make them feel good about themselves. And people they Have to tolerate to navigate life and get what they want. I see no actual affection for anyone in most of these dudes.

Dang man, some of you older gentleman are feisty. Isn't asking for validation in regards to an action asking for advice? The end conclusion I came to is to just do nothing. I noticed I was overthinking it all and giving myself anxiety for no reason, but that was hard to notice without hearing the input from some of the other guys here. In regards to assuming you know everything about the way I act due to my generation, you sound like my father. I think it might help for you to take a step back and realize your opinions aren't facts, especially when it comes to speaking for others. Again, I'm sorry to hear you had to go through all of that, but your experiences and past trauma from a similar situation have already been acknowledged and heard. At this point you're just using my post as your personal diary.
So yup, my case is close. Nothing's happenings. I know that'll disappoint some of you, but I feel confident about it. Thanks again guys!

 

[siranwrap1330]

Dude, totally go for it. If he's kissed you (even if he plays it off as he just joking around) and snuggles with you in bed and holds you and you're both in your underwear...he wants something to happen with you. He is probably curious and wants to do things with you, but bc he's straight, he needs you to make the next move. So just do it,

I have many straight buddies and they'll whip out dicks when we are drunk, but that's all that happens. and then i've had a few straight guy friends who whip it out and then wanna see mine too bc they are curious and with those type of straight guy friends, they wanna try dick but needed me to make the first move.

 

[deleted12954231]

Not to get all self-help with it…but you sound like a great guy and you deserve someone who is comfortable enough with their sexuality to make it 100% clear that they want you, all of you, with no mixed signals.

 

[Sunman_Universe]

Personally, I'd continue on with the antics and I'd let him know if he'd ever like to try something sexual (Deep kissing, BJ) that I'm up for it.
See how he reacts or comments. If he ignores you you have your answer.
If he tells you to get on your knees then do it!

 

[Dennissinned]

Gosh I'm jealous, I'd love to have a friendship like that. I became best friends with a guy I met on my very first day at university.
He was straight and knew I was gay. He was so gorgeous and funny, I fancied him so much that first year, when I was over it I told him and he was totally cool with it. Skip forward to the end of uni after 3 years of good friendship we was both moving home and we're weren't likely to see each other much after. Two weeks before I left I told him how truly gorgeous I found him and asked if he would fuck me. I knew he'd say no but I had to try. He let out a surprised laugh and had a huge grin on his face, he was impressed at my boldness and told me as much. It was a no though, I then asked him if I could give him a blowie and this very much tempted him. He took a week to think about it but still came back with a no but it didn't affect our friendship, we still talk over the phone and texts. Your guy sounds much more likely to say yes given the kissing and hugging.

 

[halcyondays]

Amazing how alcohol lowers inhibitions isn't it?

This is way past your two day deadline but here goes.

When you cuddle he doesn't get hard. Meanwhile you're doing everything you can to avoid getting hard.

To me it seems unfair to you that he behaves the way he does knowing you're gay. It's not something I have ever done or would do to a gay friend.

He needs to know. Tell him. Set boundaries. An alternative is let yourself get hard with him. He's doing what he naturally likes. So should you. He ignored it once. See if he responds differently if you get hard every time you're pressed together.

For myself I keep close friends platonic.

 

[CockMySuck]

So much discouraging advice.

My advice: Just do it. It's better not to repress your feelings and desires. It's not good to have the elephant in the room of you being into him and not saying something. If he's a good enough friend, offering to hook up with him won't hurt the relationship and will only lead to a "sorry, not interested" and you keep going. I would encourage you to not overthink it, and just be open with your friend about how you're feeling and ask. As long as you're not pushy, creepy, and respect their response, everything will be fine. When I've seen this not work out, it's been when the "straight" guy is homophobic or deeply traditional. If your friend isn't homophobic or deeply traditional, you telling them you're open to sex shouldn't be a huge deal. In fact, if he's a good enough friend, as I've experienced, he won't even be surprised that you're telling him this and has possibly already picked up on it.

