Should I hook up with my "straight" best friend?

[River Acheron]

It truly boils down to one thing:

Many of the older LGBTQ+ generation truly thinks that things are like they were when they were younger.

I see it all the time on Grindr: Most older guys want DL, discreet meetings usually in some shady hidden place. I've talked to several that are even uncomfortable coming over because they are nervous of computers in the room lmao! As if they are being secretly recorded or something. They are stuck in a mindset and time that has long long passed. It is if they think being caught in a gay act will cause society to shame them or something. Conversely, the younger guys on Grindr (including me) are very much in the open. We actually show our profile picture, we want long term FWBs, no issues recording the sex lol, etc. Of course there are big exceptions but I am talking about a TREND.

See, I grew up when being gay (and actually ESPECIALLY bi) was considered cool in school! At least as of five years ago, lol, and I'm sure it's that much moreso now. And maybe thats not true everywhere....as I said....there is a whole regional aspect to this. That may STILL not fly in like, an Alabama, but it sure is "cool" in NJ. We had our gay clique and not ONCE were we called a derogatory name. In fact, me and a straight boy french kissed right at the lunch table. Why? For laughs.

Even before my time in school, when emo and scene kids were popular, a huge chunk of them were bi and it was considered "cool".

I don't think the older generation truly understands that.

 

[varina1]

I grew up in the time of.... You hid..... trust me, No one was fooled. Real friends didnt give a shit. Others to me didnt matter. Like developed in Jarrens post he put the ball or in his case his balls in his friends court & let him do what he felt comfortable doing & didn't push him.... That is pretty much the same with me & my friends except the one did ask me, is it true guys give better head? My response was you have to decide after getting a guy to suck your cock. And I DID & he certainly likes it lol

 

[dreamer20]

Thanks for that erotic blow-by-blow account Jarrren. I hope you will get to see him ejaculate too someday.

 

[River Acheron]

I grew up in the time of.... You hid..... trust me, No one was fooled. Real friends didnt give a shit. Others to me didnt matter. Like developed in Jarrens post he put the ball or in his case his balls in his friends court & let him do what he felt comfortable doing & didn't push him.... That is pretty much the same with me & my friends except the one did ask me, is it true guys give better head? My response was you have to decide after getting a guy to suck your cock. And I DID & he certainly likes it lol

Oh I heard that before as well! In one of my cases, my straight friend said "Oh James said you give amazing head" (James was my bf at the time and apparently had a big mouth lol), and eventually that same night said "If you wanna blow ME, uh...I don't think that's gay...as long as you're cool with me not doing it back." Alcohol was indeed involved, and we talked and joked about it long afterwards. He was very liberal and punk rock, etc. So it was never akward or anything like that. And trust me...that was the LEAST stupid or regretful thing we did while drunk. lol. Ding-Dong-Ditching the neighbors, covering someones yard in pillow feathers, prank calls, etc

And one time, something involving someone's front window and a laser pointer which...in retrospect was pretty stupid and dangerous.

 

[evolution]

It truly boils down to one thing:

Many of the older LGBTQ+ generation truly thinks that things are like they were when they were younger.

I see it all the time on Grindr: Most older guys want DL, discreet meetings usually in some shady hidden place. I've talked to several that are even uncomfortable coming over because they are nervous of computers in the room lmao! As if they are being secretly recorded or something. They are stuck in a mindset and time that has long long passed. It is if they think being caught in a gay act will cause society to shame them or something. Conversely, the younger guys on Grindr (including me) are very much in the open. We actually show our profile picture, we want long term FWBs, no issues recording the sex lol, etc. Of course there are big exceptions but I am talking about a TREND.

See, I grew up when being gay (and actually ESPECIALLY bi) was considered cool in school! At least as of five years ago, lol, and I'm sure it's that much moreso now. And maybe thats not true everywhere....as I said....there is a whole regional aspect to this. That may STILL not fly in like, an Alabama, but it sure is "cool" in NJ. We had our gay clique and not ONCE were we called a derogatory name. In fact, me and a straight boy french kissed right at the lunch table. Why? For laughs.

Even before my time in school, when emo and scene kids were popular, a huge chunk of them were bi and it was considered "cool".

I don't think the older generation truly understands that.

I've liked your post, but I'm also going to disagree with you.
I feel you would benefit from more life experience. You mention that 5 years ago you grew up when being gay & bi was considered cool. That was your experience.
Older folk tend to see things more broadly. While your experience was happening in NJ, at the same time https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charlottesville_car_attack
A Neo-Nazi was trying to kill the 'inferior' people with his car. Gay, colored, Jewish - all targets of people taught to hate. One person died, 35 injured simply for being at a parade with modern open-minded people, simply for showing support of diversity.
I think it is wonderful your generation puts your face out there & accept the teachings of older generations that encouraged your generations' openness. Each generation makes a little progress. Please remember to thank those before you with acceptance of their choices, those before you who made their progress & taught you to be better & progress further. It is not a competition; each generation makes a little progress - but I don't think it's reasonable to expect those before you to be as open as you are. Those before you still wear the scars & fear that came with the progress they have bestowed upon the next generation. Accept they have lived a different reality & appreciate them for their own personal progress.
Things are different than when the "Older" were younger. But at the same time, it is the same & worse. The riots at the capitol building - a massive crowd looking to forcefully return America to the 1940s. That was only two years ago. That riot wasn't about only an election, it was a desperate attempt to save the thoughts & ideals the younger generation thinks is dead & gone. If you quietly listen & watch, the past is silently still here. Silent & dangerous if given an opportunity. Some realize that & try to protect themselves from it as best they can, others say F it & brashly challenge it.

Now I'll use the up arrow & click the "Unwatch" button as the story is done & we are getting off track.

 

[River Acheron]

I've liked your post, but I'm also going to disagree with you.
I feel you would benefit from more life experience. You mention that 5 years ago you grew up when being gay & bi was considered cool. That was your experience.
Older folk tend to see things more broadly. While your experience was happening in NJ, at the same time https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charlottesville_car_attack
A Neo-Nazi was trying to kill the 'inferior' people with his car. Gay, colored, Jewish - all targets of people taught to hate. One person died, 35 injured simply for being at a parade with modern open-minded people, simply for showing support of diversity.
I think it is wonderful your generation puts your face out there & accept the teachings of older generations that encouraged your generations' openness. Each generation makes a little progress. Please remember to thank those before you with acceptance of their choices, those before you who made their progress & taught you to be better & progress further. It is not a competition; each generation makes a little progress - but I don't think it's reasonable to expect those before you to be as open as you are. Those before you still wear the scars & fear that came with the progress they have bestowed upon the next generation. Accept they have lived a different reality & appreciate them for their own personal progress.
Things are different than when the "Older" were younger. But at the same time, it is the same & worse. The riots at the capitol building - a massive crowd looking to forcefully return America to the 1940s. That was only two years ago. That riot wasn't about only an election, it was a desperate attempt to save the thoughts & ideals the younger generation thinks is dead & gone. If you quietly listen & watch, the past is silently still here. Silent & dangerous if given an opportunity. Some realize that & try to protect themselves from it as best they can, others say F it & brashly challenge it.

Now I'll use the up arrow & click the "Unwatch" button as the story is done & we are getting off track.

Oh I absolutely 100% agree! That is why I said it is also a regional thing and there are places that are still less than steller. FULL acceptance doesn't happen overnight but we're getting there!

I do appreciate the older generation, however I wish they wouldn't expect us to go along with the way they do things...and I mean that's just my own personal belief. I don't believe in hiding myself, or doing the whole "DL" thing. I respect that some of the older generation has scars and it's hard for them to see that they can be more open, exactly. And it IS important to remember that things can change back at a moments notice.