 

[Jarren.Anthony]

The only reason I have some doubt about doing it sooner is because of the thoughts some people have said so far about it "possibly ruining the friendship". It's kind of scared me off to be honest. I do think some others were right about the, "since our friendship is as close as it is, it shouldn't change anything", but I think it's more going to affect me because of the paranoia thinking it affected him, even if he says it didn't. It'll be so much easier to process whatever the results are afterwards though just because I won't be seeing him again for quite a while. On a comparison scale, keeping our relationship the way it is is at a 65%, and progressing something more is at a 35%, if that makes sense? The only reason it keeps coming up in my mind is because of the feeling of pure regret I'm going to have afterwards by cowering out and never knowing. I've just decided to wait until the last time we're going to see each other though because of the worry some of you have expressed, and also just because it personally gives me a reason to keep putting it off, lol.

Personal message to C4junG0n3_BAD though, I really appreciated the input in your first message, but I don't particularly agree with how you're tearing down others input as well. I really am genuinely grateful to hear everyones thoughts but I also don't want anyone to feel like their perceptive on the situation is going to be belittled afterwards.

Thanks guys!

 

[Akataleptos]

I can't really tell you what to do with your friend, because every situation is different, but I did have something similar happen to me.

I'd known my friend for about 5 years, and we were pretty close. Long story short, his dad got a job out of state so he was going to be moving away. We had a sleep over at his house a couple months before he was going to leave, and we were alone watching a movie in the family room, when near the end of the movie he made advances toward me that I didn't stop. He put his hand on my crotch, undid my belt and opened my pants up, and then jacked me off. A lot of things were swirling through my mind at the time: I was confused, excited, and turned on, but also scared, because I thought we would get caught. Nevertheless, I didn't stop him. After the movie we went to his room to go to bed, and instead of sleeping in my sleeping bag on the floor like I usually did he told me to get in bed with him. He took off his boxers and convinced me to take mine off too. I knew something was going to happen, which scared me, but I was also curious about what might occur. Needless to say, we messed around for a quite while in his bed, and I ended up fucking him.

I didn't have any regrets right after it happened, and I don't have any now, because I found out that I actually like guys. After he moved away we stayed in touch for a while, but because of the distance between us our friendship waned. To be frank, I'm happy that we messed around, because I discovered that I like sex with guys, and it opened a new world to me.

 

[varina1]

Here is my $0.02..... who does this harm if fictional? No one. Who does it turn on? Many.

I am in my late 50's & damn me if this isn't close to what happened to me with2 friends. One was a one off cause he was curious & satisfied it. The 2nd ended up a once in a while j/o or oral thing. BOTH I am still very close friends with. It's not generational. It's situational and depends on the parties involved. Cheers Jarren. If it happens again, tell you owe him one lol.... hell ask if he wants a 68, he goes down on you and you owe him one.

Thanks for expounding on the events & happy New year

 

[Jarren.Anthony]

I’m going to be honest with you guys, I was definitely bummed out last night before going to bed because of that user who keeps coming back in my thread and bullying everyone. When I was finally able to report back to all of you about what went down NYE, I was excited to tell you guys about it, and it just sucks being shut down right after. To me, what went down sort of seemed lame compared to some of the experiences I’ve had in the past and some of the experiences I know you guys have a had to, but it was more about being able to come back and tell all the friends I’ve made on here about it. If I’m being honest, I was 99% sure I was going to be coming back on here and reporting that nothing happened at all but having a great couple last days with my best friend, so the fact that something sort of went down (even though it didn’t go as far as the fantasies hoped it would) kind of thrilled me.

As far as my theory of not really talking much after I left or hanging out, I was definitely wrong. So far we’ve actually FaceTimed each other every night since I moved away and started talking about making plans for him to come visit. Everything so far has actually gone much better than I thought it would, and I guess I always just expect them not to.

The amount of support I’ve received from you guys has been bond belief and making an account on here to reach out for help was one of the best decisions I could’ve made when it came down to this. All of you, except that one user, have been nothing but awesome and all of your input and advice has helped me more than you know. I’ve enjoyed hearing everything you’ve all had to say so much and hearing similar experiences you guys have had too when it came to how to go about this.

Not to keep sounding so mushy, but I really appreciate everyone having my back as well when it comes that one user on here who keeps harassing me and belittling everyone else as well. I’m not really used to having people I’ve never met before stick up for me like that, and it really means a lot, so thank you. I feel like in the end we’re really just trying to figure all of this out together, so being able to have your guy’s support while I do that has been amazing.