I will say though that even if Jan 6th was successful, it couldn't change everyone's minds back to the 1940s. I think what WOULD have happened, and its sad to say, it would be a civil war.

 

[Jarren.Anthony]

I’m going to be honest with you guys, I was definitely bummed out last night before going to bed because of that user who keeps coming back in my thread and bullying everyone. When I was finally able to report back to all of you about what went down NYE, I was excited to tell you guys about it, and it just sucks being shut down right after. To me, what went down sort of seemed lame compared to some of the experiences I’ve had in the past and some of the experiences I know you guys have a had to, but it was more about being able to come back and tell all the friends I’ve made on here about it. If I’m being honest, I was 99% sure I was going to be coming back on here and reporting that nothing happened at all but having a great couple last days with my best friend, so the fact that something sort of went down (even though it didn’t go as far as the fantasies hoped it would) kind of thrilled me.

As far as my theory of not really talking much after I left or hanging out, I was definitely wrong. So far we’ve actually FaceTimed each other every night since I moved away and started talking about making plans for him to come visit. Everything so far has actually gone much better than I thought it would, and I guess I always just expect them not to.

The amount of support I’ve received from you guys has been bond belief and making an account on here to reach out for help was one of the best decisions I could’ve made when it came down to this. All of you, except that one user, have been nothing but awesome and all of your input and advice has helped me more than you know. I’ve enjoyed hearing everything you’ve all had to say so much and hearing similar experiences you guys have had too when it came to how to go about this.

Not to keep sounding so mushy, but I really appreciate everyone having my back as well when it comes that one user on here who keeps harassing me and belittling everyone else as well. I’m not really used to having people I’ve never met before stick up for me like that, and it really means a lot, so thank you. I feel like in the end we’re really just trying to figure all of this out together, so being able to have your guy’s support while I do that has been amazing.

 

[Soccerman8880]

I’m going to be honest with you guys, I was definitely bummed out last night before going to bed because of that user who keeps coming back in my thread and bullying everyone. When I was finally able to report back to all of you about what went down NYE, I was excited to tell you guys about it, and it just sucks being shut down right after. To me, what went down sort of seemed lame compared to some of the experiences I’ve had in the past and some of the experiences I know you guys have a had to, but it was more about being able to come back and tell all the friends I’ve made on here about it. If I’m being honest, I was 99% sure I was going to be coming back on here and reporting that nothing happened at all but having a great couple last days with my best friend, so the fact that something sort of went down (even though it didn’t go as far as the fantasies hoped it would) kind of thrilled me.

As far as my theory of not really talking much after I left or hanging out, I was definitely wrong. So far we’ve actually FaceTimed each other every night since I moved away and started talking about making plans for him to come visit. Everything so far has actually gone much better than I thought it would, and I guess I always just expect them not to.

The amount of support I’ve received from you guys has been bond belief and making an account on here to reach out for help was one of the best decisions I could’ve made when it came down to this. All of you, except that one user, have been nothing but awesome and all of your input and advice has helped me more than you know. I’ve enjoyed hearing everything you’ve all had to say so much and hearing similar experiences you guys have had too when it came to how to go about this.

Not to keep sounding so mushy, but I really appreciate everyone having my back as well when it comes that one user on here who keeps harassing me and belittling everyone else as well. I’m not really used to having people I’ve never met before stick up for me like that, and it really means a lot, so thank you. I feel like in the end we’re really just trying to figure all of this out together, so being able to have your guy’s support while I do that has been amazing.

I can tell you from experience that no matter how accurate and authentic your experiences and posts are, there will always be a small minority of people who will want to troll you. All you can do is focus on the support and conversation of those that seem to have a positive intent with what is being said.

 

[varina1]

Revel in the supportive people & ignore the negativity.

 

[ManchesterTom]

Here is my $0.02..... who does this harm if fictional? No one. Who does it turn on? Many.

I am in my late 50's & damn me if this isn't close to what happened to me with2 friends. One was a one off cause he was curious & satisfied it. The 2nd ended up a once in a while j/o or oral thing. BOTH I am still very close friends with. It's not generational. It's situational and depends on the parties involved. Cheers Jarren. If it happens again, tell you owe him one lol.... hell ask if he wants a 68, he goes down on you and you owe him one.

Thanks for expounding on the events & happy New year

I'm slightly older than you, not by much. I had similar situations happen.

There were also a few situations that were obviously set up by the other parties and I didn't pick up on the signals until / or recognise the intent until it was tooo late to do anything about it.

I was always terrified that I might lose a good friend's friendship.

 

[varina1]

I'm slightly older than you, not by much. I had similar situations happen.

There were also a few situations that were obviously set up by the other parties and I didn't pick up on the signals until / or recognise the intent until it was tooo late to do anything about it.

I was always terrified that I might lose a good friend's friendship.

Yeah I missed one I truly regret. Still friends so who knows. A fishing buddy so we will again be in a kayak or skiff in the boonies again. A 15 year fishing buddy & haven't even seen his cock but he has had very obvious hardons when chatting about sex lol. If something happens, cool. If not, that is also cool.

 

[Trybogus01]

I’m going to be honest with you guys, I was definitely bummed out last night before going to bed because of that user who keeps coming back in my thread and bullying everyone. When I was finally able to report back to all of you about what went down NYE, I was excited to tell you guys about it, and it just sucks being shut down right after. To me, what went down sort of seemed lame compared to some of the experiences I’ve had in the past and some of the experiences I know you guys have a had to, but it was more about being able to come back and tell all the friends I’ve made on here about it. If I’m being honest, I was 99% sure I was going to be coming back on here and reporting that nothing happened at all but having a great couple last days with my best friend, so the fact that something sort of went down (even though it didn’t go as far as the fantasies hoped it would) kind of thrilled me.

As far as my theory of not really talking much after I left or hanging out, I was definitely wrong. So far we’ve actually FaceTimed each other every night since I moved away and started talking about making plans for him to come visit. Everything so far has actually gone much better than I thought it would, and I guess I always just expect them not to.

The amount of support I’ve received from you guys has been bond belief and making an account on here to reach out for help was one of the best decisions I could’ve made when it came down to this. All of you, except that one user, have been nothing but awesome and all of your input and advice has helped me more than you know. I’ve enjoyed hearing everything you’ve all had to say so much and hearing similar experiences you guys have had too when it came to how to go about this.

Not to keep sounding so mushy, but I really appreciate everyone having my back as well when it comes that one user on here who keeps harassing me and belittling everyone else as well. I’m not really used to having people I’ve never met before stick up for me like that, and it really means a lot, so thank you. I feel like in the end we’re really just trying to figure all of this out together, so being able to have your guy’s support while I do that has been amazing.

Thanks for all the sharing. I'm curious, how does the two of you compare, body and physique-wise? Is he taller, more fit, more muscled jock type? Are you the twinkier between the two of you? How do your dicks compare in size, length and girth, both soft and erect? How does he look like in general (like name a good celebrity reference)? We're so curious about the physicalities of him and you too..

 

[C4junG0n3_BAD]

Very chill.
You are all so defensive. Generation thing, I guess.
Let the last word be the story, whilst cheesey teen fare fiction , was a bit of laugh for a month or two.

I'm an old guy. I do however work with tons of young guys, 18 to mid thirties. It is indeed a generational thing. I've seen it up close. I'm not saying this occurred or not. I really don't care. Some guys nowadays are very nonchalant about same sex encounters. I work in the modeling industry. A lot of guys use it to advance themselves. It isn't like that wasn't always around like the whole Weinstein thing. It is just more open now. The reason the "casting couch" story has been around so long is that it totally happens...and often. It is much more prevalent in the very young guys. I'm guessing because of all the nonsensical propaganda vomited forth everyday.