 

[Jarren.Anthony]

My thoughts on your situation go to the friendship because what you’re proposing isn’t only about you. This guy is obviously important to you, and from how you describe your interaction between each other, he likely feels the same and has expressed just that. In your position, I would approach the issue by thinking about whats more important for both of us rather than just myself to find the answer you’re looking for.

Whenever a friend moves away, it’s natural to wonder on some level how the distance will affect the friendship. Consider the possibility that your friend may welcome assurance that the ability for both of you to feel comfortable being yourselves to the extent that you both have shared is a rare and treasured bond that will be missed. If this is true, tell him as much asking for his permission with intent to continue. A good friend will accept this sentiment warmly and you will get a better sense of what’s to come yourself.

You’re the one leaving. He may need reassurance of where he stands, even if it should seem obvious. By making the parting conversation as easy for him as possible through acceptance, he may express the same to you as well, giving you the ability to recap your appreciation of him. Somewhere in there you might add that in the realization of going away, you are reminded that you will be in a different circle of people. In hindsight, you’re complimented that a casual observer or people without your level of comfort may have interpreted an occasional bromance signal between the two of you as of late and your appreciation of mutual sincerity only assures you what a valued friend he truly is as you appreciate you can both enjoy just being yourselves no matter what. Your friendship with him is a lifetime bud and that even if an action in a drunken moment would’ve indicated a bromance moment, it’s all good because the friendship would have easily won out.

This opens the door to answering your question by letting him know your friendship is not changed by distance. It also gives him comfort to confide in you if he happens to be thinking the same thoughts as yourself without possibly making a regretted, awkward move on him. Instead of you risking it, you just set the complete picture with all the answers and gave him permission for the same without that risk to him, and with a promise that it’ll all be okay no matter what. It’s his move now.

At this point, he may ask direct questions. Be respectfully honest with him. You may offer that your bromance comment is born from picking up on alcohol induced mixed signals (seemingly a way a straight guy can claim innocence if called out), with acceptance of him (if it was his way of casually testing your boundaries) and apologizing if you misinterpreted, reminding him that you didn’t react out of respect for him and your friendship. If he directs the conversation more towards your desire, then great. Of course, you have to be prepared to accept that the answer may be that nothing is or will have changed. If that’s the case, it’s still great for you. Knowing that you have built and enjoy this special friendship and didn’t ruin it by challenging his trust, you have protected a great friendship that he has entrusted in you as well that you both can continue to comfortably enjoy and evolve naturally as it should throughout time.

Hopefully my thoughts are accurately communicated. It’s not my opinion to trick anyone into a situation, but to lay things out so both parties can actively participate in the best possible outcome. If I fall short in this post, I hope someone will get my intent and chime in to help out.

Everything you communicated in your post definitely made sense. We talked the other night about how our friendship is going to shift because we won't be hanging out all the time anymore, and we both expressed how grateful we are for having met each other and getting as close as we have. (It was actually kind of emotional). As of right now he's been the closest guy friend I've had in my whole life just because of how well we click. I feel like when we hang out together the thought of our sexualities goes right out the window, and we're just ourselves without labels. The thought of, "Oh shit, I'm straight...I shouldn't be acting this way", doesn't occur to him. (Which is amazing. Especially because of how societies standards can be).
In reality, I wish our friendship could just continue the way it is now and watch it play out, but now that there's a deadline, I want to take this opportunity to express myself and all my thoughts while I can. (Which is why this post was created in the first place).
All the positive feedback I've received so far in regards to this situation has been really helpful so far, and I really appreciate the time you guys have all taken to express your input. I think as of now I'm just going to express my thoughts to him and be honest, and whatever happens, happens. I don't want to live a life of regret and be stuck full of "what ifs" in the future. I mean, the goal of friendship is to be honest with each other right? Whatever the results end up to be and how he reacts, is just his truth, and I'm going to respect that whether it goes north or south. I just know kind of like what I've been pointing out, if don't, I'm going to regret it. And as my best friend, I feel like he deserves to know what my thoughts are, right?