 

[C4junG0n3_BAD]

Believe me, when you truly do have these experiences like I have had(still have a current one of many many a year) you can spot a BS story a mile off. Good try.

Maybe he was exercising his creative license here. I don't know. I don't care. The thing that always fascinates me is how the straight guy going gay myth is so ubiquitous amongst young gay guys. That is totally on the gay porn industrial complex. I mean straight guys don't actually believe the crap in breeder porn with chicks clamoring to get on another girl. Girls get with girls to get guys. Ever heard of a BUG or a LUG. The operative word in that acronym is graduation....supposedly after obtaining the coveted MRS degree. I've had my share of these debacles. Not because I believed anything in a porn flick but because I wanted what I wanted....the whole forbidden fruit thing...no pun intended. I'm almost 60 and I've had 6 of these things in my life. Four of them I pushed on and two were more or less a concession.

 

[NYC8"]

It truly boils down to one thing:

Many of the older LGBTQ+ generation truly thinks that things are like they were when they were younger.

I see it all the time on Grindr: Most older guys want DL, discreet meetings usually in some shady hidden place. I've talked to several that are even uncomfortable coming over because they are nervous of computers in the room lmao! As if they are being secretly recorded or something. They are stuck in a mindset and time that has long long passed. It is if they think being caught in a gay act will cause society to shame them or something. Conversely, the younger guys on Grindr (including me) are very much in the open. We actually show our profile picture, we want long term FWBs, no issues recording the sex lol, etc. Of course there are big exceptions but I am talking about a TREND.

See, I grew up when being gay (and actually ESPECIALLY bi) was considered cool in school! At least as of five years ago, lol, and I'm sure it's that much moreso now. And maybe thats not true everywhere....as I said....there is a whole regional aspect to this. That may STILL not fly in like, an Alabama, but it sure is "cool" in NJ. We had our gay clique and not ONCE were we called a derogatory name. In fact, me and a straight boy french kissed right at the lunch table. Why? For laughs.

Even before my time in school, when emo and scene kids were popular, a huge chunk of them were bi and it was considered "cool".

I don't think the older generation truly understands that.

At a previous job that involved a lot of travel, I was married and most of my co-workers were younger and single. I was stunned by how casually and constantly they would all, men and women, be on their hookup apps at all times in the hotels. My manager was openly gay and he was casually scrolling Grindr while seated next to me at a restaurant table, I saw him send a dickpic. It was maybe my 2nd week on the job. If I'd had such tools available when I was single I like to think I would have done the same.

 

[NYC8"]

I 100% believe Jarren's story. I knew several guys who over the years were quite content to spoon under the blankets with their buddies, show off their dicks, and masturbate together. One of them many many years later admitted to me that with some of them there had also been touching going on. Of course with some haha-this-isn't-gay joke as a talisman of protection. All of them wound up apparently straight married dads. It was a bittersweet story to read because I came very close to having a sweet interlude like this with my straight best friend back in the day and was too afraid to ever make physical contact, though from a looking and talking perspective let's just say we have no secrets from each other.

 

[thongboy]

Which is more important? your desire to screw or your friendship? It seems to me you don't want to lose the latter

 

[River Acheron]

Which is more important? your desire to screw or your friendship? It seems to me you don't want to lose the latter

Friendships survive all sorts of things. Personally as I previously stated, I don't think it's so much a big deal. And hey...it ended up working in his favor!

I live my life by the credo of: We don't ever regret TRYING. It's the times we chicken out that we regret.

 

[JackJack28]

Loved reading your story and hope you’ll keep us updated. As for D-bag Dave, he’s miserable, his dick can’t get hard, and he’s pissed at the world. Pay no attention to him. He need attention, simply do not acknowledge him.